Russia bans adoptions to US

[Melissa in Australia]

Saw this on the news http://www.independe...es-8432423.html

[violamama]

I cannot believe how horrible this is. To retaliate for us restricting the movement of Russians convicted of Human Rights violations, they enact something that is to my eye a human rights violation! Putin had no problem using children to get to us. Cruel and depressing!

[Melissa in Australia]

that is one way at looking at it. there are other viewpoints as well.

[Mom0012]

"The bill has elicited strong reactions from opposition figures, who view it as a case of Russia shooting itself in the foot. Journalist Alexander Minkin, on his blog for the Ekho Moskvy website, described it as "cannibalistic." With Americans placing sanctions on certain corrupt Russian bureaucrats, he wrote, Moscow strikes back by punishing its own orphans."

 

This says it all to me.

[Faithr]

I know of at least 5 families in my area who have adopted from Russia. Is it really an incredibly small number of people? Is my area just into adopting from Russia?

[Word Nerd]

that is one way at looking at it. there are other viewpoints as well.

 

 

Such as...

[butterflymommy]

 

I read there are around 60,000 adoptions from Russia per year. Yes that seems like a lot, but the population of the US is well over 315 million.

 

 

I think that's the total # of russian adoptions over the years, not an annual number. The nytimes states there are currently 45 pending adoptions that could be disrupted.

[Plink]

that is one way at looking at it. there are other viewpoints as well.

 

Such as...

 

I'd like to know as well. (Not trying to be snarky. I would honestly like to understand.)

 

ETA: Oh wait, I just realized that you are the OP. Why did you share the article and then give such a short response?

[Word Nerd]

 

 

I'd like to know as well. (Not trying to be snarky. I would honestly like to understand.)

 

 

This. One could say "that's one way to look at it but there are other viewpoints" about almost any thread on this forum. I'd like to know what the OP's view is on this topic.

[cathmom]

Well, this could be saving some American families from years of trouble, adopting children that can't bond.

[AimeeM]

Well, this could be saving some American families from years of trouble, adopting children that can't bond.

 

Really?

[zimom]

I'm certainly glad politics did not get in the way and 'save' my family from our children. How crass.

 

And I can't imagine what our friends are going through who are already in process to bring their daughter home. They did already have a judge halt their first adoption after meeting him for the first time (stopped all in that province), brought home more children, and are now in process for this daughter.

[Lanny]

If anyone is interested in adopting a child, I have a web page, on our family web site, about adoptions, from a reputable facility here in Cali, Colombia. I have not updated the contact information in some time. Please know that it is incredibly unlikely that a mother in Colombia would give up her child, because she is a drug user or alcoholic. My wife says that the reasons, almost always, are incredible financial difficulty and that the mother wants her child to have a much better life, than she can provide..

Edited December 29, 2012 by Moderator
Removed link to wrong (spam) page

[Amira]

The bill did a lot more than just ban adoptions by Americans, although that's what got the press, both here and in Russia. There is plenty of opposition to the ban in Russia too.

 

Personally, I'd love to see a world where international adoption didn't exist because there is so much potential for corruption and abuse in it and I think there are better solutions. But right now it's one of the better options we have in place, so I'll continue supporting international adoption in Hague Adoption Convention countries.

[Remudamom]

Really?

 

Well, yeah, really. It's so sad for the children but true. It's sad for everyone involved. Our extended family adopted two Russian girls and it's been a nightmare from day 1.

[NotSoObvious]

Reading the comments on the article was very enlightening. It's always interesting to see how others view Americans- right or wrong.

Perhaps the controversy will initiate better care for the children in Russia?

[NotSoObvious]

 

 

Well, yeah, really. It's so sad for the children but true. It's sad for everyone involved. Our extended family adopted two Russian girls and it's been a nightmare from day 1.

 

 

There are tons of failed adoptions with US children. TONS. While culture obviously plays a role in attachment, trauma affects all children. It doesn't mean that Russian children are somehow unable to bond by virtue of being Russian.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I am praying for the families and children being devastated by disrupted adoptions at Christmastime.

[Parrothead]

Ok, so it's even far less than what I said. My figure comes out to about 1%. So yours is wayyyy less.

 

I feel sad for anyone waiting on an adoption, but really, who is Russia sticking it to? If it's 45 pending a year, one's chances of being struck by lightening is more than double that.

 

Thank you for helping me make my point!

I get what you are saying. Russia has "stuck it to" 45 families in the US. Unless one is connected in someway to one of those 45 families then big whoop.Not that I think that. But the vast majority of the 315 million people in the US are going to say, "Way to go you've really taught us a lesson."

[Parrothead]

 

Well, yeah, really. It's so sad for the children but true. It's sad for everyone involved. Our extended family adopted two Russian girls and it's been a nightmare from day 1.

I've read some things. It makes me wonder what they are doing to those kids in some of the orphanages over there.

[Jean in Newcastle]

There are tons of failed adoptions with US children. TONS. While culture obviously plays a role in attachment, trauma affects all children. It doesn't mean that Russian children are somehow unable to bond by virtue of being Russian.

 

No, but there is a certain culture in the orphanages there that can lead to more bonding problems. Just as there was a certain culture in the orphanages in Romania that has led to bonding problems.

[Farrar]

 

Well, yeah, really. It's so sad for the children but true. It's sad for everyone involved. Our extended family adopted two Russian girls and it's been a nightmare from day 1.

 

I agree. There have been multiple in the news fiascos and actual deaths resulting from Russian adoptions. As a result, the Russians have been pondering this for awhile, I believe. I know the motive now is political, but it also gains them a political win at home because there has been a domestic outcry against these issues.

 

Again, there is the side that the poor quality of the Russian orphanages are helping create the problem in the first place. I just mean that it's a multi-faceted issue.

[astrid]

Well, yeah, really. It's so sad for the children but true. It's sad for everyone involved. Our extended family adopted two Russian girls and it's been a nightmare from day 1.

I've read some things. It makes me wonder what they are doing to those kids in some of the orphanages over there.

 

I have extended family who also adopted from Russia-- two very different geographical locations (Siberia and greater Moscow area) and with both children, life has been a complete nightmare from the first month. Both have attachment disorder, RAD, etc. It's very, very sad. I also have a former colleague who adopted a boy from Russia and has a similar story-- RAD, etc.

 

Remember the big news story a few years ago about the mother from the southern USA (can't remember exactly where?) who sent her adopted Russian child back to Russia? I was teaching a class of Russian immigrants at the time (the youngest one was 74 years old and they referred to themselves as "Soviets," but I digress) About a month prior to that news story breaking, I was teaching vocabulary for family members: Aunt, uncle, husband, brother-in-law, etc. The word "adopted" came up and we discussed it. They immediately jumped on American adoptions of Russian children and went on and on about how the government was going to stop the adoptions because "American families treated the poor Russian children so badly," and "the Americans made the babies "brain damaged" and "they were FINE when they left Russia; the orphanages are the BEST in the WORLD." They were very defensive about it then, and it was before the whole news story hit. Once it did there was no end to the "See? I told you so!" attitude. These were very wealthy, well-connected Russians who were enrolled in my ESL class just for something to do.

 

astrid

[Amira]

While there are certainly some horrible orphanages in the former Soviet Union, there are also many where people are doing what they can do help the children in their care. I volunteered in one seven years ago. Even though I wouldn't want any child to be there, the babies who were there were warm, fed, clothed, and cared for. It was far from ideal, but it wasn't the horror that we sometimes seem to think it is.

 

The employees could never do enough for the babies, even the best employees. Some people who worked there weren't really great with the kids. But they weren't mean or abusive. They generally cared about the children. Mostly they were overworked women who had to take a low-respect, low-paying job just to get by.

 

There are so many variables that have to be taken into account that you can't just blame the orphanages for everything that is difficult for the kids there.

[Outdoorsy Type]

This is so sad. I have a friend adopting a child with Down Syndrome from Russia. There is a good chance he will be in an institution all his life, now. :(

[lea1]

While there are certainly some horrible orphanages in the former Soviet Union, there are also many where people are doing what they can do help the children in their care. I volunteered in one seven years ago. Even though I wouldn't want any child to be there, the babies who were there were warm, fed, clothed, and cared for. It was far from ideal, but it wasn't the horror that we sometimes seem to think it is.

 

The employees could never do enough for the babies, even the best employees. Some people who worked there weren't really great with the kids. But they weren't mean or abusive. They generally cared about the children. Mostly they were overworked women who had to take a low-respect, low-paying job just to get by.

 

There are so many variables that have to be taken into account that you can't just blame the orphanages for everything that is difficult for the kids there.

 

 

I believe this was probably the case with the baby home my two sons came from. The children seemed to be pretty well cared for and the workers seemed to care about the children but certainly did not have enough time in the day to sit and hold them and love on them like all children need.

 

That being said, our two sons were not even on the growth charts for their ages (14 and 15.5 months). They were so little and so hungry. On the advice of a U.S. doctor who specialized in adoptions from Russia, we immediately put them back on bottles/formula. They would drink it so fast and would cry when the bottle was empty. They grew and gained weight so fast in their first year home, it was incredible. They quickly grew to be in the 80th and 85th percentile for height.

 

They are now seven years old and very healthy, normal boys with no issues from having been in the baby home. If you met them, you would never know they were not our biological children.

 

I have a good friend who adopted her two daughters from the same region in Russia where our sons are from. She had the exact same experience we did (described above). Her two daughters are quite 'normal' children also.

 

During the timeframe we were adopting, it was well known that Russians did not adopt children very often. It was more like it was here way back when, when adoption was something to be ashamed of. I am not sure what the situation is like now because I have not followed it closely over the years.

 

I think we often hear of the Russian adoption stories that turned out bad, such as those with RAD, because it is often such a tragic outcome for everyone involved. However, I think there are many, many stories of Russian adoptions with great outcomes. We just don't hear of them as often because they are not as interesting to discuss.

[jujsky]

What I find ridiculous about it is that it affects an incredibly small number of people in the US. So what the heck is the point? Who exactly are they "sticking it to"?

 

The children.

 

My DH is from Russia and our son is adopted from Russia. DH grew up there and lived there until he was 18. He said that they point is, the Russian government doesn't understand Americans. They think that our people will be so outraged that they will put pressure on our government to repeal the Magnitsky Act. What they don't understand is that human rights are so important to Americans, that they're not going to put pressure on our government to repeal it, even if it means adoptions are banned.

 

Russia is shooting themselves in the foot. They have no real desire to take care of those orphans, or they would have done so already. We're talking about a country where ambulances wait at stop lights and if you call the ambulance and you're old, you have to lie about your age and health conditions or they may decide it's not worth the bother to pick you up if you're too old. Seriously. They don't care about people. There is a huge stigma against adopting orphans in Russia. When we adopted DS in 2004, his St. Petersburg orphanage was pretty nice. It had recently undergone renovations and there were more in the works. Why? Because so many foreigners were adopting that money was finally being funneled into the adoption system. Lots of money also greases palms in different document offices. When were at one office to get a birth certificate or something, DH laughed because in Russian the sign said something like, "Certificates will take a minimum of 2 weeks to issue." Our facilitators greased some palms and we were out of there in 20 minutes flat. I know it sounds awful, but the system largely works on bribery there. It's very common. Our money paid to those workers in the document offices ends up back in the Russian economy because people use it to buy goods.

 

Russian orphans who age out of the system only have about a 20% chance of living any sort of "normal" (meaning functional) life. Most are sold into prostitution rings, lead a life of crime, become drug addicts, or commit suicide (I think I read 10% commit suicide). If the Russians aren't adopting them (and I agree it's best if they can, but they aren't and there are SO many orphaned and abandoned children) then it's morally wrong to deny them a chance at a good life.

 

It is tragic that 19 adopted Russian children have died in the US in the last 20 years. Any death is horrible and I'm not trying to minimize that, but we're talking 19 out of 60,000. How many children adopted within Russia or left in orphanages have died in the last 20 years? They won't release those statistics, but I would bet every material possession I own that the statistics are much, much higher.

 

The Russian government has the right to send representative to check up on the welfare of my child at any time. We had to sign papers stating so. You know how many times they've contacted us in the nearly 9 years we've been History Kid's mom and dad? Zero. Do you know how many times they've contacted other families we know with kids adopted from Russia? Zero. The Russian government doesn't care -- it's all political posturing.

 

Our end of the system isn't perfect. In fact, I think it's very flawed. Much more education and post-adoption support need to be made available. They need to weed out the people who are adopting to, "save a child" or feel it's their "mission" to do so (not knocking God here -- there is a big difference between feeling like God is leading you to do something and you have the love in your heart to do so, and feeling like it's just something you're supposed to do). Those are the people who are ill-equipped and end up abusing the child or end up so totally overwhelmed that they don't know what to do. Anyone who follows the Pearls shouldn't be allowed to adopt. Those are the families that abuse their kids to death. That may be an unpopular view, but I'm sticking to it. Flame me if you want. I really don't care.

 

Many people have this whacked-out, idealized vision that they're "rescuing" these children and the children will love, appreciate, and respect them for what they've done. That is SO far from reality and it's a burden to put on the child. It sets up an unfair power-struggle where we impose gratitude on a child who is dealing with their own real and complex issues of loss. Adoption only happens through loss of a parent. Even in cases where the parent is still out there somewhere living, it's the loss of that natural parent-child bond. It's real, it needs to recognized, and no Little Orphan Annie happy-crappy song and dance is going to gloss over that reality. We chose to adopt History Kid because we wanted a child and were having trouble conceiving. If he is thankful we did so, that's a bonus, but we never expected thanks -- we never expected anything in return. We hoped for love and were lucky enough to get that (not all parents do). We were very well-educated about adoption, but we were mostly SELF educated, and that's the problem with the system. We read and watched everything we could get our hands on. We talked to other adoptive couples. We had to attend some state-mandated training, but it sucked. Really, it glossed over a lot of true issues and the small bits of pertinent information they gave us were things anyone who had actually looked into adoption for more than 5 minutes already knew. Training and education available sucks. Post adoption support sucks. It's nearly non-existent. Also, I think more post-adoption visits need to be made. We had only 2, I think? I'm trying to remember when they were. One happened sometime within the first 6 months, and I think another was a year later, and then we were done with it. Issues cropped up for History Kid AFTER that time. It would have been nice to have some support and to be guided to different services then instead of needing to do all the research on our own (and finding pathetically little in terms of supports).

 

I'm sorry for rambling. This is obviously an issue very close to my heart. My son would have been lost in an orphanage. If you see the pictures of him we received before we adopted him and compare them to the pictures even days after, you'd see a different kid. My mom says she hates to look at the 2 pictures we initially received because his, "eyes look dead -- there's no light in them." Kids need and deserve families.

[jujsky]

While there are certainly some horrible orphanages in the former Soviet Union, there are also many where people are doing what they can do help the children in their care. I volunteered in one seven years ago. Even though I wouldn't want any child to be there, the babies who were there were warm, fed, clothed, and cared for. It was far from ideal, but it wasn't the horror that we sometimes seem to think it is.

 

The employees could never do enough for the babies, even the best employees. Some people who worked there weren't really great with the kids. But they weren't mean or abusive. They generally cared about the children. Mostly they were overworked women who had to take a low-respect, low-paying job just to get by.

 

There are so many variables that have to be taken into account that you can't just blame the orphanages for everything that is difficult for the kids there.

 

You are absolutely right. My son's orphanage was actually pretty nice. The staff was overworked, but it was obvious they loved those babies -- there just weren't enough staff members to go around. They all gathered in the room to say good-bye to our son when we came from court to pick him up, and many were crying.

 

I will say that even though the people were wonderful and the facilities had been updated, more money needs to be allotted for food. I fed DS the same diet he was used to in Russia (that's what they told me to do and I was a brand-new mom with no other babies) and I learned when I brought him to his check-up the day after we brought him home to the US that what we were feeding him was a "starvation diet." Talk about the mom guilt! I could have been feeding him so much better in those 10 days, but I didn't know :( At 6 months old he only weighed 12 lbs. He was up to 15 lbs 2 weeks after that initial appointment.

[jujsky]

Also, as far as sticking it to the families in the pipelines, we just got word from our agency (they still send us updates) and they said that because of whatever adoption agreement was signed prior to this, Russia had promised in that one that if they ever did close adoptions with the US that the families already in process would be grandfathered in. It's still dicey whether or not that will actually happen, but I hope for the sake of those kids and families that it does.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Julie, thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts and experience.

[jujsky]

I believe this was probably the case with the baby home my two sons came from. The children seemed to be pretty well cared for and the workers seemed to care about the children but certainly did not have enough time in the day to sit and hold them and love on them like all children need.

 

That being said, our two sons were not even on the growth charts for their ages (14 and 15.5 months). They were so little and so hungry. On the advice of a U.S. doctor who specialized in adoptions from Russia, we immediately put them back on bottles/formula. They would drink it so fast and would cry when the bottle was empty. They grew and gained weight so fast in their first year home, it was incredible. They quickly grew to be in the 80th and 85th percentile for height.

 

They are now seven years old and very healthy, normal boys with no issues from having been in the baby home. If you met them, you would never know they were not our biological children.

 

I have a good friend who adopted her two daughters from the same region in Russia where our sons are from. She had the exact same experience we did (described above). Her two daughters are quite 'normal' children also.

 

During the timeframe we were adopting, it was well known that Russians did not adopt children very often. It was more like it was here way back when, when adoption was something to be ashamed of. I am not sure what the situation is like now because I have not followed it closely over the years.

 

I think we often hear of the Russian adoption stories that turned out bad, such as those with RAD, because it is often such a tragic outcome for everyone involved. However, I think there are many, many stories of Russian adoptions with great outcomes. We just don't hear of them as often because they are not as interesting to discuss.

 

 

The story about your sons really touched me. It's so similar to that of my son with the bottle feedings. He was still on a bottle when we adopted him at 6 months, and he LOVED his bottle. He would slurp it down, and tears would be rolling down his cheeks the whole time.

 

I wish we'd hear more about the good stories. I wish the Russian government would hear more about the good stories too.

[sewingmama]

If you go to www.reesesrainbow.org you can see what happens to disabled children in Russian orphanages. There are six year olds who weigh 10 pounds. They are basically left in their beds all day. Children who had families lined up to adopt them will die.

 

Go read this blog -www.nogreaterjoymom.com and see the blessing and new life these children have received from being adopted.

 

The Russian govt has no plans to improve the lives of their orphans. It is only through international pressure they do anything at all. By banning adoption they can go back to hiding what is happening in their orphanages. Does't anyone remember when the conditions were first televised in the 90's ? I was a teen and still remember how horrid it was.

[cathmom]

There are tons of failed adoptions with US children. TONS. While culture obviously plays a role in attachment, trauma affects all children. It doesn't mean that Russian children are somehow unable to bond by virtue of being Russian.

 

 

I did not mean that Russian children were unable to bond by virtue of being Russian, only that I have read many adoption stories from Russia and other places, and there are children who will make their adoptive families' lives miserable, as several previous posters have said happened to their extended families. Yes, the ban will stop positive adoptions, but it will also stop negative ones.

[jujsky]

Well, this could be saving some American families from years of trouble, adopting children that can't bond.

 

 

My son bonded with us just fine.

 

DD's best friend was adopted at age 2 from the American foster care system. She has RAD. It is an ongoing struggle for her to bond with her parents. RAD can happen anywhere. Another friend raised her niece for several years who also had RAD -- and she was never in the system, but had a very neglectful mother.

 

I'm glad Russia didn't "save me the trouble" of adopting my son. How empty my life would be!

[Wendi]

 

Exactly.

 

And my guess as to why the news media has even picked up on this one small point (not saying this feels small to those affected) is because it's probably one of the provisions people can relate to. I still think a lot of people will think/say "well that's mean" and then not think much more about it afterwards.

 

 

Well, there may be only 45 adoptions "pending" at the moment, but annually over 1,000 Russian children are adopted by Americans, so there are other families who were just beginning the process, or planning to adopt, that are affected as well.

[violamama]

While there are certainly some horrible orphanages in the former Soviet Union, there are also many where people are doing what they can do help the children in their care. I volunteered in one seven years ago. Even though I wouldn't want any child to be there, the babies who were there were warm, fed, clothed, and cared for. It was far from ideal, but it wasn't the horror that we sometimes seem to think it is.

 

The employees could never do enough for the babies, even the best employees. Some people who worked there weren't really great with the kids. But they weren't mean or abusive. They generally cared about the children. Mostly they were overworked women who had to take a low-respect, low-paying job just to get by.

 

There are so many variables that have to be taken into account that you can't just blame the orphanages for everything that is difficult for the kids there.

 

Isn't it also about what happens to the kids when they age out of the orphanages? If you were there, I'm a little surprised to find you don't believe in families adopting in the current situation. I'm glad the babies physical needs were generally met where you worked, but the statistics don't seem to support that this is generally the case.

 

It's true that international adoption, or adoption of any kind for that matter, does not exist without some kind of loss from the start. It would be great if the world didn't need it, but it does. The kids there right now have great needs that will not be met by the community around them in their lifetimes. No adoptive family is perfect, but a ban before there are any better options? How can that not be cruel?

 

As to the difficulty of Russian kids, when we were deciding how to proceed with our adoption we found that there is a high incidence of fetal alcohol syndrome in eastern block children. This seems to factor in to their brain development in ways that make their attachment skills extremely fragile or non-existant. However, I'm glad there are families out there who prepare themselves and are still willing to try bonding with those children. I doubt most families would feel "saved" from their own children simply because an outsider deems them too difficult to love.

[Elinor Everywhere]

I think we often hear of the Russian adoption stories that turned out bad, such as those with RAD, because it is often such a tragic outcome for everyone involved. However, I think there are many, many stories of Russian adoptions with great outcomes. We just don't hear of them as often because they are not as interesting to discuss.

 

Exactly. Those whose adoptions have gone swimmingly well have no tale to tell, so to speak. We're one of them, and my son was 6 years old when we adopted him.

[Amira]

Isn't it also about what happens to the kids when they age out of the orphanages? If you were there, I'm a little surprised to find you don't believe in families adopting in the current situation. I'm glad the babies physical needs were generally met where you worked, but the statistics don't seem to support that this is generally the case.

 

I don't think I was clear above. I do support international adoption. I have major concerns about it, and that's why I also support the Hague Convention, but there is no.doubt.in.my.mind that we need to get kids out of those orphanages. International adoption is one of the best ways we have to do it right now. I'd like to see other, better ways implemented, but that doesn't mean I don't support international adoption.

[violamama]

 

I don't think I was clear above. I do support international adoption. I have major concerns about it, and that's why I also support the Hague Convention, but there is no.doubt.in.my.mind that we need to get kids out of those orphanages. International adoption is one of the best ways we have to do it right now. I'd like to see other, better ways implemented, but that doesn't mean I don't support international adoption.

 

Aha, we agree, I'm sorry to misread you!

 

It's a messed up world. Several of the countries we could NOT wrap our minds around when we were setting up our profile listed requirements like "friendship money" (i.e. bribes) for the officials involved. Because I know myself and I would sooner punch an official in the nose than give him a direct bribe to smooth the way for an adoption, we decided to skip on over to somewhat less obviously corrupt systems. But this is my immaturity showing and I do know that no system is perfect, including the US.

 

What's sad about this is that so many of the countries where large numbers of children have immediate, dire need will continue to make it even more difficult to adopt internationally because they'll see Russia as raising some kind of bar. The sensational nature of adoption stories really does sway many people and of course the media isn't going to tell most of the "normal" stories. I do wish the Hague Convention were smoothing the international feathers, homogenizing the process, and providing better things for more children, but it seems to be less than successful so far.

[GraciebytheBay]

I read that this was a possibility, and I was hoping Putin would change his mind for political reasons (or any other reason, for that matter). I am heartbroken for those who have adoptions in the works. I read about a couple who have been visiting a little boy whom they considered their son since he was a baby. He is now 5, and they were getting ready to bring him home. His room is ready, stocked with lovingly chosen books and toys...I just can't imagine the heartbreak. So sad that these children are pawns in this ridiculous political game.

[Mergath]

Anyone who follows the Pearls shouldn't be allowed to adopt. Those are the families that abuse their kids to death. That may be an unpopular view, but I'm sticking to it. Flame me if you want. I really don't care.

 

No flaming from me. I couldn't agree with this more. What the Pearls teach isn't a parenting philosophy; it's regimented cruelty.

[kathy_overman]

To the poster that has a family member with RAD kids .... you may want to suggest they get in touch with Beyond Consequences (Heather Forbes). Her approach makes huge changes in RAD children. It works. It is hard, challenging and immensely rewarding to see a RAD kid bond. Heather Forbes and Bryan Post do a lot of work with these chalenging, traumatized children - maybe they should try it. There is support, direction and help for families with RAD kids - no one should struggle from day one without asking for help.

 

There is always hope for all kids, adopted or not.

[sassenach]

Well, this could be saving some American families from years of trouble, adopting children that can't bond.

 

That brings up an interesting question. Is bonding a mandatory element of adoption?

 

In no way do I want to minimize what parents of kids with RAD go through. I fully and totally understand why bonding is a very, very good thing. Why it's desired.

 

BUT, is a human who doesn't bond not worth adopting? Does it require a different mindset, or maybe a different kind of adoption?

[Melissa in Australia]

The bill did a lot more than just ban adoptions by Americans, although that's what got the press, both here and in Russia. There is plenty of opposition to the ban in Russia too.

 

Personally, I'd love to see a world where international adoption didn't exist because there is so much potential for corruption and abuse in it and I think there are better solutions. But right now it's one of the better options we have in place, so I'll continue supporting international adoption in Hague Adoption Convention countries.

 

:iagree:

 

MY point about other view was alluding to the amount of corruption and abuse of international adoptions that take place. In fact there is so much corruption and I hate to say it but even child stealing that some countries, like Australia have put sever limitations on international adoption to try and stop the abuse.

I could not think how to word it without offending many people on this board, and As I live in another hemisphere and started the thread late at night before I went to bed, I could not post any more .

[Melissa in Australia]

 

I agree. There have been multiple in the news fiascos and actual deaths resulting from Russian adoptions. As a result, the Russians have been pondering this for awhile, I believe. I know the motive now is political, but it also gains them a political win at home because there has been a domestic outcry against these issues.

 

Again, there is the side that the poor quality of the Russian orphanages are helping create the problem in the first place. I just mean that it's a multi-faceted issue.

:iagree:

just some more alternate views.

[AimeeM]

 

Well, yeah, really. It's so sad for the children but true. It's sad for everyone involved. Our extended family adopted two Russian girls and it's been a nightmare from day 1.

We have several (3 to be exact) children in my extended family who have been adopted from Russia and all are doing wonderfully.

[Pamela H in Texas]

is a human who doesn't bond not worth adopting? Does it require a different mindset, or maybe a different kind of adoption?

 

I just want to "like" this....again (I pushed the like button too).

 

A lot of kids with attachment disorders CAN heal. They may not end up "normal," but.....

 

I really get defensive these days with the suggestion that kids with AD maybe should be avoided. Maybe because I decided to parent a few....

[AimeeM]

If you go to www.reesesrainbow.org you can see what happens to disabled children in Russian orphanages. There are six year olds who weigh 10 pounds. They are basically left in their beds all day. Children who had families lined up to adopt them will die.

 

Go read this blog -www.nogreaterjoymom.com and see the blessing and new life these children have received from being adopted.

 

The Russian govt has no plans to improve the lives of their orphans. It is only through international pressure they do anything at all. By banning adoption they can go back to hiding what is happening in their orphanages. Does't anyone remember when the conditions were first televised in the 90's ? I was a teen and still remember how horrid it was.

Nogreaterjoymom? As in the Pearls? No thanks. If anyone shouldn't be adopting, it's anyone who follows those nutjobs.

[KrissiK]

A friend/acquaintance of mine has adopted a lot (and I mean a lot) of children from the Ukraine and from all appearances they have all been successful. Some they even adopted from disruptions Once the children have been here in the States for a while. I have no idea why this family works, although it is large and I just wonder if kids who have been in these orphanages do better in larger families because they're used to that environment.

 

If anyone is interested in checking out her blog, go to my blog (link is below) and her blog is linked in my sidebar. It's called Smiles and Trials.

[CyndiLJ]

I am the mom to five kids from the former USSR (Kazakhstan and Kyrgyzstan). All our children are amazing. AMAZING. Yes, we dealt with RAD in our youngest who was adopted at 11 months old, but today as a newly minted 10 year old this week he is the single most compassionate, loving, tender child ever who HAS healed and bonded tightly to his family. We have adopted older kids (8, 10 and 11 at the time of adoption), infants (11 months old), trans-racial, traumatized, neglected, brain damaged...you name it, we've got it.

 

I'd do it all again in a heartbeat to have these precious kids I am watching grow into wonderful young people. Has it been hard? Yes, it surely has. Has it been worth it? Ten times over.

 

The conditions in some orphanages are not as bad as others. But even in so called "good" orphanages, which our daughters came from, there is an appalling lack of necessities. No clean water, no soap, no decent clothing, no decent education (my 11 year old did not know she lived on planet Earth and thought mermaids were real. Seriously.). Mostly though, there was no one to care about the individual hearts and souls, no one to encourage, no one to whom they really mattered. I have heard horrific tales of not one, but multiple suicides of children in their orphanage who were terrified of life once they aged out. I have heard from my son of sexual abuse and predatory behavior of older kids on younger ones...and by older I mean 7 and 8 on 2 and 3 year olds. I have visited special needs orphanages and seen with my own eyes children tied to beds who have rarely ever been out of them, bed sores covering their bodies, minds numbed by staring at a ceiling for years. Children who are warehoused, who are nothing more than a problem to be tolerated.

 

But really, the worst thing is the neglect and lack of stimulation that causes permanent damage to brains. I have a son who will simply never be able to remember things, whose ability to use logic is often hampered.

 

HOWEVER...they are the most compassionate kids, the most hard working young people, the best companions for each other, and have overcome so much! They are my heroes in every sense of the word. We have two classified recently as gifted, with one of them "twice exceptional" with dysgraphia as well. We have the best family life anyone could ever ask for with lots of laughter, support, encouragement and deep love.

 

These kids are worth something, not just mine, but all those left behind. They will be hidden from the world and the neglect and abuse will indeed worsen because NO ONE WILL KNOW. There will be no more outside eyes reporting, and believe me, the worse orphanages are God awful places that are far worse than any terrible nursing home you have been in. Starvation is normal, self-stimulating behaviors abound because what has happened is these kids are in prison. We call it "orphanage" but it is prison in every possible way.

 

What Russia has done is essentially doomed children to death or at the very least, a life of unspeakable sadness. Upon learning of this ruling today, all five of my children sat and looked around the table at one another, and one spoke up saying, "But Mom...those kids...all those hundreds of thousands of kids...what will happen to them?". There was no answer, for we all already know what will happen to them.

 

There are no adequate words...and you have no idea until you have seen it with your own eyes, or parented it.