"Black Tie Optional". What does that even MEAN??? Please read the whole post.

[ereks mom]

UPDATE in post #19.

 

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Dh & I have been invited to a wedding--in fact, dh has a small part as he has been invited to offer a prayer during the ceremony. The wedding is TOMORROW! I was planning to wear charcoal gray dress pants with a shiny/iridescent burgundy blouse. But I just happened to notice that on the invitation, at the bottom, it says "Black Tie Optional", which, I understand, means that the men are expected to wear a suit & tie, but not necessarily a tuxedo. Right?? But what does that mean for the women who will be attending? I've heard that a cocktail dress is appropriate, but I don't own a cocktail dress; in fact, I NEVER wear dresses at all! I do not own a Little Black Dress, and because of my weight, I don't think there's any such thing in my size (16-18; I am quite a few pounds overweight, which doesn't help matters). What to do? My budget is very, very limited; I might be able to manage $30 or $40. HELP!

 

ETA: I live in a small town. The only stores nearby that sell clothing are Walmart, KMart, JC Penney, Belk, Maurice's, Cato, and TJ Maxx. The only thrift store nearby is Salvation Army, and I looked there yesterday and came up empty.

[Jean in Newcastle]

It would mean a dress, I think. Have you checked places like Goodwill? I've found some very nice dresses there for very little.

[Lily_Grace]

For you it would mean a dress, knee length or below. Something like this would be appropriate.

[Dandelion]

To me, that would mean an evening gown or cocktail dress.

 

Do you have a Ross store (or similar) in your area? They generally have a large selection of dresses/gowns that are priced under $40. I was recently at my local Ross (I love their discount home decor section) and saw an absolutely gorgeous designer label evening gown for $20. It wasn't my size, or I would have bought it.

 

ETA: I just saw that you have TJ Maxx in your area. I think they're similar to Ross. Maybe look there?

[Ellie]

Dh & I have been invited to a wedding--in fact, dh has a small part as he has been invited to offer a prayer during the ceremony. The wedding is TOMORROW! I was planning to wear charcoal gray dress pants with a shiny/iridescent burgundy blouse. But I just happened to notice that on the invitation, at the bottom, it says "Black Tie Optional", which, I understand, means that the men are expected to wear a suit & tie, but not necessarily a tuxedo. Right?? But what does that mean for the women who will be attending? I've heard that a cocktail dress is appropriate, but I don't own a cocktail dress; in fact, I NEVER wear dresses at all! I do not own a Little Black Dress, and because of my weight, I don't think there's any such thing in my size (16-18; I am quite a few pounds overweight, which doesn't help matters). What to do? My budget is very, very limited; I might be able to manage $30 or $40. HELP!

You wear what you have, as dressy as you can. Your gray pants/burgundy blouse sound just fine, although a long dress would be better (a long dress is formal; a cocktail dress is not). Yes, your dh should wear a suit and tie.

 

It's a wedding. The invitation shouldn't specify the kind of clothing the guests should wear, although presumably, the guests should know that it's a wedding and that it's dressier than, say, a backyard barbecue, KWIM?

 

"Black tie" is informal, which does not mean "casual." "White tie" is formal. "Black tie optional" doesn't mean a thing.

[Happy]

The word optional gives you lots of leeway.

 

Wear your slacks and blouse...they sound lovely. Fluff your hair, do your make-up, and wear your sparkly jewelry. Smile! Have a great time.

 

It's a wedding. In theory, no one is looking at you anyway. If someone is truly offended by you not dressing up 'enough' they care more for appearances than friendship.

[DianeW88]

"Black tie" is informal, which does not mean "casual." "White tie" is formal. "Black tie optional" doesn't mean a thing.

 

I agree. I think what they're trying to say with "black tie optional" (but failing miserably, since there is no such thing), is: "We want our wedding to be formal, but someone has told us that we don't live in an urban enough area to request that, so we're saying 'black tie' because that's what we want, but we know very few people are going to show up in evening wear." I still think that means you need a dress, but it doesn't have to be a gown.

[ChristusG]

Wear what you have. No one will mind...it sounds dressy to me! I don't do dresses either, so I'd be in a pants/blouse as well. As long as you are not in jeans, I'd say you are fine. I don't like if/when people dictate that I must wear a dress because I'm a female. Not all females like dresses!

[Forget-Me-Not]

I'd wear what you have planned. My guess is that the wedding party is trying to ensure that all their guests are "dressed up"--I've been to a number of weddings in recent years, even fairly formal weddings, where people showed up in sneakers/jeans/hoodies and looked totally out of place. I'm thinking that's what they're trying to avoid.

[Janie Grace]

I'd wear a dress. I think they're trying to give a hint that it will be a dressy wedding. I'd feel uncomfortable if there were men in tuxes and women in cocktail dresses, and I was wearing pants. If that wouldn't bother you, don't sweat it -- but there is no way I'd wear anything more casual than a dress. It can be simple/inexpensive.

[Ellie]

I agree. I think what they're trying to say with "black tie optional" (but failing miserably, since there is no such thing), is: "We want our wedding to be formal, but someone has told us that we don't live in an urban enough area to request that, so we're saying 'black tie' because that's what we want, but we know very few people are going to show up in evening wear." I still think that means you need a dress, but it doesn't have to be a gown.

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

[Cera]

 

 

"Black tie" is informal, which does not mean "casual." "White tie" is formal. "Black tie optional" doesn't mean a thing.

 

Black tie is formal (dark suit and tie or tux for men, cocktail dress or evening gown for women), white tie is very formal (tux for men, tails preferred, floor length evening gown for women). Black tie optional generally means the family and close friends will be dressed formally and they want to warn everyone so they don't feel uncomfortably underdressed.

 

I always appreciate it when it is noted on an invitation but don't feel compelled to go shopping for something new.

[ereks mom]

I agree. I think what they're trying to say with "black tie optional" (but failing miserably, since there is no such thing), is: "We want our wedding to be formal, but someone has told us that we don't live in an urban enough area to request that, so we're saying 'black tie' because that's what we want, but we know very few people are going to show up in evening wear." I still think that means you need a dress, but it doesn't have to be a gown.

 

I think you hit the nail on the head. This is a small town, and the wedding will be in an even smaller town about an hour's drive from here. That town is known in these parts as being "country", even "redneck". The bride comes from an average blue-collar family--farmers & factory workers--but for college, she went away to a big city in the midwest to study dance and the arts, and she's always seemed to think of herself as a bit of a celebrity. ;)

[DianeW88]

 

I think you hit the nail on the head. This is a small town, and the wedding will be in an even smaller town about an hour's drive from here. That town is known in these parts as being "country", even "redneck". The bride comes from an average blue-collar family--farmers & factory workers--but for college, she went away to a big city in the midwest, and she's always seemed to think of herself as a bit of a celebrity. ;)

LMHO....Well, that explains a lot, doesn't it?

[QueenCat]

I'd wear a dress. I think they're trying to give a hint that it will be a dressy wedding. I'd feel uncomfortable if there were men in tuxes and women in cocktail dresses, and I was wearing pants. If that wouldn't bother you, don't sweat it -- but there is no way I'd wear anything more casual than a dress. It can be simple/inexpensive.

 

I would wear a dress if it said "black tie optional". Dh would be in a more formal suit/tie, not sports jacket style. I would be wearing a dress. The most I would go down from a dress would be a dressy skirt with a very dressy light sweater. I can't stand it when I've under-dressed because I didn't "know" so I ere on the side of more dressed up rather than less.

[Alessandra]

The blouse sounds great -- can you get a very simple black skirt to go with it, rather than the dress pants? Perhaps add a dressy scarf (like a 'silk' one or one of those Indian scarves with gold threads in the fabric). Also, if you feel that you a a little heavy, a scarf can draw attention away from hips, etc.

 

I'd also agree that jewelry, makeup, & hair can give a dressed up look.

[kewb]

I agree. I think what they're trying to say with "black tie optional" (but failing miserably, since there is no such thing), is: "We want our wedding to be formal, but someone has told us that we don't live in an urban enough area to request that, so we're saying 'black tie' because that's what we want, but we know very few people are going to show up in evening wear." I still think that means you need a dress, but it doesn't have to be a gown.

 

 

What it means is "we are throwing a formal affair. However, we are aware that you might not own a tux or evening gown and it may be a financial burden for you to rent/buy one therefore If you are a man and have a tux wear it. If you are a woman and have an evening gown wear it. If you don't then men wear a suit and tie and women wear a cocktail dress."

 

If you are a person who generally does not wear dresses/skirts then dressy slacks and blouse (and some blingly jewlery if you have it) are appropriate attire.

[katilac]

I'm with ChristusG - I'd wear the dress pants and blouse if I felt more comfortable in that. I don't view a dress as automatically nicer or more "dressy" than an equally nice outfit with pants.

 

If you want to assume the best, they don't want to require a certain level of dress, but do want guests to feel comfortable and not out of place.

[ereks mom]

Update: We had to attend the rehearsal dinner as well as the wedding, since dh was one of the officiants in the wedding. I wore my dress pants and sparkly blouse to that, and I didn't feel out of place. But then I had NOTHING to wear for the wedding. I contemplated just staying home, but we've been friends of the bride's family for almost 30 years, so that wouldn't do at all. So... dh & I prayed together and then I revisited the thrift store and searched the racks again. I found a long straight black skirt, a cream-colored lightweight dressy sweater, and a stunning royal blue 3/4 sleeve jacket (polyester, but kind of iridescent & looks like silk) delicately decorated with intricate embroidery and iridescent seed beads. The pieces are Sag Harbor and Ann Taylor--brands carried by some of the nicer shops in this area. My very fashion-conscious EK said my outfit was perfect! And the best thing of all was that the entire outfit cost only $8!!!! :hurray:

[Jean in Newcastle]

Score!

[Luckymama]

Excellent find! Have a great time :party:

[Forget-Me-Not]

Glad it worked out!

[FaithManor]

Just noticed that the event is over.

 

Faith

[gardenmom5]

It means they want people who own a tux to wear it, but those that don't to not feel obligated to go rent one. (because too many don't know that if you attend a black tie event, but don't own a tux, you're okay in a suit and tie.)

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

(Since the wedding is over) To quote Dwight Schrute: Every day is black tie optional. :D

[Reya]

Glad it worked out!

 

Responding to initial question: "Black tie optional" means tux if you've got it but you don't have to rent. For women, something formal that was knee-length to mid-calf would be appropriate, but it shouldn't look like a prom dress. A short cocktail dress isn't appropriate at a wedding, even of you do have the body! Pants of the split skirt-type MIGHT be appropriate if you are a woman of a certain age and in the right area of the country.

[Sahamamama]

You wear what you have, as dressy as you can. Your gray pants/burgundy blouse sound just fine, although a long dress would be better (a long dress is formal; a cocktail dress is not). Yes, your dh should wear a suit and tie.

 

It's a wedding. The invitation shouldn't specify the kind of clothing the guests should wear, although presumably, the guests should know that it's a wedding and that it's dressier than, say, a backyard barbecue, KWIM?

 

"Black tie" is informal, which does not mean "casual." "White tie" is formal. "Black tie optional" doesn't mean a thing.

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

 

Ellie is right! Come to my wedding in a bathing suit, I don't care. If I invite you, I want YOU there. I don't give a gnat's @ss about your clothes. In all my life, I've never heard of "black tie optional." What is that?

 

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Joke heard just this morning, pre-caffeine:

 

What do you get when you cross a bulldog with a shih tzu? You get a little bull****.