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How to encourage, I want to be a ___ when I grow up.


AnIslandGirl
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Hello,

 

My daughter (9) has said since she was 5 that she wants to be an obstetrician when she grows up. She is always pouring through medical journals and college texts. Honestly she is rather hyper-focused. I know that medicine is an area she'd do great in (she's gifted, has a Eidetic memory, and is task oriented), but I'd still love to see her broaden her interests KWIM?

Does anyone have any experience with a child the just knows what they want to be? I'm all for encouraging her, but I want her to know it's OK to change your mind too.

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A very bright girl I know had wanted all her childhood to be a chef. Her father was worried that she was wasting her brains, but never said anything. When she reached 16 yo, and was doing very well at school, he arranged for her to go and work at a local restaurant during her summer holidays. Long days of gruelling, poorly paid work led to her to reassess. She ended up becoming a highly successful accountant.

 

I also know a boy who, having spent a lot of time in and out of hospital as a toddler, set his heart on becoming a doctor at age 5. He never wavered, achieved his ambition easily and was very happy.

 

I guess I'd just make sure that she knows what she's really, truly getting into, and maybe find ways of giving her real-life experience of a few alternatives. Otherwise, it's a fairly laudable ambition, and I'm sure you'll be very proud :001_smile:.

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Dd has said since she was 7 or 8 that she wants to teach children to dance when she grows up. She not yet wavered on that. So while I'm doing everything I can to help her realize that dream (paying for more and more dance lessons each year) I'm also making sure that if she changes her mind she will have the skills to change majors if she so desires in college. Right now she intends to go to college and major in dance.

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I think lots of kids have deep interests, and often say they want to go into a particular field when they grow up. I know lots that have expressed an interest but ultimately chose something else. I, for example, wanted to do something with horses and with Deaf kids. Didn't end up pursuing it.

At nine, I think it's just fine to explore an interest as deeply as you want. Along the way, you will be exposed to many ideas, careers, etc, just in daily life. Whether or not you finally pick the original interest is really irrelevant. The same skills you may develop for one interest can probably be applied broadly--and the education you receive can also be applied broadly, both supporting the interest and supporting the undergirding skills that will serve you well no matter what comes up.

 

IOW, don't sweat it.

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I knew a woman who had been absolutely sure she wanted to be a doctor when she grew up (and had the brains and stamina for it), until she started volunteering in a hospital and realized that she couldn't handle the sights/smells/sounds of normal hospital life. Lots of things sound cool to kids until they see that it's not as romantic as it's cracked up to be. I'd encourage other interests as well, so that she feels she has other options/passions if she decides she's not cut out for it. Also, make sure she knows that her worth is not dependent on an illustrious career. I wish someone had really told me that when I was choosing my career path.

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At 6 I announced I wanted to be an engineer. I never wavered until I was 24 and had bachelor and masters degrees in engineering from MIT. I got a great engineering job in a field I was interested in and I HATED it. A year later I switched to a different engineering job and I hated that one as well. Engineering isn't at all what I thought it would be, or, at least, the engineering jobs that I had were not what I was expecting. I worked at those jobs, detesting them everyday, for 6 years before DH and I had saved up enough money to move closer to family and have our first child. I have been a stay and home mom for the last 5ish years and it is a million times better than engineering.

 

At 9 I would not squash her ambitions in any way, but as she gets older I would look for way for her to experience what the job actually entails.

 

Wendy

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As others have said, give your DD some real life experiences. Even at age 9, there might be opportunities to volunteer in some capacity at a hospital (together with you of course).

 

In terms of broadening her interests, the medical field is so wide and deep that there are almost limitless opportunities for your DD to explore. Go down different rabbit trails with her, see where her interests lead, and take every opportunity to delve deeper into different areas that might broaden her understanding. Use her primary interest (obstetrics) as a jumping-off point for other subject areas that are related, but different. That way, you can gently expand her focus while still allowing her to enjoy the topics she's passionate about.

 

I think it's fantastic that your DD already has such a passion for medicine. :)

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At 9 I would not squash her ambitions in any way, but as she gets older I would look for way for her to experience what the job actually entails.

 

 

This is just what we've been doing. :) I guess I was just wondering if it's OK to let her delve into such heavy course material, but then the realistic part of me reminds myself she's never learned based on her age and to keep fueling her passion. This is the tough part of having a profoundly gifted child, as she needs to ready to declare a major in just a few short years without larger "life experiences" to help guide her in her interests.

I have plenty of friends that had every intention of becoming XYZ, but due to life experiences switched majors/ fields etc. I try to point out those individuals to her so she has some great adult role models. It is so wonderful to see dd9 so excited about learning, but I just want her to know I'd be just as excited for her if she was learning how to be an elephant trainer in the circus.

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I guess I was just wondering if it's OK to let her delve into such heavy course material, but then the realistic part of me reminds myself she's never learned based on her age and to keep fueling her passion.

 

 

I think that's perfectly ok. DS has been reading our old college chemistry, physics, and biology textbooks since he was 7. That's what he was interested in at the time, and he wasn't getting anything out of the "age-appropriate" materials that we provided him.

 

Give your DD what she needs and what she's ready for. :)

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I think lots of kids have deep interests, and often say they want to go into a particular field when they grow up. I know lots that have expressed an interest but ultimately chose something else. I, for example, wanted to do something with horses and with Deaf kids. Didn't end up pursuing it.

At nine, I think it's just fine to explore an interest as deeply as you want. Along the way, you will be exposed to many ideas, careers, etc, just in daily life. Whether or not you finally pick the original interest is really irrelevant. The same skills you may develop for one interest can probably be applied broadly--and the education you receive can also be applied broadly, both supporting the interest and supporting the undergirding skills that will serve you well no matter what comes up.

 

IOW, don't sweat it.

 

:iagree: I would make sure to provide my child with the education she needed to get to college. She'll really focus on a major while there. My dd14 has been saying for 2 years she's going to be either a psychologist or a psychiatrist. She's already looking at colleges and thinking about how deeply she'll be in debt if she goes to medical school. She's a freshman in high school.

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From the time I was 4 until my second year of college I wanted to be a physicist. My family encouraged me to work hard and study math and science (and language and literature). In college, I fell in love with computers and have been happily studying and gainfully employed in the computer field ever since.

 

When my ds was tiny, he was certain he wanted to an astronaut. Despite his poor math skills a disqualfying height and great linguistic abilities, we continued to encourage him to work hard and study math and science (and language and literature). He realized in high school that he really loves foreign language, went to Japan for college and currently teaches kindergarten in Tokyo while he's being processed to work for the US Foreign Service.

 

My ds's best friend wanted to be dentist ever since I met him in 3rd grade. His parents encouraged him in to work hard and study math and science. He was just accepted to medical school - he decided he'd rather be a doctor.

 

My advice - encourage her to work hard and study math and science as well as read broadly. She'll find her own way as she matures.

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At least your kid picked a real thing. At five, my daughter wanted to be a Princess Ballerina and my son wanted to be a Space Stranger. He meant 'Ranger,' but that's still not a thing.

 

My ds (age 8) wants to be a ninja and a samurai. He's convinced that this is a realistic career path. :huh:

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At 6 I announced I wanted to be an engineer. I never wavered until I was 24 and had bachelor and masters degrees in engineering from MIT. I got a great engineering job in a field I was interested in and I HATED it. A year later I switched to a different engineering job and I hated that one as well. Engineering isn't at all what I thought it would be, or, at least, the engineering jobs that I had were not what I was expecting. I worked at those jobs, detesting them everyday, for 6 years before DH and I had saved up enough money to move closer to family and have our first child. I have been a stay and home mom for the last 5ish years and it is a million times better than engineering.

 

At 9 I would not squash her ambitions in any way, but as she gets older I would look for way for her to experience what the job actually entails.

 

Wendy

 

Oh, thank you. I am not the only person disappointed in the Engineering field. I found out though as an intern between my sophomore and junior year. Then I went to the physics dept. Then I changed to elementary education :).

I just expected less paper work and more chalkboards and formulas and problems to solve. Too bureaucratic for my tastes.

 

I doubt at that age she can really get any real life experiences in that field. But look for medical related experiences she could have. Although it was a trip to a NASA robotics lab that turned me to Electrical Engineering, so make sure the realistic part of the job is also portrayed.

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Oh, thank you. I am not the only person disappointed in the Engineering field. I found out though as an intern between my sophomore and junior year. Then I went to the physics dept. Then I changed to elementary education :).

I just expected less paper work and more chalkboards and formulas and problems to solve. Too bureaucratic for my tastes.

 

I doubt at that age she can really get any real life experiences in that field. But look for medical related experiences she could have. Although it was a trip to a NASA robotics lab that turned me to Electrical Engineering, so make sure the realistic part of the job is also portrayed.

 

At one of my engineering jobs I once had to spend about two weeks making phone calls, meeting with various people and drafting a powerpoint presentation to show that it would be okay to switch from 1" bolts to 1 1/8" bolts in a certain application. All the while, it was well known to me and the higher ups that the guys on the factory floor had already switched to the longer bolts TWO YEARS EARLIER!!! That is when the supply line for the shorter bolts had dried up. That is when the engineering dept had been asked for recommendations. When they completely ran out of shorter bolts and needed a solution, the shop foreman who worked on the equipment every day had determined that the longer bolt would be fine and made the switch. Engineering was only getting around to the issue two years later because it had come to someone's attention that we should probably certify the supplier of the longer bolts since we had unofficially been using them for two years and the supplier had not yet been certified - so for all we knew we might have been using bolts that were both the wrong length and substandardly made.

 

For me, engineering involved almost no math. It was just phone calls and meetings and memos about phone calls and meetings. My status reports (which I was often asked to write about projects to which I had no connection whatsoever) were lauded by my superiors because I quickly learned the lingo. Vague verbiage, allusions to inter-departmental cooperation and a time line that showed we were always slightly behind but had great potential to finish on time if not early.

 

I worked for two companies, one smaller and one a huge Dow 30 company and they were both very similar. I was relieved when I escaped from the madness.

 

Wendy

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At least your kid picked a real thing. At five, my daughter wanted to be a Princess Ballerina and my son wanted to be a Space Stranger. He meant 'Ranger,' but that's still not a thing.

 

Haha, that is so true. My 9 yr old still wants to be ninja when he grows up. Not a real ninja, which I am not sure even exist anymore, but the ones from Ninjago lol.

 

My dd has done some volunteer work with animals, because she wanted to be a vet. Once she saw a Hirt animal with blood all over it, and she nearly passed out. She now has no idea what she wants to do.

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My dad was like that. He decided at 13 what I wanted to do, and he did that for 45 years after graduate school.

 

In contrast, DH and I are both working in fields mostly very different from what we studied after high school. The majority of my paid work these days is in a field I didn't study *at all* in college.

 

No problem with dreaming though. It is part of being a kid.

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My very determined DD wanted to be a biologist for many, many years. She recently changed her mind, because she realized that she'd have to take many semesters of chemistry which she hates.

We always offered a broad education to prepare her for whatever major she will choose, whether it be sciences or humanities.

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Haha, that is so true. My 9 yr old still wants to be ninja when he grows up. Not a real ninja, which I am not sure even exist anymore, but the ones from Ninjago lol.

 

 

 

Perhaps my DSs 7 and 3.5 could join up with your DS9, and form some sort of Ninjago company? Both of my sons are convinced that the Lego ninja field is where it's at. :ph34r:

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Please don't discourage her.

I knew from the age of two what I wanted to do. It was heavily discouraged by my parents who very much wanted me to get a bachelors degree(and who didn't feel it was a job for women). I got one in a liberal arts that they also hated.

It wasn't until I was 26, deeply in educational debt and bouncing around minimum wage jobs that I gave up and went back to school for what I have always wanted to do. It doesn't use my degrees and it isn't highly paying, but I am happy and enjoy my job.

I just wish my parents had listened to me.

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At least your kid picked a real thing. At five, my daughter wanted to be a Princess Ballerina and my son wanted to be a Space Stranger. He meant 'Ranger,' but that's still not a thing.

 

 

 

lol. At 5 mine said he wanted to be a daddy when he grew up and when I said, "But what do you want your job to be?" He said, "Only one daddy has to work" Guess he figured we were ALL going to live together.

 

My younger ds wanted to be a library worker at 5. I wouldn't mind that either really.

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I knew a woman who had been absolutely sure she wanted to be a doctor when she grew up (and had the brains and stamina for it), until she started volunteering in a hospital and realized that she couldn't handle the sights/smells/sounds of normal hospital life.

 

When I started med school I fainted at the sight of blood (and I fainted on the wards during my first ward rotations). If you really want something, you can overcome these things. It wasn't that she "couldn't handle it", its that she stopped really wanting it. That's fine, but really, if you have brains and stamina, you can!

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lol. At 5 mine said he wanted to be a daddy when he grew up and when I said, "But what do you want your job to be?" He said, "Only one daddy has to work" Guess he figured we were ALL going to live together.

 

 

We're from MA, so here there are plenty of stay at home Dads with the other Dad working!

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When I was young, middle school and high school, I did a volunteer program at a hospital. At the time, I was sure I wanted to be a doctor. They had us working in every area of the hospital, from the NICU to the book cart. It was a great experience, maybe she could do something like that to get a small taste of what the medical field looks like.

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DS21 wanted to be an astronaut when he was little. Now he's studying astro-something-or-other engineering in college. There may not be many astronaut jobs right away, so he hopes to fly really fast planes while he waits to go to Mars ......

 

DD19 wanted to be a musician, but is very math/science talented. Now she's studying music in college on an academic scholarship. She figures on getting a teaching degree as well so that she can support her music habit by teaching high school math and science.

 

DS17 wants to study computers when he graduates. He likes them and they like him, so I expect DS will do well. Of course, being a second-generation nerd never hurts (both DH and I have computer degrees).

 

DD11 wants to be a horse rancher. She intends to go to college and get a job so she can afford lots of horses.

 

I think the secret is that you just encourage them. Get a decent education so you can choose whatever you want to do.

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