If you could tell one thing to moms of young children

[Tsutsie]

...what would it be?

 

Especially to moms of young (8 and younger), bright children.

[Kathy G]

Trust your instincts. Don't be afraid to try new school situations if yours isn't working. Involve your child- be open and ask what they want and need, it may surprise you.

[regentrude]

You know your child, trust your instinct and observation and listen to your kid.

Disregard "age appropriate" - what is appropriate for the average child of a certain age may have absolutely nothing to do with YOUR kid.

Don't be afraid - you're in for a fun ride ;-)

[psychmom]

Those are great--I'd love to hear more! :bigear:

[JenneinCA]

I wouldn't tell them much. Instead I would listen to them and believe them. That is what I wanted most when my kids were really little. I desperately wanted acknowledgment that what I was seeing was actually happening and a listening ear.

[ebunny]

I have a Dd who's 7, and the words that have inspired me and motivated me have come from moms who've BTDT.

I would like to say to moms, (like me) who tend to doubt themselves far too much:

 

Do not second guess yourself with regards to the choices you make for your child(ren).

 

 

 

[lisabees]

Many gifted kids become very passionate, if not obsessed over something. For my kids, it happened around the age of 8/9. When that happens, be ready to provide them with the space and time to explore their new interest. Research and provide opportunities for them to do so with others. Many times this means finding adults to talk to/work with. Sometimes it is as easy as finding an online forum. Sometimes it means traveling. Of course, you shouldn't go beyond your means. But, these kids think big. The more you support them, the more amazing things they do. And it's so much fun to watch!

 

When my kids were as young as yours, they didn't need much more than other kids. We just spent a lot of time talking and talking about things that most kids didn't.

 

Also, realize that there may be little interest or desire to spend time with kids their age. My kids are perfectly content working independently on their own projects. If this is the case, respect it, yet give them plenty of interaction with kids their age, too.

 

Enjoy!

[SKL]

I would say: don't worry, be happy! And surround your kid with books and "stuff to do." And enjoy listening to them as they play.

 

I do realize these are more than "one thing." Sorry!

[texasmama]

Read aloud to them from an early age. A lot. Good books like Charlotte's Webb.

[Element]

Live close to a library. Preferably a nice library that offers coffee and an awesome children's section.

 

Seriously though, take full advantage of the services offered by your local library, including online offerings (such as online book reservations and e-book resources.)

[8filltheheart]

Don't worry about what you are going to do next yr, 2 yrs from now, etc. Focus on the child before you now b/c available resources change rapidly and so does their pace, their maturity, their interests/input.

 

I've been doing this a long time with a lot of kids and it is next to impossible for me to predict what any of my kids will be capable of achieving 2 yrs out until they are much older and learning/education becomes more content focused across all subjects vs. a mix of skills and content.

[Staceyshoe]

Stop worrying about what the rest of the world thinks, about your kids being "too far ahead," or learning things at an unusual time or sequence. Every child is an individual with unique interests and abilities. One of the greatest gifts you can give your child is to see them for who they are and make decisions that fit their needs.

[Bang!Zoom!]

Take a lot of pictures. I mean a lot.

[JennW in SoCal]

You don't need a program or curriculum for everything. Create a rich environment at home with lots of books, music, craft supplies, legos, blocks, games and maybe a pair of binoculars and a magnifying glass then set your children free to explore and create. They will learn.

 

Read aloud. Talk about everything. Play with them, but make time for your own reading and projects. Take lots of photos, keep a journal.

 

Savor this time. When they are smelly and obnoxious young teens remember this time and hold on to the idea that the high school years will once again be interesting and fun!!

[SunshineMom]

Allow your child to pursue their interests even if they take you (parent) into areas you are unfamiliar with. Trust their own vision of themselves and support them in their own goals with encouragement, resources and time. Read, read, read and read some more with your child and make friends with your librarian. Take the time to enjoy the art projects, nature walks, journals, and numerous field trips. Find local experts who enjoy sharing time with children. Connect with other likeminded homeschool families who can make positive influences upon your child. Enjoy music together, even starting a child learning an instrument, make time for snuggles and talk about everything. Lastly, never let others, grade levels or a curriculum box your child's gifts.

[serendipitous journey]

Don't worry about what you are going to do next yr, 2 yrs from now, etc. Focus on the child before you now b/c available resources change rapidly and so does their pace, their maturity, their interests/input.

 

I've been doing this a long time with a lot of kids and it is next to impossible for me to predict what any of my kids will be capable of achieving 2 yrs out until they are much older and learning/education becomes more content focused across all subjects vs. a mix of skills and content.

 

 

okay, I'll just second this. :)

 

Seriously: it is advice that would fit my intense, mathy Button (for whom all the advices to provide a rich environment and not fret are useless -- this child needs STRUCTURE!) and my language-crazy, story-loving tot. It is nice to just read it and not feel I ought to fret about the next couple of years ... I certainly couldn't have planned what we are doing now a year ago ...

[mathwonk]

be very gentle in discipline. remember they start out always trying to please you, and when they don't, they are sorry, unless you begin to be too impatient and reproachful. don't be afraid to apologize, if you are in the wrong, it's only fair, and helps them believe in your honesty. enjoy them.

[serendipitous journey]

okay, I suppose that this counts as 2 things since I seconded 8 above ... but on reflection, I realized that while 8's advice was just what I needed to hear right now myself, there is other advice that has been sustaining to me with my hyper-bright littles.

 

I've found it essential to keep my eye on the ball: which is, not developing little intelligences, but growing little people; nurturing little people. When I stay centered on the well-being and thriving of my little ones and of my family, we do pretty well; but when I am over-concerned with their Education, or their Socialization, or I start to think that If I Were Doing This Right It Wouldn't Be So Much Work So I Must Be Doing It All Wrong, then we run aground. Staying centered, humble, focused on the goal of a thriving family and well spirits and willing to do what I need to to reach that goal -- that works pretty well.

 

The weakness of this strategy, in my hands, is I tend to put myself last and get run down. So I'm working on that.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

Don't compare your kid to other kids. This is generally good advice, but I think it's extra important for very early learners. I really wish my husband would stop doing it. It it very freeing for me to know that comparing a 3.5 year old reading at a 2nd grade level to any other kid, 3 year olds or 2nd graders, or anyone in between, is pointless.

[quark]

Laugh. A LOT. It's good for them. It's good for you.

[quark]

I'm sorry...I know you mentioned ONE thing but I had to add this because I think if I'd realized this sooner I would have worried less.

 

Life is not all academics and learning. I wish I had focused even more on physical and mental/ emotional wellbeing like physical stamina, good health, less anxiety (DS is okay...I just wish I could have done more than I did then). I see so much in the news about intelligent young people leading miserable lives...depression, overthinking, low self esteem and increasing violence towards self and their community. I think some of it, maybe not all, but at least some of it can be mitigated if not prevented through more exercise, good diet and focusing on being happy, working on taking life less seriously, allowing yourself to make mistakes etc. Maybe it's wishful thinking. It's something I am realizing more and more each day. The book/ curriculum stuff is such a small part of it and yet that's what so many moms and dads seem to worry about these days. At least where I live.

[8filltheheart]

I'm sorry...I know you mentioned ONE thing but I had to add this because I think if I'd realized this sooner I would have worried less.

 

Life is not all academics and learning. I wish I had focused even more on physical and mental/ emotional wellbeing like physical stamina, good health, less anxiety (DS is okay...I just wish I could have done more than I did then). I see so much in the news about intelligent young people leading miserable lives...depression, overthinking, low self esteem and increasing violence towards self and their community. I think some of it, maybe not all, but at least some of it can be mitigated if not prevented through more exercise, good diet and focusing on being happy, working on taking life less seriously, allowing yourself to make mistakes etc. Maybe it's wishful thinking. It's something I am realizing more and more each day. The book/ curriculum stuff is such a small part of it and yet that's what so many moms and dads seem to worry about these days. At least where I live.

Quark, all of the above is so true. I have to rein in my over achievers and tell them, "No! " at times when they want to over-burden one area in their lives. All people need balance in their lives and when you think about how many adults fail at it, it becomes very obvious that, no, children are not capable of self-regulation and determining what balanced living "is."

 

The above is why I embrace the Ignatian philosophy of education. It focuses on the whole person and does not attempt to compartmentalize different parts of life. The philosophy recognizes the spiritual, the mental, and the physical needs we all possess in order for us to thrive and achieve the end for which we were created.

[Donna]

You've gotten some wonderful answers. I'll just add....play with your child and enjoy them. They are wonderful little people who will remember those times when you just sat on the floor and were silly with them and they grow up way too fast!

[Rivka]

Oh! I wrote a blog post about this last spring. Here was the "advice" part, for parents of young gifted children:

• Remember that play-based learning is powerful. It’s not a weak and watered-down form of education for children who are less capable – it’s the real thing. Don’t feel compelled to go out and get flash cards and “teach your baby to read†programs because your child’s potential demands it; gifted children generally need less drill than typically developing children, not more. Instead, set up open-ended opportunities for your child to explore and learn. Go interesting places. Explore and experiment. Be prepared to answer lots of questions and read lots of books. Try out books for older ages and see whether they are well received, always remembering to follow your child’s lead. Make your explanations of things as complicated or as simple as your child seems to require. Always come back to the child in front of you.
  

• Consider whether “deeper, broader, and richer†might be a better fit than “faster.†When Alex was two, or a young three, she went through a period of being very interested in following along with the text of the books we were reading. She often asked me to “show the words†as I said them. In retrospect, she was on the path to figure out reading. What happened? We started reading books to her which had more complex language, more words on the page, and more depth to the story – text she couldn’t work out how to decode. Her interest in following the letters on the page faded. Could she have read sooner if we had replaced “A white bird flew onto one branch and sang a tune so lovely and sweet that it eased the sadness in Cinderella’s heart†with “The cat sat on the matâ€? Probably. I have no regrets. I’m convinced that deeper, broader, and richer reading-aloud served her better than earlier reading-to-self.
  

• Remember that memorization of isolated facts, while showy, is a fairly low-level skill. True story: one of my college professors once trained pigeons to discriminate between Bach and Stravinsky. If a pigeon can do that, how impressed should we be that Glenn Doman’s flash card-trained preschoolers can recognize examples of cubism? It’s far better, in my view, to learn facts when you are ready to think about them in context. Certainly, allow your child memorize if he likes to (Colin loves his states and capitals), but don’t make it your goal.
  

• This one is more my personal opinion than my synthesis of research, but: stay away from the “gifted industry†as long as you can. Don’t read web articles about gifted toddlers. Don’t subscribe to forums for parents of gifted children and try to work out where your two-year-old falls in comparison to the other posters’ kids. Don’t study checklists wondering whether your child is “highly gifted†or just “moderately gifted.†These are all things I did, and they didn’t serve me well. They promote anxiety, comparisons, competition, and overidentification with the gifted label in a way that is just not very useful when your child is young. Again, just focus on the child in front of you. There’s time enough to worry about testing and identification if or when your child goes to school – and the time to wonder whether your child is more or less gifted than particular other gifted children is (pretty much) never.
  

[Reya]

In contrast to Rivka, I think it's important to know how gifted your child is because what most people call "gifted" spans a larger range in ability than everything below gifted. 90% of the kids who are brighter-than-average really do well with an approach that's primarily enrichment-based, with limited acceleration. The other 10% do NEED acceleration at various speeds to be truly accommodated. I think it is EXTREMELY worthwhile to find out if your kids falls in the bright to moderately gifted, highly gifted, or exceptionally/prodigiously gifted ranges because each range really does have a very different appropriate educational trajectory. It's no different from knowing HOW disabled your disabled kid is. Don't obsess over it once you know, but if you have a good idea of your child's actual abilities, you will be able to meet their needs better. If your kid is bright to MG, then you can look at "gifted and talented" and honors programs for inspiration. HG, you can combine it with more radical accordianing of the early curriculum. EG+, pretty much jettison every institutional-originated idea at the door.

[Reya]

Glenn Doman is wholly a waste of time for any parent with a child of any ability level. Flashcards are good for some people to practice memory work, but Doman-style flashcard "knowledge" EXTREMELY rapidly lost. A 5-y-o with an IQ of 45 won't "forget" now to sound out "mat" after months if he's been taught phonics, but all those super-precocious-seeming babies lose all their sight words in a matter of weeks.

[Joshin]

Be prepared for the resources your child or you will need in the future. Outsourcing education and opportunities is often unavoidable. This doesn't just mean setting aside money for future opportunities, it means also cultivating relationships with those that can help your child. For example, I volunteer at a museum. Because the staff knows me and my child, they allow him to take classes and camps aimed at higher age group levels even though they normally have a policy against it. Work on those relationships early and there will be more opportunities for your child and family in the future when you need them.

 

Also, realize not all gifted children are the same. Accept your child as they are, not how some gifted list online says they should be.

[Wildiris]

What I would tell moms of above average, bright kids is to do math. Lots of math, logic, and music. Let the kids move at their own pace. Don't know anything so they explain everything to you. Get them to express their thinking on paper too. Don't neglect grammar and writing. While I've not been successful at this, I think experiencing science at a young age followed up with book learning is important. I like going to science museums where kids can play with science ideas.

 

As the kids get older I encourge their learing as much as they can on their own.

 

Note there is a difference between above average bright and Gifted. One of my kids is above average bright but not off the charts gifted. There is a difference in how one parents and teaches the the super bright and the profoundly gifted.

 

I would also have my eye to the future. Know about testing that can get your kid(s) into gifted summer programs, and know the deadlines for applications. Take advantage of specialized summer school programs for young kids either public or private.

 

Anticipate addressing a level of isolation with bright and gifted kids when surrounded by peers during junior high and into high school. Finding a group to belong to at this age is far more important than academics. If a kids does find a group of like-minded peers, I think this enhances their academic success.

 

Remain flexable and review your options. Pay attention to your child's needs and respect their choices as they grow. Most of all, stay present when you are with them. If you expect them to give 100% you need to do the same.

[Dory]

I might remind them that EVERYTHING in life is about balance, but other than that I would just be a sounding board for them. What has helped me most in life has been people who were willing to listen to me and tell me what they were hearing. Just being able to talk it out made it all make more sense to me.

[jenL]

Lastly, never let others, grade levels or a curriculum box your child's gifts.

 

 

THIS!!! I have learned the hard way that I have been stifling my son, and I feel so guilty. I'm just now revamping everything and hoping and praying I can recoup the child he once was.

 

Follow your gut no matter what others think.

[Esse Quam Videri]

Great question, great answers. :lurk5:

 

I agree with the posts about focusing on the whole child. Think about your own goals right now. How many of them have to do with maxing out your intellectual ability? Probably very few. In life, intellectual/vocational success is great, but ultimately it does not satisfy. I want my children to be genuinely content, confident people who know where their true value lies, and who regard others as just as valuable.

[Runningmom80]

I just wanted to bump this thread because it's awesome. :)

[JenniferLynn]

When comparison comes up, help them understand there's a big spectrum out there and there will always be people ahead or behind in something. Help them understand the difference between not hiding their abilities and bragging/being obnoxious.

[jillian]

I am a mom of a young smarty and if I could tell myself something it would be don't be afraid of your children's abilities, don't be intimidated (and if you are don't let your kids see it) by working above grade levels. Enjoy asynchronous development.

[StartingOver]

180 days in an average school year X 12 years for 1st through 12th = 2160 / 365 days in a year = 5.9 years to educate a child.

 

Take time to smell the roses, even if you don't do anything till they are 12, you can still get them through. We have taken days, weeks, months and even a whole year off when my mother was ill before she passed. I attribute that last year with my mom to two of my children being in the medical field. Life itself has some amazing lessons.

 

Don't be afraid to leap ahead, back up, or even start all over. It is truly a marathon.

[LucyStoner]

That you should not kill yourself worrying if you have always done just the right thing for your student. There is no such thing as perfection and there sure as heck isn't any award, money or fame or even a gold star or a free cookie tied to being the perfect home educator. Also, you can't nourish and teach others without nourishing yourself. Give yourself time to reboot and recharge.

[Charlened1974]

Hug them. Snuggle them. Love them. The rest will come.

[Sahamamama]

Our oldest daughter has just turned 8, and our twin daughters recently turned 6 years old, so I can look back a bit. ;)

 

My best advice? Be a mother. More precisely -- be a mother who simply enjoys being with her children, whether you are "doing school" or not. Looking back, I can see that when I was too much "teacher," my children missed me as "Mommy." Young children, no matter how bright they may be, are still young children. They need mothering, far more than our culture seems to acknowledge or allow. There's such a push to be on to the next stage, on to the next activity, achievement, or level of independence. Mothering the young child is about connection and intimacy, warmth and security, mutual self-control and mutual respect. Don't give that up to become an in-home teacher of your own children.

 

I used to "do school" with them in a certain way, and at the end of the day one of them would occasionally come and say, "I need to spend time with you, Mommy. I didn't get enough of you today." And I would say, "We were together all day!" Then I realized they meant they missed me-as-Mommy. I wasn't draconian or harsh or anything, I just placed too much value on teaching, when what they needed most was contented, relaxed, I-can-read-a-book-to-you-even-if-it-isn't-on-my-checklist mothering. :blush: I've changed a lot in the past few years.

 

FWIW, I think that becoming a better mother makes me the teacher they need me to be, too. I'm teaching from the heart, a passionate heart, full of love for my children. If homeschooling was only about inputting information and forming skills, why would they need me? We're in a relationship here that, in a way, has nothing to do with the capital of Tennessee, the square root of 25, the causes of the American Revolution, or the Latin word for "I sing." ;)

 

Be gentle. Do everything with patience and gentleness and faith. It's hard to believe there is time to "fit it all in" when they are little, but there is time. Algebra will wait for you. Like Latin, Grammar, and Trigonometry, it's been around a long time and isn't going anywhere. And with bright children, I think you have more time. If they grasp academics quickly and easily, you have time to do other things. Those "other things" can help children become stronger, more resilient, compassionate, and interesting people. Smart isn't everything.