AimeeM Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 Our local store (a Publix) is wonderful. I shop there loyally and rarely go elsewhere. Apparently, I'm such a frequent shopper that they know my preferences at the deli before I order and know that my son always gets a glazed twist doughnut from the bakery to eat while I shop. The employees have seen my children grow from infants. I love it there. I am proud to say that they employ individuals with developmental disabilities. Until this past year, it was never an issue - quite the contrary, I enjoyed everyone I came into contact with. About a year ago we had an incident with a dd bagger. She insisted on walking me out to the car, although I told her I didn't need the help. Fine. My son was buckled into the front of the buggy. Randomly she asks me if my son likes "wheee". I told her "sure" (I didn't know what she was talking about). The next thing I know, she takes my son (and the buggy) FLYING over a speed bump in the parking lot - he busted his head against the cart; it bruised, became a bump, and had a small laceration. After we left, I did call the manager. Besides that, this young woman would, when walking carts to cars for people, jump in front of moving vehicle, hold her arm out and say "stop!"; when someone expressed concern to her (me, actually), she stated that "it was okay - she has a uniform so they stop for her". I was worried for her safety. Talked to the manager. Fast forward to today. I'm shopping with all 3 children (11 year old, 3 year old, 6 month old). We are checking out. The woman aforementioned in my post was our bagger. As I was being rang up, my eldest takes my middle son to the side rack with the candy. I always let him pick a candy if he's been well behaved. Next thing I know, the woman (bagger that we've had issues with) is physically PICKING HIM UP and loudly reprimanding/scolding him - physically carrying and dragging him to me. She gets to me and announces proudly, while my son sobs, that she stopped him from getting candy. My son was seriously sobbing. A stranger grabbed him for the love of God - and scolded him loudly for something I had given him permission to do. Not to mention, he wasn't unattended - my preteen daughter was with him, helping him pick something out. I am livid. I'm calling the manager again. She needs to be re-trained... AT LEAST. I don't know how far to take this. I'm venting but feel free to give any advice you feel would be helpful. Am I expecting too much that she doesn't harm my children or scold them? That she doesn't touch them? I know she's disabled but good Lord... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 Oh my word. I would have gone absolutely ballistic! I think you need to take it as far as necessary to get action taken. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 No advice, but I agree that you need to call the manager. Did the checker see what happened? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 No, you aren't expecting too much. If she doesn't understand appropriate boundaries, perhaps they need to find her another position that doesn't involve so much contact with customers. Like stocking shelves or something. Â ETA - I think I would have gone to a manager right then in the store. Sometimes phone calls get brushed off, where seeing the direct nd immediate results will make more of an impression so the manager gets that something really has to be done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted January 11, 2013 Author Share Posted January 11, 2013 No advice, but I agree that you need to call the manager. Did the checker see what happened? I'm sure the cashier did see and I'm fairly positive it would be on the cameras. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 I'd call the manager. It sounds like she needs more training, and maybe a position where she's not in contact as much with people not employed by the store (like a night stocker, maybe?). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 I think you should make an appointment and speak to the manager in person (if at all possible). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 It sounds like you have handled each situation appropriately and with relative calmness given the behaviour of the bagger. I would definitely tell the manager again. It is possible that this employee needs to be re-trained for a position other than customer service. She is not demonstrating the appropriate social skills necessary for even the most basic customer service. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 This requires more than a phone call. I think you should either put your concerns in writing or speak to the manager in person. It's a big deal, and needs to be addressed immediately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in MN Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 Wellllll... the first time was your fault. She asked, you said yes, and then there was head trauma. The second time with the cars, she needs to be talked to about that so you did well to talk to a manager about that. Today, all of you were at fault. She shouldn't have stopped your son. Your daughter should have defended him, and you needed to talk to a manager right then. Â Yes, the girl/woman has issues. She is learning. The staff need more input in ways to help her, and just making a call is not good enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyJ Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 My husband, a retail manager, would want to know right away. Â I, too, absolutely adore Publix. I miss it so much....we don't have one where we currently live. However, like you, I had an unsettling experience at one. There was a particular bagger that always gravitated toward me as I was checking out. It made me slightly uncomfortable, but I tried to brush it off. I ignored it until the day he walked me out to my car, loaded my groceries, asked for my "autograph" in his autograph book (huh?), and went in for a hug. I had to physically put the car door between myself and this person to keep him from touching me. It was ICKY. I called the manager right away and reported the incident. I continued to shop there, but had to avoid that bagger....not make eye contact, etc....it was really wierd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted January 11, 2013 Author Share Posted January 11, 2013 Wellllll... the first time was your fault. She asked, you said yes, and then there was head trauma. The second time with the cars, she needs to be talked to about that so you did well to talk to a manager about that. Today, all of you were at fault. She shouldn't have stopped your son. Your daughter should have defended him, and you needed to talk to a manager right then. Â Yes, the girl/woman has issues. She is learning. The staff need more input in ways to help her, and just making a call is not good enough. Â Wait - it was my fault? She asked if he liked "whee". What does "whee" mean? Now I know she wanted him to GO "whee", but not at the time. My 11 year old should have physically stopped a woman 4 times her size when it was all over in about 3 seconds? She was as shell shocked as I was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 When you contact the manager, ask if the dd person has an aide or trainer supervising her, or what agency helped place her at the store. She obviously would benefit from more training and supervision. Â I am having a brain fart trying to recall the correct term. Ghost? I know I will need one for my son with autism if we can get him a job anywhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 When you contact the manager, ask if the dd person has an aide or trainer supervising her, or what agency helped place her at the store. She obviously would benefit from more training and supervision. Â I am having a brain fart trying to recall the correct term. Ghost? I know I will need one for my son with autism if we can get him a job anywhere. Â maybe "shadow"? Â this is a good idea. ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted January 11, 2013 Author Share Posted January 11, 2013 When you contact the manager, ask if the dd person has an aide or trainer supervising her, or what agency helped place her at the store. She obviously would benefit from more training and supervision. Â I am having a brain fart trying to recall the correct term. Ghost? I know I will need one for my son with autism if we can get him a job anywhere. When my mother worked in this field (many moons ago, lol), it was called a "hab tech" (habilitation technician). She trained them in communication, helped to train them for a job, and would oversee them in the beginning or come in to "re train" on a social skills level when a complaint had been filed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nukeswife Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 Wait - it was my fault? She asked if he liked "whee". What does "whee" mean? Now I know she wanted him to GO "whee", but not at the time. My 11 year old should have physically stopped a woman 4 times her size when it was all over in about 3 seconds? She was as shell shocked as I was. Â Â i don't think it was your fault any more than hers, but if you weren't sure what she meant you should have said "I'm not sure what you mean by Whee?" instead of just saying yes. Â Now on the recent account no, you nor your daughter were at fault. Â I agree with the others that I would have asked to see a manager right then an there. I don't think a phone call will be enough, you need to speak to them in person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted January 11, 2013 Author Share Posted January 11, 2013 Â Â i don't think it was your fault any more than hers, but if you weren't sure what she meant you should have said "I'm not sure what you mean by Whee?" instead of just saying yes. Â Now on the recent account no, you nor your daughter were at fault. Â I agree with the others that I would have asked to see a manager right then an there. I don't think a phone call will be enough, you need to speak to them in person. I do plan to ask for a face meeting. Today left me shell shocked and, frankly, I want a meeting without a screaming infant in a sling, a sobbing 3 year old, and an angry 11 year old. Lol. I need to get my "bearings" before yelling at a manager (because that is what would have happened today). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 Wellllll... the first time was your fault. She asked, you said yes, and then there was head trauma. The second time with the cars, she needs to be talked to about that so you did well to talk to a manager about that. Today, all of you were at fault. She shouldn't have stopped your son. Your daughter should have defended him, and you needed to talk to a manager right then. Â Yes, the girl/woman has issues. She is learning. The staff need more input in ways to help her, and just making a call is not good enough. Â Â I strongly disagree with this post. At no point in any of these incidents was any fault to be laid on the OP or any of her children. The bagger is clearly lacking in some necessary skills for interpersonal customer service. The manager needs to remove her from such duties and re-train her until she proves satisfactory command of such skills, or re-train her to another position that does not require such skills. It is as damaging to the employee to be placed in a position for which she is clearly not qualified, as it is for the customers who will suffer from her lack of skills. Â The employee should not be given a free pass on her behaviour in these incidents. Yes, she is learning, but until she demonstrates the necessary skills she should NOT be in her current position. This is a management issue as much as an employee issue, but in NO way is it a customer's issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 The grocery store is lucky that you didn't hire a lawyer about the first incident. Maybe they will take you more seriously if you mention that fact. BTW, if you had, it is probable your lawyer would have settled the potential lawsuit, and that's not something a manager needs on his record. Grabbing your son was battery - an unwanted touching. This is another lawsuit waiting to happen -- and the manager needs to become aware of this because someone else might get that ball rolling if he doesn't take action to protect his customers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in MN Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Wait - it was my fault? She asked if he liked "whee". What does "whee" mean? Now I know she wanted him to GO "whee", but not at the time. My 11 year old should have physically stopped a woman 4 times her size when it was all over in about 3 seconds? She was as shell shocked as I was. Â You should have asked what "whee" meant, not responded with "sure". So yes, your fault. So you let an eleven year old take a child over near the door to get candy. One hand, that's a good choice. On the other, it's not. What if it hadn't been this employee, but a person with a car idling by the door that grabbed the younger child? They, and your baby, would be gone in seconds. That's why it's not a good idea to leave a child in charge of another child. Did your oldest child even scream when the younger one was grabbed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted January 12, 2013 Author Share Posted January 12, 2013 You should have asked what "whee" meant, not responded with "sure". So yes, your fault. So you let an eleven year old take a child over near the door to get candy. One hand, that's a good choice. On the other, it's not. What if it hadn't been this employee, but a person with a car idling by the door that grabbed the younger child? They, and your baby, would be gone in seconds. That's why it's not a good idea to leave a child in charge of another child. Did your oldest child even scream when the younger one was grabbed? What are you talking about? It wasn't anywhere near a door. It was at a display at the end of the checkout lane - a side rack with candy on it. On the opposite end of the store, than the entrance/exit. Please do not even attempt to knock on my very scared 11 year old; which, by stating "did she even", you are certainly doing. She didn't need to respond - she saw that the obviously uniformed person was carrying the child to me, mom, 4 feet away. I should have asked what "whee" meant? My son does like "the wii", he does like to go "wee" (in a swing). Am I to presume, which I would be doing by asking, that a person has bad intentions asking if my son likes "whee"? Why would I ask that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 You should have asked what "whee" meant, not responded with "sure". So yes, your fault. Â You're going to ask a dd stranger to clarify every single word they say that you can't understand? I end up smiling and nodding all the time with non-dd strangers even. Sometimes people are just socially polite because they don't think someone is asking them anything of consequence. Â So you let an eleven year old take a child over near the door to get candy. One hand, that's a good choice. On the other, it's not. What if it hadn't been this employee, but a person with a car idling by the door that grabbed the younger child? They, and your baby, would be gone in seconds. That's why it's not a good idea to leave a child in charge of another child. Did your oldest child even scream when the younger one was grabbed? Â This doesn't sound like the set up of any grocery candy area I've seen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea1 Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 OP, you have done nothing wrong and I would be livid if that had happened to my child. You are not expecting too much and you should definitely have a serious conversation with the manager. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 OP, please do not let anybody make you feel like you did anything wrong. Based on what I've read here, you are absolutely not at fault in any way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted January 12, 2013 Author Share Posted January 12, 2013 OP, please do not let anybody make you feel like you did anything wrong. Based on what I've read here, you are absolutely not at fault in any way. Â I just re-read my post, trying to figure out where she is getting that they were anywhere near the door... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzymom Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Neither you nor your children bear any fault. Your behavior and responses were absolutely reasonable under the circumstances, and this employee's behavior was not. Â This should not be allowed to continue. Please put this all into writing and share with the store manager and corporate office. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 A bagger is not supposed to physically touch customers or children of customers. Nothing the OP did or said would make her at fault in any of these events. Â There is nothing wrong with an 11 yo standing with her 3 yo sibling at a candy rack. Responding to a question about "whee" is not an invitation to take the child "whee". It is just answer to a question, that is all. Â The OP should have a face to face meeting with store manager(s) and anytime this employee is in the store at the time the OP is present, the OP should be permitted to request a different bagger at the very least. Â There are dd employees at many of the stores near me. I have never seen anyone make physical contact. Physical contact is totally inappropriate and should be part of the training. My guess is the issue is with the agency training the persons with disabilities in the OP's area, not the store itself. However, this situation could set the store up for serious liability issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FLDebbie Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I agree with talking with the manager again. I know that Publix hires special needs people and perhaps this woman honestly doesn't realize what she's doing is inappropriate. We have a bagger at our Publix who likes to talk and play with the kids, and I honestly believe she is trying to have fun. However, sometimes she has said mildly inappropriate things to the kids. It sounds like what your bagger has done is much worse, but perhaps appropriate social skills do not come as easily for her. The manager should be able to take appropriate action. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 You should have asked what "whee" meant, not responded with "sure". So yes, your fault. So you let an eleven year old take a child over near the door to get candy. One hand, that's a good choice. On the other, it's not. What if it hadn't been this employee, but a person with a car idling by the door that grabbed the younger child? They, and your baby, would be gone in seconds. That's why it's not a good idea to leave a child in charge of another child. Did your oldest child even scream when the younger one was grabbed? Â Â Seriously? She misunderstood what was being asked so it's her fault that a stranger took her child and whirled him around so fast he got a laceration?!? And the employee was doing a good deed showing how horribly in danger of kidnapping her kids are? This is all just ridiculous. Â OP, I agree with everyone else. If she's done this to you, she's done it to someone else. She probably loves kids, which is why she does this stuff, but obviously has no boundaries. I would go speak to the manager or make a phone call - and very soon. I also think finding employment for people with disabilities is great, but what she's done just clearly isn't okay. If they haven't really laid down the boundaries for her, they need to. She should not ever touch a child or reprimand a child under any circumstances at the job. And if they have laid down the boundaries and she can't follow them, then she should probably be fired. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MindyD Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 You didn't do anything wrong, and you certainly need to talk to the manager because this is a liability. Personally, I probably would have said something to the woman myself during the incident along the lines of "Excuse me, but how dare you touch my child! They had permission to get candy. You do NOT have permission to touch or talk down to my children!" As for the candy set-up, I know exactly what you're saying. That's how every single grocery store has their candy set up, and yes, it's away from the doors. Maybe the other person is thinking about those candy machines that really are next to the door? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nukeswife Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Â Randomly she asks me if my son likes "wheee". I told her "sure" (I didn't know what she was talking about). The next thing I know, she takes my son (and the buggy) FLYING over a speed bump in the parking lot - he busted his head against the cart; it bruised, became a bump, and had a small laceration. Â Â Bolding is mine. I don't think it's all your fault but I did mention that you do bear some responsibility on this one because you said you didn't know what she was talking about, so "sure" isn't the wisest choice of response. Either ask for clarification or say "No" Â I totally agree that this bagger needs to be re-trained or something, it absolutely must be brought up with a manger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 You should have asked what "whee" meant, not responded with "sure". So yes, your fault. So you let an eleven year old take a child over near the door to get candy. One hand, that's a good choice. On the other, it's not. What if it hadn't been this employee, but a person with a car idling by the door that grabbed the younger child? They, and your baby, would be gone in seconds. That's why it's not a good idea to leave a child in charge of another child. Did your oldest child even scream when the younger one was grabbed? Â Â Sorry Elizabeth, but I have to hit the DISlike button on your comment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted January 12, 2013 Author Share Posted January 12, 2013 Â Bolding is mine. I don't think it's all your fault but I did mention that you do bear some responsibility on this one because you said you didn't know what she was talking about, so "sure" isn't the wisest choice of response. Either ask for clarification or say "No" Â I totally agree that this bagger needs to be re-trained or something, it absolutely must be brought up with a manger. Asking what she meant wouldn't have got me much of anything, in terms of clarification. We've been with this store for many years and I'd had pleasant encounters with this same woman before the first incident (she really is nice). She doesn't "clarify", if that makes any sense (and I'm not sure that it does). I had absolutely no reason to believe she take off running with the cart and yell "wheeee!" over a speed bump. In my experience with her, limited as it is, what she says is clear to *her*, so when you ask her to clarify, she simply repeats what she already said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nukeswife Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 Asking what she meant wouldn't have got me much of anything, in terms of clarification. We've been with this store for many years and I'd had pleasant encounters with this same woman before the first incident (she really is nice). She doesn't "clarify", if that makes any sense (and I'm not sure that it does). I had absolutely no reason to believe she take off running with the cart and yell "wheeee!" over a speed bump. In my experience with her, limited as it is, what she says is clear to *her*, so when you ask her to clarify, she simply repeats what she already said. Â Â In that case my answer would have been no. I know what you mean about how things are clear to her. I worked for many years with DD patients in a home, maybe that's why I have a different view on this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirch Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I think the bagger is really, really lucky that you didn't totally lose it and go mama bear on her today. Many, many people would have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 You should have asked what "whee" meant, not responded with "sure". So yes, your fault. So you let an eleven year old take a child over near the door to get candy. One hand, that's a good choice. On the other, it's not. What if it hadn't been this employee, but a person with a car idling by the door that grabbed the younger child? They, and your baby, would be gone in seconds. That's why it's not a good idea to leave a child in charge of another child. Did your oldest child even scream when the younger one was grabbed? Â Â Wow. Seriously? Â She did not ask if she could take him "whee." She asked him if he liked "whee!" I am sure she was a bit uncomfortable, trying to be polite, smiling and making conversation, but she never gave permission for her to do anything with her child. Â It is not her fault this happened. Â You're going to ask a dd stranger to clarify every single word they say that you can't understand? I end up smiling and nodding all the time with non-dd strangers even. Sometimes people are just socially polite because they don't think someone is asking them anything of consequence. Â This doesn't sound like the set up of any grocery candy area I've seen. Â I agree. Â I just re-read my post, trying to figure out where she is getting that they were anywhere near the door... Â I did the same, and there is nothing in your post that would indicate that the candy rack was anywhere other than beside the cash register, well within your reach and supervision. Â I am glad that you plan to meet with the manager. Please do not allow any negativity here to affect you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I would probably have lost it, tbh. And I *know* Wolf would've. Someone manhandling our kids? Yeah, sooooooooo wouldn't have been handled as well as you did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013   You should have asked what "whee" meant, not responded with "sure". So yes, your fault. So you let an eleven year old take a child over near the door to get candy. One hand, that's a good choice. On the other, it's not. What if it hadn't been this employee, but a person with a car idling by the door that grabbed the younger child? They, and your baby, would be gone in seconds. That's why it's not a good idea to leave a child in charge of another child. Did your oldest child even scream when the younger one was grabbed?   There should be a "dislike" button.  Terri  (I see Seasider has noted this already. Sorry!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in MN Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 What are you talking about? It wasn't anywhere near a door. It was at a display at the end of the checkout lane - a side rack with candy on it. On the opposite end of the store, than the entrance/exit.Please do not even attempt to knock on my very scared 11 year old; which, by stating "did she even", you are certainly doing. She didn't need to respond - she saw that the obviously uniformed person was carrying the child to me, mom, 4 feet away. I should have asked what "whee" meant? My son does like "the wii", he does like to go "wee" (in a swing). Am I to presume, which I would be doing by asking, that a person has bad intentions asking if my son likes "whee"? Why would I ask that? Â Wow, people have their panties in a knot over my expressed view. Everyone needs to take a breath and calm down. Â Since my memory of grocery stores started, there have been candy/toy vending machines at the front entry of stores. Put in a coin, turn the crank, and our rolls a gumball or a small hand full of candy or the like. That memory starts around 1975. Often times those machines are outside the front door. So yes, I ASSumed when you said "my eldest takes my middle son to the side rack with the candy" I thought you mean a rack of the aforementioned vending machines. Â I did not and would not every attack a child. I would, however, call into to question the actions of the responsible adult and the training a parent has put into a child. Let me be more blunt - you need to teach your children better basic safety. Just because someone is wearing a uniform does not mean they are trust worthy. Â Again, yes, you should have asked what "whee" meant. It is a very basic rule to human interaction to ask someone for clarification when you don't understand what they are asking. The employee did not have bad intentions towards your child and never has. She is trying to give them fun experiences (the "whee") and protect them from bad things (the candy). She has gone about it incorrectly and those issues need to be addressed, to the manager and face to face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in MN Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 There should be a "dislike" button.  Terri  (I see Seasider has noted this already. Sorry!)   There is, it's called the report button. If you feel the need, then please report me. The passive-aggressive attacks on my person are unnecessary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 The fault lies on the lady with dd, the agency who placed her and the store. Â I have a son with autism. We drill into him he is not to touch others, period. We have had issues in the past with him being physically affectionate with strangers. No way, no how, can't do it, period. This is for his benefit as well as the benefit of others. Â The lady needs to be re-trained or moved to another position for everyone's safety and comfort. It is perfectly acceptable for you to firmly tell her that she is NOT allowed to touch you or your children. I hope you can have some type of meeting. Her behavior probably has impacted others, just not your family, and in this overly PC world people may be too afraid to call her on it. This is a disservice to her and others. It does not have to be mean, but it needs to be done. I am sensitive to the needs of the developmentally disabled but I would be livid if these same things happened to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Izzy Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 :grouphug: You have A LOT more composure than me. I would have been livid! And I don't see anywhere you are at fault. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted January 12, 2013 Author Share Posted January 12, 2013 Wow, people have their panties in a knot over my expressed view. Everyone needs to take a breath and calm down. Â Since my memory of grocery stores started, there have been candy/toy vending machines at the front entry of stores. Put in a coin, turn the crank, and our rolls a gumball or a small hand full of candy or the like. That memory starts around 1975. Often times those machines are outside the front door. So yes, I ASSumed when you said "my eldest takes my middle son to the side rack with the candy" I thought you mean a rack of the aforementioned vending machines. Â I did not and would not every attack a child. I would, however, call into to question the actions of the responsible adult and the training a parent has put into a child. Let me be more blunt - you need to teach your children better basic safety. Just because someone is wearing a uniform does not mean they are trust worthy. Â Again, yes, you should have asked what "whee" meant. It is a very basic rule to human interaction to ask someone for clarification when you don't understand what they are asking. The employee did not have bad intentions towards your child and never has. She is trying to give them fun experiences (the "whee") and protect them from bad things (the candy). She has gone about it incorrectly and those issues need to be addressed, to the manager and face to face. I have taught my children stranger danger and safety - this woman was no stranger to my children. We've known her for a very long time. While we've had a couple of bad encounters with her, she's a very friendly woman. My children were only as far away from me as the conveyor belt is long (what - 3 or 4 feet?). Never out of my sight and my daughter was well aware of that. To lay the blame on me, for the woman's actions and for my daughter being too shell shocked to respond immediately is out of line. You aren't being blunt, you are being mean. Â So long as MY memory serves me, candy coin machines are at the front of the store by the doors - but racks (which I clearly stated in my OP) are in the checkout lane or at the end of each check out lane. I've never seen a "rack" of vending machines. A line of them maybe, never a rack of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
busymama7 Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I am actually a bit surprised at the level of anger expressed in this thread. I agree that the employee needs more training and acted inappropriately. But I have a hard time understanding the outright anger. This lady had been described as handicapped right? I am picturing the adults I know and they are usually sweet and mean well even if they don't say/do things right. I think a bit more compassion is in order. Â I am not saying not to talk to the manager or that she doesn't need more training or supervision or whatever. But to be furious at her? To admit you would have yelled at her? She doesn't know better. It's like dealing with a young child. Â I do understand the op's child was upset and that is obviously contributing to the level of anger and that is very sad. I hope he was able to be calmed and comforted quickly and easily. But I think it's a sad reflection of our society to have such anger and animosity directed at an adult with delays. I am sure she meant no harm and deserves compassion and understanding from society. Â Â Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted January 12, 2013 Author Share Posted January 12, 2013 I am actually a bit surprised at the level of anger expressed in this thread. I agree that the employee needs more training and acted inappropriately. But I have a hard time understanding the outright anger. This lady had been described as handicapped right? I am picturing the adults I know and they are usually sweet and mean well even if they don't say/do things right. I think a bit more compassion is in order. Â I am not saying not to talk to the manager or that she doesn't need more training or supervision or whatever. But to be furious at her? To admit you would have yelled at her? She doesn't know better. It's like dealing with a young child. Â I do understand the op's child was upset and that is obviously contributing to the level of anger and that is very sad. I hope he was able to be calmed and comforted quickly and easily. But I think it's a sad reflection of our society to have such anger and animosity directed at an adult with delays. I am sure she meant no harm and deserves compassion and understanding from society. Â I didn't yell at her. Had I not calmed down first, I would have. She physically removed my child from an area he was told he could be in - and loudly reprimanded him. She busted his head on a cart. Did she mean to do these things? No. Do I have a right to be angry? I certainly think so - especially since I've talked to the manager about this before, after the first incident. That she didn't mean to doesn't negate that it happened and my child was harmed - once physically, the second time emotionally... but could have easily been physically harmed too. I have the right to not fear my child being hurt by an employee while I'm grocery shopping. My child has the right to do what mom said he could do, and not have a person he barely knows (I've had communication with her, he hasn't really, at the age of 3) pick him up and loudly reprimand him/scare him. I *do* have compassion for her. She's a very nice, very friendly woman. If she touches my child again, I'm going to have a hard time being as friendly. I can't believe you would give anyone, even someone with disabilities, a pass to harm your child (a general "you", not directed at you personally). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I am actually a bit surprised at the level of anger expressed in this thread. I agree that the employee needs more training and acted inappropriately. But I have a hard time understanding the outright anger. This lady had been described as handicapped right? I am picturing the adults I know and they are usually sweet and mean well even if they don't say/do things right. I think a bit more compassion is in order. Â I am not saying not to talk to the manager or that she doesn't need more training or supervision or whatever. But to be furious at her? To admit you would have yelled at her? She doesn't know better. It's like dealing with a young child. Â I do understand the op's child was upset and that is obviously contributing to the level of anger and that is very sad. I hope he was able to be calmed and comforted quickly and easily. But I think it's a sad reflection of our society to have such anger and animosity directed at an adult with delays. I am sure she meant no harm and deserves compassion and understanding from society. Â Â I see what you're saying, but if someone messes with one of my children, I'm not necessarily going to think rationally. At least not right away. It's called mama bear instinct. Â At any rate, Publix is a place of business. The employee in question needs to be either retrained or moved to a position where she's not interacting with customers as often. Either can and should be done with compassion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I am actually a bit surprised at the level of anger expressed in this thread. I agree that the employee needs more training and acted inappropriately. But I have a hard time understanding the outright anger. This lady had been described as handicapped right? I am picturing the adults I know and they are usually sweet and mean well even if they don't say/do things right. I think a bit more compassion is in order. Â I am not saying not to talk to the manager or that she doesn't need more training or supervision or whatever. But to be furious at her? To admit you would have yelled at her? She doesn't know better. It's like dealing with a young child. Â I do understand the op's child was upset and that is obviously contributing to the level of anger and that is very sad. I hope he was able to be calmed and comforted quickly and easily. But I think it's a sad reflection of our society to have such anger and animosity directed at an adult with delays. I am sure she meant no harm and deserves compassion and understanding from society. Â Â Handicapped or not NOBODY touches my kid. I don't have as much grace as the op, after the first incident I would have snapped and let them know it was her job or a lawsuit. By this 3rd incident she is lucky she doesn't have a broken arm. My kids have developmental disorders, if my son for example manhandled a child like that would everyone be so graceful? Is it because she is a woman? Strictly the dd? Because a dd man would not be let off the hook like that. My anger would be at ANYONE would assaulted my kid, I don't give a crap if it a man, woman or child, neurotypical or not, you keep your dang hands off my kids. Â As for no harm or best of intentions(as mentioned up thread). The road to hell is paved with good intentions, if your "good" intentions harm my kids, I will make your life hell. period. Â The OP in this case was in no way at fault. This bagger and the store was. The store has clearly had a minimum of 2 previous complaints (And I am sure there have been more), and yet they continue to keep this woman in the same capacity? The manager would be feeling my wrath once I got head office involved to deal with his ineptitude at ensuring staff was working appropriate with the customers. Â The OP offered much grace to this employee by simply going to teh manager both times and not raising a stink, I can see why by this 3rd time she is saying she would have yelled at the manager or this bagger, if she didn't simply walk away to cool down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I am actually a bit surprised at the level of anger expressed in this thread. I agree that the employee needs more training and acted inappropriately. But I have a hard time understanding the outright anger. This lady had been described as handicapped right? I am picturing the adults I know and they are usually sweet and mean well even if they don't say/do things right. I think a bit more compassion is in order. Â I am not saying not to talk to the manager or that she doesn't need more training or supervision or whatever. But to be furious at her? To admit you would have yelled at her? She doesn't know better. It's like dealing with a young child. Â I do understand the op's child was upset and that is obviously contributing to the level of anger and that is very sad. I hope he was able to be calmed and comforted quickly and easily. But I think it's a sad reflection of our society to have such anger and animosity directed at an adult with delays. I am sure she meant no harm and deserves compassion and understanding from society. Â Â Handicapped or not NOBODY touches my kid. I don't have as much grace as the op, after the first incident I would have snapped and let them know it was her job or a lawsuit. By this 3rd incident she is lucky she doesn't have a broken arm. My kids have developmental disorders, if my son for example manhandled a child like that would everyone be so graceful? Is it because she is a woman? Strictly the dd? Because a dd man would not be let off the hook like that. My anger would be at ANYONE would assaulted my kid, I don't give a crap if it a man, woman or child, neurotypical or not, you keep your dang hands off my kids. Â As for no harm or best of intentions(as mentioned up thread). The road to hell is paved with good intentions, if your "good" intentions harm my kids, I will make your life hell. period. Â The OP in this case was in no way at fault. This bagger and the store was. The store has clearly had a minimum of 2 previous complaints (And I am sure there have been more), and yet they continue to keep this woman in the same capacity? The manager would be feeling my wrath once I got head office involved to deal with his ineptitude at ensuring staff was working appropriate with the customers. Â The OP offered much grace to this employee by simply going to teh manager both times and not raising a stink, I can see why by this 3rd time she is saying she would have yelled at the manager or this bagger, if she didn't simply walk away to cool down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I am actually a bit surprised at the level of anger expressed in this thread. I agree that the employee needs more training and acted inappropriately. But I have a hard time understanding the outright anger. This lady had been described as handicapped right? I am picturing the adults I know and they are usually sweet and mean well even if they don't say/do things right. I think a bit more compassion is in order. Â I am not saying not to talk to the manager or that she doesn't need more training or supervision or whatever. But to be furious at her? To admit you would have yelled at her? She doesn't know better. It's like dealing with a young child. Â I do understand the op's child was upset and that is obviously contributing to the level of anger and that is very sad. I hope he was able to be calmed and comforted quickly and easily. But I think it's a sad reflection of our society to have such anger and animosity directed at an adult with delays. I am sure she meant no harm and deserves compassion and understanding from society. Â Â Â Is the anger directed towards the developmentally challenged person, or towards the store for not shadowing her? If it is towards the bagger, I can't understand this. Â Â I see why the 3 year old was upset, but I would work with my 11 yo about her anger. The bagger wasn't malicious, and didn't endanger the child in any way. Â Â About the first situation--I can see myself doing just that, saying "yes" out of politeness and not wanting to be engaged, but I would certainly blame myself after the fact. That would be one big lesson to learn--I shouldn't reply with "sure" when I'm not sure what I'm replying to, especially (*especially*) when someone else has my child. Especially when that someone is developmentally disable and can, by definition, be unpredictable. Hence I'm not sure I follow why the OP is so seemingly angry that it wasn't her fault. I wouldn't blame her, as I wouldn't drown myself in guilt either if that happened to me, but it is clear to me that at least partial fault is there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirch Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 I am actually a bit surprised at the level of anger expressed in this thread. I agree that the employee needs more training and acted inappropriately. But I have a hard time understanding the outright anger. This lady had been described as handicapped right? I am picturing the adults I know and they are usually sweet and mean well even if they don't say/do things right. I think a bit more compassion is in order. Â I am not saying not to talk to the manager or that she doesn't need more training or supervision or whatever. But to be furious at her? To admit you would have yelled at her? She doesn't know better. It's like dealing with a young child. Â I do understand the op's child was upset and that is obviously contributing to the level of anger and that is very sad. I hope he was able to be calmed and comforted quickly and easily. But I think it's a sad reflection of our society to have such anger and animosity directed at an adult with delays. I am sure she meant no harm and deserves compassion and understanding from society. Â Â I do agree with you, and I think I probably would have reacted the same way as the OP in both situations. But I also think that *many* people in the general public would have gone ballistic on her, unfortunately (hence, my "mama bear" comment). Both of those situations could *easily* have turned out much worse for the employee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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