Jump to content

Menu

Article: "I Am Adam Lanza's Mother"


sassenach
 Share

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 183
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

I forwarded this on facebook today. I think THIS is the discussion we need to have right now in America. We don't offer those with mental illness enough help. I was listening to a radio show the day of the shootings and they were talking these issues. What would have happened if this young man had gotten the help he needed? I think this is a very, very important discussion!! I brought this up with a friend who was talking about guns and she said "Oh, everyone has a mental illness these days. ADD, Bipolar, etc. That isn't the issue at hand." That's crazy!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I absolutely agree this is a discussion that should be happening, and definitely falls under issues with our current health care system. Not necessarily the only discussion, but a very important one. I've done a fair amount of reading on severe disorders like paranoid schizophrenia. It is unlikely there weren't some major warning signs. This is so incredibly sad and a ticking time bomb IMO. :crying:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know what to say without sounding like a troll, but here goes: I am Adam Lanza's sister, or would be if my sibling was male and was intelligent enough to access weapons.

 

I don't even know where the conversation should begin, but it needs to happen. She's a ticking bomb and I did not deserve to grow up the way I did. I have no idea what the solution is.

 

If I sound like a troll, feel free to PM me to discuss it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

the comments really show how ignorant people are of this problem. Loving parents try to get help, but there is none out there.

 

Really for some kids the only way to get help is to give your child up to the courts. But that doesn't actually get the kid help. It just gets him out of the house so the rest of the family is "safe", while the child is wrapped up is some form of therapuetic foster care which probably doesn't provide the intervention he needs. And what happens when he ages out of that situation?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I shared it on FB today too. I was really moved by that mother's honesty and bravery to post about her son. I am glad she didn't use his real name. The article moved and motivated me. I'm not sure what to DO exactly, but I agree with her that this is where our focus needs to be -- helping the mentally ill (although I do think there need to be stricter gun laws). I would be willing to give time and money to that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There was an article in the nytimes a while ago about parents relinquishing their mentally ill children to foster care so that they could get treatment. Is this still done?

 

And yes I agree the issue is mental illness and the dearth of options for sufferers, not guns... these guys are smart enough to kill and rampage in other ways. Look at the unabomber who was/ is most certainly HFA.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

the comments really show how ignorant people are of this problem. Loving parents try to get help, but there is none out there.

 

Really for some kids the only way to get help is to give your child up to the courts. But that doesn't actually get the kid help. It just gets him out of the house so the rest of the family is "safe", while the child is wrapped up is some form of therapuetic foster care which probably doesn't provide the intervention he needs. And what happens when he ages out of that situation?

 

 

Often, homelessness.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know what to say without sounding like a troll, but here goes: I am Adam Lanza's sister, or would be if my sibling was male and was intelligent enough to access weapons.

 

I don't even know where the conversation should begin, but it needs to happen. She's a ticking bomb and I did not deserve to grow up the way I did. I have no idea what the solution is.

 

If I sound like a troll, feel free to PM me to discuss it.

 

You do not sound like a troll....I had a very similar story only he is my brother. He mellowed somewhat as he aged, and he is now wheelchair bound.....but, a ything could have set him off....only the grace of God kept him from the front page of the news. My parents tried to get him help, His teachers tried, our family tried.....everyone tried.....but help was not to become available......he is still mentally ill, but no longer violent....

 

I wish there were a hug icon on my iPad......

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know what to say without sounding like a troll, but here goes: I am Adam Lanza's sister, or would be if my sibling was male and was intelligent enough to access weapons.

 

I don't even know where the conversation should begin, but it needs to happen. She's a ticking bomb and I did not deserve to grow up the way I did. I have no idea what the solution is.

 

If I sound like a troll, feel free to PM me to discuss it.

 

What do the parents of more than one child do?

 

My dd gets the bulk of ds's crap daily. Following through on consequences, whatever they may be, doesn't phase him.

 

Dd ignoring his crap makes the biggest difference, but that's not fair to put on an 11 year old and even more so an 11 year old with autism. She tries, but never lasts more than 2 days at the most.

 

What can i do for her?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I forwarded this on facebook today. I think THIS is the discussion we need to have right now in America. We don't offer those with mental illness enough help. I was listening to a radio show the day of the shootings and they were talking these issues. What would have happened if this young man had gotten the help he needed? I think this is a very, very important discussion!! I brought this up with a friend who was talking about guns and she said "Oh, everyone has a mental illness these days. ADD, Bipolar, etc. That isn't the issue at hand." That's crazy!!!!

 

The "help they need" is hard to find. I know many people who have been in therapy for years, decades even. I can't say any have honestly been helped. Neither can their mothers.

 

I wonder if some are truly beyond help? We all know sociopathc can't be helped, but what about others with different diagnoses? Sure some of the help wasn't adequate or enough, but I somehow think that some are simpky beyond help OR the right type of help for the worst cases has not yet been discovered.

 

I don't know. I just think mental illness is the worst thing that can ever happen to anyone. And their families.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The story is both heartbreaking and frightening. About aging out of the system...when the mentally ill become adults they can choose not to take medication or treatment anymore. I get that occured because of abuses, where people tried to control others by declaring them mentally ill. But now we have parents with children that do end up homeless or worse because once they are "adult" they can choose to just stop their medication. Parents or other loved ones can't do anything to help.

 

I don't know where the answer is between the two extremes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

What do the parents of more than one child do?

 

My dd gets the bulk of ds's crap daily. Following through on consequences, whatever they may be, doesn't phase him.

 

Dd ignoring his crap makes the biggest difference, but that's not fair to put on an 11 year old and even more so an 11 year old with autism. She tries, but never lasts more than 2 days at the most.

 

What can i do for her?

 

Get her into therapy and you go with her. Do it together. That's what I told dd we are going to do. While I think dd13 does amazingly well considering her RAD sister makes things very difficult, I think we need to talk things out with a trained therapist. It certainly can't hurt.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What do the parents of more than one child do?

 

My dd gets the bulk of ds's crap daily. Following through on consequences, whatever they may be, doesn't phase him.

 

Dd ignoring his crap makes the biggest difference, but that's not fair to put on an 11 year old and even more so an 11 year old with autism. She tries, but never lasts more than 2 days at the most.

 

What can i do for her?

 

I'm very sorry about your situation. It's completely unfair.

 

I can hardly give you an unbiased answer. The only thing that would have worked for me, as a sibling to such a person, would be to have the dangerous kid out of the house. It was a huge, huge strain on me to ignore the crap, and I really never succeeded at it. I have issues, and I'm estranged from some family members, but I'm doing my best to live a fuller life than the one I was raised with. I hope to never be a parent in that situation, making difficult decisions, always hoping for the best.

 

Never try to force their relationship. Never try to make your daughter feel bad over her feelings. Recognize that she's only human, and that a sibling relationship is very different from a parent-child relationship. That's all I have. :grouphug:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The story is both heartbreaking and frightening. About aging out of the system...when the mentally ill become adults they can choose not to take medication or treatment anymore. I get that occured because of abuses, where people tried to control others by declaring them mentally ill. But now we have parents with children that do end up homeless or worse because once they are "adult" they can choose to just stop their medication. Parents or other loved ones can't do anything to help.

 

I don't know where the answer is between the two extremes.

 

One CAN go to court and gain guardianship over their adult mentally ill child. It CAN be court ordered that said mentally ill person must take meds or be involuntarily committed to a psyche ward. BUT this often times comes at a tremendous risk to the parent/person trying to enforce this. Mentally ill off meds oftentimes = violent, irrational, psychotic crazy person.

 

My friends of mentally ill adult children hage done one of two things. They either 1) have them declared disabled, collect SSI and food stamps, along with section 8 housing, then they can live on their own. But not everyone qualifies for this so they 2) take them back home or else they will be homeless. The parents I know in situation #2 won't allow this for one of two reasons 1) because it is too cold in NH to live outside year round or 2) if they are kicked out and homeless and not of their own accord, my friend knows she will ultimately oay the price for that when his rage takes over andnyet again destroys her home or threatens her safety.

 

So basically they are powerlessly trapped.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

I'm very sorry about your situation. It's completely unfair.

 

I can hardly give you an unbiased answer. The only thing that would have worked for me, as a sibling to such a person, would be to have the dangerous kid out of the house. It was a huge, huge strain on me to ignore the crap, and I really never succeeded at it. I have issues, and I'm estranged from some family members, but I'm doing my best to live a fuller life than the one I was raised with. I hope to never be a parent in that situation, making difficult decisions, always hoping for the best.

 

Never try to force their relationship. Never try to make your daughter feel bad over her feelings. Recognize that she's only human, and that a sibling relationship is very different from a parent-child relationship. That's all I have. :grouphug:

 

I am in this situation. I will never force the relationship again. I have before.

 

I know the op can't do this as a single parent but for me, I take dd13 out at least once per week, alone, just the two of us. I also make sure she has time with friends and a happy life. We have discussed this and she kniws how hard I work for her to have a normal life.

 

Also, when her yiunger sister starts to act out or push her buttons, I send her to her room. We now have a ZERO TOLERANCE policy. Due to this, she has come soooooooooooo far.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The story is both heartbreaking and frightening. About aging out of the system...when the mentally ill become adults they can choose not to take medication or treatment anymore. I get that occured because of abuses, where people tried to control others by declaring them mentally ill. But now we have parents with children that do end up homeless or worse because once they are "adult" they can choose to just stop their medication. Parents or other loved ones can't do anything to help.

 

I don't know where the answer is between the two extremes.

 

This is the crux of the problem once they are adults, and this is one of the discussions we need to have. Is there a way to nuance the law so that in general, people are granted the civil right of refusing treatment for themselves, but not if there is a clear indication that in doing so, they will become dangerous to others (and maybe include dangerous to self.) The key word is become. Right now, until you present an imminent danger to self or others, you cannot be given treatment that you refuse. Problem is, that there are often a series of behavioral indications that someone is headed in that direction. Sometimes these are repetitive (signs that someone with a cyclic disease process exhibit on the way downhill.)

 

I've wondered if it would work if people with chronic mental illness that tends to have ups and downs could sign a document when they are in a sound state of mind and have that be binding on them when they are deteriorating. It would retain their right to self-determination--just not "in the moment" when they are deteriorating mentally. Many of the people I worked with with schizophrenia wished that they could get help when they first started to deteriorate, rather than wait until they were at the very bottom to get things turned around again.

 

But sometimes they come develop as new behaviors. I wonder if a modified "involuntary commitment" could happen in which people reported to be developing worrisome behaviors could be given a choice between outpatient evaluation and being involuntarily placed in a residential setting for evaluation. There would have to be lots of safeguards, but something like restricting the number of times a particular doctor could sign off on something like that might help. (Abuses occur most often when a system becomes "closed", when a doctor gets a rep. of signing off and everyone goes to him, or the institution always refers to him.)

 

Just some thoughts.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

I'm very sorry about your situation. It's completely unfair.

 

I can hardly give you an unbiased answer. The only thing that would have worked for me, as a sibling to such a person, would be to have the dangerous kid out of the house. It was a huge, huge strain on me to ignore the crap, and I really never succeeded at it. I have issues, and I'm estranged from some family members, but I'm doing my best to live a fuller life than the one I was raised with. I hope to never be a parent in that situation, making difficult decisions, always hoping for the best.

 

Never try to force their relationship. Never try to make your daughter feel bad over her feelings. Recognize that she's only human, and that a sibling relationship is very different from a parent-child relationship. That's all I have. :grouphug:

 

I can say for sure that, so far, ds is not actually violent and dd has restrained him in a moment of need. He spits out threats frequently, but doesn't mean half of what comes out of his mouth (language disorder).

 

Back to your regularly scheduled mental health discussions. I dont want to steal the thread.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

This is the crux of the problem once they are adults, and this is one of the discussions we need to have. Is there a way to nuance the law so that in general, people are granted the civil right of refusing treatment for themselves, but not if there is a clear indication that in doing so, they will become dangerous to others (and maybe include dangerous to self.) The key word is become. Right now, until you present an imminent danger to self or others, you cannot be given treatment that you refuse. Problem is, that there are often a series of behavioral indications that someone is headed in that direction. Sometimes these are repetitive (signs that someone with a cyclic disease process exhibit on the way downhill.)

 

I've wondered if it would work if people with chronic mental illness that tends to have ups and downs could sign a document when they are in a sound state of mind and have that be binding on them when they are deteriorating. It would retain their right to self-determination--just not "in the moment" when they are deteriorating mentally. Many of the people I worked with with schizophrenia wished that they could get help when they first started to deteriorate, rather than wait until they were at the very bottom to get things turned around again.

 

But sometimes they come develop as new behaviors. I wonder if a modified "involuntary commitment" could happen in which people reported to be developing worrisome behaviors could be given a choice between outpatient evaluation and being involuntarily placed in a residential setting for evaluation. There would have to be lots of safeguards, but something like restricting the number of times a particular doctor could sign off on something like that might help. (Abuses occur most often when a system becomes "closed", when a doctor gets a rep. of signing off and everyone goes to him, or the institution always refers to him.)

 

Just some thoughts.

 

When you worked with those suffering from schizophrenia, wasn't it common that they stopped taking their meds? This is the biggest problem as I see it. WHAT takes place after treatment? they go back to their own environment and old behaviors (which with mental illness is usually drug and alcohol addictions) and off their meds. I think one answer woukd be group homes where meds are dispersed, but I don't see how there could ever be funding for that. And there are never enough of them to take care of the large numbers of sick people.

 

It seems so.......... Impossible to come up with a solution.

 

I also wonder about the mentally ill adults. What happens when their parent they live with dies? Where do they go?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

I'm very sorry about your situation. It's completely unfair.

 

I can hardly give you an unbiased answer. The only thing that would have worked for me, as a sibling to such a person, would be to have the dangerous kid out of the house. It was a huge, huge strain on me to ignore the crap, and I really never succeeded at it. I have issues, and I'm estranged from some family members, but I'm doing my best to live a fuller life than the one I was raised with. I hope to never be a parent in that situation, making difficult decisions, always hoping for the best.

 

Never try to force their relationship. Never try to make your daughter feel bad over her feelings. Recognize that she's only human, and that a sibling relationship is very different from a parent-child relationship. That's all I have. :grouphug:

 

It is a little hard to ignore someone who is punching the cr@p out of you, or threatening to throw you down the stairs, or hanging you by your foot out of the window threatening to drop you on your head 2 stories down. It is hard to ignore someone who cut your hair off in a rage, or cut your homework into pieces.....

 

Oh, wait.....I must have pushed his buttons.....hmmmmm. It took me a long time to forgive and not look back or down on decisions my parents made, but they made their choice by allowing him to continue to terrorize our family until I finally moved away. I did not want him to have any access to my kids. He could be the sweetest, most loving brother, son and uncle....but then there was that one thing that would set him off.....no thank you.

 

Anyway, Therapy for the family is good. Knowing where the boundary lies: you will not hurt or threaten to hurt any one or thing in our house or else where or you will be brought to the mental hospital....no 2nd chances....none! No hitting, pushing, shoving, name calling, threatening, NOTHING that is violent....there just can be no tolerance there.

 

Wow!!! This is such a hard topic....it is not just about a mentally ill person who does a horrible, horrible thing....it is also about millions of mentally I'll people who are not getting the care they need....and their families....and the result of living in that trauma day by day.

 

My heart is broken once again.

Faithe

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When you worked with those suffering from schizophrenia, wasn't it common that they stopped taking their meds? This is the biggest problem as I see it. WHAT takes place after treatment? they go back to their own environment and old behaviors (which with mental illness is usually drug and alcohol addictions) and off their meds. I think one answer woukd be group homes where meds are dispersed, but I don't see how there could ever be funding for that. And there are never enough of them to take care of the large numbers of sick people.

 

It seems so.......... Impossible to come up with a solution.

 

I also wonder about the mentally ill adults. What happens when their parent they live with dies? Where do they go?

 

My uncle is schizophrenic. As a veteran he has received care through the VA. He lived with my grandparents but when things got bad he stayed at a VA mental hospital, once he was stabilized he was returned to my grandparents. After they died my other uncle became his guardian. He now stays at a nursing home because it was decided he was too much of a danger to himself to stay in a group home and I believe the VA hospitals are not meant for permanent care.

 

Without family to take responsibility I'm not sure what happens. The state?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

what kind of care do you as the parents envision as the best option? Mental hospital? Nursing home? Jail? How much does it matter the exact place they go versus just getting out of the house and into a place where they wouldn't be a danger to themselves or others?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

My uncle is schizophrenic. As a veteran he has received care through the VA. He lived with my grandparents but when things got bad he stayed at a VA mental hospital, once he was stabilized he was returned to my grandparents. After they died my other uncle became his guardian. He now stays at a nursing home because it was decided he was too much of a danger to himself to stay in a group home and I believe the VA hospitals are not meant for permanent care.

 

Without family to take responsibility I'm not sure what happens. The state?

 

 

There is no place for a mentally ill person to go to that I know of.

 

Faith, I am so, so, so sorry for your pain. :grouphug: this is why we have a zero tolerance policy. We all matter here, not just one of us. And I am certain that if I had allowed the other behaviors, physical ones would have come next. Removing her from the situation has worked for awhile now. I hope and pray it continues to do so when she is a teen.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It isn't like medications help everybody, anyway. About 25% of Major Depressives are not helped by current medications. They usually aren't dangerous, except to themselves, but it is a very sad waste of life if they cannot get better. Fortunately for my child, his is not constant and he has not had it for a few years. I think some of the things he is doing now will potentially help him avoid relapses. And there are new medications being tested, or should I say old ones just not used for depression before. Both a motion sickness drug and a street party drug (and a anesthetic used by both veterinarians and doctors) look very promising.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The "help they need" is hard to find. I know many people who have been in therapy for years, decades even. I can't say any have honestly been helped. Neither can their mothers.

 

I wonder if some are truly beyond help? We all know sociopathc can't be helped, but what about others with different diagnoses? Sure some of the help wasn't adequate or enough, but I somehow think that some are simpky beyond help OR the right type of help for the worst cases has not yet been discovered.

 

I don't know. I just think mental illness is the worst thing that can ever happen to anyone. And their families.

 

I nearly made a new persona to answer this, for privacy reasons, but I want to follow board rules. Please don't quote me in case I choose to delete it later.

 

My family is very well acquainted with the Springfield (PA) mall person who caused mayhem (I am trying to make this less searchable). She came from a very loving, stable, caring home. She was had lots of access to mental health services, and accessed them *many* times. There were many warning signs, and they were not ignored, but the system in the 80's in PA was set up to specifically balance the rights of the person to not be hospitalized against their will versus the need for treatment*. Her problems were certainly not being ignored by her family or her doctors or the community. Despite multiple hospitalizations and as much care as a loving family could provide, at the time, yes, she was beyond help. Not everything can be fixed, as much as we would like it to be. Mental illness is an illness, and we all know of other illnesses we sometimes cannot fix, much as we want to and as unfair as it might seem.

 

She came from a proactive, loving family, and no, it was not enough.

 

This is why it makes me sad when people blame the Lanza family for what took place. You can do everything right, and things can still go wrong. We do not know the Lanzas, and I dislike seeing them judged. We are on the outside looking in through the rather imperfect lens of the ever-changing stories in the news media. Even if we see things we think are "wrong" with that family, remember, they could have done everything "right" (sort of-- does any of us really meet that standard???) and had zero guns in the house, and this could still have happened somehow.

 

We just don't know.

 

Because yes, there are some things we just can't fix.

 

*NB This is not my opinion. This was the legal status in PA in the 80's.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i posted this article on facebook too. i have two mentally ill children. My teen son was a mess when he was younger, but he wasnt violent - he would panic and freak out, and he did sometimes hit someone who he thought had done something to him (like accidentally walk in to him) . . he was suicidal at age 9 and is doing really well on 3 different meds. I always felt bad for his older sister because he took so much of my attention, and she had to step in as caretaker when they were in aftercare or summer camp when I was a single mom, and the counselors couldnt handle him. She could handle him but wanted to pretend she didnt know him

 

but now she's 20 and SHE is the unstable one. she actually tried meds the first time she was locked up for being suicidal and had really bad reactions. now she wont even try. she took half a bottle of xanax 3 weeks ago, canceled her therapy, and now wants to quit college (1.5 years left) to look for work as a photography model . . .so she can afford to move out of the house. Because I, the only person who has consistently been there for her her whole life, is obviously the cause of her emotional upheaval.

 

I'm numb and having trouble sleeping . . i only hope their half brother comes out unscathed by my genetic time-bombs

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think in most cases the families are Desparate for help....they have gone down every avenue and dead end. I know my parents did for my brother the best they could.....mental illness is not fixed with the flip of a switch or a pill and you are better.....many of the drug treatments and therapies make it worse....and no matter what you do....it seems sever enough. My mother died asking what she did and why it never got better.....it is so sad!!!!

 

As a compassionate people, we need to find real answers....with real research....not just drug companies making tons of money off of crummy meds that cause more problems than they solve....we need to find therapies that work, We need to study brain function and development, food allergies and sensitivities and well as environmental ones and how they cause the brain to short circuit....birth defects....birth injury....auto-immune problems....how they tie into learning differences...both accelerated and delayed etc., etc., etc. It is just SO BIG!!! The human being is such a complicated being.....and finding what makes us tick...well.....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have not dealt with mental illness personally so I'm not familiar with the ins and outs of all of this beyond studying mental illness in grad school. But the radio show I was listening to the other night was talking about the fact that there are few "homes" left anymore for mentally ill patients to live in. It just simply isn't done anymore. For many reasons. Insurance won't pay for it, people don't see it as the "kind" thing to do, etc. But they were talking about a need for those who can't be helped with therapy, meds etc having a safe place to go where they won't be a threat to themselves and others. They were saying that was what was needed in this country.

 

I did work with a little autistic boy in grad school and his family had to eventually put him in a home because he was violent and non-verbal. They literally could NOT handle him. A lot of people gave them grief about that and I always thought that was unkind. We do not know what people go through.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dbmamaz, I am so, so sorry for your heartbreak. :grouphug:

 

I honestly didn't know sometimes meds are ineffective until Chris mentioned it. Now i am worried for my friend who's son is not being helped by them yet. He is a very, very serious case and I was hoping they just hadn't found the right cocktail yet. But nothing is working and on heavy duty meds he is only getting worse. And worse.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When you worked with those suffering from schizophrenia, wasn't it common that they stopped taking their meds? This is the biggest problem as I see it. WHAT takes place after treatment? they go back to their own environment and old behaviors (which with mental illness is usually drug and alcohol addictions) and off their meds. I think one answer woukd be group homes where meds are dispersed, but I don't see how there could ever be funding for that. And there are never enough of them to take care of the large numbers of sick people.

 

It seems so.......... Impossible to come up with a solution.

 

I also wonder about the mentally ill adults. What happens when their parent they live with dies? Where do they go?

 

Sometimes, they did stop taking their meds, but sometimes the meds needed adjusting. But the deterioration might actually precede the decision to stop taking meds--hence, they stopped.

 

WHAID or "What happens after I die?" is a common theme among parents of those with disabilities of all kinds.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

for non-verbal violent autistics, i saw a study done by an indian doctor that actually almost half of them are suffering from small, hard-to-detect seizures. american doctors dont even know how to detect them. its so frustrating - medicine in this country is NOT based on evidence, its based on tradition and passing on bad information.

 

i want genetic and biochemical-based research, so you can do a test for what chemicals are out-of-whack in the bloodstream, for what genes are known bad variations, and have good research on what helps people with THAT profile. sure, there will probably still be some trial-and-error . . . but for example i saw a show once. . there was this little boy, i think 4 years old, who behaved very badly and his mother was always punishing him more and more and he wouldn't behave. their doctor put him on adhd meds and the father thought the meds were making it worse, but the doctor insisted on leaving the kid on them. the doctor on the show did a brain scan which showed that low-level seizure activity and said that the seizures were causing the problem and that he should be taken off the adhd meds and be treated by a neurologist . . . bad medicine is so wide spread. Heck, incompetence is widespread in EVERY profession . . . we are all fallible humans and people are hired for being likable or being good at selling themselves, not for being proven competent.

 

uggg, i'm so cranky. btw it turns out if you read more of this woman's blog entries, it turns out she has frequent fantasies about killing herself and her children, and she got divorced after having a nervous breakdown, and more . . . her story might not be as clear cut as it seems.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you didn't click the link you have no idea that the article was not about the Lanza family in particular but about the author's own struggles with a mentally ill child.

 

 

 

It's way too soon. Unless she is an MD or a PhD, and has all of Adam's files on her desk, and has spoken to all of the people who worked with him, and has a 20 year old son who open -fired on a school, she is premature in her assertion.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's way too soon. Unless she is an MD or a PhD, and has all of Adam's files on her desk, and has spoken to all of the people who worked with him, and has a 20 year old son who open -fired on a school, she is premature in her assertion.

 

 

I agree. Thank you for not being afraid to say this! There needs to be a whole host of discussions about mental illness, but comparing herself to the murdered mother in this case so soon after the tragedy is premature. (I feel for her very much--as much as I can without knowing HER full story.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's way too soon. Unless she is an MD or a PhD, and has all of Adam's files on her desk, and has spoken to all of the people who worked with him, and has a 20 year old son who open -fired on a school, she is premature in her assertion.

 

 

 

It's a *metaphor*. To take the title literally and hold this mom to a literal standard she did not mean is insulting.

 

But that's the point; moms who deal with the range of issues that could explain the tragedy are used to insulting.

 

The issue is the lack of research, understanding, and effective care of mental illness.

 

Why be hostile to that?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

LibraryLover - I'm not sure I understand why you think her blog post isn't relative to what has happened. She's saying that she fears her own son doing something like what Lanza did due to his MI. Are you saying that you believe Lanza might not have had any MI?

 

I'm not challenging you - just seeing if you can clarify your reasoning so I can understand your pov. Thanks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I do think he was mentally ill. Absolutely. Check my previous posts. I think it's important to discuss mental illness.

 

The author is not the mother of a killer.

 

The fact is, we currently know very little about Adam, or any treatment he did or did not receive.

 

Further, I can't understand why a family of 2 would purchase so many assault weapons, especially if a parent believed their child to be mentally ill, or unstable.

 

It's my opinion that there are too many unknowns for someone to write an article with such a title at this point in time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I do think he was mentally ill. Absolutely. Check my previous posts. I think it's important to discuss mental illness. I think it's wrong to say you are the mother of a killer of children when you're not. We know very little about him.

 

We know even less about family dynamics, or why he was hs'd etc. Further, I can't understand why a family of 2 would purchase so many assault weapons, especially if a parent believed their child to be mentally ill, or unstable.

 

It's my opinion that there are too many unknowns for someone to write an article with such a title at this point in time.

 

 

Do you understand that she is not saying that she is his mother? At one point in the article she says "I am sharing this story because I am Adam Lanza's mother. I am Dylan Klebold's and Eric Harris's mother. I am Jason Holmes's mother. I am Jared Loughner's mother. I am Seung-Hui Cho's mother. And these boys—and their mothers—need help. In the wake of another horrific national tragedy, it's easy to talk about guns. But it's time to talk about mental illness." Do you perhaps think that she thinks she is these other young men's mothers also?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think in most cases the families are Desparate for help....they have gone down every avenue and dead end.

 

 

And think of the kids OF the mentally ill, people who don't write heart-rending articles and who don't cope. I know a man who, at age 7, witnessed his psychotic grandmother kill his psychotic mother.

 

And as to the comments on the article, I think there is a rather basic human response to mental illness: fear and loathing. The average Jill on the street has this gut reaction to the insane. I often struck by the idea we do NOTHING to deserve our genes and our upbringing, we just PLOP arrive on earth with them. A heartfelt realization that you could have been that poor schmuck muttering and scratching on the street would go a long ways. If you teach your children anything about mental illness, make that the foundation.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share


×
×
  • Create New...