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[alisoncooks]

***.

Edited July 27, 2022 by alisoncooks

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

It's a little bit of a harsh response. She could have at least told you exactly what stuff she threw in there! I don't use recipes much, either, but if someone asks, I list out the ingredients and the approximate amounts I used.

 

I'd not be making any more overtures to her.

[PentecostalMom]

I probably would feel a little slighted and would try to address it with her. Maybe you inadvertendly offended her at some point? It cannot hurt to ask and would be the right thing to do. I would ask her face-to-face but in a secluded area, not in a FB message.

[Remudamom]

Hmm, maybe it's a secret family recipe?

[AK_Mom4]

Sounds like she would like to just remain a "distant acquaintance"

 

And, no, you shouldn't feel slighted by the behavior of someone who isn't a friend. Just move on.

[Parrothead]

It isn't you.

[HomeschoolMamaOfTwo]

Maybe she bought it and didn't make it but doesn't want you to know?

 

Is FB a good way to get ahold of her? Maybe she isn't on very often or is isn't a good way for her to communicate?

 

Just ideas. :)

[SKL]

My first reaction: it's not worth wasting your emotional energy on this.

 

Second: maybe she actually bought it, or someone else cooked it, and she doesn't want to admit it.

 

Third: maybe she doesn't check facebook very often. I went years without checking mine. If that's the case, it would seem silly to answer old messages as if they were fresh. She did respond to the second one. Maybe she got very busy during the holidays and was catering to 50 more pressing requests. Maybe she planned on answering you but was too overwhelmed. Maybe she doesn't remember what she even took to the pot-luck.

 

Or maybe she doesn't have time for you, for whatever reason. That's also her prerogative, right?

 

I'd just let it go.

[JBJones]

Yes, it must be a family secret.....or she's not the welcome wagon....if you know what I mean.

[kalanamak]

There are some people who are very guarded with their recipes, even to the point of leaving out something crucial when they do part with them. This was discussed in detail on a cooking newsgroup I haunted for years.

 

Let it go. Its not you. She isn't a mass murderer or alone in this attitude.

I wouldn't ever bring it up to her again.

[Laurie4b]

She may not want to give out the recipe because it isn't easy to do for her. You asked a favor of her and she declined. Her response is short, but she may just be responding to the task at hand: She said no, said why, and made an alternate suggestion for how to accomplish your goal of making something like her dish for your family. (Her suggestion to look online will probably lead you to something quite close to it if you can guess several of the ingredients. )

 

If you think about it, in a lot of other threads, people frequently advise people to just say no and to not feel obligated to give a reason when they are asked to volunteer, etc. I agree that it can feel curt (my job requires asking people to volunteer), but it is probably just "task-orientation" or someone who just doesn't have "figure out your recipe and type it out" on her to-do list.

 

You might say, when you see her next, that you weren't meaning to impose by asking for the recipe.

[Belacqua]

There are some people who are very guarded with their recipes, even to the point of leaving out something crucial when they do part with them. This was discussed in detail on a cooking newsgroup I haunted for years.

 

Agreed; it can be such a polarizing issue (nearly blew up an etiquette site I visit). I also like the idea that perhaps she purchased it and doesn't want to say so.

 

So what's the dish? Maybe we can collectively recreate it for you!

[nmoira]

I probably would feel slighted, an initial knee-jerk reaction due to insecurity. Then I'd get one with my (very conscious) practicing getting over feeling slighted. And get over it. Mostly. :)

 

OTOH, I wouldn't have brought it up again after the first Facebook request.

[elegantlion]

I probably would feel slighted, an initial knee-jerk reaction due to insecurity. Then I'd get one with my (very conscious) practicing getting over feeling slighted. And get over it. Mostly. :)

 

OTOH, I wouldn't have brought it up again after the first Facebook request.

 

This would be me too.

 

Then I would think, she may not have an online personality. Some people don't communicate as clearly, well, or polite online. It's not usually a comment on how she feels about you, it's how she uses social media.

 

Another thing, on facebook, sometimes you'll send a message and it pops up on chat for the other person. If I'm at a spot where I can't chat or caught off guard my responses may sound a bit short and abrupt. Not everyone likes to chat. :D

 

Again, it may be as others have stated, she didn't make it, she doesn't want to give out the recipe,

 

I wouldn't think it was me, after some pondering and pouting.

[Audrey]

I'm sorry, but I believe she is acting like a person who is not interested in a relationship with you. I would move on.

[alisoncooks]

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Edited July 27, 2022 by alisoncooks

[readinmom]

Definitely a family secret or something that she wants to be her signature dish. Some people are funny like this! It would be a compliment to me if someone wanted the recipe.

[Slartibartfast]

I would think she probably bought it and didn't want to say so? What is the dish and maybe we can recommend a recipe?

 

I would likely move on and not pursue a friendship with the person.

[Katy]

Honestly, I would absolutely not take it personally. At all.

 

I HATE it when people ask me for recipes, because basically unless I'm trying a completely new recipe, I just throw stuff together too. Half the time I can't remember what I made the day before, let alone weeks before. And I get so much spam that appears to be from Facebook that I never believe it until I log into facebook, which in my case I didn't thr at least 3 weeks around the holidays.

 

It's possible she was being distant or making it up, but I think it's more likely she was just spouting off a quick response and not thinking about the tone.

[WishboneDawn]

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest she just threw the dish together and thought you'd have some luck looking for something online. That's how I do most of my cooking and I'd be at a loss if someone asked for a recipe for my soups or spaghetti sauce. She also may not pay a lot of attention to FB and, like so many people I know, just be rather awkward with pm's.

 

I honestly think you're giving this waaaay too much thought.

[WishboneDawn]

Ditto Katy. I don't understand how this issue merits any conclusion beyond what Katy said.

[Rebecca VA]

Another thought: Maybe she wants to be the only one who brings that particular dish to church events. Maybe she had a bad experience with watching one of "her" signature recipes get taken over by someone else. It doesn't excuse her rudeness, though.

[Catwoman]

I wouldn't contact her again about it... nor would I contact her about anything else, as she doesn't seem to want to be anything more than church acquaintances with you. I would just be friendly when I saw her, but not try to initiate any kind of relationship beyond that.

 

BTW, what kind of recipe was this? It must have been something pretty special!

[QueenCat]

I wouldn't feel slighted. I'd just figure she really had just thrown it together or she bought it pre-made. As to borrowing the dvds, I don't borrow from people that are not good friends, so she may not have been comfortable borrowing from you (but it would have been polite to respond).

[texasmama]

Haven't read the other responses. If someone did this to me, I would assume that either the person is too busy to pass on recipes via Facebook, not interested in cultivating a friendship with me or has poor social skills. There is no way to know for sure which one (or combination of reasons) it might be without more information. I would not feel slighted, but I would not ask again, nor would I do much to cultivate this relationship on my end.

[alisoncooks]

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Edited July 27, 2022 by alisoncooks

[Tess in the Burbs]

Um, if it were just that one time I might blow it off but since she blew you off about the videos too I would take it as a hint she doesn't want to borrow or share with you. You may never know the reason but just accept it and don't offer anymore and don't ask for anything. It's weird among the church group but you find mean people everywhere. Says a lot about a person who won't share a recipe. Do you have any idea what the name of it was or any of the ingredients? My last option would be to ask her friends....hey, that recipe Doreen makes is awesome, do you know what it's called or have the recipe or know what's in it?

 

Rude people in church really rub me the wrong way. ((HUGS))

 

what was the thing you ate? Perhaps people here will recognize it?

[itsheresomewhere]

On my phone so I can't quote but that sounds like a taste of home recipe or cooks recipe. I am out most of the day but I will look later for you.

[laundrycrisis]

I would not feel slighted as in that it was any reflection on me....I would take it as this person is simply rude. Even if it's a family secret recipe that she doesn't want to share, it would be polite to say that. It's really unfriendly for her to respond that way. So now you know a bit more about this person's true character.

[lavender's green]

You've asked her three times to share the recipe, and she obviously doesn't want to. She shouldn't have been quite so short, but it's understandable. If I was in her position, I'd feel like you were getting pushy.

[Callie]

For those that have asked what the dish was, IDK....it was some sort of breakfast casserole. It had cheese and eggs....but I can't remember what meat (bacon, sausage?) but it had a ridiculously flaky, delicious pie-type crust. The main reason I was interested in it was both my kiddos ate it up and loved it -- and that's *so* rare.

 

Again, thanks for the responses. :)

 

 

I bet the crust was Pillsbury Crescent Rolls in the refrig. can. Look for the recipe on the Pillsbury site.

 

Callie

[gardenmom5]

my sil's mil would never give out her recipes. there is one she wouldn't even allow my sil to have. basically, it was viewed as a reflection on her. she thought if she shared a recipe no one would want to see her. (now that her mil has died, she has the recipe and shares it with whomever wants it.)

 

I would view this as a reflection on this woman - whether she's obtuse, or snotty, either way it is HER not wanting to share a recipe.

 

I will also agree with pps that asking three times is a bit much.

[laundrycrisis]

IMO if someone isn't comfortable sharing a recipe, it's on them to say that politely the first time someone asks. To string someone along waiting for a response, or be snotty about their request, is passive aggressive and very rude.

[kewb]

Her response was a little off putting. She obviously doesn't want to share. After I got over my own insecurities I would move on.

[mommaduck]

 

Sounds like she would like to just remain a "distant acquaintance" And, no, you shouldn't feel slighted by the behavior of someone who isn't a friend. Just move on.

It isn't you.

I agree. It's not you. She's decided that she doesn't want anything to do with you. You may choose to feel slighted (you were), but you can also take it as notice to move on and not waste your energy on her. Who knows what her issue is. Your other choice, which could open up for drama, is to ask her if you have offended her in some way or if there is something that she has against you. I would move along though. Nearly every time I have asked that question to someone like that, the matter always got worse and I would never get a straight answer.

[J-rap]

I'd probably feel slighted at first, but then would talk myself out of it. Sounds like it's just a personality issue with her, something she's not even aware of. Some people just aren't good at social etiquette! I doubt it's anything personal.

[Danestress]

Yes, I would feel slighted because she was so abrupt.

 

Why is it so hard to add a few words to the response and make it something more like, "I'm so sorry I didn't respond to your other request. I actually have no idea what was in that dish - I didn't use a recipe and I don't remember it that well. I'm so sorry not be more helpful, and I appreciate all your positive feedback on it!"

 

I mean, really? Is that so hard? I understand that people are saying it sounds like she doesn't want to be your best friend, or doesn't want to be bothered to type out that recipe, or didn't actually make it herself. In any of those situations, though, I could think of a far far nicer way to respond, even without giving a recipe or any promise of being your BFF.

[alisoncooks]

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Edited July 27, 2022 by alisoncooks

[mommaduck]

Yes, I would feel slighted because she was so abrupt.

 

Why is it so hard to add a few words to the response and make it something more like, "I'm so sorry I didn't respond to your other request. I actually have no idea what was in that dish - I didn't use a recipe and I don't remember it that well. I'm so sorry not be more helpful, and I appreciate all your positive feedback on it!"

 

I mean, really? Is that so hard? I understand that people are saying it sounds like she doesn't want to be your best friend, or doesn't want to be bothered to type out that recipe, or didn't actually make it herself. In any of those situations, though, I could think of a far far nicer way to respond, even without giving a recipe or any promise of being your BFF.

 

For some people, it really is that hard. However, given other things added to this conversation, I'm guessing that she either doesn't want any kind of acquaintance with the op or is just comfortable with the one mutual friend.

[Danestress]

For some people, it really is that hard. However, given other things added to this conversation, I'm guessing that she either doesn't want any kind of acquaintance with the op or is just comfortable with the one mutual friend.

 

 

Yeah, I get that. I don't think that the obligation to be kind of pleasant was only owed to people you actually want to be friends with.

[justamouse]

Tell us what it was and we'll try to suss it out!

[justasque]

My first reaction: it's not worth wasting your emotional energy on this.

...Maybe she got very busy during the holidays and was catering to 50 more pressing requests. Maybe she planned on answering you but was too overwhelmed. Maybe she doesn't remember what she even took to the pot-luck.

She may not want to give out the recipe because it isn't easy to do for her. You asked a favor of her and she declined. Her response is short, but she may just be responding to the task at hand: She said no, said why, and made an alternate suggestion for how to accomplish your goal of making something like her dish for your family....I agree that it can feel curt (my job requires asking people to volunteer), but it is probably just "task-orientation" or someone who just doesn't have "figure out your recipe and type it out" on her to-do list. You might say, when you see her next, that you weren't meaning to impose by asking for the recipe.

Honestly, I would absolutely not take it personally. At all. I HATE it when people ask me for recipes, because basically unless I'm trying a completely new recipe, I just throw stuff together too. Half the time I can't remember what I made the day before, let alone weeks before. ... It's possible she was being distant or making it up, but I think it's more likely she was just spouting off a quick response and not thinking about the tone.

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest she just threw the dish together and thought you'd have some luck looking for something online. That's how I do most of my cooking and I'd be at a loss if someone asked for a recipe for my soups or spaghetti sauce.

 

For those that have asked what the dish was, IDK....it was some sort of breakfast casserole. It had cheese and eggs....but I can't remember what meat (bacon, sausage?) but it had a ridiculously flaky, delicious pie-type crust. The main reason I was interested in it was both my kiddos ate it up and loved it -- and that's *so* rare. Again, thanks for the responses. :)

 

I would take it at face value.

 

If I was to make that kind of dish, I would look in my fridge and see what veg I had, saute them up with something green at the end (spinach, swiss chard, broc - whatever was in season or cheap at the cash-only veg outlet shop), add some eggs and maybe some milk or cream or maybe not, throw in whatever cheese needed to be used up - probably a combo - and use whatever bread we had that was getting stale or maybe bread cubes or if no bread then make a crust of some sort. I would cook it at 425 or 450 for 15 minutes then maybe cook it more or maybe lower the temp and cook it more or maybe a bit of both. Sometimes I do a topping of Parmesan or Asiago cheese or bread crumbs or tomato slices or a combo, and sometimes I don't. If I had meat on hand, it could be sausage or pepperoni or ham or cut-up lunch meat, again depending on what I had, and any one of them could be of a flavored variety or maybe not. I might throw in some herbs, or just salt and pepper, or maybe some curry powder or mustard powder depending on the veg and meat and cheeses I used.

 

As you can see, there is NO WAY I could write a traditional recipe, especially if I had made it a while back.

 

I vote for super-busy mom who was clearing her in box and cared enough about you to reply but just couldn't spare the time to give details.

She could also be the kind of mom who everyone asks for input and advice and such - some people are magnets for that and may get many requests for info every day.

DON'T TAKE OFFENSE WHERE NONE IS INTENDED is my motto.

We're all super-busy. We all want to be the perfect friend. But we none of us are perfect.

[MrsJewelsRae]

I make one that sounds like that... You lightly scramble eggs with cheddar cheese and ham or bacon, season with salt and pepper, then I open a can of pilsbury crescent rolls and lay them out on the cookie sheet in the design I want, fill with eggs, wrap the pastry over the eggs and bake at 350 or so for about 10 mins. Here's some ideas:

http://www.ourbestbites.com/2008/10/easy-breakfast-crescent-braid/

http://happilyalawmama.blogspot.ca/2012/01/bacon-egg-and-cheese-breakfast-wreath.html?m=1

 

I usually do something like the 2nd one, but there's no hole in the bottom and it's generally neater looking. ;)

 

I have a friend who brags about all her recipes being "oh, sorry it's an old secret family recipe" etc. I don't give people like that the satisfaction of asking for recipes!

[Belacqua]

 

I have a friend who brags about all her recipes being "oh, sorry it's an old secret family recipe" etc. I don't give people like that the satisfaction of asking for recipes!

 

Heh. Anybody who knew my family would be aware that my old secret family recipe would likely start with, "Peel back foil to expose Tater Tots." My family had many fine qualities, but cooking was not among them. I think my teenage rebellion was learning how to cook (thanks, Mrs. Rutkowski next door!).

 

I think Justasque makes a very good point; I wonder if it wasn't so much that Brusque Recipe Lady couldn't recall the ingredients as she was a bit embarrassed to say, "Leftover this, still good but on the verge such-and-such, a rind of that...". Some of the best dishes seem to come from a collection of ingredients that might not look so beautiful taken separately.

 

Still think she might have been a bit nicer about it, though.

[kitten18]

For those that have asked what the dish was, IDK....it was some sort of breakfast casserole. It had cheese and eggs....but I can't remember what meat (bacon, sausage?) but it had a ridiculously flaky, delicious pie-type crust. The main reason I was interested in it was both my kiddos ate it up and loved it -- and that's *so* rare.

 

Again, thanks for the responses. :)

Could it have been a simple quiche? Quiche has a pie crust. If you pick a meat (sausage or bacon) we could give you a quiche recipe.

 

 

If it was a quiche, it's very possible she bought it. You can buy frozen quiche at the grocery store or pick them up hot from places like Marie Calendars.

[alisoncooks]

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Edited July 27, 2022 by alisoncooks

[Belacqua]

Thanks for all the help trying to figure out this recipe. I really have no idea how to describe it. It wasn't really a quiche (or not like those I've made before, at least). This one had flaky, multi-layered, crispy pie-like crust. It might've been phyllo... Hmmm. Didn't seem like a Bisquik or crescent roll casserole...

 

I think if I could get that crust down, the rest should be a snap! :D

 

This situation calls for some logical analysis. Make four pies: one with phyllo, one with puff pastry, one with pie crust, and one with biscuit dough. Then have us all over for dinner to taste and evaluate. I'll bring wine!

[alisoncooks]

 

This situation calls for some logical analysis. Make four pies: one with phyllo, one with puff pastry, one with pie crust, and one with biscuit dough. Then have us all over for dinner to taste and evaluate. I'll bring wine!

 

LOL, well now, I think you might be on to something! That sounds like a plan...

[Tap]

I wouldn't feel slighted and think maybe you are reading her response with the wrong tone. I could see myself saying the same words but in a lighthearted way. She obviouslly didn't realize that you were so serious about getting a recipe from her.

 

I almost always just throw things together and don't use recipes. If you asked me for the recipe to a rice dish I made for a family gathering a few months ago, it is unlikely that I would remember the ingredients. Even if I use on recipe as a 'base' I often alter it on a whim, so who knows what was in it. Since I go on taste, often adding ingredients 2-3 times to get the right amount, I really have no idea what amount I put in. It would be annoying for me to try to sit down and figure out what I put in a dish. I have one cold salad that when I make it, I like it to have some crunch. So I may use celery, jicama, apples, pecans, water chesnuts, raw sweet peppers, raw sweet onion..... Any of those items could be used, depending on the other ingredients I have on hand to go with thit.

 

My husband teases me to say that they only time dishes don't turn out, is if I follow a recipe. LOL

 

I never give out recipes as a result. Becuase if someone's doesn't turn out, then I feel like they will blame me, thinking I purposefully left out ingredients. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

 

If someone asked me in passing, I may have good intentions of writing it down while I remembered but it could slip my mind and I will forget.

 

I would just do like she suggested and just go to allrecipes or another site and find your own recipe.

[Audrey]

I make one that sounds like that... You lightly scramble eggs with cheddar cheese and ham or bacon, season with salt and pepper, then I open a can of pilsbury crescent rolls and lay them out on the cookie sheet in the design I want, fill with eggs, wrap the pastry over the eggs and bake at 350 or so for about 10 mins. Here's some ideas:

http://www.ourbestbi...crescent-braid/

http://happilyalawma...wreath.html?m=1

 

I usually do something like the 2nd one, but there's no hole in the bottom and it's generally neater looking. ;)

 

I have a friend who brags about all her recipes being "oh, sorry it's an old secret family recipe" etc. I don't give people like that the satisfaction of asking for recipes!

 

 

 

LOL! Well, not ALL my recipes are secrets. I give out plenty of them here (and I do NOT leave out the magic ingredient either)....

 

But.... there is one recipe I have that actually is one of those sacred family secrets. It is a chocolate cake recipe that my grandmother made. Only one person gets the recipe and that was me. I had to write it down as she did it and then swear not to give it to another person in my generation. I can pass it on to my kid.

 

It is an amazing cake. Truly. But.... I love to cook and am always looking at recipes. I once found the same recipe in a very obvious place elsewhere. I am betting millions of people have this recipe or have seen it. It isn't really a secret, except to my other family members.

 

We are weird that way.

 

Well, okay... we're weird in many ways, but also in that way.