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If your child DOES want to play video games constantly...


I.Dup.
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other than setting limits, what is to be done about it? Cut them off completely and not let them play at all? What if there are multiple children in the house and the other children enjoy playing but only one child would rather do video games over anything else?

 

We set limits, but we could always reduce the time they are allowed to play. This one child gets it from my husband who is a major gamer. My husband's parents had a very active, busy lifestyle, they both have a great work ethic, video games were NOT a major part of his life growing up, although he did enjoy what little he played. But once he left the house, he went to what he enjoyed and started playing video games during all of his spare time.

 

Isn't that what our kids will do if they really enjoy it that much? I mean obviously we don't let them play 24/7 and we set limits, but what DO you do if one of your children enjoys it more than they should?

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How old is this child?

 

I have a 7 year old son. He would LOVE to be left alone to game most of the day. The way I work around him may be different than I would deal with a 14 year old.

 

 

He is almost 8 (in a few days). How would you deal with the 2 differently?

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How old is he?

Does your dh still play during all his spare time or has he found other outlets?

What is the longest you've let this particular child play?

Does he come away from the game with a good attitude?

 

The longest I've ever played is a week. Dd and I ditched school for a week when dh was out of town. But then we didn't pick the game up again for six months. Has he every gotten is fill of the game?

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How old is he? He is almost 8.

Does your dh still play during all his spare time or has he found other outlets? Yes, he plays during all of his spare time. He has gone on gaming binges and that doesn't seem to curb his desire to play.

What is the longest you've let this particular child play? a few hours.

Does he come away from the game with a good attitude? he pouts or stomps for a minute, and then gets over it. But he's always asking to play, that's his go-to thing.

 

The longest I've ever played is a week. Dd and I ditched school for a week when dh was out of town. But then we didn't pick the game up again for six months. Has he every gotten is fill of the game?

 

 

Answered in red :)

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Okay, he does not scream, cry, or lose control when gaming. He just wants to keep playing when he's told to stop (but he does stop, with a bit of a stomp or a pout).
Answered in red :)

He sounds like a typical gamer. Unfortunately your dh is setting an example that your ds will look to. If it is good enough for dad, it is good enough for him.

 

As a person who enjoys video games I'll say that you ought to make sure he has other activities and to use the game as a down time thing. Make sure his is reading, doing school, involved with some sort of group activity, doing chores and participating with family time like holidays, special family days and other important family times . If he is doing all that and doesn't have a bad attitude about quitting when you request (at a save point, please) I wouldn't curb it too much more.

 

I'd only worry about it if he seems lost after playing for a while or if he gets belligerent or rude.

 

You can also use this to your advantage. You've found his currency.

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Okay, he does not scream, cry, or lose control when gaming. He just wants to keep playing when he's told to stop (but he does stop, with a bit of a stomp or a pout).

 

 

Really I would not worry about it then. As long as he has other outlets and isn't gaming 24/7 he should be fine. He likes gaming, it is the same as someone who likes to read or even watch tv. Sure you can watch tv 15 hours straight, but you aren't likely going to be allowed to do so. You can read 15 hours straight, but you likely aren't going to be allowed too. You could game 15 hours straight, but in general you aren't going to actually get to do that often or ever. As long as he is okay about stopping when you say it is time, he has other interests and he is happy, I just won't worry about it.

 

There really is nothing wrong with gaming for 2 or 3 hours at night as an adult. It is probably more interactive then sitting there and watching tv for 3 hours a night or even reading for 3 hours a night. Teaching him to regulate his time now, so he only plays for a certain time and then does other stuff seems fine. It is really not much different then complaining when told it is time to stop playing Legos or Reading or any other leisure activity.

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DS10 is a gamer and would rather play video games than do pretty much anything else to include sleep and eat. DD6 will play for 20-30 mins and then find something else to do.

 

We found that he was getting up in the middle of tihe night to play and as a result he would be tired and irritable and his academics suffered. After the 3rd time he was "busted," we took the video games away. He just got his privileges back after 3 month (Initially he would have gotten them back within a few weeks but we caught him sneaking on 2 more occasions).

 

So as of now, we put the parental control on his XBox so that he can't play after a certain time at night and before a certain time in the morning. The controllers for the Wii and PSP are kept in DH and my room. He is not allowed to play until all of his chores and school work are done. He can only play for 1 hr on week days and has unlimited play on weekends but if his attitude starts to tank we will revisit that.

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I have definitely heard about cases where it is an addiction, where it is causing an older child or young adult to make poor decisions in their life overall, such as gaming instead of doing any schoolwork or gaming all day every day and not having any movement for an obese person. In such cases, something extreme may be warranted. But this is nothing like that.

 

One thing we do that I find helps is that while most days screens are very regulated in our house, we have small periods of a week or two of vacation or around birthdays or Christmas (when there are likely to be new games around) when we don't regulate them at all. And I find that's when the kids practice self-regulation. After we finished presents and Christmas breakfast, both ds play a LOT of video games today, but they also stopped and made art, played three games of chess, played a game of iota (a new one from ds's stocking), and did various other things and are now happily reading. I feel like when they have a chance to overload on it, they see that playing for hours and hours on end isn't really good for them and they practice choosing other things. The give and take of that on a daily basis is a bit much for me to handle, but I think it's good for them to burn out on them occasionally.

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We use a timer, plus the children use gaming time like a currency. they have to earn it.

They can play for 30 minutes by completing schoolwork each day. (Schoolwork not complete then they miss out)

If they want more time than that they could do jobs that are over and above their usual chores. things like mowing the yard, splitting wood, washing windows, vacuuming the car, washing the dog etc. different jobs have different times attached to them.

 

This worked really really well when the children were younger. it becomes a little tricky when they get older.

DS 17 use to chop all the firewood. He got 30 minutes of computer time per wheelbarrow. This year he borrowed the neighbours wood-splitter and chopped 2 years supply of wood. He tells me he has at least 50 hours of computer time

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Both of ours love playing games. When there's a new game in the house, we kind of let things slide a bit, but generally, they get about 2 hours in the evening AFTER all daytime responsibilities are completed. This means schoolwork, chores, cat care, exercise, showers, and misc. things that we tell them to do. During this time we are all in the family room together. Dh and I are usually doing FB, forums, or other research/reading on our laptops. After gaming time, we do something together as a family. Sometimes it's a board game, lots of time it's a movie.

 

They can get grounded from games in a heart-beat if necessary!

 

My kids don't play any sort of shooting games, or otherwise violent games. Their favorites are Mario games, the Zelda games, Kingdom Hearts (altho the story line in those are kind of weird). Dd has an art thing game, and a game called Style Savvy Trend Setters, in which she has to learn how to run a clothing shop and do competitions for putting outfits together. Current favorite in the house the Theatrhythm Final Fantasy -- dare I say, even I like that one.

 

~coffee~

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If the addiction were to books how would handle it? This is no different. An addiction to anything is not healthy, and video games get picked on a lot. Set limits and require him to find some thing else to do when it is not his turn to play video games. My dd was addicted to reading for a few years, and she finally is able to self regulate now at 12, but we did have to make her put the books down and go outside, play a game, or whatever else that did not involve reading a book. It takes time (in our case 5 years) to teach them to self regulate.

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I would not be "ok" or casual about the level of play and hyperfocus shown by DH.

 

I would also be concerned about the stomping/fuss by ds.

 

I am NOT anti-gaming at all, but I am sensitive to inidications of process addiction and your posts show symptoms from both your son and DH.

 

For a child prone to it, I would either severely restrict or completely disallow.

 

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It's harder in the early years, I think. We battled with the game systems for about 4 years until ds was old enough to find productive hobbies. He gets more satisfaction out of knowing that he accomplished something than simply doing something - and that sense is something video games provide. They level up, get more accessories, add coins and gems...it's hard to compete with that with imaginary play that doesn't matter by dinner time.

 

At 11 ds became able to do so much more. He joined scouts and spent his weekends hiking and camping. He found an interest in woodworking. He learned to play an instrument. He had more freedom on his bike. His concentration and fine motor skills took a large leap and opened his eyes a bit to what he was capable of.

 

He got two video games this Christmas (age 13) and an Ipod. All were greeted with enthusiasm and he set up the Ipod right away, but he has spent this morning with his new robotics kit instead.

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I would not be "ok" or casual about the level of play and hyperfocus shown by DH.

 

I would also be concerned about the stomping/fuss by ds.

 

I am NOT anti-gaming at all, but I am sensitive to inidications of process addiction and your posts show symptoms from both your son and DH.

 

For a child prone to it, I would either severely restrict or completely disallow.

 

 

Joanne, what do you mean by process addiction? Addiction to the games? If I do not let him play any, does that mean I do not let the other children play as well? What do you think will happen once he gets out of the house, will all of the years of being kept from games keep him from turning to them then?

 

Thank you all for the advice. We do set limits and they are consistent from day to day. It is more lax when my husband is home, but they are never allowed to sit and play all day or all evening.

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It's harder in the early years, I think. We battled with the game systems for about 4 years until ds was old enough to find productive hobbies. He gets more satisfaction out of knowing that he accomplished something than simply doing something - and that sense is something video games provide. They level up, get more accessories, add coins and gems...it's hard to compete with that with imaginary play that doesn't matter by dinner time.

 

At 11 ds became able to do so much more. He joined scouts and spent his weekends hiking and camping. He found an interest in woodworking. He learned to play an instrument. He had more freedom on his bike. His concentration and fine motor skills took a large leap and opened his eyes a bit to what he was capable of.

 

He got two video games this Christmas (age 13) and an Ipod. All were greeted with enthusiasm and he set up the Ipod right away, but he has spent this morning with his new robotics kit instead.

 

 

The bolded is so true. How did you transition your ds into all of those other activities? Did he show the initiative or did you encourage him to do them/sign him up for them on your own accord? This child is very poorly coordinated and does not like physical activities at all, we have been working with a neurodevelopmental specialist for a number of years.

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I would not be "ok" or casual about the level of play and hyperfocus shown by DH.

 

I would also be concerned about the stomping/fuss by ds.

 

I am NOT anti-gaming at all, but I am sensitive to inidications of process addiction and your posts show symptoms from both your son and DH.

 

For a child prone to it, I would either severely restrict or completely disallow.

 

How would one change a dh's habits? Presumably he was a gamer when she married him. I Dup doesn't give any indication that her dh or her ds can't disengage. Not like the pp who's son snuck games in the middle of the night.

 

I don't think video games are the height of intellectual stimulation but I don't see any difference between reading or golfing or watching sports on TV for hours on end and playing video games. As long as responsibilities are met why severely restrict or disallow? Would you do the same if it was sports? Golfing? What about reading?

 

It would totally make me crazy if dh played golf every afternoon and all day Saturday. But if that was what he did when I met him, did it all through our dating and early marriage it would be my problem. It is who he is and what he does, and I knew it when I married him. If our son showed an avid interest in golfing I'd be some kind of flake to start restricting (as if I could restrict another adult in such a way) dh's golfing and attempted to tell ds he couldn't play.

 

Not to mention that gaming addiction doesn't look like what I Dup described in her family. I've seem gaming addiction in adults and it isn't pretty. There is a reason those guys live in their mother's basements.

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How would one change a dh's habits? Presumably he was a gamer when she married him. I Dup doesn't give any indication that her dh or her ds can't disengage. Not like the pp who's son snuck games in the middle of the night.

 

I don't think video games are the height of intellectual stimulation but I don't see any difference between reading or golfing or watching sports on TV for hours on end and playing video games. As long as responsibilities are met why severely restrict or disallow? Would you do the same if it was sports? Golfing? What about reading?

 

It would totally make me crazy if dh played golf every afternoon and all day Saturday. But if that was what he did when I met him, did it all through our dating and early marriage it would be my problem. It is who he is and what he does, and I knew it when I married him. If our son showed an avid interest in golfing I'd be some kind of flake to start restricting (as if I could restrict another adult in such a way) dh's golfing and attempted to tell ds he couldn't play.

 

Not to mention that gaming addiction doesn't look like what I Dup described in her family. I've seem gaming addiction in adults and it isn't pretty. There is a reason those guys live in their mother's basements.

 

He was a gamer when I met him, I had no idea what that would mean over the years but yes, he definitely had all of the same habits then that he does now. We didn't know each other very well when we married so it is absolutely just as much my responsibility as it is his (for getting married young, etc). It has caused us friction and strife over the years, but I no longer have the philosophy to up and leave whenever anything isn't ideal. For the most part, our life together is amazing. He does choose to game every spare minute he can find but he does jump up and help whenever I ask, he's WAY more involved with the children than my Dad was and more involved than just about every husband of the women I know (most of whom are workaholics or sports addicts, it just shows up differently).

 

It's so hard as the mother knowing how strict the limits need to be. I KNOW dh had strict limits growing up and his family was very active like I said. Thanks again for all of the help and ideas.

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The bolded is so true. How did you transition your ds into all of those other activities? Did he show the initiative or did you encourage him to do them/sign him up for them on your own accord? This child is very poorly coordinated and does not like physical activities at all, we have been working with a neurodevelopmental specialist for a number of years.

 

We rode it out. My son was clumsy, too. He has very different vision in his eyes (19/20 and 20/100) so the video games were suggested as part of his vision therapy. Therapy, not alldayapy, especially when he wouldn't wear his patch! Anyway, we kept encouraging him to try new things, go do stuff he could do, push himself a little more...each summer I'd sign him up for 2-3 activities: swimming, golf, art...some he kept up with, some he didn't. But he found out he could do golf and our neighbor got him interested in archery. We signed him up for scouts and told him to give it a chance for a year. It's been 3 and he's still going strong. They push him more than we do. :) But eventually he got to the point where he was able to develop skills that will carry him through the rest of his life if he chooses.

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He was a gamer when I met him, I had no idea what that would mean over the years but yes, he definitely had all of the same habits then that he does now. We didn't know each other very well when we married so it is absolutely just as much my responsibility as it is his (for getting married young, etc). It has caused us friction and strife over the years, but I no longer have the philosophy to up and leave whenever anything isn't ideal. For the most part, our life together is amazing. He does choose to game every spare minute he can find but he does jump up and help whenever I ask, he's WAY more involved with the children than my Dad was and more involved than just about every husband of the women I know (most of whom are workaholics or sports addicts, it just shows up differently).

 

It's so hard as the mother knowing how strict the limits need to be. I KNOW dh had strict limits growing up and his family was very active like I said. Thanks again for all of the help and ideas.

Have you talked to your dh about your concerns about your ds?

 

Your dh is setting a great example in that he provides well, is a good man in general and a good dad. Your ds sees that gamers get up and go to work. They play with their family and use the games as a way to unwind.

 

I'm not sure how severe your ds's disability but I think it is nice that he and your dh can bond over games instead of your dh being interested in sports that your ds may or may not be able to participate in.

 

I think maybe if your dh can help your ds disengage in a productive manner ("Hey, I smell dinner. Let's go see if mom needs help" or "Today we have to fix the leaky faucet before we play so let's get it done.") there is little harm in their shared interests.

 

Definitely keep a watch for signs of true addictive behavior (refusal to eat or sleep, spaced out when not involved with the game or just after playing, anger- as opposed to disappointment- when told to go do something else, sneaking games, school work suffers, neglecting other relationships). This website might provide some insight. but keep in mind that some of those things on that list would indicate my dad is addicted to fishing.

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I would not be "ok" or casual about the level of play and hyperfocus shown by DH.

 

I would also be concerned about the stomping/fuss by ds.

 

I am NOT anti-gaming at all, but I am sensitive to inidications of process addiction and your posts show symptoms from both your son and DH.

 

For a child prone to it, I would either severely restrict or completely disallow.

I agree. My ds was this way. I laugh when I hear talk about how great kids are at self-regulating because they've never seen my 5 yo around sugar or my ds around video games! I pretty much completely disallow any computer or video games during the week and limit to less than 2 hours on the weekend. Luckily ds moved into Legos with my game restriction. At least with that he is productive, plays with others, talks to us, eats, and is very imaginative and fun. Better than just killing stuff on the wii.

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Joanne, what do you mean by process addiction? Addiction to the games? If I do not let him play any, does that mean I do not let the other children play as well? What do you think will happen once he gets out of the house, will all of the years of being kept from games keep him from turning to them then?

 

 

 

 

Process addiction is the term used by professionals to distinguish a behavioral addiction from a chemical one.

 

That said, it is important to know that process addictions do involve chemicals, originating from the body of the user. Process addictions change the body (starting with the brain) both structurally and chemically. A pre-disposed young person is at particular risk for this; they are developmentally (from a physiological standpoint) more at risk. It makes sense on a basic biological foundation that if you mess with the brain at developing times, you are more likely to impact that brain.

 

So, to use another process addiction as an example, exposing a young person to porn makes them more at risk and vulnerable to a *problem* with porn. It is the same with younger brains and gaming, particularly if there is a predisposition.

 

I would not make decisions on this today based on when he leaves home. I'd make decisions today based on today: his age, development, behavior.

 

Personally, I have no problem allowing non screen focused kids to enjoy games while disallowing it for an at risk child. I'd be explaining the above to all the kids, using age appropriate science. But, a case could be made that disallowing them for the entire sibling group is wise. In your case, though, you have some inherent hypocrisy with DH.

 

The earlier a prone person is exposed, the more profound the brain changes. That is why I'd disallow games at 8 for a child who showed hyperfocus.

 

 

 

The bolded is so true. How did you transition your ds into all of those other activities? Did he show the initiative or did you encourage him to do them/sign him up for them on your own accord? This child is very poorly coordinated and does not like physical activities at all, we have been working with a neurodevelopmental specialist for a number of years.

 

The bold cements my response; your child seems at risk on every level in terms of this issue.

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Chucki, thank you for the help. If he showed signs of anger (more than a few seconds after turning it off) or sneaking around or any belligerence related to the games we would most definitely take that seriously.

 

Joanne, thank you for your help. It is obvious this child is drawn to the games more than the others and I'd be an idiot not to suspect it is related in some way to the way his brain functions. He has always been "different." Literally since he was in utero. There were days when he didn't move when I was far along and I would have to go get ultrasounds to make sure he was okay. I guess I just didn't see that (him being different, preferring games) as being a necessarily bad thing, especially since I've known he has been different his entire life, it's not something games "did"........but reading the other thread I read a lot of responses like "well, if my child preferred games over other things or wanted to play every day" things like that, and it made me want to ask.

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How would one change a dh's habits? Presumably he was a gamer when she married him. I Dup doesn't give any indication that her dh or her ds can't disengage. Not like the pp who's son snuck games in the middle of the night.

 

I don't think video games are the height of intellectual stimulation but I don't see any difference between reading or golfing or watching sports on TV for hours on end and playing video games. As long as responsibilities are met why severely restrict or disallow? Would you do the same if it was sports? Golfing? What about reading?

 

It would totally make me crazy if dh played golf every afternoon and all day Saturday. But if that was what he did when I met him, did it all through our dating and early marriage it would be my problem. It is who he is and what he does, and I knew it when I married him. If our son showed an avid interest in golfing I'd be some kind of flake to start restricting (as if I could restrict another adult in such a way) dh's golfing and attempted to tell ds he couldn't play.

 

Not to mention that gaming addiction doesn't look like what I Dup described in her family. I've seem gaming addiction in adults and it isn't pretty. There is a reason those guys live in their mother's basements.

 

I am not talking about her husband; she asked for help about her son.

 

I am not anti-gaming, so your second paragraph isn't really a match for my perspective.

 

But I do think that it is important to mention that the father in the picture would rather game than anything else; I think it is significant for this situation.

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Have you talked to your dh about your concerns about your ds?

 

Yes, absolutely, we've talked a lot about him. Dh feels a special affinity for this child (his firstborn son, a lot like him) so he doesn't share the same concern I do. He is very protective of him. He has been 100% supportive of any therapy, he encourages him to get off and do other things and will discipline him if there are problems related to gaming. But dh does not see the gaming as some big deal, serious thing. Of course, it is a passion they both share.

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But I do think that it is important to mention that the father in the picture would rather game than anything else; I think it is significant for this situation.

 

See, that's an annoying thing for me for sure. But I didn't mention it as a way to bash my dh. My dh is seriously the most amazing man I have ever known or heard of. He is SO loving and so caring. He has struggled with gaming and p*rn but those are things we have worked through/are working through. Other than that, he is seriously perfect. I don't mean to make this about my dh.

 

I guess I don't see him wanting to game every spare minute as being different from the dozens of men I personally know who work every spare second. They NEVER turn off their phones, they run to the office constantly, gone every weekend, never turn down a trip. They aren't even around their kids to know about them or care about them. But yet that is seen as something admirable (modeling good work ethic) and choosing to do something else with one's time, even if it means they are more available to the family, is a bad thing? Just trying to figure this out.

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I guess I don't see him wanting to game every spare minute as being different from the dozens of men I personally know who work every spare second. They NEVER turn off their phones, they run to the office constantly, gone every weekend, never turn down a trip. They aren't even around their kids to know about them or care about them. But yet that is seen as something admirable (modeling good work ethic) and choosing to do something else with one's time, even if it means they are more available to the family, is a bad thing? Just trying to figure this out.

I have one of those dhs. It isn't work so much as firefighting.(he is not on one by two fire departments and looking for his emt license on top of working for a living as a LEO) That is an obsession and interferes with family life. So I can see both sides of this. I'm the gamer who has the skills that my house, family and dd's school is not neglected and I can play for hours on end. I do the vast majority of the household and outside chores. My dh is the workaholic who would rather be out the door thrill seeking than being home with his family doing the family thing. So from my perspective I see little harm in the games. Perhaps if I were crafty I'd spend the time (and resources) doing scrapbooking or decorating. Gack! But I think we all agree that i'm not normal. LOL

 

Now dd has left her ds sitting beside me with the new game in it that I've not played yet. I'm off to check it out. See you in an hour or when she demands it back.

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See, that's an annoying thing for me for sure. But I didn't mention it as a way to bash my dh. My dh is seriously the most amazing man I have ever known or heard of. He is SO loving and so caring. He has struggled with gaming and p*rn but those are things we have worked through/are working through. Other than that, he is seriously perfect. I don't mean to make this about my dh.

 

I guess I don't see him wanting to game every spare minute as being different from the dozens of men I personally know who work every spare second. They NEVER turn off their phones, they run to the office constantly, gone every weekend, never turn down a trip. They aren't even around their kids to know about them or care about them. But yet that is seen as something admirable (modeling good work ethic) and choosing to do something else with one's time, even if it means they are more available to the family, is a bad thing? Just trying to figure this out.

 

 

 

{{{hugs}}}

 

Your using workohilsm as a comparison doesn't elevate your DH's gaming to an ok level.

 

There does exist a tacit immunity about work as not only an untouchable, but as a virtue - especially for men. It's a complicated, multi-level process addiction to respond to.

 

I hope that you don't get "bashing your DH" from my posts. But his behavior with games (and I'm not surprised about the porn) speak to both the nurture AND nature influence on your DS. To respond to the issue about your son (who is at huge risk at age 8) and ignore your DH's role would be incomplete.

 

Process addictions, like chemical ones, can be fully present in functioning adults who are involved with family, working, etc.

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I hope that you don't get "bashing your DH" from my posts.

 

No, I don't. I know that's not what you are doing...I just didn't mean for this to turn into how unhealthy my dh is and what a bad example he is.

 

Ugh. This is difficult to figure out. But then again I tend to be one that way over thinks things and worries way too much about every possible angle. I really wish I wasn't like that. I will talk to dh about cutting ds8 off the games, but I seriously doubt that will happen.

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No, I don't. I know that's not what you are doing...I just didn't mean for this to turn into how unhealthy my dh is and what a bad example he is.

 

Ugh. This is difficult to figure out. But then again I tend to be one that way over thinks things and worries way too much about every possible angle. I really wish I wasn't like that. I will talk to dh about cutting ds8 off the games, but I seriously doubt that will happen.

 

Please, when you talk to your DH, talk to him about the brain changes in form, process, and structure. That is science, and not some psychobabble.

 

Early exposure is serious. It's possible your DH was exposed early.

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I have nine-year-old twin boys. We realized early on that one could not walk away from video games. He'd be on them from sun up to 2 a.m. if we allowed it. The other boy can take or leave video games.

 

So our entire house is geared to the one with "the problem." I let them do a little on the laptop, but we don't have wii or xbox or anything like that. I'm irritated w/ myself that they found videogames on the Lego site.

 

I do have them do a video-like game to learn typing. And the boy w/ the problem really knows how to type now! Same w/ Stacking the States on the ipod. Fine, if you want to play a game so badly -- learn the states.

 

Alley

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Okay, another question. Since he was exposed early to video games (I'm not sure what constitutes as too early, but he's been playing for a few years so I'm sure that counts as too early) what does that mean? What if he never touched a video game until age 20, how different might his life look?

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\ But his behavior with games (and I'm not surprised about the porn) speak to both the nurture AND nature influence on your DS.

 

I have to ask. What do video games have to do with p*rn to the point that you are not surprised to find this man is (or has been) involved with both?

 

The implication is that guys who like video games also view p*rn on a somewhat regular basis.

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Okay, another question. Since he was exposed early to video games (I'm not sure what constitutes as too early, but he's been playing for a few years so I'm sure that counts as too early) what does that mean? What if he never touched a video game until age 20, how different might his life look?

 

From what I understand, the people who are obsessed with video games would be obsessed no matter what age. Like any obsession the chemical changes that bring on the "high" or the "rush" would happen at any age. They want to experience it again and again. They escalate to keep the high or the rush. The obsessive behavior can come from any number of experiences - thrill seeking, extreme sports, video games, anything that potential gives massive adrenaline boosts to the system. It is just that some forms of behavior are more socially acceptable than others.

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I have to ask. What do video games have to do with p*rn to the point that you are not surprised to find this man is (or has been) involved with both?

 

The implication is that guys who like video games also view p*rn on a somewhat regular basis.

 

 

I'm guessing it's because it has something to do with that chemical rush...although I'm not sure there are many men who WOULDN'T experience a chemical rush when viewing p*rn. I'm not sure why some men can take it or leave it and others (many? the majority who view it?) want to keep returning to it.

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Okay, another question. Since he was exposed early to video games (I'm not sure what constitutes as too early, but he's been playing for a few years so I'm sure that counts as too early) what does that mean? What if he never touched a video game until age 20, how different might his life look?

 

When it comes to addiction, most are a brain disease. The brain is typically already pre-disposed to the issue, but not always. The early exposure is important because the changes in structure and function of the brain that happen as a result of interaction with chemicals or a process addiction can permentently alter that child's brain. In other words, the behavioral or chemical introduction happens at a time when the brain is developing, literally changing the trajectory of that brain and where it would have gone.

 

That same person, that same brain, if the exposure (to gaming, or porn), came later, would be at less risk for profound, permenent changes. At 20 (to use your example), other behaviors and patterns have developed in the brain that might serve to mitigate the changes AND the brain is much further developed and less vulnerable.

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I'm guessing it's because it has something to do with that chemical rush...although I'm not sure there are many men who WOULDN'T experience a chemical rush when viewing p*rn. I'm not sure why some men can take it or leave it and others (many? the majority who view it?) want to keep returning to it.

 

Of course it is a "chemical rush" to viewers. It is the brain in which that rush occurs that determines the outcome. Some brains are prone to needing/seeking that rush and some enjoy it in the moment but don't produce the structure and process to seek it repeatedly.

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I'm guessing it's because it has something to do with that chemical rush...although I'm not sure there are many men who WOULDN'T experience a chemical rush when viewing p*rn. I'm not sure why some men can take it or leave it and others (many? the majority who view it?) want to keep returning to it.

Maybe. Being a gamer I've never gotten into p*rn. The idea that they could be related is a bit off putting to me. And not all men who view/use p*rn are gamers.

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I have to ask. What do video games have to do with p*rn to the point that you are not surprised to find this man is (or has been) involved with both?

 

The implication is that guys who like video games also view p*rn on a somewhat regular basis.

 

 

Because the brain effects are similar for gaming and porn.

 

It isn't an implication - it's just that a brain that has a gaming focus is the same type of brain that reacts to porn similarly.

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Maybe. Being a gamer I've never gotten into p*rn. The idea that they could be related is a bit off putting to me. And not all men who view/use p*rn are gamers.

 

You are making leaps in logic that are not present in my response.

 

It's not all about the "rush" and "high" of gaming(or porn, or shopping, or gambling), btw. It's more complicated and nuanced than that.

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Because the brain effects are similar for gaming and porn.

 

It isn't an implication - it's just that a brain that has a gaming focus is the same type of brain that reacts to porn similarly.

Okay. But I gotta tell you. The real gamers that I know don't have enough time in the day for games. They certainly aren't going to spare any for $ex or p*rn. There are enemies to battle and higher levels to attain.

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My dh does *not* play video games because he knows he will become addicted. We have a play station (inherited from a friend) and the boys have Nintendo DS (from my mom). I set strict limits. Well, strict compared to other families I know. Dh doesn't touch the Nintendos or the Play Station.

 

Only my oldest will self limit. The younger two would play all day if I let them.

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