Um_2_4 Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 So we sometimes go to the park or other locale(beach) with a large group of families. It's usually informal, everyone BYO type of thing. Anyways, many times I have had comments about how close my kids are to me and to each other, not in a good way iykwim. DS8 is quite protective of younger sibs, helps them out on the playground etc. He will get me or DH if some strangers are being rough or pushing on the playground etc. They all usually "check in" with me every once in awhile. They also come sit with us to eat. 99.9% of the families there do not homeschool and often complain about peer pressure/attitudes from PS, but then find my dc's behavior "odd"? I do see many of their kids "disappear" and they have to search for them to head home (I'm talking about HUGE state parks with lakes, 100s of cars/people besides our group, bike/canoe rentals etc here and kids the same age as my DC, not small neighborhood parks) My kids go play, don't get me wrong, but they know to stay in site and watch out for the littles. Often my response has been just "yeah" but when the same people make similar comments over and over, I started answering more along the lines of "yes,it's one of the benefits of HSing, strong family ties" LOL.... So how would you respond and am I the only one to get such comments? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 So... what exactly was the comment? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Um_2_4 Posted January 12, 2013 Author Share Posted January 12, 2013 It' s a series of comments like the following, but add in sarcasm and some disapproving looks.... "Wow, your kids sure are dependant on u" "So what do your kids do if u are not around" "How r u going to handle more if these 4 are so dependant on u?" Why do your kids keep coming to talk to you, don't they have friends? Why do your kids want to eat with you instead of the other kids? ( I didn't answer but wanted to ,that my kids enjoy my company LOL) How can u stand to be around your kids ALL the time? Etc.,etc.,etc.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Our family is close and people are stunned. Some people love it and want to know "how do you do it?" and some people are snarky about it, "your kids need to be away from you". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassy Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I've only ever had positive comments about how close our family is. If anyone ever made a snarky comment I'd probably look at them with pity and move on. It doesn't need a response, it's their problem, not yours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I would say "my kids are not *dependent* on me. We've taught them to check in with us, just like we've taught them manners, and other things that we think is important. " I think if I were snarky I would imply that they don't care about the safety of their kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I've not had many comments like that. In the past I've tried to explain our family dynamic. It doesn't work. So now I just smile and say thank you. It befuddles them, especially when it isn't within context. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Um_2_4 Posted January 12, 2013 Author Share Posted January 12, 2013 I've not had many comments like that. In the past I've tried to explain our family dynamic. It doesn't work. So now I just smile and say thank you. It befuddles them, especially when it isn't within context. LOL I have used the thank you and smile trick before. I think I'll stick with it. I know it is not my problem, but somtimes I need to reply somehow and get thrown for a loop when on the spot. I don't try to get into HSing discussions with them or family dynamics either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 My kids aren't particularly close to me, are just as likely to fight as play together, prefer to play with other kids if it's possible, and my oldest went to public school. At those ages, I absolutely would expect them to stay where I could see them, check in frequently, and sit down to eat with me especially in the situation you describe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Maybe try to make some new friends who don't think it's weird for family members to actually pay attention to each other at an outing and eat together? Honestly, I wouldn't even respond at all to such comments. Maybe smile a little and just look away, or change the subject, or go play with my kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I don't think it's a PS vs HS thing, either. I know public-schooling families that are very close, friendly, and well-mannered, and I also know homeschooling families that let their kids run buck-wild and ignore everything that's going on at social events. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 My kids have always been close and a " unit". This was how they were when they were in public school too. People always blamed the " big family" thing. People comment on anything different from their norm. Ignore them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 The checking in thing is definitely by family. I don't make my kids stay within sight and if they checked in for anything beyond blood or serious bullying, I might be annoyed, honestly. I don't want to hear about most playground transgressions. But I know some families, both hs and ps, that are like that and others that are like me, both hs and ps, so I think it really depends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoxcell Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I've only ever had positive comments about how close our family is. If anyone ever made a snarky comment I'd probably look at them with pity and move on. It doesn't need a response, it's their problem, not yours. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I heard my mom get asked this comment not long ago, and we're all grown with our own kids now. :D Someone asked her how she worked it so we all got along and liked each other. She was also asked how many times a day she talks with us on the phone (none of us live near each other right now). It has nothing to do with school choice. I was not homeschooled, nor were my siblings. I now also have a very tight knit family but only one is homeschooling and she'll follow her sis to ps this fall. I also don't think it means families don't like each other's company if kids choose to eat with other kids while out and about. Mine are very close to me but will usually choose to hang with buddies when they get the chance. Last night was an exception when 13 yr dd turned down a sleepover invite cause she just wanted to hang with us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Um_2_4 Posted January 13, 2013 Author Share Posted January 13, 2013 I don't think it is school choice either, I have been targeted in some ways b/c I homeschool. Long story, but I used to teach at the school many of these same people send their kids to, so they look at me not sending my kids as a comment on them sending theirs, even though it totally is not. Make sense LOL? I have no siblings, so nothing to base it on. And trust me, mine can get into quite a row. I think it is more about how close they are to me vs each other to be honest. And many of these people rnot close friends, but people I see a few times a year and some DH is close to their DH, kwim? My close friends would never say such things, quite the opposite actually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea_lpz Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 It' s a series of comments like the following, but add in sarcasm and some disapproving looks.... "Wow, your kids sure are dependant on u" "So what do your kids do if u are not around" "How r u going to handle more if these 4 are so dependant on u?" Why do your kids keep coming to talk to you, don't they have friends? Why do your kids want to eat with you instead of the other kids? ( I didn't answer but wanted to ,that my kids enjoy my company LOL) How can u stand to be around your kids ALL the time? Etc.,etc.,etc.... Just saw your last comment and thought maybe these people were just looking for reasons to point out negative aspects of homeschooling. This wouldn't surprise me. I don't know why but people often feel like they need to justify why they don't homeschool when I tell them I do, even though I could give a rats a*% why they don't. I would say, "I suppose if I had your kids I wouldn't want to spend all day with my children either." Just kidding. But maybe, "One of the reasons homeschooling is such a joy to me is because we get along so well as a family." Maybe try getting involved with a homeschool group. I am new to homeschooling, but recently joined a mostly homeschooled AHG troops, and the children displayed many of these characteristic you said people are seeing as bad rather than delightfull and other wonderful qualities I found refreshing rather than a cause for concern. Well mannered, respectfull, being children instead of growing up too fast, and being able to play with kids of all ages and not clicking up are some "weirdo unsocialized homeschooled kids" traits I've observed. When I get people asking about how homeschool is going for me and it seems as though they want to take it in a negative direction, I just smile and say, "I really enjoy it. As long as it works for me and the kids I would love to contnue with it." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 Given the young ages of your children, I would expect them to be physically close to you, checking in with you, etc., no matter what! I don't know if I'd even bother to explain anything to people who asked, because just asking that question implies that their parenting skills are very different, and they wouldn't "get" your philosophy at all. I'd probably just chuckle and say something like, "Well, it's just how we do things here. They're great kids." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 Given the young ages of your children, I would expect them to be physically close to you, checking in with you, etc., no matter what! I don't know if I'd even bother to explain anything to people who asked, because just asking that question implies that their parenting skills are very different, and they wouldn't "get" your philosophy at all. I'd probably just chuckle and say something like, "Well, it's just how we do things here. They're great kids." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 I have a friend whose kids are downright clingy and, frankly, they're irritating. I cannot have more than a minute of conversation with her without them neeeeding something. I mean, it's just pointless to even try to talk. I've given up on the friendship because of it. You can't maintain a friendship with someone whose kids will not leave you a few minutes peace to connect with each other. And they're tattle tales. They're constantly finding things wrong with other kids. "So and so didn't share!" "So and so did this!" These kids come across as achingly judgmental of everyone else. They drive me nuts. It's not like that, is it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Um_2_4 Posted January 13, 2013 Author Share Posted January 13, 2013 I have a friend whose kids are downright clingy and, frankly, they're irritating. I cannot have more than a minute of conversation with her without them neeeeding something. I mean, it's just pointless to even try to talk. I've given up on the friendship because of it. You can't maintain a friendship with someone whose kids will not leave you a few minute's peace to connect with each other. And they're tattle tales. They're constantly finding things wrong with other kids. "So and so didn't share!" "So and so did this!" These kids come across as achingly judgmental of everyone else. They drive me nuts. It's not like that, is it? No not even close, we are talking a group of strange 16-18 yos took over the swings, and that is more just a fyi, so we r going to the slides kinda thing. my kids do like to join in adult conversations....like asking about places they heard the said adult mention ( friends who travel to Europe regularly, etc.). They know to use excuse me and wait their turn in coversations... usually DS8 will ask "May I ask you about... Paris(for example)?" beforing jumping in... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Um_2_4 Posted January 13, 2013 Author Share Posted January 13, 2013 PS Garga.....I've read some of your blog. Cracked.Me.Up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 I'd have to understand the context to know how to think about that. It seems to me that if you are getting those kinds of comments a lot, maybe your kids aren't as independent (in a good way) as others their age. Like, maybe it appears that the problems they are expecting you to solve are problems other kids their age would tackle themselves. I tend to encourage independence in my daughters, so if I got a comment like that, I'd ask myself if there were some independence skills my kids were missing, or if my kids were insecure / anxiously attached. If I was confident that all was well, my response would be something like "yes, we as a family value communication." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Um_2_4 Posted January 13, 2013 Author Share Posted January 13, 2013 Just saw your last comment and thought maybe these people were just looking for reasons to point out negative aspects of homeschooling. This wouldn't surprise me. I don't know why but people often feel like they need to justify why they don't homeschool when I tell them I do, even though I could give a rats a*% why they don't. I would say, "I suppose if I had your kids I wouldn't want to spend all day with my children either." Just kidding. But maybe, "One of the reasons homeschooling is such a joy to me is because we get along so well as a family." Maybe try getting involved with a homeschool group. I am new to homeschooling, but recently joined a mostly homeschooled AHG troops, and the children displayed many of these characteristic you said people are seeing as bad rather than delightfull and other wonderful qualities I found refreshing rather than a cause for concern. Well mannered, respectfull, being children instead of growing up too fast, and being able to play with kids of all ages and not clicking up are some "weirdo unsocialized homeschooled kids" traits I've observed. When I get people asking about how homeschool is going for me and it seems as though they want to take it in a negative direction, I just smile and say, "I really enjoy it. As long as it works for me and the kids I would love to contnue with it." I think this is more the issue. I have no concerns about my kids, at this age in this situation I think they should still be supervised. I posted this as more of "how to respond when caught off guard" or " when the same small group repeats the same comments" type of vent/post. Family closeness and unity is important to us. Unfortuantly HSing groups I've found here are not as inclusive as they sound on paper :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steffanyace Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 I get lots of comments on how well my two get along. It is mostly positive. There are some that say it as if to point out it isn't right. I think those people just assume siblings aren't supposed to get along, and children are supposed to be difficult for their parents. Seeing siblings get along so well challenges their view on the subject. To accept the closeness might make them feel as though they are screwing up as parents putting them in defense mode and make them feel uncomfortable. I'm not saying all negative people are all like that, but I see that thought process working through some of their mind at times. I just respond pleasantly. I work hard to teach my children how to get along, respect each other, be considerate, etc. I wish my parents had done the same for my sister and me. Sure, we get along now, but there were a lot of miserable times growing up that could have been avoided. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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