Pamela H in Texas Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Okay, so you know a teen girl. Not well. But you're slowly becoming friends with her mother. It is the *very* beginning of a relationship. Someone (who doesn't know the people any better than you do) mentions they think the girl is pregnant. You hadn't noticed anything, but then you do. So possibilities: child isn't pregnant child is pregnant and mother knows child is pregnant and mother doesn't know So what do you do? nothing tell mother you think dd may be pregnant ask mother if dd is pregnant other? Honestly, if I didn't notice the issue or was playing it off in my head, I'd want someone to tell me. I wouldn't care who it was. If I did know, I might wonder where this person thinks it is her place to tell me. If she asked, I might wonder why she think it is okay to ask that. Either way, I'd *try* to remember they were just trying to help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 What is the suspicion based on? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 can you ask the daughter? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Um... No. I'm pretty sure that falls into the category of something you never ask anyone. Or their mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 I am not seeing a mention of why you want to know if she is pregnant. If it is simply out of curiosity that you want to know, then I would not say anything. If you think the girl is in danger, then my answer would be different. Second hand information about a family you don't know, from people who are just as disconnected....sounds more like gossip than anything, and I would not want to put my nose into someone's personal life over secondhand gossip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 I don't think the random gossipy comments of strangers are a good enough reason to begin seriously considering the possibility that anyone is pregnant. Therefore I would continue to hold my usual opinion of most people: that they probably are not pregnant, and I don't have any particular reason to imagine that they might be. I'd say nothing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenn121 Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 That's a tough one. I think that if it is not showing obviously then I would not say anything. If it is obvious I would gently ask in as casual manner as possible during a conversation.......if that question can be asked casually. :ohmy: I voted other. ETA: I guess it depends on the circumstances and where the info came from also. Jenn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Absolutely not. That falls under the "no way is this any of my business" category. Either the mother knows and doesn't feel comfortable sharing that information, or she doesn't....but soon will. It still remains none of my business. Unless that girl delivers her child on my kitchen floor, I would never, ever mention it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 No way would I even consider mentioning that to the mom. Gossip is not fact. If it's true, it'll come out soon enough. If it's not true, your budding relationship with the mom will probably be history. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 I can't even imagine a situation where I would say anything. ETA: I can't imagine the mother not knowing after a certain amount of time anyway. And she may already know but feels like it is a private matter that is only discussed in their family. Or it may not be pregnancy and they know of a health issue or whatever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 I would not venture into that minefield unless you have first hand reason to believe your friend's child and/or unborn grandchild are in danger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 I would not venture into that minefield unless you have first hand reason to believe your friend's child and/or unborn grandchild are in danger. Exactly. At this point you do not have first-hand knowledge. You have only gossip. You don't pass on gossip (and if possible, you give grief to the person who gossipped to you in the first place). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 whatever this other person *thinks* she knows, she may still be wrong. any signs you think you see, you may still be wrong. you know, when I was a teen, I was frequently nauseated. every blasted time I went to the dr, he would ask me if I was pregnant and never look any further. the guy was a jerk. it might be the "obvious" for a teen girl, but it was a few years before I was diagnosed with gallbladder problems and that was what was actually causing the nausea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Um... No. I'm pretty sure that falls into the category of something you never ask anyone. Or their mother. Not even if it's a married woman in her childbearing years! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 I would not say anything for all the reasons already mentioned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Unless you are her mother, you should definitely not ask. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somo_chickenlady Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Absolutely not. That falls under the "no way is this any of my business" category. Either the mother knows and doesn't feel comfortable sharing that information, or she doesn't....but soon will. It still remains none of my business. Unless that girl delivers her child on my kitchen floor, I would never, ever mention it. Agreed. None of my business, and it isn't my place to butt into their business. If the mother doesn't already know, she will eventually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Okay, so you know a teen girl. Not well. But you're slowly becoming friends with her mother. It is the *very* beginning of a relationship. Someone (who doesn't know the people any better than you do) mentions they think the girl is pregnant. You hadn't noticed anything, but then you do. So possibilities: child isn't pregnant child is pregnant and mother knows child is pregnant and mother doesn't know So what do you do? nothing tell mother you think dd may be pregnant ask mother if dd is pregnant other? Honestly, if I didn't notice the issue or was playing it off in my head, I'd want someone to tell me. I wouldn't care who it was. If I did know, I might wonder where this person thinks it is her place to tell me. If she asked, I might wonder why she think it is okay to ask that. Either way, I'd *try* to remember they were just trying to help. Nothing. How mortifying if this information is wrong. Say nothing at all. This isn't your job to point it out, and obviously, if true, it will be noticeable pretty quick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in MN Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Well, if you really believe the teen girl is pregnant then talk to her. Have an at-home testing kit with you as the teen might not know if she is or not. Then, IF she is I would do what I could to help her. Because, I'm helpful like that and teen pregnancy is HARD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 I would not. If she is, she may have a plan. When i got pregnant with dd, i wrote my father a letter and left. Then with ds, his father and i were going to take his mother and my father out to lunch and tell them. Unfortunately my aunt threatened that if i didnt tell me father before she left, she was going to. We did not have time for lunch because she was leaving the next day. If she's not, or if its not even possible, she could despise you for a long time. If you go to her mother, her mother may see things that are not there or question things often. My fathers wife has asked me 3 times in the 7 years I've known her if i was pregnant. I wasnt. Once she asked because i had not asked for a feminine product in months (finally figured out how to keep them stocked!) and the second time she asked because i had gained weight. The third time she asked "are you pregnant," and my response was "and how's your s@x life?" It really, really peeved me. Like after having 2 kids, and being over 22 years old, i didnt know how pregnancy happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 I wouldn't say anything, even if she appeared to be 9 months along. Pregnancy isn't something that needs to be discussed with every new aquaintance. If she or the mom are comfortable with you they will mention it. If not, that is their choice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Am I the only one who is thinking it is so very ugly of that other someone to even mention to you that she thinks this girl is pregnant? I'm sure you're coming to this out of concern, Pam, but why would that other someone gossip to you? Is that person concerned too? Is that person a contemporary of the girl? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MtnMama Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 No way would I say anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Am I the only one who is thinking it is so very ugly of that other someone to even mention to you that she thinks this girl is pregnant? I'm sure your coming to this out of concern, Pam, but why would that other someone gossip to you? Is that person concerned too? Is that person a contemporary of the girl? ETA: if the someone who told you is your child who is worried about the girl, I don't think it's ugly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzymom Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 No. I would stay out of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Without concrete evidence I don't even think this should be a question. If you KNOW first hand, you should encourage the girl to tell her mother, but it is not your place to tell the mother IMHO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Um... No. I'm pretty sure that falls into the category of something you never ask anyone. Or their mother. Or it may not be pregnancy and they know of a health issue or whatever. I wouldn't say anything either. Years ago I was developing a new friendship with a woman at church. She looked newly pregnant. Other friends asked if she was but New Friend hadn't said anything. After we'd gotten to be closer friends NF told me about her struggles with infertility and having surgery that caused her belly to pooch out. I'm so glad I didn't say anything. Then there was the time I met another soccer mom. This woman looked about 8 or 9 months pregnant. Boy was I glad I didn't say anything! Next season there was no new baby and she still looked very pregnant. And the next season and the next. I don't know if there was a medical reason or if she just carried all her weight in her belly. If the new friends want you to know about a pregnancy they will eventually share it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UrbanSue Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Pregnancy should always be brought up first by the pregnant woman, on her own terms. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 OTHER: how old is the teen? I'd give a different answer for a 13yo, a 16yo, and a 19yo. First I would ask the "someone else" who brought it up to me why they thought so. "The girl asked me how you can tell if you're pregnant" is very different from "My daughter goes to school with her and saw her in the bathroom vomiting before the first class of the day." AFter I got that info I would tell the someone else that we'd best not discuss it any further or with anyone else. But even in the first case (asking abut pg symptoms) she truly could be askign about a friend of hers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 Not only would I absolutely not say anything, but I'd have had a snarky little something for the person who was gossiping. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbeym Posted January 9, 2013 Share Posted January 9, 2013 If I didn't know the mom or teen well, I wouldn't say anything. It's not my place or my business. It would be different if was a relative or the daughter of a dear heart-sister, in which I would speak up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted January 9, 2013 Author Share Posted January 9, 2013 THanks y'all. I guess I was thinking of it in terms of supporting the family (which they'll ask for, I guess)... and that if I somehow overlooked my daughter being pregnant, I'd want someone to tell me. I really wasn't trying to be rude or nosy. I kinda figure we'll all know in a couple months anyway. Rebel, girl is 14 and looks to be sporting a baby bump. I don't want to say more than that because then I seem gossipy, I think. I do agree there are other possibilities though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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