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More sticky friendship stuff: girls and gossiping. What crosses the line? How to handle it?


ILiveInFlipFlops
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We have arrived at THAT age. :banghead: Or maybe it's not the age, maybe it's just that we're lucky we haven't had to deal with this before now. Anyway.

 

Yesterday oldest DD was present with some girlfriends when the other girls began to talk about how they dislike another child in the larger circle. There have definitely been some issues with this child, but several of the girls interact with this kid just fine on a regular basis. So DD spoke up and said that she likes the child in question, and she didn't participate in the chatter. But she came to me upset about it later, worried that now her friends might ostracize her for being friendly with this other child, worried that her friends are talking about her behind her back, and feeling guilty that she didn't stand up for this other friend more strenuously.

 

As far as I can tell, there wasn't a lot of nasty talk, just talk about feelings and commiseration about what a pain this kid can be, and some frustration at an incident that happened last year (both parties involved feel they were the wronged party). But DD is still upset.

 

How would you handle this? I'm debating emailing the moms, not to get anyone in trouble but because we've all talked about how we hate this kind of girl-cattiness dynamic and I think they'd want to know. I'm also considering having DD email her friends about it and how it made her feel (not to guilt or lecture them). I also think maybe, since we haven't come up against this kind of thing much, that maybe we let it go this time and see if it progresses. I just don't know what the best approach is.

 

It has also made me wonder just how close does it come to gossiping. A part of me feels like, if you can't discuss your true feelings with your closest friends, who can you discuss them with? Should I be teaching DD that sometimes this is a part of friendships, especially among girls, and sometimes you have to ignore it if it's not malicious?

 

I'd love to hear some thoughts and book recommendations WRT to these issues, especially for DD, if there's anything targeted at that early teen age.

 

Thanks!

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Just wanted to say how amazing, and mature it was of your daughter to stick up for the other girl! I would be so proud :)

 

Your daughter did great. Unless you want to start WWIII, I'd keep OUT of it and let them work it out (assuming, of course, no one has been bullied, assaulted, etc). Nothing gets certain Moms madder than the suggestion that her little angel might have said or done something mean.

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