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Political Compatibility


DragonFaerie
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Well, being political opposites works for genius and fab political consultants, James Carville and Mary Matalin.

 

That said, while I don't always agree with my husband politically (and don't think we need to), I do appreciate the peace of knowing we are simpatico on major core beliefs that are reflected in political preferences. We don't get mad or upset when we do diverge but if we diverged across VAST divides, especially considering how closely we hold certain beliefs, it could be tense at times. I have friends and respect many folks from who I do see things totally differently, but I don't have to go to bed with them or make them pancakes the morning after election night! My husband and I both need the "easy silence that you make for me and the way you keep the world at bay for me" to resort to quoting song lyrics. My husband and I do that for each other. If we were at odds on big things, I don't think we personally would have quite as peaceful of a home cocoon. However, I understand that some do have very good and peaceful marriages across the political divides.

 

I have a friend, one of those ones I mentioned up thread who I totally and fervently disagree with politically and on many issues. Long story, and while assuring all that he is a great and awesome guy who was totally NOT being creepy or at all illicitly interested in me (then and now a married lady), he once asked me if I might be able to set him up with anyone who was like me in many ways. We had very different circles as we became friends despite living in different areas due to shared regional activities in high school. When I asked him what traits he was looking for, it was along the lines of similarly passionate about/involved with issues, similar sense of humor, taste in music among other traits that he said he saw in me. I pointed out that most anyone local and similar to his description who I also knew well enough to ask to meet him was most certainly not of the same political persuasion as him. He said that he loves the sort of intense debate that springs from 2 intense people who can both articulately argue their views. I said that it would sound like an episode of Crossfire or similar over dinner every night after you each poured over the news of the day and don't you want to turn that off at home etc. He was not swayed at all and was quite confident that it could be a plus as much as a minus. It was then that I really realized how much I needed (and was was getting) off-time from that side of myself and that I'd just found another reason to appreciate my already very appreciation worthy husband. (In case anyone was wondering, my friend did not marry one of my friends so we did not get to see how that would have turned out though it is a story we each tell. He moved away for professional school and met someone there. I think she is pretty eye to eye with him on politics and met all of the things he said he was looking for in a partner. So apparently I have a personality doppleganger with opposite political views. :)

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I think it would work if the couple isn't too political, or enjoys good political arugments.

 

If dh were to suddenly do a 180 I wouldn't divorce him. We would make it work.

 

 

I am very political and I enjoy good political discourse but I don't think it would suit me at all. While my husband is not as politically active as me, he is politically active and passionate. My external personality is much louder than my preferred home life and I wouldn't want to be debating political things all of the time, or even much of the time, at home. Maybe I'd work with someone who was apolitical but then again I dislike people without their own opinions on certain issues so I dunno. Also, I think it is just political debate at home I consider undesirable because we will debate theoretical and other issues endlessly. We recently really got into it (no anger, but it was a long, spanning many days, debate) over, of all things, an architect's or artist's obligations to anticipate unintended uses of public commons (plazas, parks etc) and how that can or can not fairly be mitigated later on. Ridiculous but totally fun to us.

 

Of course, like you if my spouse totally changed, I am in it for keeps regardless unless his new views were dangerous or hateful. But it might be a sticky situation for awhile! A long while.

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DH and I are just about as far apart politically as it's possible to be, but we're both fairly open minded and tolerant. We have some very lively discussions.

 

Being open minded is important in relationships, not just with spouses but with the world in general.

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DH and I are both very similar, politically, and we both feel very strongly about our positions. We each have slightly different hot buttons, though -- I care about his particular favorite hot button, but not as much he does, and my particular hot button is one he feels strongly about but not quite like I do. In our case, our political views are very much tied to our worldviews (which are often religiously based), and I really can't imagine being married to someone who didn't feel the same way as I do about certain things. I'm okay with agreeing to disagree on some things, but others are just too important.

 

However, I know couples that vote completely opposite of each other, and it seems to work for them.

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I couldn't get along that closely with someone with opposite political feelings. I was more conservative and dh more liberal when we started dating. Now we are both die hard liberals, and just slightly left of before. I know for a fact I could never marry Someone opposite me. No offense, but the values are placed so differently that I can't even imagine how a conversation would go. My dad is very conservative and I haven't known him long. I love him, but it's hard to keep my mouth shut and ask for more bean dip sometimes to keep the peace. My SIL and her dh are opposites and she just rolls her eyes and he gets vocal. I can't imagine living like that day to day.

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I'm not sure if I could be married to someone who felt very strongly about politics in either direction. You know how you can listen to someone talk about something benign (like a recipe or what they did on vacation), but you can just feel their political fervor oozing from their personality? Yeah, I don't think I could live with that. Conservative or liberal. I'd pull my hair out.

 

Or maybe that's just being happily married for so long to a shoulder-shrugger, "politics-schmalitics-what's-for-dinner?" type of person.

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