Is it normal to count kids of ex-DILs as your grandkids?

[Mommyof4ks]

I think it depends on the family and even the individual. I tend to be open to counting everyone as family that wants to be counted, but other family members do not feel that way.

[Cera]

I'm not sure what her relationship with ex-SIL's kids will be like in the future. Since ex-SIL moved out of the state, I never see her or her kids that aren't my brother's kids. I see my brothers kids when he comes to visit because he brings them with him and his new wife. My parents see ex-SIL when they go there. My mom upset my brother (again) when she asked him to take a load of Christmas presents for ex-SIL and her husband when my brother was here for Thanksgiving. There has been other weird stuff like when a different brother arranged dinner plans with my parents to celebrate his graduation from his music doctorate. My mom canceled because ex-SIL invited them to come do something at her house. The graduated brother attended as well, but it was nothing like a celebration for his accomplishment anymore. He was hurt and annoyed that my parents did that.

 

I guess I'm realizing that the counting of the children only rubs wrong because ex-SIL is apparently my mother's favorite child....

 

 

I wonder if she is acting this way because she is worried that ex-SIL will stop allowing her access to the kids? I know when I told my exhusband's family that I Was filing for divorce they were very, very worried about how it would affect their access to the kids.

[VeteranMom]

I think it depends on the grandparents, so I said "other". My sister's second husband kept up a relationship with his step-kids even after the 3 year marriage ended. His parents kept up a relationship, too, and were at important events like graduations and weddings. One of the grandparents recently died and the step-grandkids were listed as grandchildren in the obituary- 13 years after the divorce. My parents, on the other hand, kept no ties with the second husband's 2 kids from his first marriage.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

In mine and dh's families, it would be normal. Those new babies are blood relatives of your brother's kids, so they would be family.

[MiniBlondes]

I have a fantastic relationship with my ex MIL. I don't have any children with my 2nd DH and we likely never will, but if we did... then I'm almost positive that my ex MIL would count them as hers too. My ex-MIL has 4 children. She also counts ex-stepgrandchildren as hers. (i.e. her daughter married a man with kids from a previous marriage, her daughter and the man eventually got divorced, she still calls the mans children her grandkids)

 

Odd or not, it is what it is. :)

[Veritaserum]

 

 

 

I wonder if she is acting this way because she is worried that ex-SIL will stop allowing her access to the kids? I know when I told my exhusband's family that I Was filing for divorce they were very, very worried about how it would affect their access to the kids.

 

That's what I assumed for the first few years, but it has turned into something more.

[Kathryn]

Normal, as in "the norm?" No, I don't think so. But, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it at all. Favoritism is an entirely different issue.

[Tess in the Burbs]

It's unusual, but does she spend time with the kids? If she sees all those kids together then they may see her as grandma and she sees them as 'her' grandkids.

 

I mean, my kids' grandparents don't like here....many of the older people at church have 'adopted' my kids as their 'adopted' grandkids b/c their own don't live nearby. My kids get older mentors who love them, they get kids who hug and love them on Sundays.

 

But if she has no relationship with these kids, then it's just weird.

[Kim in Appalachia]

If she is still on good terms with exDIL, then yes it would be normal. I would count them in on gifts if I could. I may get them something little, but I would try to include them. It's just being nice to the kids and the exDIL.

[kitten18]

So, I think it is normal to count step-kids that were brought in to the family. I think it is unusual to count kids that were born after a divorce.

I agree. It's not bad or wrong but I think it is unusual.

[Laurie4b]

I think in these circumstances, it is odd unless she kept up the relationship with the exDIL. That happens sometimes.