Pamela H in Texas Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 Melissa said (typos edited): We were foster carers for one agency, they had the rule one child per bedroom. We are now with an foster to adopt agency, foster siblings can share a room if they are young, same sex and blood-relatives. Otherwise they have to have their own room. Australia's foster rule about sharing rooms seems like it would cut down on large families like ours severely. In some ways, that sounds like a good idea as there are some benefits to smaller families. However, in other ways, that could be very problematic, especially for some kids who would do better not being one of just 1-4 kids. Additionally, it could make it where adoptable children with more challenges would not get homes at all or at least not with siblings. Just like with other parenting, some people SHOULD only have a kid or two (if that) while others can have a mega family gracefully. Or there is me who may not be so graceful at it but the kids don't really care about that part as long as mama does homework with them, plays a game with them, cuddles with them, reads to them, loves on them, feeds them, etc daily. In the end, it should be more individual. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clarkd Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 In Wisconsin foster children can share bedrooms regardless of sex until age six. After age six up to four children of the same sex, regardless of blood relations, can share a room. There are space requirements for the room and home. One full bath per every 8 people in the home. Regardless of rules, workers and families should have decision making latitude depending on the needs of the children. Two of our children, both girls who were very young, came into foster care together and we had separate rooms available. However, it was emotionally necessary that they stay in the same room and years later, this hasn't changed. They don't tolerate being separated at all. It is important to them and works well in our family. Yet we know other children who require their own room to be successful in a family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Punks in Ontario Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 Around here, I believe foster kids need to be roomed with siblings, but not others. IOW, birth kids and foster kids don't share rooms. They need to be the same sex. In a way, that gives the kids some space if they're not getting along well with the others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted December 17, 2012 Author Share Posted December 17, 2012 Here the rule is: *any gender up til someone's 6th bday *same gender only after 6yrs old. *state says kid can be in foster parent's room up til age 3 (my agency says first bday but will give variance) *at least 40 sq ft bedroom space per child, up to 4 kids in a room *no one sleeping in a common area (for example, livingroom). *no adult and children sharing a room (for example, an 18yo bio couldn't share with a 4yo foster...which really upset my daughter when we started this). We have a variance for the 40sq ft in our boys' room. They allowed our set up in order to keep sibling group together. I think they'd give us the moon in order to get us to keep these children. We aren't planning on sending them off before an adoptivehome is found (or we decide to commit) anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 Around here, three to a room with each child having their own bed and at least two drawers of a dresser is the guideline. It is highly advised, though not necessarily required, that fosters not share a room with biological children. There is also a minimum square footage requirement. I do not remember it for certain, but I believe it is around 1000 sq. ft. oh and fosters cannot be given sleeping quarters in a finished basement. Other guidelines: The county head of CPS is pretty much against well water. So, if you are on a well, even if you have a reverse osmosis filter for drinking and cooking water, your home study will not be approved. Since this is a rural county with only five communities that could afford to install city water facilities, it greatly reduces the number of families who can apply. They also have a list of dog breeds that you cannot own and I know of at least one county in which you cannot have a pool more than 24" deep and foster parent children under ten. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 'Safety' rules are often made in reaction to a specific past event and to avoid future mishaps and then they actually hurt and restrict the same people they are meant to protect. (I don't know what this may have been for this agency, but this happens in general). Foster placements should be evaluated on individual merit of the family and child, rather than on an arbitrary rule. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davysmom Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 Here the rule is: *any gender up til someone's 6th bday *same gender only after 6yrs old. *state says kid can be in foster parent's room up til age 3 (my agency says first bday but will give variance) *at least 40 sq ft bedroom space per child, up to 4 kids in a room *no one sleeping in a common area (for example, livingroom). *no adult and children sharing a room (for example, an 18yo bio couldn't share with a 4yo foster...which really upset my daughter when we started this). We have a variance for the 40sq ft in our boys' room. They allowed our set up in order to keep sibling group together. I think they'd give us the moon in order to get us to keep these children. We aren't planning on sending them off before an adoptivehome is found (or we decide to commit) anyway. Wow! We'd have more kids if we could do this. We can't take in anymore because here: Same gender only bio/foster doesn't matter Kids can't be in the parent's room - although it happens often and no one does anything about it. 100 sq ft per child no sleeping in common area no adult/child sharing a room at all - including parents Own bed/drawers/closet space etc. When we brought home our last child, we moved around kids to meet the requirement. Our one son had to move into room with other siblings to give the newest one 100sq ft even though we fully intended for them to share a room. Now that's he's adopted it doesn't matter. They now share a room. ETA - we are in the US.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted December 17, 2012 Author Share Posted December 17, 2012 100 sq ft per child How many homes have bedrooms (other than the master) big enough for more than one child with that kind of requirement?!?!? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdventureMoms Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 How many homes have bedrooms (other than the master) big enough for more than one child with that kind of requirement?!?!? My DD's room wouldn't even be big enough for ONE child by that rule. Yet it holds a queen bed, a dresser, and a bookshelf. And it has a closet (a tiny one, but still). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 Around here, three to a room with each child having their own bed and at least two drawers of a dresser is the guideline. It is highly advised, though not necessarily required, that fosters not share a room with biological children. There is also a minimum square footage requirement. I do not remember it for certain, but I believe it is around 1000 sq. ft. oh and fosters cannot be given sleeping quarters in a finished basement. Other guidelines: The county head of CPS is pretty much against well water. So, if you are on a well, even if you have a reverse osmosis filter for drinking and cooking water, your home study will not be approved. Since this is a rural county with only five communities that could afford to install city water facilities, it greatly reduces the number of families who can apply. They also have a list of dog breeds that you cannot own and I know of at least one county in which you cannot have a pool more than 24" deep and foster parent children under ten. Faith You have to wonder what happened to the well guy. What scared him/her so much?? Rats jumping out? Zombies? What the heck? That would mean my entire country could not foster!! lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davysmom Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 How many homes have bedrooms (other than the master) big enough for more than one child with that kind of requirement?!?!? Yep that's why we can't bring any more kids home. It's crazy really! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted December 18, 2012 Share Posted December 18, 2012 Melissa said (typos edited): Australia's foster rule about sharing rooms seems like it would cut down on large families like ours severely. In some ways, that sounds like a good idea as there are some benefits to smaller families. However, in other ways, that could be very problematic, especially for some kids who would do better not being one of just 1-4 kids. Additionally, it could make it where adoptable children with more challenges would not get homes at all or at least not with siblings. Just like with other parenting, some people SHOULD only have a kid or two (if that) while others can have a mega family gracefully. Or there is me who may not be so graceful at it but the kids don't really care about that part as long as mama does homework with them, plays a game with them, cuddles with them, reads to them, loves on them, feeds them, etc daily. In the end, it should be more individual. I guess the thing is that in Australia there is a much smaller population, with less children available for fostering. As for fostering to adopt, there are not many children that are available for this, only a couple of hundred a year. Families can wait years for child/ren to become available. the average wait is 2 years. Having a family like yours, with recently adopted children plus many foster children is a situation that most probably would not happen here. At lest in the state I live in (Victoria). There are other rules, as well. you house has to pass safety checks, If you are doing foster to adopt, the child cannot change birth order of existing family, the child has to be a minimum of 2 years younger than your youngest child. this does not apply to straight out fostering. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galatea Posted December 18, 2012 Share Posted December 18, 2012 Rules like this may make things harder for some families, but I can see why they came about. As a foster child, I was forced to share a bed with a much older disabled girl who wet the bed every night, and I was sexually abused by an older boy who slept in the common children's room with a couple of us. Rules like this would have prevented the first problem, and would have made the second much more difficult to accomplish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted December 18, 2012 Share Posted December 18, 2012 Yes, these rules were implemented for the benefit of the foster child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted December 18, 2012 Author Share Posted December 18, 2012 As a foster child, I was forced to share a bed with a much older disabled girl who wet the bed every night, and I was sexually abused by an older boy who slept in the common children's room with a couple of us. Though I think it is silly that SOME siblings can't sleep in the same double or queen sized bed, I can't imagine doing it when it causes a hardship on either party. And of course, not with non-relatives. And I do agree that in foster homes both genders shouldn't share a room past a certain age (though I have no issue with it with core family members). Above all else though should be the needs of each individual child. You should have been protected from both situations. Both other children mentioned should also have been saved from their side of it! Our circumstances allow us not to have no more than three hours of time a human is "in charge." And when a human isn't awake to be there, we have technology to help. A lot of people say they couldn't "live like that" when people talk about installing alarms and the like. Well, except if that is what the people involved need? And it really doesn't hinder our lives. Thankfully, my days of the alarm going off umpteen times per night are over (hopefully forever!). In time, the child involved finally felt safe. I have no doubt that providing that level of supervision and around the clock "help" made a difference. In time, it became the boundary which the child desperately needed to feel secure. Anyway, I'm so sorry for your situation. Children deserve to be protected. They deserve respect and consideration. I'm sorry you didn't get those things. I guess my point in this thread was that I think it is wise to consider the individuals and families involved. I realize something happened somewhere. We aren't even allowed to have bar soap! At the same time, in our country, the need is so great, especially for people who will take challenging kids (esp from disruptive placements), I just cannot imagine having such stringent rules. And again, there are kids who need to be the only one (or one of two kids). But there are also children who would do better in a large family. And there are kids who could do either well so it can be up to the people involved. But, of course, if there is much less need, then that is cool too.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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