S/o personality type--does this impact family size?

[pehp]

I am interested in others' perspectives on this.

 

I have spent way too much time feelin kind of badly that I do not have a larger family (I have 2 children--we may have more.... they'd be surprises ;)). I love the idea of a bigger family....4, 5, 6 children....but I don't know that I could ever handle the reality. My children are 3.5 years apart which is close enough for me. Being a homeschooler I'm definitely acquainted with some larger families, and I often feel badly--like there is something wrong with me--for only having 2. I have wondered if I am selfish (I know I am, as we all are, but I'm very devoted to my children and very joyfully sacrificial if that makes sense--I'm happy to give up my time for them!!)

 

Then a couple of days ago I had a thought--wonder how much personality type plays into this? I am an INFJ--VERY I, N and J. I need a ton of time to order my thoughts, think, ponder etc. I do this while with my children (they are young so I am with them almost constantly), but do lots of mental wandering which probably makes me appear a little absent-minded.;) I also cling to my systems and routines--I am pretty well organized (not perfectly) but tend to get bogged down in daily things if I have to devote too much time to them. That's why I make menus and follow a loose schedule etc....because it helps free me up to think of other stuff. I don't really like dealing with the uber-practical aspects of parenthood; I am more interested in my children's ideals...visions...goals....possibilities!

 

I wonder if the INFJ personality type (or Is in general?) are more likely to have fewer children because of this inherent need, or if I am just making that up. :) the women I know with many children definitely all seem to be more Es, getting energy from socializing and being with others, whereas I get drained very easily that way. I see it as a flaw in some ways, but

perhaps I should be kinder to myself.

 

Any thoughts?

[pehp]

FeelinG. Typing on iPod with sleeping baby on lap results in errors. Sorry!

[milovany]

You'd have to take both spouses into consideration. My husband and I are opposites, and had very different upbringings, and we have a lot of kids. I don't think things like personality and upbringing make as much difference as desires for and perspective on the future.

[KrissiK]

Well, I'm an INFJ and we have five kids. It's hard on me, I won't deny that. The house is incredibly noisy and I prefer quiet. I need quiet time, alone time and all I've got is a bunch of kid hanging on me all the time. I don't know why we got all these kids. I love them. I wouldn't send any of them back. I actually like having a big family. It's just very hard on me.

[HomeschoolMamaOfTwo]

I often feel this way, too. We are done with 2 but in my head I want more, just don't feel I could handle it. I am also INFJ, which I think I remember being a pretty rare type?

[amy g.]

I'm an INTP with 5 children

[regentrude]

I do not think personality type has much to do with it. I am extremely extroverted and love to be surrounded by people, but I would have liked three kids max, and stopped at 2. I would not want a big family, because there are things DH and I like to do that are possible with two kids, but not with eight: we like to travel to see our family overseas (every single family member is there, we are the only ones on this continent), and we love to hike and climb in the desert and the mountains for which the kids are finally old enough.

I do not feel bad for wanting other things in my life besides raising children; my children have not been shortchanged. I loved it when they were little, and I love it that they are now older and can share in the things we love to do. I satisfy my craving for people by being a college instructor- I get to interact with people all day, but don't have to take all of them home and be responsible for them ;-)

[pehp]

This is interesting! My husband is one of four (which, before I started becoming acquainted with homeschoolers, seemed like a HUGE family to me, b/c I'm one of 2). He only wants two for multiple reasons. He is a wonderful father to these 2!

 

regentrude, I see what you are saying b/c there are similar things we like to do that would be limited by lots of children.

 

I think some of my guilt has to do with religion and that's a whole 'nother can of worms and not within the scope of this personality-thread!!!!!

[LostSurprise]

INFJ is rare, but its also one of the easiest to mis-read types. I know several people who fit the INFP profile better but tested into INFJ. I think the idea of P is difficult for western culture and sometimes we vote what we think we should be. It doesn't help that many free tests use examples for P that may seem negative to some people.

 

I'm an INFJ and I have 4 children. I've never really thought of it as hard. You can get hyper-involved with their lives and who they are. That can be good or bad depending on how successful you are (being unsuccessful at something so important can be overwhelming). If you're a strong I ...any strong I ...having more children can be harder because you don't get as much downtime. There are ways to get around that. Being organized and liking order is actually a plus when you have a big family (not that 4 seems big to me, but just sayin').

 

If someone thinks they have as many children as they can handle, I think they should listen to themselves. The issue is much more complex than personality.

[Jaybee]

I'm an INFJ, and we have six children. They are pretty spread out in ages, though, except for the twins. My husband is an IS(debatable on whether he is F or T)J. We both love having a large family. But at least four of the kids are also introverts, and only one is an extreme extrovert. So except for him, it is not unusual for all of us to be sitting or lying around with books. It does get a bit noisy for me when everybody is home and excited, but I just take time out in my room when I need it. I'm very much a homebody, and have always guarded my time/schedule so that it is not overloaded. Even when I had four kids who were 7yo and younger (the year the twins were born), I always took a break in the afternoons when the kids were napping. That time in the afternoon was so vital, to rest or read, and the kids grew up respecting that time, at least once they were old enough not to try getting into trouble then. I'm pretty good at "going internal" and having quiet time even when there is a lot going on, if that makes any sense.

[Amy in TX]

Well, I'm an INFJ and we have five kids. It's hard on me, I won't deny that. The house is incredibly noisy and I prefer quiet. I need quiet time, alone time and all I've got is a bunch of kid hanging on me all the time. I don't know why we got all these kids. I love them. I wouldn't send any of them back. I actually like having a big family. It's just very hard on me.

 

This. I'm so very INFJ, and I need big doses of time alone (thank God I have an understanding husband), and hate noise and large groups. But I have four kids, and if I had started younger, I'd probably have six. I loved having babies. I wouldn't give any of them back. :)

[Jaybee]

I also agree with the comment about organization. Though my house itself is not so very organized, our household usually runs quite smoothly. We aren't running here and there all over the place, so mealtimes and routines are fairly standard, and we live a pretty simple lifestyle, both in material goods as well as activities. That makes a big difference in it not being overwhelming. I've known of many families with much fewer kids, whose lifestyles would completely stress me out.

[fairfarmhand]

I am an introvert and I only have 4 kids. I thought I liked the idea of having an even bigger family, but once I got pregnant with #4, I knew that would be it. I need the alone time.

 

I struggle with those first 2 years of a little one's life when things are chaotic and life is so crazy. I just can't live like that year after year without it impacting things.

 

I'm also really bad at (during those first 2 years of baby's life) at balancing being a good mommy and a good wife. I never really mastered doing both well. My poor dh got tired of me being tired and distracted all the time, so we were both ready after baby #4.

 

So yes, I do think that personality has a lot to do with our family size.

[justamouse]

I am interested in others' perspectives on this.

 

I have spent way too much time feelin kind of badly that I do not have a larger family (I have 2 children--we may have more.... they'd be surprises ;)). I love the idea of a bigger family....4, 5, 6 children....but I don't know that I could ever handle the reality. My children are 3.5 years apart which is close enough for me. Being a homeschooler I'm definitely acquainted with some larger families, and I often feel badly--like there is something wrong with me--for only having 2. I have wondered if I am selfish (I know I am, as we all are, but I'm very devoted to my children and very joyfully sacrificial if that makes sense--I'm happy to give up my time for them!!)

 

Then a couple of days ago I had a thought--wonder how much personality type plays into this? I am an INFJ--VERY I, N and J. I need a ton of time to order my thoughts, think, ponder etc. I do this while with my children (they are young so I am with them almost constantly), but do lots of mental wandering which probably makes me appear a little absent-minded. ;) I also cling to my systems and routines--I am pretty well organized (not perfectly) but tend to get bogged down in daily things if I have to devote too much time to them. That's why I make menus and follow a loose schedule etc....because it helps free me up to think of other stuff. I don't really like dealing with the uber-practical aspects of parenthood; I am more interested in my children's ideals...visions...goals....possibilities!

 

I wonder if the INFJ personality type (or Is in general?) are more likely to have fewer children because of this inherent need, or if I am just making that up. :) the women I know with many children definitely all seem to be more Es, getting energy from socializing and being with others, whereas I get drained very easily that way. I see it as a flaw in some ways, but

perhaps I should be kinder to myself.

 

Any thoughts?

 

 

See my siggy? 7 hatchlings. I'm an INFJ. :p

 

You know what I've learned from having them all? That there's a 9 month waiting period, and that they grow one day at a time. That you learn the fruit of self sacrificing.

 

It's a good thing, really. They've made me a much better person.

[justamouse]

Well, I'm an INFJ and we have five kids. It's hard on me, I won't deny that. The house is incredibly noisy and I prefer quiet. I need quiet time, alone time and all I've got is a bunch of kid hanging on me all the time. I don't know why we got all these kids. I love them. I wouldn't send any of them back. I actually like having a big family. It's just very hard on me.

 

You're in the noisy years. It IS very hard. Very, very hard. I got touched out, craved silence and solitude. It WILL get better.

 

I have had friends over and they've thought the kids were gone. My house is MUCH quieter now that they're all older, and most times you'd never know they were here.

 

I'm an INFJ, and we have six children. They are pretty spread out in ages, though, except for the twins. My husband is an IS(debatable on whether he is F or T)J. We both love having a large family. But at least four of the kids are also introverts, and only one is an extreme extrovert. So except for him, it is not unusual for all of us to be sitting or lying around with books. It does get a bit noisy for me when everybody is home and excited, but I just take time out in my room when I need it. I'm very much a homebody, and have always guarded my time/schedule so that it is not overloaded. Even when I had four kids who were 7yo and younger (the year the twins were born), I always took a break in the afternoons when the kids were napping. That time in the afternoon was so vital, to rest or read, and the kids grew up respecting that time, at least once they were old enough not to try getting into trouble then. I'm pretty good at "going internal" and having quiet time even when there is a lot going on, if that makes any sense.

 

:iagree:

[pehp]

See my siggy? 7 hatchlings. I'm an INFJ. :p

 

You know what I've learned from having them all? That there's a 9 month waiting period, and that they grow one day at a time. That you learn the fruit of self sacrificing.

 

It's a good thing, really. They've made me a much better person.

 

This makes me smile because I have thought several times "what if I get pregnant again soon?" (my youngest is almost 2) And then I think "well, I'll have 9 months to prepare, just like I did the first two times!" That was a smart design, I think!!!

 

Yes. The self-sacrificing is something I have been learning, reflecting on heavily recently, actually--that this is refining me!!!

[Snow]

I would think religion and or political leanings would have a stronger correlation than personality type. I'm an INFP and I have two. I always wanted two but we seriously considered stopping at one after realizing just how intense (and demanding) my son is. Thankfully, angel baby number two is the perfect addition :-)

[pehp]

I also agree with the comment about organization. Though my house itself is not so very organized, our household usually runs quite smoothly. We aren't running here and there all over the place, so mealtimes and routines are fairly standard, and we live a pretty simple lifestyle, both in material goods as well as activities. That makes a big difference in it not being overwhelming. I've known of many families with much fewer kids, whose lifestyles would completely stress me out.

 

Yes--that's how I am. We stay home a lot and I try to keep things running smoothly. (And we are simple in terms of activities and *stuff* as well.) I'm very into having a menu plan, a basic routine for our days, keeping on top of my to-do list (but ignoring it completely when the situation is right!) and keeping the messes under control...as much as possible with young children....it's not picture-perfect. :) Oh, and daily laundry!! If I don't have this I get kind of depressed because the everyday things can be so overwhelming....but not with a system.

 

If I can retreat into my mind, even while washing dishes, it helps so much for my mental health. I just like....thinking.

 

I think this is all an off-shoot of my wishy-washy attitude on whether to have more children...like I have to decide that "right now" (I don't, of course, but I'm strangely obsessing over it lately). Of course, the first two weren't 'planned' (two wonderful SURPRISES!!!! we meant to have children, but the timing was not ours, and I'm glad!) and as my husband and I joke, the way procreation happens to us, I'll be having triplets at the age of 42!!!! (I'm 35 now...and 'late fertility' seems to run in my family.....) :)

 

Although y'all have me pretty much convinced that the personality type has very little to do with it!!!!!!! So interesting!

[Crimson Wife]

I would think religion and or political leanings would have a stronger correlation than personality type.

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree: Plus finances and also age at marriage.

 

I would imagine that everything else being equal, E's would have more kids on average than I's, and P's more than J's (due to a higher chance of a "surprise" baby).

[Impish]

I think there's just so many factors involved that it's impossible to point to one leading one.

[Dandelion]

I do not think personality type has much to do with it. I am extremely extroverted and love to be surrounded by people, but I would have liked three kids max, and stopped at 2.

 

 

This describes me - and my thinking - exactly. I think lots of other factors come into play - but I don't think personality type has much to do with it.

[2squared]

Well, I'm an INFJ and we have five kids. It's hard on me, I won't deny that. The house is incredibly noisy and I prefer quiet. I need quiet time, alone time and all I've got is a bunch of kid hanging on me all the time. I don't know why we got all these kids. I love them. I wouldn't send any of them back. I actually like having a big family. It's just very hard on me.

 

 

I don't know what letters I am, but the rest of this post describes me to a T. I love my kids. I love having a large family. But.....having a large family with short spacing between the kids has been very, very hard on me. I think I would be mentally healthier if I worked outside the home, but my family is healthier with me at home. I would also be mentally healthier if I wasn't homeschooling, but once again, I think my family unit is healthier with the kids at home.

 

I probably look like an extravert because I have kids milling around all.the.time. I know I have to be "on" all the time to manage the chaos, and since I'm good at it, I appear to be thriving within the chaos. It's really all a sham. I am good at what I do b/c I have to be. I won't survive otherwise. :D

[PBnJ]

I am INFJ, and am expecting my 9th child. When my dh and I first got married, we thought we'd probably only have a couple of kids. But each one is a gift from God, and we enjoy each of them very much. Since we are both introverts, we both find ourselves craving quiet and order in our tiny, noisy and messy house!