redsquirrel Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 The almost 13 year old boy has wandered off with his little brother. His work for the day is not done. In 45 mins we leave for an orthodontist app't (very short) and then he has ballet at 3:45-5:15. So, should I ask him when he was planning on finishing his work? I am thinking I should wait until after his ballet class. He doesn't like the friday class as it is and I don't want to send him off under an even bigger cloud than usual. He knows what he has to do for the day. I have been going over and over his list for the whole day. I have called him back to the table about 10 times since lunch. He finishes an assignment and just wanders off. Then he acts totally surprised when I ask him what he is doing next. So, that door slamming you hear at approx 5:15 eastern time is probably coming from my house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 I'd just have him do it tomorrow instead of having playtime. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted January 11, 2013 Author Share Posted January 11, 2013 I am going to give him that as an option, but it has to be his choice. I am sick of making all the decisions and taking the heat for it. That was why I didn't say a word when he walked away from the table. Well, he didn't walk away, just sort of drifted. Again. I sat there reading the new Home Science Tools catalog waiting for him to return. When he didn't I just did some picking up. I have left all the books out on the table, but he hasn't noticed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
................... Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 Idk but we just recently moved our son into being responsible for his own work with zero nagging or reminding from me, sink or swim. I put EVERY thing he is responsible to do, in order, on his check list. Including showering, deoderant, cleaning room, etc. I put the work in 3 chunks- morning, afternoon/evening and schoolwork. Whatever he doesn't finish gets done at swimming or in the evening when everyone wise is enjoying family time. My son has loved his new way of life and he has taken to it with gusto. He is doing math at 7:30am and has so far finished everything, except once. You would be amazed at how much they are glad to be their own master. The consequence is clear and simple so there's no anger or confusion. Hope this helps Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
................... Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 But I would not give him a consequence unless you have taken the steps to explain his consequences. Write it all down and have a meeting, giving advice about time management. Then be silent. Next time he slacks off just make him sit there a d do schoolwork at Ballet. Explain that you are taking him in case he does finish and can join the class. Whatever doesn't get done then, he can do in the evening and on into the night. At 13 it's time to step back and let natural consequences take their toll. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted January 11, 2013 Share Posted January 11, 2013 It was the wind. They forgot to tell you that on days the wind blows, it's impossible to do school work. It's the Mary Poppins thing. Ask me how I know. ;) And yeah, after the requisite I'm 13 and too tired to work so I went back to bed nap and the wind is blowing so I needed to spend a few hours outside enjoying it, now dd is back (after a measure of unsanctified something) working. But yeah, she had no plans on doing logic or math or history or any of the other things I finally had to compel her to do. I mean really, I don't mind a teenage nap or a Mary Poppins hour, but the WHOLE DAY?!?! Eat some peppermint jojos, have chinese for dinner, make them do all the work tomorrow. Life goes on, rinse and repeat, they move away, we retire. That's my plan, sigh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RootAnn Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 It was the wind. They forgot to tell you that on days the wind blows, it's impossible to do school work. It's the Mary Poppins thing. Ask me how I know. ;) --- Eat some peppermint jojos, have chinese for dinner, make them do all the work tomorrow. Life goes on, rinse and repeat, they move away, we retire. That's my plan, sigh. Your explanations always make so much sense. (I just told my 11 yr old that you're my hero.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denise in IN Posted January 12, 2013 Share Posted January 12, 2013 :grouphug: I have a 13 yo boy too. Sigh. This entire week has been most unpleasant, getting back in the school groove after Christmas break. The other three kids? No problem. The 13 year old? Yikes! I'm taking consolation in the thought that they can't possibly be 13 forever. There's hope of great maturity somewhere down the line.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted January 12, 2013 Author Share Posted January 12, 2013 It wasn't so bad. He knows that every other kid his age has homework over the weekend so he can't really complain. It doesn't mean he won't complain, he just knows he won't get very far. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arborite Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 12-year-old boy in this house. He fights doing anything - schoolwork, chores. I have been Googling "boarding schools" as a way to vent my frustration. Is there a form of shock therapy that will help us out of our nag-resist-nag-whine-nag-stomp cycle? I am going crazy here. He has a list of school tasks to get done by the end of each week. It is his choice which to do on which day, but he is supposed to keep up a pace of getting 1/5th done Monday, 1/5th Tuesday, etc. Should I just let him fall hopelessly behind, so he is stuck working on the weekend? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin M Posted January 19, 2013 Share Posted January 19, 2013 I'm dealing with the same - 13 year old son, but he wants to be left alone to do his work and he is doing it. He has a folder for each day with a list of things to accomplish. He's pretty good about doing the work on the day it's supposed to be done. But he makes alot of mistakes. Two step problems - only does the first step. Math - never shows the work so how do I know he did it or just looked up the answer. The problem we are having is when it comes time for him to sit down with me and do history or to review his work and correct mistakes. I keep telling him my job is supervisor and he has a choice. We can sit down daily around 2 and review or we can save it for Friday. The only issue with saving it till Friday is it takes a whole lot longer to go over. Usually by Friday afternoon, I really don't have a whole lot of patience for the arguments and negotiation and whining to put it off til later. We've tried it his way the past two weeks. Next week, we'll try it my way and 2:00 is time to stop and review. He'll just have to start getting up earlier if he wants to be done on time. Calgone, take me away! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EppieJ Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 So I'm not in this alone...good to know. :tongue_smilie: I have a 12 yo son who doesn't like me to sit with him or "watch" him do his work. He prefers to do it on his own. However, if I let him do that, a 30 minute math assignment could very well end up taking 3 hours! Now, he does have his on/off days with his ability to concentrate (in part due to his undiagnosed TS), but he is also beginning to develop that "teenage brain" (or lack thereof) thing. :001_rolleyes: On top of that, he can be difficult to motivate. He has his assignments and his chore chart which he is suppose to complete each day and turn in at the end of the "pay period" for his commission / pay day (for the chores). No chore chart = no pay. And the pay could add up quickly if he consistently turned in his "time sheet". You'd think that would be a good motivater, but he is just not organized enough to keep up with it. I keep hoping that one of these days the light will dawn and he'll realize that the ds he wants could quickly be obtained by just doing/recording his responsibilities. I have visions of him out on his own and unable to hold down a job because he forgets to turn in his time sheet. :001_huh: I realize he's only 12, but really..? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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