What is DD DOING???

[mom2bbj]

Ladies,

 

I need some help, alot of help. This is our first year of homeschooling, we started at a very slow pace in August.

 

My dd (12) is complicated, to say the least, she has CAPD. She doesn't like school in any way, shape or form. She would rather suffer any consequence ( no screen time, no weekend activities, no extra-cirricular, ect...) We have tried it all and she just will NOT co-operate.

 

At this moment she is in bed, because she was given the choice to get math done or go to bed. If I make her "do" it she does them all wrong, purposely.

 

We have been very clear with her, that school work must be done, that is is not an option. Yet everyday our work takes 3x as long as it should. We are putting in at least 8 hours a day to accomplish approx. 3-4 hours of study. I am at the end of my rope. I can not make her do it. When I do MAKE her, it is not constructive at all, she does not try at any subject,

 

I *think* she's trying to push me over the edge, so I will send her back to school. She has been told that it is not an option, but her actions seem to be testing it.

 

Does this seem like a power struggle to you? If I could understand it, maybe I could come up with a better plan. I do not know what to do.

 

Any advice, opinions or prayers would be greatly appreciated

 

Thanks

Vickie

[Alte Veste Academy]

What does she say she doesn't like about school?

[mom2bbj]

She doesn't like anything. If it is something she "has" to do; school, chores, even showers. It's a struggle, she needs to be micro- managed or she will not "do" anything.

 

It's so complicated with her, I know I can not explain it well in a post. I think I just need to vent.

 

Ugh!

 

Vickie

[EMS83]

Did you have a decompression period? Over the summer? Is it possible it wasn't long enough? Have you tried a visual task chart with breaks built in? How long has she actually sat in front of her work, refusing to do anything? Has she skipped meals because of it? When she did a worksheet wrong, did you erase it all and tell her to start over? Also, is there a subject that doesn't really matter so much? We dropped spelling, perhaps for good. I've also reworked the subjects I did keep to make them simpler and more to the point (although my DD is in 1st). Something I've noticed with my oldest (nearly 7 now), is that she really doesn't want to be doing what I'm not making her younger brothers do. They get some instruction, but it's not nearly as much. My DD and I just had a discussion today about it because she said she needs more days off school. It turns out that the real issue is she doesn't like sitting at the kitchen table for so long. Well we can fix that! I also explained that the boys would be working as much as she is when they get to be her age. It's hard being the trailblazer, I think. All that said, we lock horns frequently. One of the things I try, after I know she understand what's expected and know she can do what's asked of her, is keep her problems her problems.

 

Occasionally my kids will refuse to clean, do school work, etc. and I'll let them know when the next meal is, and let them know they'll be welcome at it when the assigned task is done. I make certain of a few things, though: that they know what's expected, that they're capable of doing it, and that they have enough time in which to reasonably accomplish a task. I let them know they can ask for help, and I'll help if they truly need it. I will not help with "help me" is really a request for me to do it for them. Soon we'll start commission based allowances for chores. I don't know if any of that would help you or even fits your family's style & needs, but it has helped us. That isn't to say that the head butting has disappeared, but it has diminished a good bit. Now, head butting usually happens when there's something else going on: too little sleep or too few calories, too much sugar, not enough activity, holidays. That sort of thing. Unfortunately all we can do is offer suggestions which may or may not work for you! I'm just asking and saying stuff. ;) Give it as much or as little weight as you choose.

[Marie131]

If she doesn't have the intrinsic motivation would extrinsic motivation work? is there something she really wants that she could work towards getting if she completes her work well and with a positive attitude?

[Alte Veste Academy]

She doesn't like anything. If it is something she "has" to do; school, chores, even showers. It's a struggle, she needs to be micro- managed or she will not "do" anything.

 

It's so complicated with her, I know I can not explain it well in a post. I think I just need to vent.

 

Ugh!

 

Vickie

 

:grouphug:

 

Sorry I wasn't very clear. I mean have you talked to her? Asked her why she doesn't like school? Specifically. Beyond the initial "I don't know" that you will probably get. I would try to dig deeper. It could take a series of conversations over a few days or weeks, but I would keep chiseling away at her outer shell for the truth underneath.

 

I do not have a 12 year old but I do have a kid who the more I order, the less he cooperates. The more I step back, the more he steps up. It's more complicated than that, of course, but habits of pushing and pulling seem to become more intractable the longer they persist...on both sides.