ktgrok Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 My oldest, a 13 year old that is taller and stronger than me, with aspergers, and in a back brace with broken vertebrae lost it this morning. He was physical and out of control. Please pray. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Spectrum issues are so tough to deal with, even without teenage hormones on top of it. Praying that your family will be able to work through this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twinmami01 Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 Sorry to hear that. Prayers for your dc and for you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 :grouphug: Praying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 :grouphug: I am praying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GailV Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 :grouphug: Praying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendi Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 I'm sorry to hear that. I'll keep you in my prayers. I've got a teenage Aspie, too. I'm sure the combination of the injury, back brace, etc., has been too much for him. I hope he can calm down and rest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 I read your original post, and he only shoved you and slapped you after you pulled his ear, and slapped him. While he's in a back brace! How about if all of the slapping-as-a-way-to-solve-a-frustrating-situation stops? Whoa. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 :grouphug: Can you call his doctor and get a prescription for a fast acting tranquilizer? Many of the parents at GW's school have them for emergencies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twinmom Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 I read your original post, and he only shoved you and slapped you after you pulled his ear, and slapped him. While he's in a back brace! How about if all of the slapping-as-a-way-to-solve-a-frustrating-situation stops? Ever had a child with significant special needs? One who is much bigger and stronger than you are, with little to no self control? If you have, feel free to offer suggestions. If you have not walked there, IMHO, I'd stick to supportive prayer. Prayers and hugs to the OP...perhaps you should speak to your doctor about some kind of temporary mediation that could help reduce his sensory load while he is in the brace. That would be a HUGE destabilizer if it happened around here! Even something as simple as GABA might help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan in SC Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 I hope you find some helpful resources for you, your dh, and your ds. I read your original post, too and I agree that there was a lot more to his side of the story before you edited. It was frustrating to read and I would have reacted much more aggressively than your child, had I been baited that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 / Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-2-7 Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 I am so sorry. Praying for peace in your house. I think a temporary med is a great idea. I would hate to see him re-injure himself. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan in SC Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 It appears obvious that you have NO experience with the serious level of special needs children and/or adults. Nor sympathy with the extreme stress endured by both the special needs person and the people who love and care for them. Well I have quite a bit and I was appalled at the original post. I will assume that you saw that one since you are rather harsh on a difference of opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 I yield to you, as I had not read the original post, but arrived in the middle. I am a special needs adult, with three special needs children, and have had to put up with all manner of idiocy from other people. You are right, though, that I should not have reacted quickly, but should have looked for the original information. Well I have quite a bit and I was appalled at the original post. I will assume that you saw that one since you are rather harsh on a difference of opinion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 I hope you can get some help. (((Hugs))) I did not read the original post, but i know that I've had many moments with ds that were not good. I could have reacted differently, but wasn't thinking in the moment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 Katie, I didn't see the OP and hope things will get better. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooCow Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 praying! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheApprentice Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 Praying for him and you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pdalley Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 OP, :grouphug: Praying hard for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melmichigan Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 <<<hugs>>> for both of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 No matter what happened, it sounds like mother AND son could use some prayer. How about we all focus on that rather than "who is more at fault?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bree Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 Praying for both of you guys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 Katie, I'm so sorry you guys are having a bad morning. I'll be keeping you guys in my thoughts and hoping things get better for everyone soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 Saying a prayer. I can't imagine the stress/distress level that the break and treatment has caused. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbmamaz Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 i have special needs kids. staying calm is ALWAYS crucial when dealing with a special needs kid. walk away and let it be. let him be angry, let him be disrespectful, he is at the end of his rope - dont give him an excuse to blow up. you have to control yourself before you can even think about controling him. give him a lot of space and remember that both of you are suffering and unhappy. both of you need to calm down and feel loved and hopeful somehow. try to do something thats a treat for both of you and be sure to forgive him for losing his temper in such a hard situation - esp since you also lost your temper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 I didn't read the original post, but regardless of what happened my heart goes out to you and your son. :grouphug: I have a child with Asperger's myself and know just how difficult things can be, even under "normal" circumstances. Praying for you both. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 :grouphug: Can you call his doctor and get a prescription for a fast acting tranquilizer? Many of the parents at GW's school have them for emergencies. Keep in mind there are people who are disinhibited by benzos, and get more active (think belligerent drunk). I don't know that I'd go that route unless I *already knew the effect of them on this child*. Or things were so out of control it was the last step before going to the ER for control. Could this be pain related? Some people are agitated by pain but can't seem to tell you they are in it. I can't tell you how many psychotic out of control people I've seen get MUCH calmer once the horribly infected tooth is pulled and treated. You'd think they'd say: I've got a helluva toothache, but many don't, they are too out of control to register the situation and communicate it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 I wish peace in your household, :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 i hope things are resolved by now. Praying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyDays Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 :grouphug: Didn't see the original post either, but I hope things are settling for you and more peaceful now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 I will pray for both of you, because based on comments by those that say the original OP it sounds like BOTH mother and son were physical and out of control. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MommaOfalotta Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 Praying for peace in your home :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted February 2, 2013 Author Share Posted February 2, 2013 I read your original post, and he only shoved you and slapped you after you pulled his ear, and slapped him. While he's in a back brace! How about if all of the slapping-as-a-way-to-solve-a-frustrating-situation stops? totally agreed. Not saying I handled things well. One of the reasons I need prayer for this situation. (not that it makes it better but the slap was barely a tap, I was not furious at that time, or anything really other than trying to get him to snap out of it somehow before he hurt himself. He was throwing himself around, etc and was shoving past me to try to get outside the house - to go God knows where while totally out of his mind. It was like those fake slaps to challenge someone to a duel, or if you were play acting. It was an act of desperation to get him to come into the present. It was a bad choice. I try to NEVER get physical with my kids, ever, and this was not something we do, or will do.). I suppose I should have let him leave. I will in the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted February 2, 2013 Author Share Posted February 2, 2013 Ever had a child with significant special needs? One who is much bigger and stronger than you are, with little to no self control? If you have, feel free to offer suggestions. If you have not walked there, IMHO, I'd stick to supportive prayer. Prayers and hugs to the OP...perhaps you should speak to your doctor about some kind of temporary mediation that could help reduce his sensory load while he is in the brace. That would be a HUGE destabilizer if it happened around here! Even something as simple as GABA might help. Your response made me cry. Thank you. Yes, if you haven't been there...I don't even believe in spanking. I was a freakin vegan for years in my efforts to practice nonviolence. I don't believe hitting solves anything, and it obviously didn't here. I'd love to try meds. He has had mild/moderate depression in the past, and I'm thinking this brace may have brought that back, but he will NOT take them. And as you said, he's bigger than me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wildcat Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 Katie, I'm so sorry. I haven't walked in your shoes so I can only offer lots of :grouphug: :grouphug: for you as you deal with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted February 2, 2013 Author Share Posted February 2, 2013 i have special needs kids. staying calm is ALWAYS crucial when dealing with a special needs kid. walk away and let it be. let him be angry, let him be disrespectful, he is at the end of his rope - dont give him an excuse to blow up. you have to control yourself before you can even think about controling him. give him a lot of space and remember that both of you are suffering and unhappy. both of you need to calm down and feel loved and hopeful somehow. try to do something thats a treat for both of you and be sure to forgive him for losing his temper in such a hard situation - esp since you also lost your temper. you are right. for the past year or so we had been doing really well. I let him just go to his room, I go do dishes or whatever, and we both talk later. This time he was trying to leave the house. He had already gotten down the street, came part way back, but then was refusting to go in the house and saying he was leaving. That was what scared me. i'm all for take a break, but he went so fast from getting ready to leaving...and going I know not where. Should have just followed him in the car I guess. I would have just left him at home but I didn't trust him in the house alone in that state. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeindeed Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 :grouphug: I am so sorry. My little one has special needs, so I can somewhat understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 I'm sorry. I have not walked in your shoes, and I'm not even going to pretend I have the slightest inkling of what that's like. My prayers and admiration go out to you and all parents who are dealing with special needs children. I can't even imagine the stress, frustration, difficulty and disruption it must be in a household to have a child who is like a ticking time bomb. I honestly don't know how you do it every single day. I'm humbled by each one of you and your patience, kindness and fortitude. I think you're all amazing! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebacabunch Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 Is it possible that you can get some more services for your son? If you can't physically handle your ds it might be time to get some help or further training. I have an autistic daughter and worked in the population and they will challenge the patience of a saint. That being said, this is a population that will respond worse than the average person to violence, perceived violence, or the threat of violence. Stay strong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedmom4 Posted February 2, 2013 Share Posted February 2, 2013 I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. :grouphug: I have a special needs child but he does not get aggressive. I can only imagine the stress that would add onto an already stressful situation. I pray that you ALL will get through this difficult time. Hopefully when his own hormones even out as he gets through puberty it will be a totally different situation and you can look back with pride that you got through it. God Bless, Elise in NC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 :grouphug: I have an aggressive autistic son and I'm scared of the day he's bigger than me. Prayers for you both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pdalley Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Oldest is prone to acting out - and lashing out - like this when he's hurt or sick. He is on meds but they don't help when he goes from zero to sixty in the matter of seconds. We've worked with OT's, SLP's, etc and he's still in cognitive therapy to try and get a handle on it. He doesn't usually hit people unless it's defensive but in the past month he's left huge holes in the wall from a rage attack. When he was small and before his diagnosis he knocked out one of my teeth. So far I've been very lucky DH is home when the worst of these happen and is able to talk him down. He has taken a swing at DH in the past and this is without any physical intervention on our part at the time. He is as large as dh is now. It is very scary - even as these are fewer and farther between as he gets older. He is VERY remorseful afterwards and I liken it to a seizure type (He's had an MRI and EEG that reveled no seizures) of episode. He is aware of being out of control but he cannot stop himself. They are generally connected to an illness (the worst of these come when he's got strep and we don't know it. He's NEVER had typical strep symptoms) He does have a worker that comes in to work with him daily. ( The last one quit after one of these episodes) 99 percent of the time he is the sweetest, calmest, gentlest guy in the world so when he flips it's a shock. There have been times I have not handled it well at all. It's tough to stay on an even keel when your large child is yelling and screaming threats and bad words at you and you are scared of him and you don't dare let him know it. You want to get control of the situation and you wind up yelling back or whatever. No parent is perfect and it's not easy for us or them. OP - I'm praying for you. I know how hard it is and how frightening it is. And I know how bad you feel when you don't handle it the way you want to handle it. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 My partner has a mentally retarded brother who was prone to violent outbursts once the teen hormones kicked in. Family members were having to physically restrain him to prevent his injuring others. By family members, I mean his male siblings. Their father was much much older than their mother, and father had serious chronic health problems with left him with little strength. Mentally retarded brother was stronger than anyone in the house when he was agitated. This was back in the 60s. Tranquilizers were a boon for the family dynamics. By his mid 20s, the mentally retarded brother finally either calmed down naturally or developed skills to cope with life's frustrations in a non aggressive manner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 i have special needs kids. staying calm is ALWAYS crucial when dealing with a special needs kid. walk away and let it be. let him be angry, let him be disrespectful, he is at the end of his rope - dont give him an excuse to blow up. you have to control yourself before you can even think about controling him. give him a lot of space and remember that both of you are suffering and unhappy. both of you need to calm down and feel loved and hopeful somehow. try to do something thats a treat for both of you and be sure to forgive him for losing his temper in such a hard situation - esp since you also lost your temper. My youngest is very special needs, and, unfortunately is a master at verbal manipulation and disrespect. It is hard to walk away especially if you feel that you are not taking up for yourself. But, in the long run, not being a key player in their spiraling frustration is the wiser path. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Katie, I will pray. It is difficult to have s.n. kids with behavior issues. My dd is s.n. and has "some" behavioral issues as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsmom2011 Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflections Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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