Book suggestions for possible aspergers child who constantly argues?

[Cindyz]

His official diagnosis is ADHD and sensory processing disorder. She said he is possible asperger's but would not give a diagnosis like that until at least 8. His 8 year appointment is coming up in May. Do I think he has asperger's? I think he's somewhere on the spectrum. Where? I don't know.

 

Lately he is constantly arguing about everything and anything with everyone and anyone. It's causing a lot of problems in many areas of of our lives.

 

Does anyone have any good book suggestions to help with this?

 

Thank you!

[dbmamaz]

i wonder if one of those 'parenting challenging kids' books would help? sometimes arguing really means they are in a new stage, developmentally, and you need to start working WITH them more. also some kids need a lot of coaching on how to disagree or question things in a socially acceptable manner.

 

my kids are all challenging in their own special ways and i'm a master of not engaging in arguments but i'm not sure where i picked it up. maybe even way back with How to Talk so Kids will Listen or Parent Effectiveness Training, idk.

[Jennifer-72]

Do you think his tendency to argue stems from rigidity in his thinking? If so, you may want to look at the book Unstuck and On Target, it is a curriculum for teaching children on the spectrum flexibility in their thinking.

 

It may also be that he could use some help with problem solving and/or perspective taking.

 

Another helpful read is The Whole Brain Child.

 

 

[Trilliums]

Do you think his tendency to argue stems from rigidity in his thinking? If so, you may want to look at the book Unstuck and On Target, it is a curriculum for teaching children on the spectrum flexibility in their thinking.

 

It may also be that he could use some help with problem solving and/or perspective taking.

 

Another helpful read is The Whole Brain Child.

 

 

I haven't read/used those books, but I used to think DS was argumentative. Now I realize much of it was related to his rigid and concrete way of thinking. I often wondered if he was intentionally trying to aggravate us. Sometimes he came off as a real smart alec. He is an intelligent person and it was hard for me to believe that he did not understand the implied meanings in conversations. We (as a society) use idiomatic expressions throughout the day and we also use very vague language; both were problematic for DS.

 

BTW, he is now 16 yo, and while he is still a concrete thinker, his understanding of conversational nuances has expanded considerably. We talk about this openly in our family. He will argue any point that does not make sense to him, but he has wonderful critical thinking skills and openly listens to other sides of the story or input.

 

Some examples:

 

Me: Do you have any books on tape in your bedroom? They are all due at the library today.

Son (about age 9 at this time): No, I do not have any books on tape.

 

The situation: DS has books on CD in his room. I used to call them books on tape, because that is what I was used to my nephew listening to and at this time you still found about 50% of the audio books on tape from the library. To DS though, he answered the question, literally. It did not occur to him that I would also be asking about the books on CD. I did not inquire about those. After this conversation, when I foudn out DS had books on CD in his room, I got a little aggravated at him. How could he not know what I meant??? This kid is smart! We had a long talk and I found out really how confusing he found a lot of conversations. I remember him asking why people do not say what they really mean.

 

DS reading a book.

DS #2 walks up to DS: What are you reading?

DS: Puts down book and says, "nothing".

DS #2: What do you meant nothing? You have a book right there!

DS: Oh, this book is *insert title of book*

DS #2: Why didn't you just say that in the first place?

DS: I wasn't reading it anymore in order to talk to you.

 

To him, this is correct. He did not extrapolate the question to a broader sense. It seems so silly to write this out. Anyone should know what the person meant...but not a person with Asperger's.

 

 

We still joke about asking someone if they "can" do something.

 

Me: Can you take out the trash?

DS: Yes. Then continues to sit there and not take out the trash. Waits for that look from me and gets up and takes out the trash.

 

 

You might try reading the book, "quirky yes, hopeless no" and see if they descriptions fit what you see in your child.