Should I be concerned about my 6yo Aspie who...

[Sue G in PA]

when told "no" or he can't have something or just simply doesn't like our parenting decisions will say stuff like "I just want you to kill me" or "I wish I could just die" or "just kill me now"? Today we treated our kids to soda at lunch and then again at dinner (caffeine free and a SMALL glass). Later, ds6 asks for more and is told no more soda. Immediately he laundhes into this "I'm leaving then" junk and proceeds to don his coat and open the door and walk out (it's cold, dark, etc.). I, being one NOT to fall for manipulative tricks, just watched him. Dh went after him and brought him back in. This went on for hours w/ ds attempting to leave, saying he wishes he'd just die/be killed, etc. Dh and I both attempted to engage him in other fun act. like reading to him, a board game, coloring, etc. to no avail. Finally, I took over and told him I wouldn't tolerate the manipulation, took away video game priveleges for tomorrow and he absolutely would not have any more soda tomorrow (he admitted this whole thing was b/c we wouldn't let him have soda!). Finally, after another 15 minutes or so and me telling him I would have no more of the death talk, walking out junk he re-focused his attentions onto playing computer games and I let him. I praised him for re-focusing and snapping out of his "funk" and we let it go. So, after this LONG post...should I be concerned about this kind of talk? Is it just manipulation? Is it something more? He has Aspergers and honestly, has not had many "episodes" (read tantrums, meltdowns, issues, etc.) recently. I chalked it up to the sugar in the soda...which has been known to trigger episodes w/ him.

[JamBerry]

Is it the sugar in the soda, or maybe the corn syrup (most sodas do not have sugar, actually, but rather loads of corn syrup, which some folks react to), or maybe the sodium benzoates used in sodas as preservatives?

Pam

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[Sue G in PA]

when he has a lot of sugary foods he acts up. For ex., during the holidays when we had more than our share of cookies, cakes, pies, candy canes, etc. he was worse than he had been in months. I figured it was the sugar. We don't drink sodas hardly at all (except dining out and the very occasional treat at home like last night). I'm guessing we need to cut it out completely!

[JamBerry]

Well, it may be the sugar. But most of those treats are loaded with artificial colors and flavors as well. Cookies often have have candies or chocolates with vanillin (an artificial flavor). Cakes often are decorated with artificially colored/flavored frosting. Pies not made from scratch may be filled with gunk too (and even if you made it with canned pie filling, you probably got artificial colors/flavors). Candies are full of artificial colors flavors.

I only ask because if I give either of my kids (one has autism, one doesn't) stuff with artificial colors or flavors, they go completely nuts. BUT if I give them the same 'sugary' treats made WITHOUT artificial ingredients, they're just fine. For example, give my boys a handful of 'regular' jelly beans, and they'll be little terrors the rest of the night, and my 'normal' child will be a terror when it comes to school/concentration for the whole next day at least. BUT I can give them a handful of organic jelly beans (all natural colors & flavors), and they have NO problems. For them, it's not the sugar, but rather the stuff that typically comes WITH the sugar.

 

So, while we HAVE cut out completely the artificial stuff, they still can enjoy 'approved' candies and cakes and cookies and sodas and treats without the entire family suffering the repercussions. We ordered them all natural candy canes for Christmas, and had no problems. And when folks so nicely offer them candy (like when someone gets a haircut), we just say no thanks. At something like awanas, my ds will accept the candy, but then he brings it home and trades it for change out of the change jar or some of the stash of okay candy if we have some at the house (and the artificial candy gets thrown away. Oh, and he usually wants the $ not the candy anymore!)

 

Anyway, just throwing out there that it might be the sugar (my 'normal' ds actually DOES test allergic to cane sugar, but it's very mild), but those behaviors sound much more like what we see with artificial stuff that's usually consumed at the same time as the sugar. It doesn't take much. A few hershey's kisses with vanillin in them from a friend's house, and my ds is going to have a HARD time with school work the next day (as in he can't even do the math that he already knows how to do). And colors make them both whirling dervishes!!

 

Hope you find answers!

Pam

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[Sue G in PA]

and preservatives and food coloring but it seems it's in everything. I only buy cereals free of food coloring (he loves cereal!) but dh will go buy the Fruit Loops and colored cereals (he's not home to suffer the reprocutions, so why not, right?). Thanks so much for reminding me to be more scrupulous about those additives...for all of us. We'll see how it goes from here on out. I must get dh on board w/ this. Perhaps after last night, he finally "gets it"!

[Guest LisainWA]

Sue,

Being a mom with 2 Aspies, I would recommend reading Tony Attwood's new book published in 2007. I was able to hear him speak in summer of 2006 before his book came out. One thing that I learned was that Aspies only know how to "display" a handful of emotions. I think this is why so many Aspies deal with emotional meltdowns. They really DO NOT know how to display the correct comments or degree of emotion to accurately go with the situation. We may think that saying "I want to kill myself." is a 10+ on an emotional scale where an aspie may have heard the phrase in a tv show and is really only feeling a 2 on an emotional scale. Tony Attwood deals with this issue very well in his book.

 

I took my 15yo daughter w/AS to the Hannah Montana 3-D movie along with another mom & friend on Monday. My daughter had a great time, had been looking forward to it, wasn't really overwhelmed because the theater wasn't busy at all at 1pm in the afternoon. When my dd got home, she was a BRAT!!! I truly believe that she couldn't process the "after" feelings that we all get when something big is over with. She did apologize at bedtime which I thought was sweet & shows some progress.