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WWYD? Tell? Ask?


Pamela H in Texas
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WWYD?  

97 members have voted

  1. 1. If you suspected a teen girl was pregnant, would you

    • say nothing?
      92
    • tell her mother?
      0
    • ask her mother?
      0
    • other (please explain)?
      5


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Okay, so you know a teen girl. Not well. But you're slowly becoming friends with her mother. It is the *very* beginning of a relationship. Someone (who doesn't know the people any better than you do) mentions they think the girl is pregnant. You hadn't noticed anything, but then you do.

 

So possibilities:

 

  • child isn't pregnant
  • child is pregnant and mother knows
  • child is pregnant and mother doesn't know

 

So what do you do?

  • nothing
  • tell mother you think dd may be pregnant
  • ask mother if dd is pregnant
  • other?

 

Honestly, if I didn't notice the issue or was playing it off in my head, I'd want someone to tell me. I wouldn't care who it was.

If I did know, I might wonder where this person thinks it is her place to tell me. If she asked, I might wonder why she think it is okay to ask that. Either way, I'd *try* to remember they were just trying to help.

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I am not seeing a mention of why you want to know if she is pregnant. If it is simply out of curiosity that you want to know, then I would not say anything. If you think the girl is in danger, then my answer would be different.

 

Second hand information about a family you don't know, from people who are just as disconnected....sounds more like gossip than anything, and I would not want to put my nose into someone's personal life over secondhand gossip.

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I don't think the random gossipy comments of strangers are a good enough reason to begin seriously considering the possibility that anyone is pregnant.

 

Therefore I would continue to hold my usual opinion of most people: that they probably are not pregnant, and I don't have any particular reason to imagine that they might be.

 

I'd say nothing.

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That's a tough one. I think that if it is not showing obviously then I would not say anything. If it is obvious I would gently ask in as casual manner as possible during a conversation.......if that question can be asked casually. :ohmy: I voted other.

 

ETA: I guess it depends on the circumstances and where the info came from also.

 

Jenn

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Absolutely not. That falls under the "no way is this any of my business" category. Either the mother knows and doesn't feel comfortable sharing that information, or she doesn't....but soon will. It still remains none of my business. Unless that girl delivers her child on my kitchen floor, I would never, ever mention it.

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I would not venture into that minefield unless you have first hand reason to believe your friend's child and/or unborn grandchild are in danger.

Exactly.

 

At this point you do not have first-hand knowledge. You have only gossip. You don't pass on gossip (and if possible, you give grief to the person who gossipped to you in the first place).

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whatever this other person *thinks* she knows, she may still be wrong. any signs you think you see, you may still be wrong.

 

you know, when I was a teen, I was frequently nauseated. every blasted time I went to the dr, he would ask me if I was pregnant and never look any further. the guy was a jerk. it might be the "obvious" for a teen girl, but it was a few years before I was diagnosed with gallbladder problems and that was what was actually causing the nausea.

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Absolutely not. That falls under the "no way is this any of my business" category. Either the mother knows and doesn't feel comfortable sharing that information, or she doesn't....but soon will. It still remains none of my business. Unless that girl delivers her child on my kitchen floor, I would never, ever mention it.

 

 

Agreed. None of my business, and it isn't my place to butt into their business. If the mother doesn't already know, she will eventually.

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Okay, so you know a teen girl. Not well. But you're slowly becoming friends with her mother. It is the *very* beginning of a relationship. Someone (who doesn't know the people any better than you do) mentions they think the girl is pregnant. You hadn't noticed anything, but then you do.

 

So possibilities:

  • child isn't pregnant
  • child is pregnant and mother knows
  • child is pregnant and mother doesn't know

So what do you do?

  • nothing
  • tell mother you think dd may be pregnant
  • ask mother if dd is pregnant
  • other?

Honestly, if I didn't notice the issue or was playing it off in my head, I'd want someone to tell me. I wouldn't care who it was.

If I did know, I might wonder where this person thinks it is her place to tell me. If she asked, I might wonder why she think it is okay to ask that. Either way, I'd *try* to remember they were just trying to help.

 

Nothing. How mortifying if this information is wrong. Say nothing at all. This isn't your job to point it out, and obviously, if true, it will be noticeable pretty quick.

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I would not.

 

If she is, she may have a plan.

 

When i got pregnant with dd, i wrote my father a letter and left.

 

Then with ds, his father and i were going to take his mother and my father out to lunch and tell them. Unfortunately my aunt threatened that if i didnt tell me father before she left, she was going to. We did not have time for lunch because she was leaving the next day.

 

If she's not, or if its not even possible, she could despise you for a long time. If you go to her mother, her mother may see things that are not there or question things often.

 

My fathers wife has asked me 3 times in the 7 years I've known her if i was pregnant. I wasnt. Once she asked because i had not asked for a feminine product in months (finally figured out how to keep them stocked!) and the second time she asked because i had gained weight. The third time she asked "are you pregnant," and my response was "and how's your s@x life?"

 

It really, really peeved me. Like after having 2 kids, and being over 22 years old, i didnt know how pregnancy happened.

 

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I wouldn't say anything, even if she appeared to be 9 months along. Pregnancy isn't something that needs to be discussed with every new aquaintance. If she or the mom are comfortable with you they will mention it. If not, that is their choice.

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Am I the only one who is thinking it is so very ugly of that other someone to even mention to you that she thinks this girl is pregnant?

 

I'm sure you're coming to this out of concern, Pam, but why would that other someone gossip to you? Is that person concerned too? Is that person a contemporary of the girl?

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Am I the only one who is thinking it is so very ugly of that other someone to even mention to you that she thinks this girl is pregnant?

 

I'm sure your coming to this out of concern, Pam, but why would that other someone gossip to you? Is that person concerned too? Is that person a contemporary of the girl?

 

ETA: if the someone who told you is your child who is worried about the girl, I don't think it's ugly.

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Um... No. I'm pretty sure that falls into the category of something you never ask anyone. Or their mother.

Or it may not be pregnancy and they know of a health issue or whatever.

 

I wouldn't say anything either. Years ago I was developing a new friendship with a woman at church. She looked newly pregnant. Other friends asked if she was but New Friend hadn't said anything. After we'd gotten to be closer friends NF told me about her struggles with infertility and having surgery that caused her belly to pooch out. I'm so glad I didn't say anything.

 

Then there was the time I met another soccer mom. This woman looked about 8 or 9 months pregnant. Boy was I glad I didn't say anything! Next season there was no new baby and she still looked very pregnant. And the next season and the next. I don't know if there was a medical reason or if she just carried all her weight in her belly.

 

If the new friends want you to know about a pregnancy they will eventually share it.

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OTHER:

 

how old is the teen? I'd give a different answer for a 13yo, a 16yo, and a 19yo.

 

First I would ask the "someone else" who brought it up to me why they thought so. "The girl asked me how you can tell if you're pregnant" is very different from "My daughter goes to school with her and saw her in the bathroom vomiting before the first class of the day." AFter I got that info I would tell the someone else that we'd best not discuss it any further or with anyone else. But even in the first case (asking abut pg symptoms) she truly could be askign about a friend of hers.

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If I didn't know the mom or teen well, I wouldn't say anything. It's not my place or my business. It would be different if was a relative or the daughter of a dear heart-sister, in which I would speak up.

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THanks y'all.

 

I guess I was thinking of it in terms of supporting the family (which they'll ask for, I guess)... and that if I somehow overlooked my daughter being pregnant, I'd want someone to tell me.

 

I really wasn't trying to be rude or nosy. I kinda figure we'll all know in a couple months anyway.

 

Rebel, girl is 14 and looks to be sporting a baby bump. I don't want to say more than that because then I seem gossipy, I think. I do agree there are other possibilities though.

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