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This may be long...don't have a CLUE how to handle this (daughter, horse, homeschooling, friends)


amyrjoy
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This is our fourth year of homeschooling. First things first: my daughter says she still wants to homeschool, in the end. But we have some issues.

 

This year, she's become increasingly internalized. Moody. Bad attitude about many things. Body language that's disrespectful. She'll snarl/snap at her brothers, who are just being boys. To be fair, I reprimand them too, when they are rude, but honestly....she'll blame them for her own behavior. And I tell her she can't blame others for how she reacts, etc. (the other half of the time, she and her brother are best friends, playing. ugh!)

 

It's never ending, the attitude about things. I can't even pinpoint the trigger. It's beyond our school day. It's a lot with her brothers, and has entered the sphere of her horse. At this point, she does not want to make the effort and go (he boards elsewhere) with her grandpa (my dad) and brush him, ride him, etc. I Don't Get It. This is the horse crazy girl I've had for ever since I can remember. She's taking the horse things out of her room, saying she doesn't like horses....how can one turn the switch off on that, so to speak? When she's ridden and been around Zach, she's always been sweet to him, loving him, missing him when she's not with him. So....what gives? She has a responsibility to him and we can't just get rid of him! You know?!!!!! He needs her and has a bond...she can't just stop. Plus, I feel badly for my dad. He's put SOOO much time and money and energy into this (he bought the horse and one for himself, so they ride together). I don't think anything happened in particular to make her upset and change her mind. I just can't figure this out. This sudden change. And cruddy behavior.

 

Is this a stage? Is it that she needs more girl friends? She has a few, but winter is here, and we are not going to the gym and swim thing right now where she'd meet up with some regularly. She talks often on the phone and at church with another homeschool friend. She has a penpal here too :) I'm trying to figure this out....I've thought of taking her to a counselor. She rarely will speak of her feelings.

 

Is it puberty, on the cusp? Is it the winter blues? It's cold and snowy here in Ohio. I've reached a point today where I just spent a couple hours in my bedroom just crying and not wanting to "deal" with her anymore, to be honest. I'm so tired of being disrespected during the day. I don't know what to do, if putting her in school is the answer. I keep thinking there's something else here I'm missing, and I can't see it.

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Have you tried talking to her about it? Not in the heat of the moment. Can you sit her down in some peaceful moment, perhaps away from the house and distractions and say, "Honey, I have noticed you are not as interested in your horse over the last few months. It's such a change for you and I am concerned. Can you help me understand your feelings on this?"

 

Also, if this is a sudden change this year, I think you really do need to ask, "Has something happened to you?" You really never know.

 

Approach the conversation with the intent to listen and learn, NOT prescribe or lecture or remind her of her responsibilities. Once all the feelings are on the table, say, "Let's take a few days to think, to process, and then talk again about the best course of action." DO NOT make a plan then and there. Make it a safe place to just put all her feelings--whatever they are--on the table, and then ponder and pray.

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I would guess that it is the age. At least I can say that in my own teen, it was the age for moodiness, snapping and internalization of everything. About the horse, I don't know. It is an age when they do start to define things more as what they want to do. Many kids change sports for example at this age even when they loved the sport before.

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My first guess would be it is the age. Not only does onset of puberty lead to terrible mood swings, it is also a time when girls reexamine their interests and redefine their friendships. It is not unusual that a girl's interest changes.

This does not mean that you should excuse her behavior, but it may explain that she only has limited control over herself.

 

As far as responsibility: I would not expect a ten year old to understand that in getting a horse she is accepting a decades long responsibility to an animal and the duty to take care of it, whether she is interested or not. It would have been clear to me as a mother that, ultimately, it will become my responsibility. Which is why we only lease, but not own, DD's horse.

ETA: I would still want rule out an incident with the horse. Talk to your father.

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She's 9? 10? You aren't alone - this seems to be the age that provokes lots of "My Kid is Driving Me Crazy" posts - me included!

 

We deal with winter cold and dark here. Things that help here are being sure that they get enough sleep and getting them MORE exercise in the winter. If her main source of exercise is the horse riding, I would insist that she go just for that reason.

 

This is also the age for growth spurts and moodiness. My older DD needed more of her own space at that age - being allowed to hang out in her room and not be annoyed by her brothers and little sister was a Big Deal. Another thing that helped was for me to NOT ENGAGE when she got snotty. I would call her on it when she was rude, but the behavior calmed down more quickly when she didn't get a rise out of me.

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My 9 year old has similar mood and attitude issues. In our case, I think it's just the hormones kicking in. She's in PS, so I wouldn't attribute hs'ing to being the main contributor. I just give Dd lots of her own space (she's an introvert) and make sure she is eating healthy and getting enough sleep.

 

I also have allowed her to do a few "older" things such as occasional lip gloss, Bath and Body works lotions, etc. I think she's reaching a stage that she realizes she's outgrowing her little girl body and feels confused.

 

We also do an awesome nightly mom/daughter devotion book. It really opens the door for us to talk about deeper issues and feelings. I can find the title if you are interested.

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You're right, that's odd behavior for a horse lovin' gal. When I was at my most obnoxious as a teen all I wanted was my horse and for everyone else to bugger off. I'd ask grandpa if horse had done anything that might have spooked her.

 

The rest of it? Normal teen crap.

 

 

:iagree:

 

My 14DD is a horse crazy kid. At about 10 years, she started getting incredibly nasty with her siblings, moody, and such. And she was very very disrespectful to me. Horses didn't cure her nasty behavior but they did give her an escape and keep her grounded. Horses were the only thing that mattered to her. She could talk/cry to Rhythm about anything.

 

About 2 years ago, she wanted to quit horses. It was rather sudden. I asked her if anything was going on, if there was anything on her mind. I told her that I wouldn't judge or get mad or be disappointed... that if she ever needed to confide in me, I was there. A couple of days later we talked. It turned out that she was having a rough time with our horse. Normally, Rhythm is pretty well trained, but she dumped DD twice within a week. It really shook her up and she started questioning ever riding again. She was also losing confidence in her riding lessons due to a mental block she was having over a new lesson. After our talk, we worked with our trainer to restore DD's confidence and the issues that were causing Rhythm to started acting up.

 

For her nasty behavior, I held her accountable. She always had to apologize for her actions/words and she had to do nice things for the offended person. For disrespect towards me, I made her restate her words in a more polite manner or redo the action. It was tiring and I was weary. Sometimes I had such a hard time reining in my reaction to her behavior. I failed. A lot. I had many times when I cried and considered putting her in public school. Sometimes every day.

 

At 14.5yo, she is less moody, she shows me much more respect, and she treats her siblings better. We still work on her attitude, but it has gotten easier over the last year or so. We've had lots of talks over the years about her feelings toward her siblings (esp. of jealousy or perceived favoritism). I try to give her lots of space as well. The barn is her world and I try to respect that. I give a lot of credit to our horse for keeping her sane through all the hormonal junk. Consistency and time has helped me.

 

Hang in there! In the end, you'll be glad you stuck it out. :grouphug:

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....Moody. Bad attitude about many things. Body language that's disrespectful... It's a lot with her brothers, and has entered the sphere of her horse..... I'm so tired of being disrespected during the day..... I keep thinking there's something else here I'm missing, and I can't see it.

 

 

Relate to her by talking to her & reconciling. You may need to first listen & understand the situation from her perspective. She then also needs to understand the issue from your and her brother's perspective. She needs help in learning how to handle her feelings, and how to stop her negative thoughts on track.

 

Try helping her search for positive ways to deal with the issue, learning how to be responsible and committed to the decisions you both make and how she can be more respectful towards you & her siblings. Encourage her to be motivated to do what she likes to do, & praise her good behaviour.

 

Help her change her bad habits. Give her examples of courteous behaviour, what is expected and what isn't. Set boundaries & consequences if she goes over & above limits, (e.g: 'until you apologize and be more responsible by doing what you agreed to do, there will be no extra privileges today').

 

See this article Setting Limits & Using Consequences

 

Best Wishes

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We also do an awesome nightly mom/daughter devotion book. It really opens the door for us to talk about deeper issues and feelings. I can find the title if you are interested.

 

I would love the title.

 

Otherwise, Im agreeing with another poster. 10yo seems awfully young to assign such a huge daily burden of horse care. We don't even own a dog because I,know who would really be responsible for the dog.

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Hi Amy,

 

It's very easy to feel confused and lose hope. If your daughter is still young.

 

My dear daughter is a horse lover. She would love the opportunity to work in a stable, grooming a horse, making a horse coat shine and go riding. She read loads of books on horses.

 

We can never own a horse as we live in a middle of a populated town, and my budget would not allow it. At one charity event, there were some ponies to ride. My dd was the most excited, yet when the time came to mounting & riding the pony she became totally nervous. So we just stroked the horse for a few minutes and I asked her out of curiosity how does one get on a horse & where the foot is placed. No sooner than she explained it to me she got on the pony herself without any help, for the very first time ever...I gave her a little push up as the horse was a little high and off she went riding it. She was worried about falling, but her fears soon dissolved. She said at the end, she thoroughly enjoyed her once in a life time experience! :)

 

Encouragement & motivation is all she needs to do what she loves most.

 

Best Wishes

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Welcome to parenting a pre-teen girl and her first dose of those wonderful hormones. As with every stage of development it will pass and a new one will kick in. My dd is just now getting to the point where she can tell if her upset is actually at the level she is expressing or if her hormones are ramping it up. It's taken us years of talking, some therapy, and a bit of medication to get us to where we are today. Lots and lots of tear filled talking. In my observations it's like their body is trying to learn how to PMS and does it too long or for really short and intense bursts.

 

Now, the disrespect I don't tolerate. Not one bit of it. I can arch my eyebrow and normally she stops talking which is really something of a miracle. It's a hot button issue for me, so it can be hard to keep my emotions in control and to help my dd get her emotions under control. When my dd is being disrespectful to me I tell her I don't like the tone of voice she is using, or the word combinations she's coming up with. Huh, let me think. Today she called me a "grammar Nazi" and I said very simply "I don't like being compared to an ideology that resulted in the murder of over six million people." She hemmed and hawed and tried to say she was saying this or that, trying very hard to get out of the corner she painted herself into. I just simply said "It's okay to admit you didn't think your wording through too carefully. However, you need to not do that again." She apologized and said she won't do it again. Next time I'm sure I'll be called a "grammar fascist" and we'll have another talk.

 

You remember when you were helping your daughter learn to name her emotions? When she was SO FRUSTRATED and ready to tear the world apart and you would say something like "I see your heart is feeling very frustrated" and then she would calm down? This is the second version of it. She needs you to be able to say "Hey, I know you're really upset and feeling *XYZ*, but you can't be disrespectful to me. That is the wrong way to express that feeling. This is a good way to do it" and then show her how to do it. I let my dd beat the bed with a pillow. It helps get the rage out. They know that they are too young for making all their decisions but the desire to have more control over their lives is blooming. That feeling can be both liberating and terrifying. There is the little girl in them that still wants their mother to make them food and hug them, but then there is this new part of themselves coming out that wants only to eat their food and to never been seen in public with you. Please remember that as odd as the behavior seems to you it's scaring her.

 

This is hard work, this mothering. It's the hardest work you'll ever do. If anyone else in the world were to do or say to you the things your children will do and say to you we would resort to violence. Really, if a stranger came up and vomited all over on us we'd not respond with "Oh honey, you're not feeling well! Poor dear! Here, you run up to the bedroom and lay down. I'll be right up after I tidy up this mess." There would be cursing, gnashing of teeth, and at the very least they'd have to pay a dry cleaning bill.

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I would guess age and hormones but would feel it necessary to really make sure nothing had happened that relates to being at the stable. I would not want to find out years later that it was something other than hormones.

 

FWIW, my just turned 9 goes up and down like a yo-yo all day. Such a mean face on such a pretty little girl. LOL! Poor baby, I know the feeling.

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The thing about horses is that they revolt if the rider has a bad attitude. They only obey commands if you are calm and in control. If not, they are much bigger and stronger than her and will outright ignore her, or worse try and throw her, or run straight for a low hanging branch to try and sweep her off.

 

I had more than one horse do EXACTLY those things to me when I was a tween with a bad attitude, but I am grateful that my dad insisted I keep riding. It really did teach me a sort of natural calm assertiveness that helps a lot in many areas of life. Long after my dad has passed, I am the only person in my extended family who is any good at training a dog, for example, because they require the same sort of calm leadership. Of course, my dad was my instructor and was really good at telling me that the problem was that I was tense or frustrated or angry or whatever I wasn't even aware I was feeling and telling me to calm down and be assertive. Horses really did help.

 

I would make sure that no abuse had happened to make her afraid of the horse, but then I would refuse to let her quit too, no argument about it.

 

Also, I'm a little concerned that YOU are letting hormone-induced bratty behavior affect you so much that you're hiding in your room crying. You teach people the way they're allowed to treat you. If she's being disrespectful it's because you haven't insisted she be respectful. Explain it will no longer be tolerated. She may not be aware when she's doing it just yet, so you have a couple of options: either give her a warning by getting completely quiet and raising an eyebrow at her, in which case if she apologizes let her off the hook; or just punish each incident immediately. You could even make her one of those toddler calming jars with glitter and joke if she's going to throw a tantrum like a toddler she can get put in time out like one and have her shake up the jar, sit in the corner, and wait until the glitter calms down before she's allowed to get up again.

 

For you, please read the book Boundaries. There's even a spin off called Boundaries with Kids or something like that which is probably good too (I haven't read that one yet though, so I can't say for certain). My guess is that if you're letting her upset YOU that much, she's mirroring your behavior in letting her sibling upset her that much. You probably owe her an apology for letting her upset you and for letting her get away with disrespectful behavior in the first place.

 

Also, it sounds like she may need more hard physical exercise and more vitamin D. Perhaps you can supplement with D3 until winter is over, and do more activities that require a lot of exertion?

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I think there's a set of issues, and they're multilayered. Attitude, friends, horse.

 

Finally, last night, after I posted here....my daughter was able to explain a little why she doesn't want to go back to seeing her horse. Seems that he's perhaps acting a little too fiesty for her, and scared her. Last night, before I got this out of her, she exited the room when Jane and the Dragon was on and a horse came on the screen. She did this both times the horse came on the tv. :confused1: So that got me thinking there really MUST be something that upset her, to do this. She has lived and breathed horses and it's sooo strange that all of a sudden (and to me that means just a few weeks) she's changed her mind and does not want to ride, etc. We don't get to see Zach but once a week if that (he boards 45 minutes away). So her responsibility is minimal. After we chatted, which wasn't much, lol. For she is tough to give out feelings. I told her that we'd (grandpa, the woman who cares for Zach, and myself) would help her feel more comfortable. She said she likes Zach because he jumps and does barrell racing. When my dad purchased the horse, we were going for a horse that Ella could grow with but it seems that an older, quieter horse may be the best thing, if she's timid? It's a thought going through my dad's mind.

 

Parenting is so hard. I appreciate all the feedback, and help with ideas for attitude and behaviors. I'm going to take notes on this thread and look into the book(s) mentioned. I knew from the get go with her, as a baby, she'd be a bit tougher. LOL. But I love her and she is so sweet and creative. It's this stuff that's upsetting and hard to get through. She is one that loves physical exercise and social interaction...she could live in the snow we have these days.

 

As to me needing some time to myself as I was emotional...I'm 100% sure she didn't know I was crying for she was busy with something else and her dad was home. I had a huge migraine and couldn't get rid of it, so off to rest I went. :glare: It was very upsetting to me last night and there's no way I could've not cried. We all have those times, right?

 

She gets punishment for wrong behavior, please don't misunderstand, after the day (of attitude, and me continuing to school and do all I need to do as mother and teacher) that I was exhausted and had head pain and nausea.

 

I figured I'd ask for help, for some ideas on what I'm missing, and I've really appreciated the time people have taken to post. It's SO helpful, but please don't misunderstand. I figured there's some words and ways and steps I could take to help her on a more personal level, and there's been great advice here.

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:iagree:

 

My 14DD is a horse crazy kid. At about 10 years, she started getting incredibly nasty with her siblings, moody, and such. And she was very very disrespectful to me. Horses didn't cure her nasty behavior but they did give her an escape and keep her grounded. Horses were the only thing that mattered to her. She could talk/cry to Rhythm about anything.

 

About 2 years ago, she wanted to quit horses. It was rather sudden. I asked her if anything was going on, if there was anything on her mind. I told her that I wouldn't judge or get mad or be disappointed... that if she ever needed to confide in me, I was there. A couple of days later we talked. It turned out that she was having a rough time with our horse. Normally, Rhythm is pretty well trained, but she dumped DD twice within a week. It really shook her up and she started questioning ever riding again. She was also losing confidence in her riding lessons due to a mental block she was having over a new lesson. After our talk, we worked with our trainer to restore DD's confidence and the issues that were causing Rhythm to started acting up.

 

For her nasty behavior, I held her accountable. She always had to apologize for her actions/words and she had to do nice things for the offended person. For disrespect towards me, I made her restate her words in a more polite manner or redo the action. It was tiring and I was weary. Sometimes I had such a hard time reining in my reaction to her behavior. I failed. A lot. I had many times when I cried and considered putting her in public school. Sometimes every day.

 

At 14.5yo, she is less moody, she shows me much more respect, and she treats her siblings better. We still work on her attitude, but it has gotten easier over the last year or so. We've had lots of talks over the years about her feelings toward her siblings (esp. of jealousy or perceived favoritism). I try to give her lots of space as well. The barn is her world and I try to respect that. I give a lot of credit to our horse for keeping her sane through all the hormonal junk. Consistency and time has helped me.

 

Hang in there! In the end, you'll be glad you stuck it out. :grouphug:

 

Thanks for this. It's hard to think it will get better (and it certainly could be worse, I know). I think we're leaning on the horse is acting a bit ornery/fiesty. LOL. And perhaps is not the best one for her.

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I went through a really rough time with my horses around that time. There were a few issues. A bad situation at the barn, friends who didn't understand my love for the animals, and my mother used to threaten my time with them as a punishment. Those things combined made me withdraw a bit. Something deep inside me knew that without more constant contact with the horse, I was only going to be able to improve to a certain level. It was so discouraging and I felt very powerless.

 

Can you sit down with Grandpa and brain storm a way to increase contact with her horse? Also, I would make sure the woman watching the horse lunges him really well the day before you guys come out. Does dd lunge or use a round pen before getting on? This is something I make my daughter do regardless of the horse. It is just a really good habit, a way to check for lameness, and helps get the "wiggly bugs" out before she hops on. You want to set her up for really good rides.

 

Can you meet someone halfway and pass dd off?

 

(((((hugs)))))

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I went through a really rough time with my horses around that time. There were a couple issues. A bad situation at the barn, friends who didn't understand my love for the animals, and my mother used to threaten my time with them as a punishment. Those things combined made me withdraw a bit. Something deep inside me knew that without more constant contact with the horse, I was only going to be able to improve to a certain level. IT was so discouraging and I felt very powerless.

 

Can you sit down with Grandpa and brain storm a way to increase contact with her horse? Also, I would make sure the woman watching the horse lunges him really well the day before you guys come out. Does dd lunge or use a round pen before getting on? This is something I make my daughter do regardless of the horse. It is just a really good habit, a way to check for lameness, and helps get the "wiggly bugs" out before she hops on. You want to set her up for really good rides.

 

Can you meet someone halfway and pass dd off?

 

(((((hugs)))))

 

 

I'd LOVE to increase her contact. That may work soon, but not right away, with all the snow/cold. My dad's schedule is now letting up and hunting season had put a small dent into her riding the trails. It's tough for me, since I have both boys at home. We do go on occasion but for the most part, it's Grandpa and Ella. I think she wants a friend to go with her on occasion, so if I can pull that off, it may help. THANK YOU!

 

ETA: do you think that threatening the time spent with the horse was detrimental than? and a bad way to ward off bad attitude? AH! i've definitely done that, in the past, not recently, so I pray, PRAY, i haven't contributed to anything here. Also, not sure about the lunging thing. Will check it out.

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Finally, last night, after I posted here....my daughter was able to explain a little why she doesn't want to go back to seeing her horse. Seems that he's perhaps acting a little too fiesty for her, and scared her. She said she likes Zach because he jumps and does barrell racing. When my dad purchased the horse, we were going for a horse that Ella could grow with but it seems that an older, quieter horse may be the best thing, if she's timid? It's a thought going through my dad's mind.

 

 

 

Could you see about lessons for your daughter? If this is her first horse and she is a beginner then a horse that jumps and barrel races might not be the best horse for her. Those horses tend to be more forward moving and want to GO....which they were bred and trained to do.

 

If you could find someone experienced with horses to help evaluate your daughter and her skills and the horse to see if that are really a good match that might help. The best thing we did for our daughter was buy a been there, done that 20 something pony for her. She went from a nervous just off lead line rider to cantering bareback, jumping, doing speed shows, etc. The pony though is one that will only do as much as the rider is able to do. you put a beginner on her and they can't get her to trot while my dd can now take her to a speed show and place high.

 

I myself had some confidence issues and had to sell a GREAT horse that just wasn't the right horse for me at the time. I now have a 22 year old paint who is a been there, done that trail horse and I am gaining much more confidence.

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Could you see about lessons for your daughter? If this is her first horse and she is a beginner then a horse that jumps and barrel races might not be the best horse for her. Those horses tend to be more forward moving and want to GO....which they were bred and trained to do.

 

If you could find someone experienced with horses to help evaluate your daughter and her skills and the horse to see if that are really a good match that might help. The best thing we did for our daughter was buy a been there, done that 20 something pony for her. She went from a nervous just off lead line rider to cantering bareback, jumping, doing speed shows, etc. The pony though is one that will only do as much as the rider is able to do. you put a beginner on her and they can't get her to trot while my dd can now take her to a speed show and place high.

 

I myself had some confidence issues and had to sell a GREAT horse that just wasn't the right horse for me at the time. I now have a 22 year old paint who is a been there, done that trail horse and I am gaining much more confidence.

 

Yeah, we debated over this horse, because he's seasoned in some active things. But, she's ridden him since last spring and has gone on two to three hour trail rides, besides shorter rides, and has seemed to do so well. We have contact with Zach's former owner, and actually, had several times to experiment with Zach. She has always been even keeled with Zach, but perhaps the past month or so hasn't been so much inclined to see him, so it's been so weird for this to happen.

 

I've talked with my dad and a good friend of mine who rode for ten years. My friend suggesting lunging, as was mentioned previously, and my dad said the boarder mentioned lunging as well lately. So....looks like we'll give that a try. And looks like my dad may be looking into a quieter horse for her.

 

I was so shocked this afternoon when my DD was watching lunging videos on Youtube with me. She's wanted NOTHING to do with horses lately, but came over and I was explaining to her what it was and how it'd help. WOW. She also said, in tears, she "just wants a horse who'll listen to me."

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My perspective is that of a mother who had a mature, good-tempered daughter Go Teen on her. She's not bad, as teens go, but she IS different and I was SURE it wouldn't happen to me. With her, it was dance (so no living creature involved.) She danced from ages 4-14. The last few years were intense. She wanted a break. It was HARD for me to let it go, but then I thought that it might be unreasonable to make her do something FOR LIFE that she started as a preschooler.

 

She's spent the last two years immersed in theatre, and all of the sudden, the dancing came back with the latest musical. I was surprised, but happy to see her dance again. With this kid, it HAD to be her idea. If I'd pushed, she would have dug in her heels and never come around. For us, 14 and 15 seemed particularly moody, but as we approach 16, she seems to be evening out and human again. Maybe you're getting it over with early?

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First, Hugs! I feel your pain. My dd and I were/are having some issues. I got some great advice here though that we have implemented and it's getting better. Recently after a good couple of days I took her out to lunch and we sat and chatted a bit. I had recently heard of some concerns that friends were having with her at church and wanted to discuss them with her. She didn't know I'd had people come to me because I phrased my comments and concerns in a way that she would think we were just chatting. It was good.

 

She still has her temper flare-ups, but I refuse to engage. She has been much better. I will say that part of it is her hormones and personality. She has always been a bit of an overemotional drama queen. She's learning how to control it better now though.

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My perspective is that of a mother who had a mature, good-tempered daughter Go Teen on her. She's not bad, as teens go, but she IS different and I was SURE it wouldn't happen to me. With her, it was dance (so no living creature involved.) She danced from ages 4-14. The last few years were intense. She wanted a break. It was HARD for me to let it go, but then I thought that it might be unreasonable to make her do something FOR LIFE that she started as a preschooler.

 

She's spent the last two years immersed in theatre, and all of the sudden, the dancing came back with the latest musical. I was surprised, but happy to see her dance again. With this kid, it HAD to be her idea. If I'd pushed, she would have dug in her heels and never come around. For us, 14 and 15 seemed particularly moody, but as we approach 16, she seems to be evening out and human again. Maybe you're getting it over with early?

 

Gosh I hope DD levels out soon, lol. She's been ramping up for the last few years with this one being the worst so far...but she's learning and I'm staying calm and cool about it :)

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, she "just wants a horse who'll listen to me."

 

This is where lessons would really help--esp. if you can find someone to give her lessons on her own horse. Most horses do better as well when ridden more than once a week, which I know is really hard for you to do right now. Is your dad 45 minutes away as well? If not, is there somewhere closer you could board the horses?

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