Barb_ Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 ETA: 2/6 update further down. Apparently he was fascinated and went back repeatedly for at least a week. Right in the middle of the living room while we thought he was on lego.com. I'm sick at heart and mourning his innocence and wondering what to do. Counselling? We aren't religious. We've been talking about it a little every day and im gathering that while he was drawn to it, he was also confused and upset by it. He had been acting out a lot, throwing tantrums the likes of which I hadn't seen since he was 4. Now I understand why. He said he wishes he could get it out of his head and I told him that sometimes when we do things we know in ours hearts are wrong, they come with their own built in punishments. I guess I'm just afraid that counseling would feel like betrayal to him because he trusts me not to tell anyone other than his dad. I'm just so sad. He still has all but two of his baby teeth. I just can't wrap my mind around it. PS if you respond, please leave out key search terms. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caitilin Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 Oh, mama. :grouphug: I'm so sorry. :grouphug: No advice, just hugs and best wishes for you and your sweetie boy. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CupOCoffee Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 I don't have any wise words, but I can give you a ((hugs)). coffee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 Talk to him about it. Give him honest answers. Let him ask questions. I wish I had a bit of mommy magic to make it all go away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 Tell him that it wasn't his fault that he came across it. Tell him that curiosity is normal. Tell him that the things he saw are not the normal healthy things that real husbands and wives share together. Tell him that you're there if he wants to talk. But don't make it a defining moment in his life. It will fade with time and should. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted January 26, 2013 Author Share Posted January 26, 2013 Talk to him about it. Give him honest answers. Let him ask questions. I wish I had a bit of mommy magic to make it all go away. Me too. I'm doing that but I wish I could do more. Maybe there isn't any more? Maybe I just needed to spill it here to gain the strength to bear it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 Tell him that it wasn't his fault that he came across it. Tell him that curiosity is normal. Tell him that the things he saw are not the normal healthy things that real husbands and wives share together. Tell him that you're there if he wants to talk. But don't make it a defining moment in his life. It will fade with time and should. Great advice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted January 26, 2013 Author Share Posted January 26, 2013 Tell him that it wasn't his fault that he came across it. Tell him that curiosity is normal. Tell him that the things he saw are not the normal healthy things that real husbands and wives share together. Tell him that you're there if he wants to talk. But don't make it a defining moment in his life. It will fade with time and should. Promise? I think this is what I'm afraid of. I told him they are actors and it's all made up fiction like when they show people being stabbed and killed in movies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 Promise? I think this is what I'm afraid of. I told him they are actors and it's all made up fiction like when they show people being stabbed and killed in movies. I think this is a good age appropriate explanation. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 Promise? I think this is what I'm afraid of. I told him they are actors and it's all made up fiction like when they show people being stabbed and killed in movies. Can I 100% promise? No. But 90% of kids - yes, it will fade. And those where it doesn't? Most are in situations where it was not an isolated event in an otherwise healthy upbringing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted January 26, 2013 Share Posted January 26, 2013 Promise? I think this is what I'm afraid of. I told him they are actors and it's all made up fiction like when they show people being stabbed and killed in movies. My family owned a party store when I was 5-9 years old. I'm sure you know the kind of magazines that are available in party stores :tongue_smilie: . I saw quite a bit and didn't talk to anyone about it. I was, and am, fine. While it made me feel weird to see this stuff I really didn't understand, it didn't mess me up for life. I honestly hadn't really thought about it in many years until I read your thread. :grouphug: Can't promise, but I can bet, he'll be just fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted January 26, 2013 Author Share Posted January 26, 2013 My family owned a party store when I was 5-9 years old. I'm sure you know the kind of magazines that are available in party stores :tongue_smilie: . I saw quite a bit and didn't talk to anyone about it. I was, and am, fine. While it made me feel weird to see this stuff I really didn't understand, it didn't mess me up for life. I honestly hadn't really thought about it in many years until I read your thread. :grouphug: Can't promise, but I can bet, he'll be just fine. Thank you. That helps hugely. I saw it when I was a preteen...maybe 12? His age was really bothering me. And the fact that it wasn't just once. He said somethimg tonight that was kind of funny in a way only a WTM homeschooler would understand. He said, "Mom? You know that thing I was doing on the Internet that I wasn't supposed to do?" I told him yes, I remembered. He said, "Well I really crossed the Rubicon with that one, didn't I?" Yes, son. You did. Lol... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted February 5, 2013 Share Posted February 5, 2013 That's a tough one. The only helpful thing I have to say is that I will be yarping for the both of you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted February 5, 2013 Share Posted February 5, 2013 I don't think he crossed the Rubicon or that it even is that big of a deal. It's not a defining life lesson or a momentous choice. He saw inappropriate content. It's gonna happen sometime. That can be a life lesson. You told him it's pretend. It's normal to be drawn to something weird, to try to figure it out. His innocence is still there. Relax! I'm guessing his acting out stems more from guilt than anything, and you should reassure him that coming across it wasn't his fault but that he should come to you if he sees anything that confuses or scares him on the internet. This is not a defining moment or even a huge deal. Talk about listening when things make you uncomfortable, and let it drop. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ipsey Posted February 5, 2013 Share Posted February 5, 2013 He'll be ok. I know it hurts. I agree with Terabith; his acting out is probably more from guilt and embarrassment. You can hear it in what he says--crossing the Rubicon. He feels he's done something wrong--it's not the acts that he saw have deranged him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
La Texican Posted February 6, 2013 Share Posted February 6, 2013 I sympathize for you shedding a couple tears. It probably won't scar him for life, at least not in a debilatating way. My computer's down right now, but for a couple of years I used a program called kidzui. Google it. You install mozilla firefox, then you install kidzui. Kidzui is a browser, just like the blue e button. You get a K icon. Your kids browser can access all the major kid sites, lego, pbs, nickelodian, world book encyclopedia.. Subscription sites you would still need your own subscription to, just like the blue e button. It's a whitelist program, in that every site your kid can access with that browser has been approved by a person, a parent, or a teacher. It's the opposite of net nannies where they try to filter out stuff. I always used the free part. The only thing u couldn't look up obscure stuff like CERN for kids, but all the major kid stuff is on there. Also they have thousands of hand screened youtube vids. Your kid can watch them to his hearts content and everythings pg rated. The paid version is about $10 a month and I'm not sure what extra you get for that. HTH, this might give you AND him have peace of mind for him to use the computer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted February 6, 2013 Share Posted February 6, 2013 So sorry! :grouphug: I don't think it will affect him long-term. Good time to get that computer secured/filtered! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garddwr Posted February 6, 2013 Share Posted February 6, 2013 I sympathize for you shedding a couple tears. It probably won't scar him for life, at least not in a debilatating way. My computer's down right now, but for a couple of years I used a program called kidzui. Google it. You install mozilla firefox, then you install kidzui. Kidzui is a browser, just like the blue e button. You get a K icon. Your kids browser can access all the major kid sites, lego, pbs, nickelodian, world book encyclopedia.. Subscription sites you would still need your own subscription to, just like the blue e button. It's a whitelist program, in that every site your kid can access with that browser has been approved by a person, a parent, or a teacher. It's the opposite of net nannies where they try to filter out stuff. I always used the free part. The only thing u couldn't look up obscure stuff like CERN for kids, but all the major kid stuff is on there. Also they have thousands of hand screened youtube vids. Your kid can watch them to his hearts content and everythings pg rated. The paid version is about $10 a month and I'm not sure what extra you get for that. HTH, this might give you AND him have peace of mind for him to use the computer. Thank you for sharing this! I wasn't familiar with this program and am researching it now. I use K9 for filtering, but I like the idea of all pre-screened sites, youtube videos, etc. To the OP, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this and it sounds like you are handling the issue well. I hate, hate, hate the fact that this stuff is so prevalent on the web and that it kind of comes looking for you--a kid doesn't have to be looking for it to come across it. My kids have so far had very limited access to the internet and never unsupervised, but I know that can't last forever and we have started talking to them about the kinds of inappropriate content that are out there and how to respond if they come across something that feels uncomfortable or wrong--close the computer, go get a parent, it's not there fault if they run into it, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted February 6, 2013 Author Share Posted February 6, 2013 I don't think he crossed the Rubicon or that it even is that big of a deal. It's not a defining life lesson or a momentous choice. He saw inappropriate content. It's gonna happen sometime. That can be a life lesson. You told him it's pretend. It's normal to be drawn to something weird, to try to figure it out. His innocence is still there. Relax! I'm guessing his acting out stems more from guilt than anything, and you should reassure him that coming across it wasn't his fault but that he should come to you if he sees anything that confuses or scares him on the internet. This is not a defining moment or even a huge deal. Talk about listening when things make you uncomfortable, and let it drop. :grouphug: For him, it was a bigger deal than it might be for another kid. He's on the autistic spectrum and when something doesn't jive with his version of reality, his world is completely rocked. When he was a preschooler, he would have intense meltdowns if his cookie broke, we went home from preschool by a different route, his favorite vacuum cleaner was on the fritz, or the hole in the toilet when we were shopping was a different shape than the one at home. These were not temper fits but just utter distress and panic. This is how he began acting again. I've been worried the neighbors would hear and call the police because it can sound like he's being beaten when he gets himself worked up. So anyway, it's probably not wise to admit it here but I finally just lied. I'd do it again ins a heartbeat. He kept telling me he was confused and couldn't understand how something could be real and not real at the same time and were real people really doing that stuff for real. It hit me that he wanted me to say no. So I did. I told him it was all made up stories with CGI like polar express and toy story but that CGI has come a long way since those movies were made and that some computer animation looks entirely real. That was pretty much all it took. He immediately changed the subject to Legos and has been fine ever since. My 11yo even noticed. She said, "what happened to Bub? He's acting like a normal kid." Thanks for all the support everyone. I'm so relieved to be past it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted February 6, 2013 Author Share Posted February 6, 2013 I sympathize for you shedding a couple tears. It probably won't scar him for life, at least not in a debilatating way. My computer's down right now, but for a couple of years I used a program called kidzui. Google it. You install mozilla firefox, then you install kidzui. Kidzui is a browser, just like the blue e button. You get a K icon. Your kids browser can access all the major kid sites, lego, pbs, nickelodian, world book encyclopedia.. Subscription sites you would still need your own subscription to, just like the blue e button. It's a whitelist program, in that every site your kid can access with that browser has been approved by a person, a parent, or a teacher. It's the opposite of net nannies where they try to filter out stuff. I always used the free part. The only thing u couldn't look up obscure stuff like CERN for kids, but all the major kid stuff is on there. Also they have thousands of hand screened youtube vids. Your kid can watch them to his hearts content and everythings pg rated. The paid version is about $10 a month and I'm not sure what extra you get for that. HTH, this might give you AND him have peace of mind for him to use the computer. Thank you, I will look into it. I don't like filtering software because I have teens who need the computer for college classes and online research, big kids who do k12, etc. So we had a rule that computers stay in the common area. It never occurred to me that my 7yo would be sitting on the couch watching p**n in the middle of the family room with all if us hanging out doing whatever. Let me tell you, it doesn't matter how many kids you have, each one will find a new and spectacular way to blind side you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
La Texican Posted February 6, 2013 Share Posted February 6, 2013 Kidzui puts a "k" icon on your desktop, but your "e" is still there. My kid uses "k" I use "e" on the same computer. Kidzui doesn't affect explorer. It's a totally separate browser and you keep your "e" too. It's two different icons on your desktop. Quick thinking on your part. I'm glad things are back to normal. It's not as drastic as your story, but my kid saw the following pictures (warning: graphic clipart) https://www.decalwarehouse.net/item_images/coalminercrawlgirllrg.png This is from google images, but it was on a pickup at a stoplight beside me. My kid said, "he's going to eat that woman". My jaw dropped. My heart stopped. He's in pre-k in public school. The he said, "that zombie's going to eat her brains." (zombie, obviously, because he was crawling after the woman) lol, I still don't see it as a zombie. But, wow. I'm glad my kid thought so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 For him, it was a bigger deal than it might be for another kid. He's on the autistic spectrum and when something doesn't jive with his version of reality, his world is completely rocked. When he was a preschooler, he would have intense meltdowns if his cookie broke, we went home from preschool by a different route, his favorite vacuum cleaner was on the fritz, or the hole in the toilet when we were shopping was a different shape than the one at home. These were not temper fits but just utter distress and panic. This is how he began acting again. I've been worried the neighbors would hear and call the police because it can sound like he's being beaten when he gets himself worked up. So anyway, it's probably not wise to admit it here but I finally just lied. I'd do it again ins a heartbeat. He kept telling me he was confused and couldn't understand how something could be real and not real at the same time and were real people really doing that stuff for real. It hit me that he wanted me to say no. So I did. I told him it was all made up stories with CGI like polar express and toy story but that CGI has come a long way since those movies were made and that some computer animation looks entirely real. That was pretty much all it took. He immediately changed the subject to Legos and has been fine ever since. My 11yo even noticed. She said, "what happened to Bub? He's acting like a normal kid." Thanks for all the support everyone. I'm so relieved to be past it. Works for me!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggieamy Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Kidzui puts a "k" icon on your desktop, but your "e" is still there. My kid uses "k" I use "e" on the same computer. Kidzui doesn't affect explorer. It's a totally separate browser and you keep your "e" too. It's two different icons on your desktop. Quick thinking on your part. I'm glad things are back to normal. It's not as drastic as your story, but my kid saw the following pictures (warning: graphic clipart) https://www.decalwar...rawlgirllrg.png This is from google images, but it was on a pickup at a stoplight beside me. My kid said, "he's going to eat that woman". My jaw dropped. My heart stopped. He's in pre-k in public school. The he said, "that zombie's going to eat her brains." lol, I still don't see it. But, wow. How can it be legal to drive with that on your car? How crude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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