Young adults/older child and your income...

[Chocolate Rose]

Dd is applying for financial aid for college. She needs our income tax info. I was never allowed to see any of my parent's income information including tax info, so I'm not sure how to deal with this.

Is there any reason not to let your child see your tax info? Do you fill out the form for your child so that they don't see your financial info?

How do you handle this?

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

I was a child whose father would not give out his tax information and it hurt me financially for many, many years later. I am now a mother of adults or near adults and have no problem giving them my tax info for college if it would help[ them down the road.

[Chocolate Rose]

I was a child whose father would not give out his tax information and it hurt me financially for many, many years later. I am now a mother of adults or near adults and have no problem giving them my tax info for college if it would help[ them down the road.

 

 

This is what I was thinking, but was just wondering if there was an actual reason for holding the info back. Thanks!

[Joshin]

What are your qualms about sharing it? I know a lot of people are uncomfortable with sharing financial information with their children, but I have never understood it myself. The child needs the info to qualify for financial aid.

 

My parents were secretive about their finances. They even chose to emancipate me rather than provide the info for college aid. Now they are older and I have complete access to their finances in case health fails and I need to take over for them, so all those years of "protecting" me or whatever are over. It all seemed very silly to me.

[dangermom]

You have to do that for the aid. My parents did not tell me their income all the time, but they put it on the forms, so I knew at that time. Please just do it.

[Chocolate Rose]

Please get over yourself and give her the information for the forms. Please do not be like that. My dad did not go to college because his father didn't want to give out that information. Luckily my parents did and I went to college and graduated. If you don't, your child cannot get aid at this point in time.

 

 

Hmmm, don't know what to say to this. Sorry.

[mytwomonkeys]

if it helps your child, i would give it. i also come from a family that would never give out financial info. my parents never talk about the cost of anything actually. my dad makes a boatload of money too, lol. not sure why he's hiding it!

[Chocolate Rose]

What are your qualms about sharing it? I know a lot of people are uncomfortable with sharing financial information with their children, but I have never understood it myself. The child needs the info to qualify for financial aid.

 

 

I don't have any qualms. That's my question. I never understood why my parents would never give out the info. Just wondering if there was a legit reason I should have qualms. :confused1:

 

I'm glad to know that so far there doesn't seem to be any reason to hold back the info or to have to fill out the forms myself.

[Chocolate Rose]

You have to do that for the aid. My parents did not tell me their income all the time, but they put it on the forms, so I knew at that time. Please just do it.

 

 

Thanks! That's what I was thinking, too - even if I fill out the form she would eventually see it anyway.

[regentrude]

What is your objection to your adult children knowing your income? Just because your parents did something does not mean you have to.

My teens know our family income, what we pay in taxes, how much larger purchases cost, what our major bills are. For us, this is part of their financial education. That way, they have a clearer picture of cost of living, budgeting etc. I do not understand why one would with hold this information.

[DianeW88]

We've never hidden our finances from our kids. From the time they were little, they've known what we've made, how we budget it, and how much we need to save. I've often shown them my checking account balance when they asked for a toy or a treat so they could see that the money isn't there just because they want something. I always explain that "yes, we have this amount of money, but we have to pay xxx for the mortgage, yyy for utilities, and zzz for food." They all now have an excellent understanding of money, live on budgets and are great with their finances. My oldest two (college students) have both had a credit card for over a year that they have never carried a balance on. I think one of the biggest problems in our country is keeping our finances a secret from our kids. How on earth are they supposed to learn to manage money if they've never seen it managed? So yes, my kiddos do have my tax info for the FAFSA. They need it every year (because the forms have to be resubmitted with the latest tax info on a yearly basis) and I willingly give it.

[Chocolate Rose]

if it helps your child, i would give it. i also come from a family that would never give out financial info. my parents never talk about the cost of anything actually. my dad makes a boatload of money too, lol. not sure why he's hiding it!

 

 

Thanks! I never understood the reason either. My dad didn't make a boatload of money, but was definitely comfortable. Why everything was such a secret just didn't make sense to me. That's why I was wondering if I was missing something.

[Jane in NC]

At some point in the teen years, we called a family meeting and discussed our financial picture with our son. We let him know how much we planned on contributing to college and how he would be responsible for loans above a certain amount. We showed him how much we pay for property taxes, insurance, etc. and why we save for retirement as we do.

 

I view all of this as part of a financial education. My parents did not share this with me and I was literally and figuratively poorer for it.

[Rebel Yell]

 

I don't have any qualms. That's my question. I never understood why my parents would never give out the info. Just wondering if there was a legit reason I should have qualms. :confused1:

 

I'm glad to know that so far there doesn't seem to be any reason to hold back the info or to have to fill out the forms myself.

 

 

I could have somethign to do with their age/generation. My mom is 70, if my dad was living he'd be 82. They never even told people who they voted for- i remember being in the curtain voting booth with my dad and having to turn my back so I wouldn;t know who he voted for.

 

Maybe it;s just a case of them knowing they *can* keep certain information private, and thinking that they *had to* keep that information private, or even secret.

[mytwomonkeys]

I could have somethign to do with their age/generation. My mom is 70, if my dad was living he'd be 82. They never even told people who they voted for- i remember being in the curtain voting booth with my dad and having to turn my back so I wouldn;t know who he voted for.

 

Maybe it;s just a case of them knowing they *can* keep certain information private, and thinking that they *had to* keep that information private, or even secret.

 

 

 

i still have no idea who my parents vote for. i don't even think my dad tells my mom! lol

[lllll]

..

[Danestress]

Well, your other choice is to just pay for college without applying for aid. The deal with aid is that if you want help for the child to attend college, you have to provide information that allows them to establish what the need and ability to pay is. If you have resources that you can just pay out of pocket and aren't asking anyone for help, then you can keep the information private. My parents actually did that. Not very many people can really afford that now, especially with college having become so expensive.

[Karen in CO]

Are you by chance filling out the FAFSA? - I hate that fafsa. It is worse than doing my taxes. I did it for my ds his first year and felt uncomfortable. After that, we did it over skype every year so he share the pain.

[Amy in NH]

Are you by chance filling out the FAFSA? - I hate that fafsa. It is worse than doing my taxes. I did it for my ds his first year and felt uncomfortable. After that, we did it over skype every year so he share the pain.

 

 

 

I don't see what's so hard about it, especially if you are renewing. Just fill in the blanks, and if you aren't sure there are help boxes for each item.

[Murphy101]

My parents never did it either. Many parents don't. And I don't think they should have to either. Grown adults shouldn't need some other persons financial records to do anything. It's ridiculous.

 

But if you don't play the game, they don't play either until they are 24.

 

Your choice.

[Tokyomarie]

 

 

i still have no idea who my parents vote for. i don't even think my dad tells my mom! lol

 

 

I don't tell people, even my dh, who I vote for. I value the "secret vote" process. Now, people who know me know my values and can guess......I just leave 'em guessing.

 

As for income related info, my parents never told me what they made. My dad also refused to fill out financial aid forms for me, but part of the reason was that he did not have any company-sponsored retirement plan. There also were few to no options at that time for "protected" private retirement savings, so every dime he had saved for his retirement would be used against him in making a financial aid judgment. Being well aware of how financial aid decisions were made, he knew I wouldn't qualify so he didn't want his private information out there with my college. He also didn't pay my college tuition, but college was much more affordable back in the '70s.

 

We have not shared our personal financial information with our children. I did fill out the FAFSA form for my oldest daughter the first year she was in college because the college required it of us, but I filled it out online and never showed it to her. It came back as expected, that we would not qualify for any need-based aid, so we have never filled it out again.

 

It is an extremely personal decision as to what information to share with children about the family's finances. People make all sorts of judgments about others from financial information they know and sometimes children don't remember to keep that information private. However, if I expected that my child could qualify for need-based aid, I would not refuse to fill out the FAFSA form.

[Tokyomarie]

 

I guess I'm sensitive about this. I don't understand why a parent would withhold information which would likely cause their child to be unable to attend college. We have to tell the IRS what we make. That strikes me as far less private than our own children.

 

 

Less private in some ways, but more private than the possibility that friends, neighbors, or extended family might find out information that you would rather those in your circles of influence not know. Younger children, in particular, are notorious for not keeping "private" information to themselves, and I am just not keen to have people I know have any more of a picture of our financial situation than they can gather from observing our lifestyle.

 

As I said, we have chosen not to speak of our specifics with our older children, but also did fill out the FAFSA online the first year our daughter was in college.

[Unicorn.]

It has to be a generation thing. My parents would not share how much they made either. I found out when I went to college, and had to fill out the forms. What I hate about the whole thing, is that we have to provide our income, tax info, etc.' are responsible for paying for our kid's education, and yet we aren't allowed to see their grades w/ out the kid's permission! If I'm the parent, and I'm paying for it, then I dang well should be able to see their grades!

[Miss Mousie]

I completely agree with Tokyomarie. My parents kept financial and voting information private, and made sure we knew why. I did not live through McCarthyism, for example, but I know what happened then and what can happen any time down the road.

 

For my first two years of college, my mother had me fill out everything I could do myself on the forms and then pass them to her for completion. It wasn't until my junior year that she gave me the information, and that was only because logistics prevented it from being done as it had in the past.

 

That said, my plan for DS is different. He does not know now how much we make, and only occasionally learns about this or that bill - but that's because he's only 11. By the time he hits high school I will be doing a lot more financial training - assuming I can trust by then that he will not blab it around at school or to the family or on Facebook. If I don't feel like I can trust him, I will just have to wait longer to teach him. But I would definitely fill out FAFSA forms openly when the time comes.

 

We have more than he thinks we do, and I absolutely do not want him letting something slip to certain family members who would no doubt show up with open hands and a sob story. And the situation is completely avoidable by keeping my little 11-yr-old leak in the dark.

 

ETA: I do take him into the voting booth with me, but before we go I review the right to privacy and my desire to maintain it. He is required to save his questions and observations until we are away from the polling place. He has done very well with these requirements, which gives me hope for future situations!

[PeacefulChaos]

I would just give the info. I don't think it's something that needs to be kept from her.

 

Granted, I don't like the way financial aid works. I don't understand why it is based on parents income, tbh. I don't believe that most parents are the ones paying for college, OR the ones who will be paying back the loans, etc. But that's a whole other issue. :)

[Mommy22alyns]

But I do know people who just flat out refused to give out the information at all under any circumstance causing their children to be unable to attend college.

 

 

Yes, my dad did this and completely screwed me over.

[kroe1]

No, I would never give financial information to a child. My finances would not help them anyway. I paid cash, so far, for everyone to go to college. It is not like I do not know the expense is coming. I save for it accordingly when the DC are little. I quit paying for DS after he was in his first year of med school and got married. If I did not have the money to pay for his college, I still would not give him my personal information. I would tell him to get a job and pay for college as he could like I did. My kids don't call me the Mean Duchess for nothing.

[tex-mex]

Growing up, we were poor. My mom had no problems sharing her tax info and it got me a LOT of scholarships and grants for college.

 

We've been rich and we've been poor. (Currently poor. LOL) I would do the same for my son (regardless of income) -- I am very open with our finances with him.

[tex-mex]

i still have no idea who my parents vote for. i don't even think my dad tells my mom! lol

Oh my Lawd... on both sides of our families, we are all very emotional and adamant about who we vote for!!

 

I grew up in a liberal Democratic household. And we were very passionate about it to anyone.

 

Married into a conservative GOP family. It made for lively conversation at the dinner table which family we visited. LOL FOX News meets CNN. I enjoyed the debate. And our son has grown up with us being open on so many political and religious topics (hubby and I are on different POVs) that hopefully son can see people from different sides of the fence can live harmoniously and love one another. And debate civilly.

[Pawz4me]

We have always been VERY open with our children about our finances. Or at least since they became old enough to understand that it's not something to be talked about just anywhere. Both my and DH's parents raised us the same way. And I'm very glad. My mom's been in ICU for close to a month now. Had she not kept me updated about her finances, had my name on her checking accounts, etc., it would have been a burden to make sure all her bills are taken care of. I can't imagine being in the dark about her finances, and likewise I can't imagine keeping my kids in the dark about ours.

[Tokyomarie]

This is not a younger child.

 

I understood clearly that the OP was referring to a young adult child. But at least one PP mentioned sharing significant information with younger children & I was reacting to that.

 

I would be fine with having the parent fill their part out on their own. But I do know people who just flat out refused to give out the information at all under any circumstance causing their children to be unable to attend college.

 

My father flat out refused to fill out the form, in part for the reason I outlined in my post above. He also did not pay my tuition, except the last 3 or 4 credit hours while I was doing the required full-time internship in physical therapy. My parents' main contribution to my getting a start in adulthood was allowing me to live at home rent-free and continuing to pay for me to be insured to drive their vehicles (on occasion) while I attended a local 4 year university. I could not afford to purchase a car and go to school, too, so I often cobbled together rides when I wasn't free to use their car. I did two years at that university, then transferred to the school that had my major.

 

I found a way to get a college education even when my parents did not contribute in the way I had hoped they would and I could not get need-based financial aid. I worked many more hours that I would have preferred, while also attending school at 15-17 credit hours/term. I wasn't able to attend the out-of-state or private school that I would have preferred, but I was able to meet my basic goal through hard work and juggling school and employment, even though Dad would not fill out the form.

I don't know what a "circle of influence" is.

 

I'm just using it to refer to people with whom I have some relationship. It's often used to refer to people whose lives are touched or influenced in some way by knowing us.

 

 

Because of my experience, I am sensitive about this whole financial aid situation, but I also do not feel I need to lay out all of my finances to underage or young adult children.

[2squared]

My 10yo and 8yo see our budget every month. They are focused on the fun categories, and haven't noticed the top lines yet. I guess I've never even considered our finances a secret within our family. My kids, also though, aren't the type to volunteer extra information to anyone. They are quite reserved.

[Joanne]

My parents were "private".

 

My kids know both how much I make and our budget.

[FaithManor]

Please get over yourself and give her the information for the forms. Please do not be like that. My dad did not go to college because his father didn't want to give out that information. Luckily my parents did and I went to college and graduated. If you don't, your child cannot get aid at this point in time.

 

And it's no just need based financial aid, it applies to scholarship. Technically, it shouldn't. Merit aid is supposed to be based on the accomplishments of the student. But, this is how it works. Colleges look at a whole host of demographics in order to determine whom and whom they are not wooing for the year. On top of that, they've got it in their heads that without "supportive" parents, the students won't make it. They would like to have the student graduate at some point. It is to their advantage to not have a high number of drop outs and statistically, students are less likely to drop out IF they have parents who support their decision to go to college, then those that don't. Nevermind that MANY supportive parents won't be able to provide actually MONEY for college or if they do, only in small amounts. But, in the college mind, filling out FASFA forms seems to = supportive parents.

 

Now, we all know there are flaws in this logic...however, those of us that have been hanging around the college board for a while and are either in the process or have already put one through the admission's game will tell you we have serious issues with the process, but have not found a way around it without hurting our kids.

 

My nephew's mother, whom he lived with full time the last two years of college, refused to fill out one dumb thing. He wasn't eligible for ANYTHING. That means even if the student goes to the cheapest school possible, the bill is going to be awful...like paying full sticker price at the used car dealership and everyone knows your not supposed to pay sticker price!

 

It's not pretty.

 

If memory serves and you want to try to keep some of your financial information confidential from your child, you can probably fill all of the FASFA out alone and send it in. From there, I don't know if the college will keep it confidential and just say, "Here is what you get!" or if they would disclose it with the final financial aid letter to the student.

 

Faith

[dbmamaz]

i am not a private person, but i also dont keep a monthly budget. Dh and i are both very intuitive with numbers, so we discuss purchases and stay within our income. I answer questions when the kids ask, tho sometimes dh wont - he is more private.

 

For my daughter's FAFSA or whatever it is, I read her the numbers she needed. However, she basically hit the roof. When she found out we have more than enough in savings to pay for her college and room and board, she was angry that we refused to do so. Dh had agreed to pay 1/3 of her tuition (my mom was agreeing to contribute, too, and it was important to him that she also contribute) and she was living at home, commuting in to town, about 30 minutes in rush hour traffic. She did not think it was acceptable for us to put money away for retirement instead of spending it on her. She is definitely having mental health issues, tho, so I think its just a bad situation, not something anyone else could expect to deal with.

[Tokyomarie]

And it's no just need based financial aid, it applies to scholarship. Technically, it shouldn't. Merit aid is supposed to be based on the accomplishments of the student. But, this is how it works.

 

 

The relationship of the FAFSA to merit aid is probably a college-by-college thing, as well as a scholarship-by-scholarship thing. My daughters both received significant merit aid awards that were not dependent on FAFSA numbers in any way. My older daughter's college required us to submit a FAFSA the first year she was in school, but her merit aid was granted without relation to those numbers. We never submitted a FAFSA to either of our younger daughter's colleges (she transferred after 2 years). Both colleges granted her significant merit aid- one scholarship was for full tuition.

 

OTOH, many merit awards are not merit only, they are awarded on some combination of merit and need. Those will require qualifying FAFSA numbers.

[Tokyomarie]

She did not think it was acceptable for us to put money away for retirement instead of spending it on her.

 

I felt the same way when I was 18yo, and I didn't have any mental health issues. I was just, well, lacking in life experience. On the parent side of the fence, I am much better able to appreciate how young adults with little life experience perceive the numbers and priorities differently from parents who are staring down retirement sooner than they would like to admit.

[Tokyomarie]

ETA: I have taught my children from a very young age how to manage money without them knowing our income. My father did the same with me.

 

 

:iagree: :iagree:

 

My dad did it with us and we did it with our girls.

[Kakids]

Problem is without the FAFSA a student probably won't even be able to qualify for loans. Federal loans are then out. Private loans generally require a cosigner. I was denied the option of college in my younger years due to refusal to share fafsa information. It could have been done without me seeing it. I didn't need to see it, or care if I saw it, I just wanted the govt to see it so I had a chance at funding my education.

[Arcadia]

At my husband's current income, we don't qualify for financial aid. Hubby joke about retiring two years before older kid turns 18.

 

We would be paying for their college but our intention is to send them abroad because our extended family is not here.

 

I do not understand why one would with hold this information.

 

I have dysfunctional cousins who fought over inheritance since they were in their teens. The parents of those cousins are high income.

[Arcadia]

I help my parents with income tax filing when I was in upper elementary. I also saw my parents pay slip. My brother has a blabber mouth issue even now and my parents don't tell him anything about money. He was also cheated financially a few times by his friends. He has an over trusting personality that is beyond the norms. We didn't qualify for aid.

 

My hubby does not know his parents income. It was just secret to all the kids. Hubby and his siblings do not qualify for financial aid anyway but hubby did get a scholarship.

 

There is no clear answer as to how much to tell and when as it really depends on the maturity and personality of the kid.

[Joker]

These issues always make me go, "Huh?". :huh: I could not care less who knows what we make or how much money we have. Dh comes from a family who was always much more private about finances but, fortunately, I've rubbed off on him. Our dds already know everything and we will gladly turn over whatever information they need for college assistance.

[StephanieZ]

I would provide the info needed for the forms unless I felt I could not trust the young adult child to be discrete with the info. If I couldn't trust his/her discretion, then I would try to do as others have suggested by filling out the form myself and submitting it without the child seeing it. If that wasn't possible, I'd suck it up and provide the info anyway, along with a strong lecture on trust and discretion.

 

Right now, we share random small bits of info, but we don't share total income numbers with our kids, but I expect to by the time they are applying to colleges. One reason is that our income is quite complicated since we are business owners with large debts from the business acquisition. Our taxable income is much higher than the actual cash we get to spend (as the pay down on the debts each year is taxable to us, but is not spendable!) Anyway, it is all rather complicated, not just a salary, and so it'd be a complex conversation that requires more savvy than most adults have to understand.

 

To ease them into undertstanding our finances, I do share things like how much a vacation costs or how much lessons cost or how much taxes we pay, etc. I want them to understand that it takes a high income to support the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed, so I am trying to ease them into that understanding little by little, so that when they see the total numbers in a few years, they'll be motivated to earn incomes like that themselves (and get the educations and make the sacrifices needed). I also hope that by that time, they'll be mature enough to appreciate the many expenses we have to cover with that income. Fingers crossed, lol.

[Chocolate Rose]

 

I guess I'm sensitive about this. I don't understand why a parent would withhold information which would likely cause their child to be unable to attend college. We have to tell the IRS what we make. That strikes me as far less private than our own children.

 

 

Well, that's why I was asking you all. I wanted to know if there was reason to not give the info. I'd rather not give out personal info, but I'm willing to do what I need to do so that dd can get assistance with college. But, I wanted to see if there was something I hadn't thought through.

[Chocolate Rose]

Thank you, everyone, for your responses!! It's been interesting reading everyone's pov. I feel better about giving up the personal info, but wish I didn't have to. I don't have anything to hide, but I just don't like so much personal info out there floating around. Hopefully it will pay off and she'll get some assistance. Dh has been unemployed for 15 months now, so we aren't able to help her financially.

[Amber in SJ]

My FIL refused to give any information for Dh to receive financial aid in college. Dh had to pay for it all himself. My parents were fine with us knowing how poor we were :) We later came to discover that FIL had cried "poor" all through Dh's childhood (even to the point of selling presents the kids received like bicycles from grandparents) when in fact the grandparents had set up a family trust that paid a monthly dividend that was a comfortable living. I am much more open with the kids than Dh is. Just recently Dh's work asked everyone to take a week long unpaid furlough. It has been one unpaid week per month since October. At breakfast I matter-of-factly explained what was going on and that we'd be fine with paying for the big things, but we needed to be careful about waste and separating our wants from our needs. I looked up from my dishes to see Dh's face aghast that I had mentioned family finances to the kids. His reasoning is that they shouldn't have to worry. My reasoning is that if they know then we can all feel like we are pulling together to get through a rough patch. To be honest, I want the kids to know when times are tight because when they don't know and I have to deny requests they think I am just being mean.

 

Unfortunately when it comes to the FAFSA when our 18 yo dd saw what we make she wanted to know where it all goes, because that is a ton of money to her. We have discussed budgets, bills and she has done the Dave Ramsey teen course. It all bounces off her. She is not getting a credit card anytime soon because she can't handle it. My 15yo is much more responsible.

 

Amber in SJ

[QueenCat]

And it's no just need based financial aid, it applies to scholarship. Technically, it shouldn't. Merit aid is supposed to be based on the accomplishments of the student. But, this is how it works. Colleges look at a whole host of demographics in order to determine whom and whom they are not wooing for the year. On top of that, they've got it in their heads that without "supportive" parents, the students won't make it. They would like to have the student graduate at some point. It is to their advantage to not have a high number of drop outs and statistically, students are less likely to drop out IF they have parents who support their decision to go to college, then those that don't. Nevermind that MANY supportive parents won't be able to provide actually MONEY for college or if they do, only in small amounts. But, in the college mind, filling out FASFA forms seems to = supportive parents.

 

 

 

In our state, to get the merit based Hope scholarship, one must fill at the FAFSA. The scholarship is purely based on gpa and ACT scores but the FAFSA serves as the application for the scholarship. The college elder ds goes to requires the FAFSA before they will award merit or financial aid.

[somo_chickenlady]

I would just fill out the forms, but we don't have a problem with holding that kind of information back from DS.

[Lisbeth]

I am shocked to hear of parents putting financial privacy over their children's futures. It seems so hard and unreasonable.

[lynn]

We had identity theft so I understand not wanting to give out ss#. If it were just financial information that would not be a problem.