Clutter! Tonight I realized my home is filled with good intentions. Looking for encouragement from those who've downsized.

[Tardis Girl]

I took photos tonight of some of the "trouble spots" I need to declutter. Ugh. Eye opening. Besides the chaos, there's a lot of good stuff... I mean, I picked it up because I thought it had value, and I am great at justifying keeping it because it still has that potential value. But this is not a solution to my woes and it is a sad realization that much of it goes unused. Plus. this is just a small apartment so it's not like there's tons of space..

 

Yet I have such a terribly difficult time letting go of things because I think about it's potential and how I WANT to be using it (and don't want to have to buy it again). Is that weird? I've been reading the environment section of Simplicity Parenting and still find myself trying to justify everything. Of course there are some more "junky" toys, but we have a lot of good toys and games and books (and then there are the homeschool books!).

 

I need some encouragement from those who have struggled to let go and then overcome and felt the reward and lived it. Is it real? Is it worth it? I feel like I have been working at decluttering for years and have little to show for it. Or at least, not the simplified life "carrot" that is dangling out there.

 

We moved last year and got rid of a lot of big things (some furniture, appliances, etc.) but not nearly as much of the little stuff (everything else!) that we should have. Now there is another move looming on the horizon in the next 1-3 months. But even without that, I need things to change. But a few minutes into working on a shelf or a closet or whatever, I just feel immobilized. Can't make any decisions.

 

I know the theories of "group like things together" and "a place for everything and everything in it's place" and so on, but I've never managed to truly live it. Just frustrated.

 

Encouragement and specific examples are welcome! Please!

[Lily_Grace]

We downsized about 5 years ago to 500lbs of "stuff" (furniture, washer/dryer excluded). It made me rethink my habits. I've never been a person who was able to organize and do things the Martha Stewart way - or even the Ikea way for that matter - so I had to figure out what works for me. I made some rules:

 

-potentials need to go to someone who can make that potential be a reality. It's not doing any good in my home sitting there. I wanted to see them used more than I needed them.

-I don't like to dust. Therefore, knicknacks should mostly go bye-bye. Holiday stuff, okay, awards and special momentos, fine. But the Precious Moments type stuff had to go.

-if it was something I used once a year (and 10 of my friends had), I didn't need to keep one, too. I could just borrow when the time came.

 

I tend to work with an ADD mind, too, so I had to set limitations on what I could handle at once: going through 20 items, working for 5-10 minutes (with a timer), clearing a square foot...whatever worked for me at the moment. I get overwhelmed very quickly and tend to get distracted. Setting small goals made me get things done.

[Guest suzyhomeschooler]

Hi Tardis Girl,

Here are some beginning thoughts/resources from someone who has lived through the worst of this and come out on the other side. ( I'm a 40yo mom of 2, diagnosed with ADD when I was 28, with a "genetic predisposition" to messiness and clutter if you look at the last 2 generations of my mom's side - I swear my dear, departed maternal grandmother could have qualified for an episode of "Hoarders" if that had existed back then! It was while cleaning out her house and managing the estate sale with my mom 15 yrs ago that I vowed I would NEVER do that to my family. My whole adult life has been about learning to break this "generational curse" with new thinking and habits, and encouraging other women to do the same!) And I, also, am looking at a potential move this summer, and so am beginning the process of cleaning out the current 6 yr's worth of clutter in a 4 bedroom, 3 1/2 bath, full basement and garage of a house - after 18 yrs of marriage, and (just) 2 kids, my husband and I yearn for that little "just married" apartment that limited our ability to own things!

SO, with all that "backstory" covered:

-I totally second every point Lily Grace makes above; as to the first one specifically - I just reread a few days ago (while decluttering paper clutter, Ha!) my notes from one of the many organizing/life management seminars I've been to over the years, and this 1 quote from that particular speaker has been my mantra this week: "Satisfaction comes in USING things, not in HAVING things", and "Have Less, Use it More." This SO applies to homeschool books and curriculum items, etc. . .

- A resource for you: 1 book, just 1 -and it's pretty short, to boot - that will really help you begin to see and identify the attitudes/beliefs that underly your saving/cluttering and begin to change them: MESSIE NO MORE: UNDERSTANDING AND OVERCOMING THE ROADBLOCKS TO BEING ORGANIZED, by Sandra Felton. She has many more books, and a nonprofit organization, Messies Anonymous, with a website and all the usual stuff. (But trust me on this one, and for now, start simple with just this one book.) This is the one I discovered 18 yrs ago on the shelf of the bookstore where I worked, that had me searching in closets and under beds for this lady who was obviously hiding out in my house and writing down everything I did!! It was her stuff that truly started me on the path to a changed life through changed thinking.

-The attitude that it seems that you are struggling with the most, ( and this is true for most of us - it's the biggest thing Sandra Felton covers) is that nasty little thing called "Perfectionism." We must be perfect, or we are unworthy. A perfectionism that says, "If I have ever made the mistake of spending money to buy something and then get rid of it without ever using it, I am a failure (therefore I must keep it forever)", and "If I declutter this area of stuff and get rid of something that I later realize I needed, I am a failure", and "It's all or nothing - if I can't do this whole closet today, then I shouldn't do anything", and on and on.

-Yes - I have found HUGE mental relief from finally getting rid of unfinished/unused things and projects - scrapbooking, decorating, antique furniture (ironically, from my grandmother's!) that I was going to refinish and make useful again, but sat in my basement for years, etc. . .HUGE relief from being able to say, "Truthfully, I am NEVER going to be a scrapbooker/finish that project/read that book/deliver that bag of boy's clothing to the foster care ministry across town, instead of just dropping it off at the nearby Goodwill,etc, etc etc ---- and THAT'S OK."

- 1 specific question Sandra coaches you to ask of items: "What is the WORST thing that would happen if I get rid of this, and then later decide I want it/need that information/now have time to read it, etc?'

- Lastly, remember what it is that you DO do and that is probably most important to you: YOU HOMESCHOOL YOUR CHILDREN, which is one of the most valuable investments of time and love that any mother can make in life, (but also one of the most difficult), and so YOU, especially, need to be in a simple, calming, orderly environment that uplifts you, rather than drags you down, that allows you to clear your mind of mental clutter and distractions so you can focus on your most noble goal, instead of always beating yourself up in the back of your head for the mess while you're trying to simultaneously oversee piano practice, tutor fractions, and make sure there's something decent that everyone can eat for dinner! It's not "all in your head"- the clutter really does drag you down emotionally, mentally, spiritually.

-"Baby Steps, Baby Steps" (and again, the first one has to be recognizing the thought patterns that lead to clutter, or you'll just end up in the same cycle over and over, like the folks who are constantly losing weight, gaining it back again, trying another diet, ad infinitum, because they aren't truly recognizing and changing the thoughts/emotions that lead to the behavior. . .)

I think that's enough for now :) I will pray for you this week, and check in on your replies,

Susan in Atl, Ga

[Donna]

We downsized to a smaller home about 3 years ago. We had a huge yard sale when we moved then another when we got to the new house and saw exactly what would fit but still kept quite a bit of stuff I didn't want to get rid of in the basement storage area. Just over the holidays, I did a huge purge. I was relentless and got rid of anything I hadn't looked at in those 3 years. I just bagged and boxed it all up and took it to donate. I went through every room, closet, bin, and file and just got rid of stuff....even stuff I had thoughts of keeping.

 

I just want to tell you it feels so good. All the problem areas are now neat and clean. I know where everything is. I feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Keeping my house clean is way less work and I feel better about doing it. It wasn't easy to get rid of stuff and I had many twinges of "I could use this when..." but then I realized someone else might be able to use whatever it was more.

 

Good luck!

[Ewe Mama]

I ask myself the following questions to help keep me on track:

 

If I had a house fire and received only $10,000 insurance compensation, would I replace this item or could I live without it?

 

If my house were on fire and I had ten minutes to grab things precious to me, would I take this or leave it?

[Tardis Girl]

Thank you all for your encouragement and suggestions! I *want* to be organized the IKEA way. lol I love the way it looks, etc. Of course, the closest IKEA is like 5 hours away so it's not practical, but still.... Thankfully I'm not much of a knickknack person so at least -- with all my other many issues -- that is not yet another issue. :) But Lily_Grace I loved your specific suggestions and ideas for dealing with my limitations. I didn't used to be so unfocused...although I have been for many years and perhaps my focus is lost amidst the clutter.

 

I've read so many organizing books, including Sandra Felton's stuff. I don't remember Messies No More above the rest but I'm sure my library must have a copy of that so I will look into it. Actually, Peter Walsh has been my favorite for the past few years because I love his "get rid of it" and "it's not about the stuff" mentality. But of course, for all of his wisdom it still comes back to ME doing the work. Bummer! ;)

 

Along the lines of what SheepMama said, when we were considering a move to Hawaii I thought, "You know, if I look around at what I would really want/need to come with me, there is very little." Thinking in terms of what I would bring (or repurchase, like what she said) was such a paradigm shift. Instead of looking for things to get rid of, I was looking for things to keep. But I didn't keep that mindset, obviously, when we just ended up moving a few states away instead. I remember my dh and I saying it would be so great to get all our stuff into one of those little moving trucks.... Instead we ended up with the biggest U-Haul, stuffed from floor to ceiling, front to back, and some stuff at the end that didn't fit. And that was AFTER getting rid of some appliances and such. :cursing:

 

Oh and one other thing -- I'm always thinking about how we should take this to consignment or sell it on Craigslist or whatever. I mean, money is tight, so there's that... but it's ridiculous. Honestly, if I had $2000 and could pay someone to come in and "organize me" for a life of simplicity, would I do it?? YES!! So I should probably just think of whatever money I might recoup as going toward that, and then just take it all to Goodwill, right?

 

I just bagged and boxed it all up and took it to donate. I went through every room, closet, bin, and file and just got rid of stuff....even stuff I had thoughts of keeping.

 

I just want to tell you it feels so good. All the problem areas are now neat and clean. I know where everything is. I feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Keeping my house clean is way less work and I feel better about doing it. It wasn't easy to get rid of stuff and I had many twinges of "I could use this when..." but then I realized someone else might be able to use whatever it was more.

 

 

I really needed to hear this, Donna! Thank you.

[ksr5377]

I used to have tons of stuff....now I may down to one ton ;) About a year ago we thought there was a good chance that we would be moving in the upcoming months. I started packing things that I knew we didn't need to leave out, mainly decorations, knick knacks, etc. After about 6 months we determined we would not be moving. We went to unpack everything and only ended up keeping the photographs. Everything else we let go of. It was great! It's essentially how we curb toys. I put a few things away, if no one bothers to mention them for a few months, they just leave the house. I have found it helps me to not feel guilty about getting rid of things, when I see how we actually live for months without it and don't miss it at all.

[Trilliums]

Some things that have been helpful to me:

 

Set up an explore station for the kids. I found I had tons of stuff for my kids to use, but we rarely pulled it out because it was messy or we couldn't find the time. I set up a square folding table for my kids off the kitchen and rotated setting out things for them to use. Wikki sticks, lentil bean boxes, magnet sets, play dough, snap circuits, weights and scales, etc etc. This helped us USE stuff and instead of it just being clutter we never got around to using, it became valuable part of our day.

 

Pick one or two high visibility areas to keep clean. For me, seeing a nice clear counter above our sink and an organized coffee table improves my mood and encourages me to keep other areas as tidy.

 

To clean out a closet, I have to remove everything from the closet and take it to a side area. Set up boxes or bags for "trash" and "donate". The items I want to keep, I put away in the closet or other area where they belong. Sometimes I do make a "keep" box if I know I want to keep it but cannot decide where to put it for now.

 

Another option is boxing up items if you are unsure about whether or not to keep them. If you do not need to open the box within the next 6 months, donate it without opening it. I have never been able to do this! But I did recently open boxes we have had in the basement for over a year and I ended up donating all of the stuff-I just HAD to go through it first though. They thought of donating it without knowing the contents didn't sit well with me.

[Tardis Girl]

Love the explore station idea! The only place they can do messy stuff is the kitchen table (small space), but maybe I can get a box of stuff... Hmmm....

 

Both of your experiences with boxing up stuff is interesting. One of my college kids did that a few times during the teen years -- put a date on it, then pull it out after 6-12 months and realize she lived fine without it. HOWEVER, my tendency is to open the box and see some stuff to toss, and more stuff that's, "OH! I forgot I had this! I should really use this!" Seriously?? Why am I like that?! Or I think that a younger sibling might like something. THAT is probably my worst excuse (i.e., most often used excuse). Toys, games, books, homeschool materials. If someone didn't love it, I think a different child *might* and therefore I should keep it. Ugh.

 

Maybe I need to get some good sayings up in different places -- to remind me of the life I want to live, the goals I have, and so on....

[Trilliums]

Both of your experiences with boxing up stuff is interesting. One of my college kids did that a few times during the teen years -- put a date on it, then pull it out after 6-12 months and realize she lived fine without it. HOWEVER, my tendency is to open the box and see some stuff to toss, and more stuff that's, "OH! I forgot I had this! I should really use this!" Seriously?? Why am I like that?! Or I think that a younger sibling might like something. THAT is probably my worst excuse (i.e., most often used excuse). Toys, games, books, homeschool materials. If someone didn't love it, I think a different child *might* and therefore I should keep it. Ugh.

 

 

I think this is pretty normal. :) Especially since you have younger children. I have held onto things for a ridiculously long time *just in case* the kids would use it, and I only have 2 kids who are both teenagers now!

 

OK, for the full admission, these particular boxes had old linens/bedding items in them. I had curtains from a house we lived in almost 15 years ago and stained table cloths with sentimental value. It was only THIS year that I was able to open the box, look at it and say, OK, these things have to go. Previously, I'd open the box and think how pretty the curtains were and how I might use them some day... So, I hauled most of the stuff around with us for 3 moves and over a decade. :blushing:

 

There was a piece of silk I kept, from when I thought my kids would dance with silk scarves...years ago...yea, that never happened.

 

ETA: Also, what you describe happening when you open the box and look through the stuff is exactly why people say to put it in a box, tape it up and if you don't miss the stuff in there after 6 months, just donate it WITHOUT looking. Other wise, you get pulled back into the cycle. Of course, I have already admitted that I don't do this myself and that I have carried around some junk for a ridiculously long time. But I have read the way one is *supposed* to do it . :lol: :lol: