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Auntie Amber's Dress & Deportment Guide to College Hockey Games


Amber in SJ
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1. It is called Ice Hockey for a reason. It will be cold. Spaghetti strapped tank tops with your bra hanging out are not going to cut it. Complaining loudly about how cold you are makes you look stupid.

 

2. Pants so low that your thong undies are hanging out are also not appropriate. You may think you are catching the eye of some cute guy with your sexy panties, but in reality everyone is staring because you don't usually see butt crack with goose bumps.

 

3. Taking arms' length pictures of yourself with your phone may be necessary for you to validate your existence but when your outstretched arm holding your phone covers the opposing team's goal crease causing the person behind you to miss not one, but two goals, it is going to get ugly. Someone might reach down grab that thong, then jump to her feet to celebrate the goal she missed.

 

4. Loudly asking, "Who is winning?" halfway through the third period when your team is up 8-2, alerts everyone to the fact that you are sitting in the wrong section. The section of benches where the view is obstructed by the giant pillar is the section for those who are at the game to wear cute headbands and text on their cell phones to friends who are three feet away. Please move to that section immediately.

 

 

OK, I feel better now.

 

Amber in SJ

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If the game I attended last night had been college, I'd swear you'd been sitting next to me.

 

My favorite was the young lady shouting, "It's not fair! The red team has more players! Look! They have an extra guy!" Yes, dear. That's called a power play. Now, I realize not everybody is familiar with the game and I'm not criticizing her for not knowing the rules. But I do wish she hadn't placed her pink-thonged backside quite so close to my face when she rose to make her protest.

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::makes note to self::

 

:smilielol5:

 

Possibly the model for this dress and deportment guide is related to the young woman my dd saw at the grocery store wearing yoga pants over the thong, which did not cover the tramp stamp of a dollar sign, clearly visible when she squatted down to look at for something on a lower shelf.

 

:huh:

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I'm actually going to a hockey game tonight as someone gave us free tickets. I've taken notes. I will try to comply with her wise advice.

 

Plus seeing a middle-aged mom doing the above would be extra disturbing. I'd hate to see what Auntie Amber would say then.

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