Only me Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 My dh is overseas for the next week so I could really use some input how to handle this. I have the feeling that it is all going to blow up on Monday so I could use some advice before then. As I posted last week my dd is having a lot of problems with her poms coach. All summer she has been very hard on the girls. She has given very little positive feedback but a lot of negative. Just one example is when my dd made a mistake. Instead of correcting her she stopped the music, yelled at my dd and told her that she should feel guilty because now the whole squad had to repeat the dance. This has happened to a lot of the girls and is an ongoing thing. From day one the coach made it clear that she didn't want anything to do with the parents and that if there was a problem she wanted the girls to come to her. The problem is that anytime the girls come to her with a problem or concern she snaps at them. Last week after practice I ran into another mom who was very concerned because she just found out that the coach would not be staying at the college dorm (2 hours away from our home) with the girls for poms camp. This was the first I heard of it too so I knew that I needed more information. We approached the coach and asked her a few questions. My main concern is that there would be someone over 21 overnight to supervise the girls in case of emergency etc. You could tell that she got on the defensive. She said what a great camp it was and that there would be plenty of supervision, although she couldn't guarantee the ages of the supervisors. The other mom requested that the coach find out more information but she didn't so this mom and I both decided that we would try to call the camp to find out the information ourselves. After sending emails with no response and unanswered phones I was finally able to contact someone in charge of the camps. She reassured me that there would be adult (over 21) supervision at the camp and that our squad would have one supervisor with them at all times. She also told me that the coach should have given us that information along with the itinerary of what the girls would be doing at the camp. The coach had already told the girls that she wasn't giving them the schedule and that only the squad leaders (seniors) would get that information. Quite honestly I feel that my dd should have that information and can't see why this coach refuses to let the other girls have it. Neither myself or the other mom had spoken to the coach since Monday when we brought up our concerns. Then yesterday during practice she told the girls that some of the parents were concerned about her not attending camp. She went on to say that this didn't apply to everyone but that those girls knew who they were. She went on to say how the parents were wrong for being concerned and were treating the girls like babies. She said how angry she was about the whole thing. Even though she didn't say any names she pretty much singled my dd out because the other girl whose mom spoke up wasn't there. I also think that she had no right to try to get the girls against the parents. Even though I feel more comfortable now about sending dd to camp now that I know who will be supervising her, I still feel that I had a legitimate concern. I realize that many of these girls are going away to college in a few years but there are also girls who just turned 14 on the squad. Either way the girls shouldn't be made to feel bad. I spoke to the other mom to let her know what is going on. (She is also a teacher at this school). She was very upset and says that she will probably talk to the coach on Monday. She wanted me to email someone in administration (She had already talked to him a little bit about some of the issues). Most likely all four of us will have a meeting on Monday. I'm really afraid of what is going to happen. On one hand I realize that this coach is volunteering. I do appreciate her hard work but I feel that she is handling things very wrong. This squad has the potential of being a really great opportunity. They are a nice group of girls and I would hate to see the coach quit and leave them hanging. On the other hand, I feel that something really needs to be done. It's obvious that she won't listen to the girls yet doesn't want input from the parents. I realize that the coach has to give constructive criticism but she has gone beyond that. My dd has been a dancer since she was 3 yet she dreads going to practice every day. She had a very stressful school year (course load and medical problems). Poms was supposed to be a release for her. Now my dd is as stressed this summer as she was during the school year. I'm also very concerned because my dd will have spanish 3 with her this fall. Even before this all happened my dd was warned about having her for spanish. Even some of the brightest kids refuse to take spanish 3 because of her. Now my dd is even more nervous about it because this coach/teacher has proven that she can/will take things out on the kids. My dd is debating whether or not she wants to change classes. Spanish 3 isn't required but I think it would be great for her to take before college. If she takes Spanish 3 and 4 then she won't have to take any spanish in college. She also did very well in spanish 1 and 2 and I think she has the capability of doing really well in Spanish 3. This is the only teacher who teaches Spanish 3 though. If you've read this far I really appreciate your input. My dh is out of town and my closest friend IRL is also out of town so I have no one IRL to help sort through this. I need to sort through what I am going to say before Monday. I really want to do what is best for my dd without hurting anyone else Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 Goodness, that's a real problem. The only thing I can think of is to talk with the principal about it. If she's squishing her pom team and is such a bully that kids actually don't take classes from her, that's something the school should be dealing with in a serious way. Meanwhile, help your daughter see that all her yelling is much more about the kind of person she is than about your daughter or any of the other girls on the team. And since I had this book recommended to me on this board, and just finished it, and it was great, go check out "Mindset" by Carol Dweck from the library. You will totally recognize this woman in the pages. Maybe you can find some coping strategies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 You've got to momma bear up and get this settled. I'd march into that principal's office and let them know immediately what's going on and that you aren't going to stand for your dd being bullied this way. What kind of an @$$ treats their students that way? Tell them what's going on and tell them it's unacceptable. Mention Spanish 3. And she doesn't want to bother with parents? Gee, maybe it's because she's a freaking bully and is afraid some parent might expose her. You know what you need to do. Get in there and do it. Bust some donkey man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*anj* Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 I'm sorry, I didn't read your other thread, but I wanted to clarify something. Does this situation concern your 16yo who goes to a Christian high school? If that is the case, then I think this teacher/coach ought to be held to a certain standard. The behavior that you've described would be unprofessional and inappropriate under any circumstances, but even moreso in a faith-based setting. If your dd is concerned about taking Spanish with this woman, can you find an alternate means of providing her with this course? Could you not teach it yourself or have her take it at a community college or some kind of correspondence/internet course? If I really thought that my child might not be treated fairly by a teacher because of an extracurricular disagreement, I think I'd offer her another way of taking the course. Also, depending on where she goes to college, this may not be the issue that you think it will. There was no foreign language requirement at my university. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2cents Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 You have totally legitimate issues! I would have been down there confronting Coach Pants in a Wad about her pow wow with the squad AND her lack of ability to give adequate information to the parents. She would be right up there on my list. :boxing_smiley: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen500 Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 You've got to momma bear up and get this settled. I'd march into that principal's office and let them know immediately what's going on and that you aren't going to stand for your dd being bullied this way. What kind of an @$$ treats their students that way? Tell them what's going on and tell them it's unacceptable. Mention Spanish 3. And she doesn't want to bother with parents? Gee, maybe it's because she's a freaking bully and is afraid some parent might expose her. You know what you need to do. Get in there and do it. Bust some donkey man. :iagree: As a teenager I was heavily involved in a sport. At one point we had a coach who was somewhat verbally and mentally abusive. Luckily we had another great coach and the negative one left...Coaches and teachers are in a position of authority over the kids, and if you know what's going on, as a parent you need to step in! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 And spell out all my concerns, including the teacher making your daughter feel denigrated for your concerns. Her conduct is not professional and not in the best interests of the children. But I also would make an issue of the fact that the school is allowing/expecting (?) the teacher to have this responsibility without pay. It's ridiculous that she is spending so much time on a Pom squad job. Does the football coach go unpaid? It seems to me that if you are going to have sports teams, you pay the people who are coaching them. If iti's part of her job, then it's not really "volunteer" but they ought to be compensating her and giving her the administrative support she needs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 What do you want to have happen? What does your daughter want? Given what you've shared about the coach and her reputation as a teacher within the school, I think it highly unlikely that she will turn into a pleasant person to be around. If that is what you want, you'll have to adjust your expectations. Based on what you've shared here and in the other thread, I would encourage your daughter to drop poms and find a way for her to take Spanish 3 via the community college. Could she have a study hall that period, so it wouldn't increase her overall workload? Then she can take Spanish 4 through the high school as a senior. If your daughter really wants to participate in poms, even given the coach's attitude, both of you are going to have to toughen up and accept it for the situation it is. I think the administration should know what is going on, but I do think talking to them will result in backlash against your daughter. I doubt anything the administration says will motivate the teacher to change. The most likely result is that she will quit coaching poms and there won't be a team. I'm guessing there aren't a lot of people jumping at the chance to take on a labor-intensive, unpaid coaching job. No, it's not fair. It's sad that the coach is not able to interact well with her students. But it appears to be life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Only me Posted July 26, 2008 Author Share Posted July 26, 2008 Not only do I worry about my dd but I worry about those girls too afraid to speak up. My dd and I have a very open relationship so I always know what is going on her life. On the other hand, I'm sure there are other girls on the squad who haven't told their parents. I'm also sure that other parents are afraid to speak up. On the other hand, if we meet with administration and this coach quits then we may have 14 girls and their parents mad at my dd. Not only have the girls put in a ton of time this summer practicing but the parents have also invested a lot of money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 Are you tempted at all to let the biotech quit and then stand in for a while? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Only me Posted July 26, 2008 Author Share Posted July 26, 2008 I have no experience with dance or poms. Although I would be willing to help out I also have my two other children to bring to and from activities in the fall and my dh is going to be traveling for work a lot this fall. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 She has had several terrible experiences at this school. It really does not sound very good at all. I'm trying to remember--was it a writing professor or history that was so unclear about assignment details? And now Spanish AND this extra curricular activity are both in question. And wasn't there some math issue as well? What is with this place??? And do you have any reasonable alternatives? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
valkett Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 Hi, The coach should absolutely NOT be treating the girls this way. Since you have voiced your concerns, I would go to the Athletic Director or Principal or both. My son had a very rough coach for his freshman year of soccer. The guy really had an anger issue. We were all very relieved that he decided not to coach again.The coach we've had since is wonderful. A little forgetful... but wonderful. As far as the camp... it's standard procedure here for coach's not to attend camps with the players. My son has been to soccer camps with his team for the past three years. They go to camps held by major universities. They're supervised. They all had a great time. It's been nice because they were able to get a little taste of college life. Good luck with this situation. It's very hard dealing with a coach like that. Val Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted July 27, 2008 Share Posted July 27, 2008 I'm sorry I don't have a more optimistic response, but leopards don't change their spots. She is an unreasonable teacher that people avoid, why should she be any different as a coach. If she were reasonable, she would have been reasoned with long ago. I say complain above, just so that administration can keep getting the hint that this teacher really should be in another line of work, but don't expect your complaints change this woman. As for Spanish...study it independently and try to test out of the first year or two in college. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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