kbpaulie Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Friend of mine just diagnosed w/ brst cancer (BTW, anyone have advice on self-exams? All I seem to feel are lumps and bumps). She mentioned to someone else, among other things, her concern of losing her hair. While I think it would be a challenge for me (by no means as much of a challenge as she has ahead of her) I was wondering about sometime offering to shave my head w/ her. If you've been through chemo and lost your hair - what would you have thought of this offer? I certainly don't want to pretend I know what it feels like and therefore insult her. But I'm willing to be there for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
datgh Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 No experience here but you are a wonderful friend for being willing to stand by her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 No advice on the chemo, but :grouphug: . For the self-exam, all I seem to feel are bumps too. I asked a nurse practitioner about that and she said that it's normal to have lumpy breast tissue, and the point is to do it often enough so that you notice any NEW lumps or bumps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggieamy Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I did chemo when I was 17 years old because I was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer. I had this super long straight think beautiful hair. (If I do say so myself. :)) Every bit of it fell out and I started college bald as a little old man but I thought the wigs were scratchy so I just wore a hat all the time. I would have thought it was sweet that a friend offered to shave her head but I wouldn't have wanted them to do it. Hair grows back and while it seems like the biggest concern or worry at the time you're friend is going to have bigger concerns soon. Chemo sucks. You have insomnia, food doesn't taste right, you feel tired all the time, and you have just this overwhelming feeling of icky. Being there as a friend is the best thing you can do. Take an occasional meal over, insist on coming over and doing laundry while she takes a nap, invite her kids over to your house, offer to drive her to the doctor. Those would be great gifts. Be plentiful with the hugs and feel free to share in crying. ((HUGS)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isabella Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I finished chemo 18 months ago. I didn't lose all my hair (my type of chemo has a 25%chance of keeping hair), but it thinned a lot! I guess it depends on the type of person they are. I would have felt bad for them if they shaved their head, too, but I would have felt very strongly their supportiveness! For me, the physical things to support were so appreciated, and the emotional support of friends to talk to, and that would listen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I chose not to do chemo, but I was not at all afraid of losing my hair. That was not even in the consideration. I did shave my head when my best friend went through chemo 4.5 years ago. It made her laugh when she saw me, so it was all worth it. I'm having trouble uploading the photos, but if you are on facebook and want to see me bald, send me a pm and I'll send you a friend request. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I did chemo when I was 17 years old because I was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer. I had this super long straight think beautiful hair. (If I do say so myself. :)) Every bit of it fell out and I started college bald as a little old man but I thought the wigs were scratchy so I just wore a hat all the time. I would have thought it was sweet that a friend offered to shave her head but I wouldn't have wanted them to do it. Hair grows back and while it seems like the biggest concern or worry at the time you're friend is going to have bigger concerns soon. Chemo sucks. You have insomnia, food doesn't taste right, you feel tired all the time, and you have just this overwhelming feeling of icky. Being there as a friend is the best thing you can do. Take an occasional meal over, insist on coming over and doing laundry while she takes a nap, invite her kids over to your house, offer to drive her to the doctor. Those would be great gifts. Be plentiful with the hugs and feel free to share in crying. ((HUGS)) This stuff is way more important than shaving your head for her. My friend really appreciated it, because when we went places together, she wasn't the only one people stared at. The only problem with it that I had was that people thought I had cancer back then. Now that I actually have cancer, people don't think I do because I look pretty healthy. :rofl: I got my friend a shower chair and a hose attachment for her shower head so that she could sit down to shower after her mastectomy. She liked that because it worked well for her old shower where she would have had to bend down to reach the shampoo, soap, etc. Try to think of things that will make her life easier and do those. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Oh, and about the exam, my friend said the lumps felt more like a pencil point than a round lump. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaAkins Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I went through chemo and radiation at age 19 due to Hodgkin's lymphoma. I lost all of my hair...even my eyelashes & eye brows. As a young adult in college, that was difficult to go through. I would have been flattered if a friend had offered to shave their head, but would not have wanted them to actually do it. I did end up shaving my head once the hair started falling out---it was easier than having to watch it come out little by little. Could you support your friend by taking her to a nice (private) salon to get it cut short or shaved before it starts coming out? It's an emotional thing to go through (compared to the physical difficulties of chemo). Be there for her. Buy her some hats/scarves/wigs (whatever she is comfortable with) BEFORE she loses her hair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I have not been there, but my mom went through chemo at age 60 and did not lose all of her hair. The hair she did lose grew back. I am pretty sure she would not have wanted anyone to show up suddenly bald as a show of support. The worst of chemo was probably when her fingers, toes, and gums turned black, some teeth fell out, and probably some other things I blocked from my memory (it's been almost 10 years). Then radiation had its own pain and suffering. My granny's problem with chemo was that she could not hold any food down at all. She ended up going off chemo as she felt it was killing her. I have heard some cancer patients say that shaving one's head does not help but trivializes the suffering of cancer, chemo, etc. I recognize that you have only the very best intentions, but personally, I would not go there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I have not been there, but my mom went through chemo at age 60 and did not lose all of her hair. The hair she did lose grew back. I am pretty sure she would not have wanted anyone to show up suddenly bald as a show of support. The worst of chemo was probably when her fingers, toes, and gums turned black, some teeth fell out, and probably some other things I blocked from my memory (it's been almost 10 years). Then radiation had its own pain and suffering. My granny's problem with chemo was that she could not hold any food down at all. She ended up going off chemo as she felt it was killing her. I have heard some cancer patients say that shaving one's head does not help but trivializes the suffering of cancer, chemo, etc. I recognize that you have only the very best intentions, but personally, I would not go there. I don't know about this. My friend was devastated to lose her thick, beautiful long golden hair. People kept telling her that it was only hair, and it would grow back. She kept telling them that it was not THEIR hair. So, when I shaved my head, she couldn't tell me that it wasn't MY hair, and then it really didn't seem so traumatic to her after that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I don't know about this. My friend was devastated to lose her thick, beautiful long golden hair. People kept telling her that it was only hair, and it would grow back. She kept telling them that it was not THEIR hair. So, when I shaved my head, she couldn't tell me that it wasn't MY hair, and then it really didn't seem so traumatic to her after that. I heard someone say they were very upset and shocked when a loved one decided to shave her head and unexpectedly showed up bald. I understand that different people will react differently. I guess it is really up to the OP to figure out which of these two reactions is most likely in her individual friend. I did want to point out that reactions aren't always positive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I heard someone say they were very upset and shocked when a loved one decided to shave her head and unexpectedly showed up bald. I understand that different people will react differently. I guess it is really up to the OP to figure out which of these two reactions is most likely in her individual friend. I did want to point out that reactions aren't always positive. I suppose this is true. My friend is very attached to her hair, and when it looked like I was going to be going through chemo and losing my hair, she was terrified that I would expect her to shave it off like I did for her. One of the first things I told her in the hospital was that she did NOT have to shave her head. I'd already been bald, once, I could certainly do it again. My hair is nowhere near as important to me as hers is to her. I suppose if I just shaved my head, and didn't do all the other things I did for her (take her to doctor appointments, buy her books, clothes, hats, scarves, slippers, bathroom items, take care of her daughter, etc.), the shaving of the head might not have meant as much. OP, if your friend is still upset about losing her hair after going through the hell of chemo (as mine was), then I'd consider shaving your head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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