................... Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 Are you impatient, grumpy and hard on your kids? How have you learned to reconcile your need for order, desire to organize people and follow the rules and establishment, with your desire to provide a nurturing environment where your children can thrive? Also I have one child who is INTJ and we conflict because he is strong willed. My other is ENFJ so she's a people person, dreamy artist. Quite interesting, alongside my desire to accomplish, control, and be efficient. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wee Pip Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 I think my oldest dd is ISTJ. I believe I am INFP, but have picked up a strong desire to accomplish things and be efficient since becoming a mother. That side of me is always frustrated. But see, I'm battling my own internal conflict: need to dream vs. need for order:) Once I decide I want a little order, then I have the next uphill battle: getting the support (i.e., not whining, crying resistance) of my kids. Being INFP, I hate conflict and tend to place blame on myself. So by bedtime, I'm exhausted and feel like a failure. I've struggled the most to teach my ISTJ dd. She *should* be the perfect textbook learner. But she's very practical, so if she doesn't see the purpose...Also, motivation: she is self-driven. If she doesn't feel motivated, then she isn't going to bother putting forth the effort. I struggle to provide order and a strong environment - which she needs. I am seeing her develop into a strong leader and it has been difficult giving her those opportunities to take charge. As she gets older, those opportunities are becoming available and I am capitalizing on them as part of her education. I also have to balance her straight forward, tell it like it is citicism with teaching her to show respect. Both dh and dd are like this, so I've had to learn to accept critism gracefully, all the while teaching them to have tact! lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrysalis Academy Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 So how have y'all figured out what your kids are? Have you had them tested, or done an online assessment or something? I wonder how reliable the test is for kids. Anybody seen any research on that? I'm curious because I know my results now are very different from how they were when I was in high school/college. I'm curious how reliable/durable these traits are when measured in childhood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
................... Posted December 16, 2012 Author Share Posted December 16, 2012 Lol!! I too definitely have had a long road in learning tact. Academically, school is an ideal environment for ISTJ's. but socially it was very easy to make enemies by my tell it like it is personality. To the PP: we took an assessment for kids. I found it to be helpful. I expect their profiles to change as they mature and grow, but not much. Also, I don't base my mothering around the m-B profiles. It's just an extra tidbit that has helped out a little. Don't worry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy to monkeys Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 Are you impatient, grumpy and hard on your kids? How have you learned to reconcile your need for order, desire to organize people and follow the rules and establishment, with your desire to provide a nurturing environment where your children can thrive? I recognized those myers-briggs letters. Those are mine, and Yikes (!) you just totally described me. . .I haven't reconciled all of those things even though they all so very much define me and what's important to me. I don't actually know my children's "type" but I do know that they are veryyyyyy different from me. . .so I'll glean from any wisdom shared here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy to monkeys Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 Forgot to ask. . .where did you find the kids' assessment? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrysalis Academy Posted December 16, 2012 Share Posted December 16, 2012 Lol!! I too definitely have had a long road in learning tact. Academically, school is an ideal environment for ISTJ's. but socially it was very easy to make enemies by my tell it like it is personality. To the PP: we took an assessment for kids. I found it to be helpful. I expect their profiles to change as they mature and grow, but not much. Also, I don't base my mothering around the m-B profiles. It's just an extra tidbit that has helped out a little. Don't worry. Oh, I wasn't worried!! LOL. It's just that having recently taken this test (again) myself, I realize that when I took it when I was younger, I used to lie - because I thought I *should* be extroverted, when I'm really not!! So it got me thinking (and dh and I talking about): I wonder if the results would be different if you answer for yourself vs. another person, and I wonder if some of us (the pleasers?) don't even have enough self-awareness as kids (or teenagers or young college students for that matter) to answer based on our real, inner truth vs. what we think we "should" be. My question really was betraying my own inner weirdness, not intended as a jugement! But hey, I'm INFJ, so insecurity and perfectionism are pretty much par for the course, right?? ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Twain Posted December 18, 2012 Share Posted December 18, 2012 Are you impatient, grumpy and hard on your kids? How have you learned to reconcile your need for order, desire to organize people and follow the rules and establishment, with your desire to provide a nurturing environment where your children can thrive? I am ISTJ. You nailed the issue well. ISTJ is great for homeschooling as far as planning curriculum, accomplishing goals, getting the work done, etc. On the other hand, the nurturing environment is definetly something I have recognized that needs work. Lately I am trying to make sure I look directly at my kids when they ask me questions, listen to what they say, try to be sweet and loving when I respond to them. Often I can be too matter of fact, cold and clinical. I am trying to spend time with each one just to sit on the couch and snuggle. Periodically I ask each one privately how their lives are going. I ask them if there is anything that is wrong in the family that they think needs to change or be fixed. I try to listen without giving my opinion or judging. My eldest child has shared some rather insightful comments. I try to tell my kids that I love them every day and tell them different ways that they are special and talented. Sometimes I tell them stories about when they were little and the cute or clever things they did. These are some of the ways that I try to combat my natural ways. I don't know how successful I am, but trying is better than nothing. It is good to be a T so that at least we can reason with ourselves to understand our deficiencies and attempt to address them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poiema Posted December 18, 2012 Share Posted December 18, 2012 That sounds like me, but I am an INFJ(P), at least I was 15 years ago. Maybe it's time I take the test again. Or maybe I'm just an impatient, grumpy, INFJ(P) who is hard on my kids. :001_unsure: ETA: Yep, I just took an online version and I am still an INF but this time there is a slight P preference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Staceyshoe Posted December 18, 2012 Share Posted December 18, 2012 I am an ISTJ who battles perfectionism---not a good combination. I find that I have to rein in my expectations a lot. If I get too attached to my plan, it's a disaster. Things don't ever seem to work out the way I imagine they will in my mind, so I am working very hard to not get very attached to my expectations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waa510 Posted December 18, 2012 Share Posted December 18, 2012 ISTJ here. I struggle in the same way. I'm hoping adding in some of the ' extras' ( like art, music) after the holiday will help bring in some more fun, silly time. The fun stuff doesn't come easy to me at all. I've added in more read -alouds and tried very hard to not be so strict and stern about everything. I have an ENTP dh ( I know, I know...I guess I like the challenge) so he keeps me from taking life, school and myself too seriously. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
................... Posted December 19, 2012 Author Share Posted December 19, 2012 Expectations- yes. Those darn expectations are my biggest downfall. Reining them in definitely changes a lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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