Chores and 5 year olds!!

[klhoward42]

I am looking for some curriculum or charts for encouraging chores. My 5 year old is struggling with basic things each day. I have so much going on with her schooling and an 11 month old. I need something that can keep her accountable and seem exciting for her to want to do it. I have tried bribing( which I don't like to do). I have tried the opposite with consequences for not doing things, that didn't work! I do a homemade sticker chart for school that she can gain tv time with. I am looking for something that is easy for her to see and go to so she can know what she has to do! I am asking a lot aren't I :) Thanks so much in advance!

[Farrar]

What are her chores? How independently do you expect her to be able to do them? My kids had to help around the house at that age, but they needed me to prompt them and sometimes to oversee them as they did things.

[Chris in VA]

I found working beside my kiddos at that age to be more beneficial, as it took a while to teach them something that was truly helpful; I did not want them to just do busywork at home, I wanted real help, because I think that builds self esteem better.

 

However, they got pretty good at a few chores--sweeping, vacuuming out the couches, delivering clothes to bedrooms, etc.

 

Maybe you could do something fun like adding petals to a large paper flower for every day she does her chores, or for every chore she does well (you'd have to have a very specific and objective criteria for "well," so she knows just what to do). Make a garden on the wall! It'd certainly brighten up a room in the middle of winter--you could place it on a door and vine it around.

[klhoward42]

Just day to day items, getting dressed,hair, teeth, bed, pick up toys, piano practice, take your plate to sink, set table, bath, pjs, tidy up room. She can do all these things with no help, but wants me to be with her constantly, which I can't so things don't get done:(

[mamamindy]

I understand how you feel and hope to glean some wisdom from the advice you receive. (I already have - thank you farrarwilliams & Chris in VA!)

 

My oldest (6.5yrs) is extremely helpful and responsible for her age (probably due to be the oldest with lots of little siblings) but I think my expectation were too high for her sister, 5.5. I have had to not only realize her abilities, but be a lot more clear with my expectations. So, although I don't really have any concrete solutions for you, or know of a curriculum/chart that would accomplish this - I like the idea of the the flower, though! - what we are working on now is setting one habit/chore at a time. And a lot of genuine praise. Praise has been the best reward for her. And I "gossip" about how proud I am of her to Daddy (knowing she can hear). Although I've liked having them at times, it has been easier for me to not have a chart/system since it's not something I have to keep up with.

 

I just wanted to mention that stepping back and reevaluating my expectations, and building on some valuable habits (getting herself dressed, putting clothes away, making bed, setting the table, are a few) are what we're focusing on and it's been successful. Although these small things seem reasonable to expect from a 5yo - my 3yo can do them! - it just isn't necessarily so for every child. I hope this helps you a little.

[Farrar]

Just day to day items, getting dressed,hair, teeth, bed, pick up toys, piano practice, take your plate to sink, set table, bath, pjs, tidy up room. She can do all these things with no help, but wants me to be with her constantly, which I can't so things don't get done:(

 

 

My 8 yos need reminders to do these things.

 

And of course she wants you with her. I doubt that it's about the ability to get the chores done (though in some cases, it may be - to us, getting dressed is really simple, but to a 5 yo, it's a LONG series of different tasks). It's probably much more about how much 5 yos still need a lot of constant love and attention.

[Miss Tick]

Maybe pick one to focus on at a time. For my 7 yos I explained that before they come to breakfast I wanted their beds made (I demonstrated what was sufficient) and I wanted their hair brushed. For a week or two that was all I asked. Then I instituted a daily chore and the first time through showed what I wanted. Now, 6 months later, they are starting piano...

 

I found that limiting my expectations and having them accomplish even just one thing themselves really helped ease my frustrations. Not that you sound frustrated!

[danielleMD]

I would pick a handful of things that are the most important to you and make a chart for those few things. There are a lot of good chore chart ideas on Pinterest...I think you could even incorporate your sticker chart, but just try to concentrate on fewer tasks.

[ItoLina]

Not a lot of advice here, but I have a 5 year old ds and there is no way he would do his chores on his own. However, he loves to help me with chores around the house, so we usually all take time to do chores together. I figure he is getting into the routine of it at least. He is also really adamant that I be with him to do everything and I know how hard that can be. He has totally resisted doing anything independently. That is just they way he is. He tends to do things in his own time and resist hard if I push it before then. Again, not sure how helpful that is, but that is my experience. It may just be where they are right now.

[MomToJazmyne]

For my 6 year old, I made a set of routine cards for everything that she needs to do during the day. I printed them on card stock, laminated, and attached magnets to the backs of them. They stay on the front of our freezer (we have a stand-up) and she moves them as she completes them. Here are the ones I made: https://www.box.com/s/mgu7p2e4bqngx0na72b7

[GSOchristie]

I have seen quite a few cute magnetic things on Pinterest, where they physically move from "to do" to "completed". I know they would save me time and energy, but I can't seem to find the time or energy to complete one :/. We use money as a motivator, he gets all, 75%, 50%, or none of his allowance based on chore completion. I do have to tell him what I want done, he is not self motivated, for instance I have to tell him every morning, "put your bowl in the dishwasher, make your bed, get dressed and deal with your pj's.". The same thing, seven days a week, but he never just does it on his own.

[selabear]

I found the idea of a High 5 chart, which worked for us at that age. My dd, now 6, and my ds, 3.5, know that they have to do the 5 things on the chart every morning. There's still some grumbling, but it works better as a visual. I update it every few months as needed, and I have them help me make it as a craft project.

Basically, it's a hand print with something they have to do on each finger. Right now, our morning High 5 "chores" are: Get Dressed, Eat Breakfast, Help Empty Dishwasher, Brush Teeth, Read Bible with Mom. Our evening one right now is Clean Up Toys, Potty & PJs, Brush Teeth, Drink Water, Reading Time.

These are the things they must do every day. Without reward or consequence. We just don't do anything else until these things are done. I have to do them with them until the routine is established, but once we get there, they know what is expected of them and just do it. Okay, if they are really struggling with their attitude and throwing fits about doing these things, then we address it with discipline, but most of the time, it works pretty well.

Also, give them and you some grace! There are definitely days when this is not at all how things go, especially if I've been up in the night with one of my boys (ages 3.5 and 1). But if you set the expectations, then they know when the job is done and so do you.

Hope this helps a bit! I'm off to check out some of the other resources listed in this thread :-)

[klhoward42]

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom! I have found one thing that will help that some of you might want to see. I love the high fives idea for things that aren't negotiable !! But also I am going to try to implement Erica's chore chart for extra rewards and prizes. http://www.confessionsofahomeschooler.com/blog/2011/01/chore-chart-cards.html

This is for things extra that she won't have to do but things I want her to do that she can receive prizes for. Encourage her to do more than the basics. Thanks again!

[Tracy]

Keep in mind that there is a huge range of what you can expect from different 5yos. My almost 5yo is way more reliable than his almost 8yo sister. I really struggled with getting my older one to do the most basic things on her own at a time when I had a toddler running around and I was so sleep-deprived. I reasoned that I just needed her to do some things like basic hygiene. She was so smart and such a good, well-mannered child, it seemed so reasonable to ask her to get dressed and make her bed in the morning without me being right next to her. But I was so wrong, and I ended up making her feel so bad about herself. This is still an area we both struggle with, and I am trying to understand and adjust. Meanwhile, I have to tell ds5 once, and I know it will get done, which makes the situation with dd8 so much more difficult.

 

Anyway, as far as charts go, I got a lot of ideas from a book called Smart but Scattered. It explains what executive skills children ordinarily have at certain ages (in terms of time management, focus, etc.) and provides lots of ideas for helping children that are weak in these areas. I ended up with a chart for dd8 that has a laminated card for each item with velcro on the back. (For us, this includes getting dressed, putting clothes in the hamper, saying prayers, making bed, brushing hair, feeding animals, eating breakfast, and brushing teeth.) Then I have a laminated chart with a "to be done" column and a "done" column so that she can move the cards from one column to another. When I see she is off task, I just remind her to check her chart. I have another chart for school activities.