Grinding the nuts into little pieces does NOT

[Seasider]

make them less dangerous to your nut-allergic grandchild. :cursing:

 

But now, you've lost it. The trust, that is. It's gone. I could see that all over her face as we broke away from Christmas gift opening to dose the Benadryl. Thought we talked this over after the Thanksgiving bungle...

 

<Sigh> I am out of words.

[Twigs]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Kathryn]

:grouphug:

[Harriet Vane]

:eek:

 

:grouphug:

[HomeschoolMamaOfTwo]

Oh no! Did she do that on purpose???

[Sun]

Oh, that is awful. I am sorry you and she had to deal with that.

[Farrar]

Astounding.

[PrincessMommy]

I'm speechless. :grouphug:

[Word Nerd]

Wow. I hope it was the the result of cluelessness and not an attempt to prove the grandchild isn't actually allergic.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

We've BTDT! I'm so sorry! :(

 

A friend once told me something he was taught in school for cooking; if you dehydrate the allergen, the person can have it!

[Joanne]

wt heck?

 

I am so sorry. That's sick stuff.

[Seasider]

Oh no! Did she do that on purpose???

 

 

I just can't let my mind go there... I can't imagine it. But she did, years ago, the first time she babysat another grandchild with a newly dosed peanut allergy, decide to "test" the doubted diagnosis. You know, you just can't trust those know it all newer moms, right? Gah. A double dose of Benadryl and a tub of baking soda narrowly averted an ER visit. Good thing that child reacted with visible hives, she might not have been able to reliably describe a tingly/closing throat. Gma was remorseful.

 

Today's cookies were what appeared to be the family's traditional molasses cookies, cut in pretty shapes with a bit of frosting. They were in a tin with the kids' Christmas gift envelopes. Maybe we were supposed to know they were something different, but we *thought* we knew what they were. (And of course, I accept blame for not being a good cupbearer. kwim?) They were not labeled otherwise.

[laundrycrisis]

I just can't let my mind go there... I can't imagine it. But she did, years ago, the first time she babysat another grandchild with a newly dosed peanut allergy, decide to "test" the doubted diagnosis. You know, you just can't trust those know it all newer moms, right? Gah. A double dose of Benadryl and a tub of baking soda narrowly averted an ER visit. Good thing that child reacted with visible hives, she might not have been able to reliably describe a tingly/closing throat. Gma was remorseful.

 

Today's cookies were what appeared to be the family's traditional molasses cookies, cut in pretty shapes with a bit of frosting. They were in a tin with the kids' Christmas gift envelopes. Maybe we were supposed to know they were something different, but we *thought* we knew what they were. (And of course, I accept blame for not being a good cupbearer. kwim?) They were not labeled otherwise.

 

 

:grouphug: I'm sorry. That's HORRIBLE !!!

 

 

Grinding them does make them less noticeable. :crying:

[HomeschoolMamaOfTwo]

Let's hope it was just a mistake, but wow, how careless of her if so! :(

[jujsky]

That's awful! I'm glad you were able to treat it with Benadryl and it wasn't a more serious reaction.

[Mom2boys]

We live with life-threatening food allergies and clueless relatives too. So sorry you had to deal with a reaction today.

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Kirch]

Oh my word. What part of "Your grandkid could DIE" do you not understand??

[Sahamamama]

Oh my word. What part of "Your grandkid could DIE" do you not understand??

 

Yeah, this was my first thought.

 

We had a boy in our children's ministry at church (years ago) who was so deathly allergic to so many things that every person who came in contact with him at church was required to go through "the training." His own mother would discuss his allergies, how many times he had nearly died, what needed to happen to be around him, and so on.

 

For example, this child could not be in a room with a person who that morning had wiped her hands on a towel that had been used in a kitchen with peanuts. It was that severe. Until his mom went through all that with me, I had NO IDEA that there were parents and children who deal with this every day, every minute.

 

You know, under normal circumstances, you think a whole peanut is a choking hazard for a child, or something like that. But this takes "hazard" to a whole other level. Perhaps your relative just doesn't get it? Is there a book or a video that you can require Grandma to read/watch in order to spend time with your children? I mean, something that will finally "get through" to her?

 

Sorry you had to deal with this today.

[amyable]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Farrar]

When you're at a friend's house or a store or a party or whatever, then the burden is on you as the parent and your dd as the allergic one to check, but you would think that with a simple allergy that grandma would be aware. How sad.

[delaney]

Oh. My. God Are you kidding me????? I have 3 with severe nut allergies among other things. People do not get that they can really die from certain foods. Why, I will never know!

[Seasider]

 

Yeah, this was my first thought.

 

We had a boy in our children's ministry at church (years ago) who was so deathly allergic to so many things that every person who came in contact with him at church was required to go through "the training." His own mother would discuss his allergies, how many times he had nearly died, what needed to happen to be around him, and so on.

 

For example, this child could not be in a room with a person who that morning had wiped her hands on a towel that had been used in a kitchen with peanuts. It was that severe. Until his mom went through all that with me, I had NO IDEA that there were parents and children who deal with this every day, every minute. Wow! That is pretty scary! Thankfully we are not at that level. She had a reaction to almonds in the spring and that, along with some other clues, led us to have a full blown allergy screening. She is at a mid-level reaction to tree nuts and peanuts and the plan of treatment is to avoid exposure. Those of you with nut/food allergies understand that reactions tend to escalate with repeated exposure. She usually gets a tingly tongue. This morning, within a minute, it was tingly tongue and tight itchy throat. I immediately had her brush her teeth, thoroughly rinse her mouth out and dose with Benadryl. It settled down, thank goodness.

 

You know, under normal circumstances, you think a whole peanut is a choking hazard for a child, or something like that. But this takes "hazard" to a whole other level. Perhaps your relative just doesn't get it? Is there a book or a video that you can require Grandma to read/watch in order to spend time with your children? I mean, something that will finally "get through" to her. After that incident with the other grandchild years ago, she did get the lecture, the training, etc. Dh says she just doesn't pay attention. Part of me agrees, because of other reasons I can't detail here. But part of me wonders if she really is trying to "test" the diagnosis. It just blows my mind.

 

Sorry you had to deal with this today.

 

 

Thanks to all of you who understand. DH struggles with this, not wanting to harshly judge his mom. It is validating to me to know that so many of you would have the same emotional reaction as I had. I really just wanted to throw up.

[Seasider]

When you're at a friend's house or a store or a party or whatever, then the burden is on you as the parent and your dd as the allergic one to check, but you would think that with a simple allergy that grandma would be aware. How sad.

 

 

Of course you are right, and I am usually quite vigilant. I thought I knew what these cookies contained. It was a wolf in sheep's cookie, you might say....

 

Still, I don't think I'll let my guard down again. And dd KNOWS to ask before she eats anything, she always does when we are out and offered things, especially baked goods. She just didn't think she had a reason to question these. Right under our noses. Blech.

[jrn]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Impish]

Good freaking grief!

[Zebra]

I would make some lovely brownies with ground up laxatives in them for Grandma :laugh: .

[prairiewindmomma]

Wow. Having been through a similar stunt with a child/grandparent, that would be the end of grandparent ever being alone with grandchild again because all trust would be gone. (I realize you were there, thank goodness.)

[Sahamamama]

Yeah, this was my first thought.

 

We had a boy in our children's ministry at church (years ago) who was so deathly allergic to so many things that every person who came in contact with him at church was required to go through "the training." His own mother would discuss his allergies, how many times he had nearly died, what needed to happen to be around him, and so on.

 

For example, this child could not be in a room with a person who that morning had wiped her hands on a towel that had been used in a kitchen with peanuts. It was that severe. Until his mom went through all that with me, I had NO IDEA that there were parents and children who deal with this every day, every minute. Wow! That is pretty scary! Thankfully we are not at that level. She had a reaction to almonds in the spring and that, along with some other clues, led us to have a full blown allergy screening. She is at a mid-level reaction to tree nuts and peanuts and the plan of treatment is to avoid exposure. Those of you with nut/food allergies understand that reactions tend to escalate with repeated exposure. She usually gets a tingly tongue. This morning, within a minute, it was tingly tongue and tight itchy throat. I immediately had her brush her teeth, thoroughly rinse her mouth out and dose with Benadryl. It settled down, thank goodness.

 

Avoidance is easier said than done, isn't it? Peanuts and tree nuts are everywhere! About escalation -- I never thought I was allergic to bee stings until one summer when I was repeatedly stung (various circumstances, but I was outdoors a lot). By the end of that summer, I was stung again, and if a friend hadn't had medication with him right then, I would have died on the spot. My leg looked like a tree trunk.

 

You know, under normal circumstances, you think a whole peanut is a choking hazard for a child, or something like that. But this takes "hazard" to a whole other level. Perhaps your relative just doesn't get it? Is there a book or a video that you can require Grandma to read/watch in order to spend time with your children? I mean, something that will finally "get through" to her. After that incident with the other grandchild years ago, she did get the lecture, the training, etc. Dh says she just doesn't pay attention. Part of me agrees, because of other reasons I can't detail here. But part of me wonders if she really is trying to "test" the diagnosis. It just blows my mind.

 

As a mother, I would go with my instincts and guard against further grandmotherly "testing." :glare: I hate to say this, really, because it's Grandma and her grandkids, but... there are some personality types that would do this.

 

Sorry you had to deal with this today.

 

Thanks to all of you who understand. DH struggles with this, not wanting to harshly judge his mom. It is validating to me to know that so many of you would have the same emotional reaction as I had. I really just wanted to throw up.

 

I would judge even my own parent(s) harshly if I felt they were putting my child at risk. Hope the rest of your holiday season is calm.

[Cinder]

Ugh--how horrible! I'm glad your dd is ok. :grouphug:

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Wow. Just wow. I really hope that wasn't intentional.

[Reya]

My MIL would TOTALLY do this. And she would be hurt and offended that it didn't work.

 

So sorry. Crazy relatives are the worst.

[myfunnybunch]

:grouphug: and :blink: .

 

How hard is NO peanuts? :banghead:

 

I am SO sorry that family so clearly doesn't get it, and especially sorry that you're dealing with it today.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Cat

[Dana]

So sorry. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

As an additional FYI, check with your allergist. Here, the itchy throat was the only sign before anaphylaxis. We were already on the way to the ER, just in case, when I had to give the Epi-pen. Very very glad you didn't need the Epi, but just an itchy throat here would be Epi & 911 if we'd had a known exposure.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[celticmom]

:grouphug: My wheat-allergic dd8 and dh are going to visit his parents sometime next year. I am not looking forward to that trip because I would not be surprised if his mother tried to "test" the allergy. I am staying home to take care of animals.

[scrapbookbuzz]

I do not understand grandparents that do not respect what the parents say. This is not even life threatening but when my daughter was not quite a year old my inlaws babysat. Now, I love and adore my inlaws, truly.

But I did specify NO SUGAR. DH and I came back from our date to find . . . the gp's feeding the infant ice cream! And when I called Grandpa on it, he smiling did it again! Grrrr. Why must they think they know better?

But especially why do they not GET that, especially in your case, they are risking the LIVES of their grandchildren?? If I had a child who was that allergic and some grandparent did that to my kid, who wound up in the hospital as

a consequence, I would SO be sticking the grandparents with the medical bill!

[higginszoo]

:hug: I'm sorry. I understand about your dh feeling bad about judging his parents for their utter disregard for safety. We went through a similar thing all week. The allergy part was actually him (they got a Golden Retriever, who they take everywhere with them, in spite of dh's asthmatic reaction to dogs) ... it looks like we may be off to the doctor yet again because after a week of exposure, he's just not bouncing back. But he was taught never to contradict his parents, and still won't, even when his health is on the line.

[Brilliant]

I just can't let my mind go there... I can't imagine it. But she did, years ago, the first time she babysat another grandchild with a newly dosed peanut allergy, decide to "test" the doubted diagnosis. You know, you just can't trust those know it all newer moms, right? Gah. A double dose of Benadryl and a tub of baking soda narrowly averted an ER visit. Good thing that child reacted with visible hives, she might not have been able to reliably describe a tingly/closing throat. Gma was remorseful.

 

Today's cookies were what appeared to be the family's traditional molasses cookies, cut in pretty shapes with a bit of frosting. ...

 

 

I'm sorry but this had to be on purpose. I've never seen a traditional molasses cookie recipe with nuts.

[MomatHWTK]

So sorry. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

As an additional FYI, check with your allergist. Here, the itchy throat was the only sign before anaphylaxis. We were already on the way to the ER, just in case, when I had to give the Epi-pen. Very very glad you didn't need the Epi, but just an itchy throat here would be Epi & 911 if we'd had a known exposure.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

 

Same here that would have been an Epi event.

 

FWIW, we don't eat anything baked by anyone except myself, DH or my mother. Even if it were a safe food, the kitchen, utensils, non-stick baking sheet, etc. probably aren't. And one uneducated decision could result in a serious problem for DS. We do eat some fast foods, and non-allergy foods prepared by trained folks in specific locations (Holiday World) but not home-baked good.

 

We actually try to avoid MIL and SIL's homes due to the contamination issues- plus SIL got a dog which is another of DS' serious allergens.

[justamouse]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Melissa in Australia]

:grouphug: :grouphug:

sometimes people do things that have no logical explanation!

When my DH was first diagnosed with Multiple Chemical Sensitivities you have no idea the amount of people (friends and workmates) who deliberately sprayed perfume near him, used strong cleaners, or sprayed fly-spray in the air around him on purpose to see if he would be affected by it.

[Desert Rat]

:grouphug: :grouphug: My ds has tree nut allergies. This is such a hard time of year

 

Our sweet little old next door neighbors made us bunches of goodies using all nuts and no peanuts because so many kids this these days are allergic to peanuts. :laugh: They don't know our family at all and the gesture was very nice. But, I had to laugh because the peanuts would have been safe for us.

 

I would never ever trust food from that grandma again. Molasses cookies don't have nuts, usually.

This allergy momma's heart hurts for you.

[Occasionally]

 

This allergy momma's heart hurts for you.

 

 

Same here :crying:

[kubiac]

Oh no! This is awful.

 

I have noticed that some grandparents just don't believe allergies/food sensitivities are real and/or serious. Could you try to educate her by bringing her along to an appointment with your allergist and having the doctor explain some of the biology?

 

I can't imagine having to protect my kid from his in-laws' deeply ingrained food habits. Partly, they just get SO EXCITED to shovel food at their familymembers that they don't think about anything else--including reading labels or building balanced meals.

 

{{HUG}}

[mommymilkies]

Thankfully my allergic kid lives off of air, so I don't have to worry often about her eating mystery foods, but we have so been there. :grouphug:

 

My Grandma-in law told me that stuffing was fine for my VERY gluten intolerant children because it doesn't have flour in it...just breadcrumbs. Oh my. People always astound me.

[Reya]

I just can't let my mind go there... I can't imagine it. But she did, years ago, the first time she babysat another grandchild with a newly dosed peanut allergy, decide to "test" the doubted diagnosis. You know, you just can't trust those know it all newer moms, right? Gah. A double dose of Benadryl and a tub of baking soda narrowly averted an ER visit. Good thing that child reacted with visible hives, she might not have been able to reliably describe a tingly/closing throat. Gma was remorseful.

 

Today's cookies were what appeared to be the family's traditional molasses cookies, cut in pretty shapes with a bit of frosting. They were in a tin with the kids' Christmas gift envelopes. Maybe we were supposed to know they were something different, but we *thought* we knew what they were. (And of course, I accept blame for not being a good cupbearer. kwim?) They were not labeled otherwise.

 

 

I would tell her that if she does it again, you will have her brought up on charges of assault. Plain and simple. Because I'm with the did-it-on-purpose crowd now.

 

And next time your DC is there, I would bring food from home and only let your child eat that, and when she asks, say that she could have killed your child last time, and since you can't trust her not to poison her grandkid, she can't feed her DGC anymore.

[GoVanGogh]

My Grandma-in law told me that stuffing was fine for my VERY gluten intolerant children because it doesn't have flour in it...just breadcrumbs. Oh my. People always astound me.

 

That seems to a common thought among a certain generation. My mom was very determined that 'wheat' allergy did not mean things made out of white flour, only whole wheat flour.

Another time I had someone tell me "yes, the item does have nuts but you can't really taste them so it will be fine."

If only it were so easy.

We have dealt with food allergies and people that are ignorant of food allergies for ten years now. It gets so old.

OP, :grouphug: Sorry you had to deal with that.

[misty.warden]

I would tell her that if she does it again, you will have her brought up on charges of assault. Plain and simple. Because I'm with the did-it-on-purpose crowd now.

 

And next time your DC is there, I would bring food from home and only let your child eat that, and when she asks, say that she could have killed your child last time, and since you can't trust her not to poison her grandkid, she can't feed her DGC anymore.

 

 

This. Harsh, but if you've explained it to her before and even your DH says she's tuning him out with regards to this issue I would not take it less seriously whether or not it was intentional or simply forgetfulness. I acknowledge that with friends the burden is on you to police the food, but I draw the line at close family. If someone honestly cannot remember a life-threatening allergy of their own grandchild, I could not trust them, period.

[sbgrace]

That's terrifying. We've had some bad experiences with my son when people were really trying to make something safe. He no longer eats food unless I bring it for him. It's safer. Even if cookies from someone else in the future didn't have nuts they could have trace nuts from kitchen bowls pans, contaminated ingredients, etc. I'm sorry, though, that she did something so reckless. I'd be upset.

[lisamarie]

Did she tell you there was nuts in it? I wonder if rather than actual ground nuts, she used almond extract or some other nut extract that caused the reaction. My Grandma uses it often in her cookies and I know that my DS can't eat them because she uses the real deal and not imitation like I do.

 

We have the blessing/curse of my nut allergic child also being allergic to eggs, so pretty much all baked goods are out unless they are specially made. Cuts down on that whole accidental exposure thing a ton.

[lailasmum]

My friend has the same problem with her MIL. The MIL seems to find a huge amount of glee in sneaking my friend's son banned foods. He has a peanut allergy. I know they found it hard to be around family when he was little as she would do it behind their back even when they were with him, the MIL would call him over and hand him the thing he wasn't allowed.