Lonely son wants to go to school

[KellieMI]

I am sure this has been discussed on here before, but I can't find any threads!

 

We recently moved twice in the last 6 months to a fairly small town. There is a state university here, though, so we have access to some cool field trip things. We haven't been able to meet up with other homeschoolers and he is missing his friends who are over 7 hours away.

 

As much as I explain to him that school won't be like the TV show's, where all the kids are having a blast hanging out, he still wants to try it out. The only reason's he gives are to have friends and get away from his 4 year old brother:-) My dad was in the Navy and we moved every 2-3 years, so I know what he's going through. He will be 13 in a couple months and he is signed up as a volunteer at the local museum. We are going to check into a karate class, but other than that, I am at a loss. He is my social one and he loves to be around people. Any other ideas?

[regentrude]

Why do you homeschool, and why can't he try school?

I can sympathize with both the need for more interaction AND the wish for time without younger siblings. Is there any way you can find more peer groups for him, and have him more time without his brother?

At that age, I would include my child in the decision making process. I periodically reevaluate whether homeschooling is still working for our family, and my kids are the first ones whose opinion I ask.

[MinivanMom]

I know someone who put her children into school for the first year after relocating to another state. She had one in middle school and several in elementary at the time. She felt that it would be too difficult for them to establish friendships in a new place without the school social net. I think there are other ways to establish friendships, but I completely understand her thinking. It's easy to suggest other places to meet people, but the easiest way is to go to school. I can only imagine how that situation might be intensified in a small town.

[FairProspects]

I think I would listen to this need, because for extroverts social interaction time really is a need, and it doesn't sound like he is getting much of it in your current situation.

 

If you really want to keep him at home, are there any co-ops, classes, sports teams, or homeschool support groups (even if they are a good bit of travel once a week or so) that you can join? Are you part of a church or youth group? Are there any programs for younger students at the university where he could meet kids his own age? If none of the above, IMHO I would seriously consider sending him to school at least part-time. He is getting to the age where some social interaction becomes really important (and I can see this clearly from the middle aged kids at co-op).

[regentrude]

I think I would listen to this need, because for extroverts social interaction time really is a need, and it doesn't sound like he is getting much of it in your current situation.

If you really want to keep him at home, are there any co-ops, classes, sports teams, or homeschool support groups (even if they are a good bit of travel once a week or so) that you can join? Are you part of a church or youth group? Are there any programs for younger students at the university where he could meet kids his own age? If none of the above, IMHO I would seriously consider sending him to school at least part-time. He is getting to the age where some social interaction becomes really important (and I can see this clearly from the middle aged kids at co-op).

 

I agree. I am an extrovert and I would be utterly miserable if I had to stay home (I developed severe depression as a SAHM.)

[lauracolumbus]

I, too, think this need should be addressed. It sounds like you are making progress, and he might just have to be patient. I think it's even more difficult for a teen. My kids both volunteer at the science museum, and while it gets them out of the house, it doesn't necessarily equate to conjuring up friends. Same with karate. Does this mean there aren't any homeschool groups in your area? Does the science museum have hs classes? Any other organizations?

 

Just as an aside, I didn't find being a SAHM isolating at all once I found my core group of friends (albeit I did have withdrawal from the work world). In fact, I think it is similar to hs'ing in that your social life can explode b/c you have so many more opportunities to make lots of friends from different walks of life and different areas of interests. However, it is much more difficult to do in a small town.

 

Laura

[Arcadia]

The only reason's he gives are to have friends and get away from his 4 year old brother:-)

 

My only sibling is 8.5 years younger. I would get out of the house just out of boredom, and because he destroyed plenty of my stuff which my parents had to replace.

 

As long as the school your son would be assigned to has no history of bullying or lockdown problems, my opinion would be to let him try a semester and see.

 

I am an introvert and even I find it isolating staying at home. My neighbors are mainly working with most kids in private schools.

[KellieMI]

Thank you guys for your thoughts. I am not opposed to sending him to school. Honestly, my favorite part of homeschooling is the flexibility, which we will lose by having one in school. He is absolutely involved in the decision, and after speaking with my husband, we agree that we should respect his desire to try it out. With the comments from the extroverts, even I am excited for him to try it out. I am an introvert, and I was wasn't taking that part of it into consideration.

 

Now for my next question. He is currently in 7th grade. Would you send him now, or wait until the beginning of 8th grade? Also,what are some things I need to do to get him ready?

[Amethyst]

 

 

Now for my next question. He is currently in 7th grade. Would you send him now, or wait until the beginning of 8th grade? Also,what are some things I need to do to get him ready?

I would definitely not put him in during the middle of the year if that can be avoided. I've done that and regretted it. Since there does not seem to be an urgency to your situation, I would wait until next year.

 

I suggest talking with a guidance counselor or the principal and see what courses the typical 8th grader will be taking. Mostly it will be math that is going to have different levels, so you want to make sure he will be prepared for math according to what level you place him in. Will your school district allow you to borrow a 7th grade math book? We placed our dd in 7th grade this year. She had been doing Teaching Textbooks for years which is a great program, but it is different than what our school district uses. So she ran into some problems starting 7th grade because there was some material that is covered in a different order. If you can use the school district's textbook as a guide this year to know what is being covered now, he'll be in much better position next year.

 

Other things to consider: Will he want to be doing band next year? We started our son on clarinet just 6 months before going to 9th grade public school because he wanted to do marching band.

[Lori D.]

I think I would listen to this need, because for extroverts social interaction time really is a need, and it doesn't sound like he is getting much of it in your current situation.

 

If you really want to keep him at home, are there any co-ops, classes, sports teams, or homeschool support groups (even if they are a good bit of travel once a week or so) that you can join? Are you part of a church or youth group? Are there any programs for younger students at the university where he could meet kids his own age? If none of the above, IMHO I would seriously consider sending him to school at least part-time. He is getting to the age where some social interaction becomes really important (and I can see this clearly from the middle aged kids at co-op).

 

 

Great post and suggestions from Fair Prospects! Just adding more ideas:

 

- scouting

- weekly air-softing or other outdoor activity with like-minded boys

- youth pick-up basketball games on the week-ends at a nearby gym

- Parks & Rec class for youth -- sports, arts, jewelry-making, and other activities usually available

- YMCA sports team/league, or youth work-out class, or Saturday morning skateboarding...

- YMCA program such as Model UN or Youth & Gov't

- speech/debate team, club or after school group

- chess club

- after school bowling league

- youth weekly book club

- youth theater group -- either with a local school or a community group

- band, orchestra, or chorus with local school or a community youth musical group

- check the local library if they have any flyers or information about gatherings or activities for pre-teens and teens

[Arcadia]

Now for my next question. He is currently in 7th grade. Would you send him now, or wait until the beginning of 8th grade? Also,what are some things I need to do to get him ready?

 

Here school registration has already started for the 2013/14 school year and close in April. After that it is a case by case basis. I would wait for 8th grade but get all the paperwork collected and look through first. For example, the school handbook, immunisation forms and other information that is useful to read and clarify first. A health record form might need to be filled up and submitted too.

Schools here typically do their open house around this time. Call the school or check their website for the open house and parent orientation talks dates. Open house is the best time for being able to talk to the subject teachers and get information straight from the source.

[North Coast School]

My DD is one that goes back and forth between school and homeschool. Like your son, she is an extrovert to a big degree, so she loves going to school, but she is also learning delayed and mildly ADHD, so we have taken her out every other year to help catch her up--I just don't think the public schools are as helpful to kids with learning disabilities. She homeschooled for preschool, public for Kindy, homeschooled for first, and is back in public for second grade. She will probably homeschool for third grade, as that is what she is requesting so far. Frankly, I really can't stand the public school system, but my DD really loves it there. And she is such an intense kid to homeschool that it has been great to have a year off every other year. :)

 

Even though she is very young, we let our DD have a great deal of input on which type of school to do each year. Of course, we have the final say, but we listen to her opinion. We only set up one rule: you have to do a full year of whichever "school" you pick.

 

Your son is older, so he might be fine with switching in the middle of the year, especially if he has a friend or two who are already there. If you decide to homeschool him for the rest of the year, you might want to visit the school now and find out what kind of curriculum they are using. They will most likely let you borrow a few books to take home so that your son can become familiar with what the other kids are learning.

 

Another thing to consider is testing. The only thing that has been hard for my DD to get used to on her "school" years is the excessive testing they do. I can't stand testing, so we don't really do that at homeschool, but she has tests all the time at public school. If you haven't been testing your son regularly (math tests, spelling tests, standardized tests, multiple choice), you might want to do some of that at home to get him ready. Oh, and homework. Get him--and yourself--ready for that.

 

Godd luck! And don't worry--your son will do great!

[CritterMom]

Boy, sounds like we are in the exact same situation right now. My DD is in 7th grade. She was also a social butterfly in school but once we started homeschooling she was just miserable in regards to social interaction. We've done outside activities, hs groups, sports, etc. but she's still missing school. We will most likely put her back in school next year, but not just because of the social aspect. I've found that she isn't fully embracing the advantages of homeschool because of her attitude about it. In response to your last question, I would NOT put him back in now. Wait till 8th grade. That's what we are doing. It's hard enough starting school as the new kid, I think that's easier to handle in the beginning of a school year, instead of having to do that in the middle of the school year. Also, you can make sure that he is really on track and ready to start school between now and then. I've added in some time for us to discuss good study skills, organization, social skills etc.

Good luck, I know this is a difficult decision, you are not alone!

[Lily_Grace]

I have a 13yo in a small town, so I sympathize. Ours is made more difficult by language barriers. Social opportunities at this age are so, so important. We're lucky enough to have a nearby scout troop and a small co-op, so the parts that he really craves - intellectual stimulation, project collaborations, competition - are available to him at least weekly.

 

When we moved here we did not look for other homeschooling friends. We *did* look for activities for boys his age and after trying out several (youth group, after school program, bowling, golf, swimming to name a few) these are the ones that offered the best social outlets for him. They are directed but not overly so, expect much out of him, and get him enthusiastic about broadening his horizons.

[KellieMI]

We will wait until next year to enroll, to get a chance to shore up his skills. Thank you for the suggestion about borrowing a math book, this is the subject I am most worried about for him. Lots of great suggestions about other ways to get involved, too. I've lurked here for years and I appreciate the wisdom of those who share!

 

There are no co-ops in town that I know of, but there is a big library with lots of things to do, so I will see if any of those peak his interest. Thanks for helping me realize we are not alone. While I'd love to keep him home, I'm not willing to ruin our relationship over the matter. Thanks again:-)

[Arcadia]

There are no co-ops in town that I know of, but there is a big library with lots of things to do, so I will see if any of those peak his interest.

 

 

Some libraries have book clubs, chess clubs and other free after school clubs at their community room for middle schoolers regardless of school. Maybe he can pick up a new hobby or made friends there if your library have those.

[J-rap]

Maybe in the meantime (before ps next fall), you can continue working on some outside social groups. If the town is big enough to have a university, I'd be really surprised if there is no homeschool group. It might not be called a co-op (with classes and activities), but something more informal where homeschoolers meet and just have free time together and field trips. This is how it is in our town. A good place to ask is the library. Libraries are usually aware of homeschoolers in the community. Also, does your town have a community ed office? They are a good place to look for extra curricular activities for kids.

 

Often all it takes is one other person to not feel lonely anymore. Maybe he will meet that one person in the next few months, and will decide homeschooling isn't so bad afterall! :)

[Mom22ns]

We will wait until next year to enroll, to get a chance to shore up his skills. Thank you for the suggestion about borrowing a math book, this is the subject I am most worried about for him. Lots of great suggestions about other ways to get involved, too. I've lurked here for years and I appreciate the wisdom of those who share!

 

There are no co-ops in town that I know of, but there is a big library with lots of things to do, so I will see if any of those peak his interest. Thanks for helping me realize we are not alone. While I'd love to keep him home, I'm not willing to ruin our relationship over the matter. Thanks again:-)

 

I just want to say how terrific it is that you are trying to respond to his need. So many of us get locked into homeschooling and can't give it up, even if there is a problem.

 

Both of my kids had issues with loneliness. It was difficult to find my introvert a peer group, but he is now thoroughly entrenched in our church youth group and has a gaming group that he loves as well. My extrovert spends 16 hours+ each week at the gym and still wanted more. The key for her was a cell phone with texting. Being able to text let her feel in touch with friends all the time and keep up with the plans everyone makes.

 

I hope you are able to find places for your ds to fit in and avoid loneliness, but if you don't find what he needs, I also wish him the best in ps.