Help. Burn out. Fried to a crisp.

[Murphy101]

I'd say I've felt burnt out for a few years now.

 

I've dramatically cut back on my involvement in outside stuff. So I'll take my kids to their activities, but I never volunteer to lead those activities.

 

Much of our busyness can't be changed. I'm not going to pull kids out of classes and opportunities bc mom doesn't feel like it. And I'm not going to stop home schooling for the same reason.

 

I'm happy with our curriculum and the results.

 

I am really starting to appreciate my hamster ball of solitude more. But with 11 other people here, who I love! - being introverted is not easy. I tend to compensate by not wanting to leave the house unless I really have no choice. lol

 

I think a huge issue here isn't that I'm doing anything wrong. I think it might just be the natural result of any job a person has done for 17 years and knows they have another 17 coming up?

 

I eat okay. I'm exercising more. For the most part, there isn't stress as far as problem kids or marriage issues.

 

I'm not really unhappy. I'd say in very happy.

 

I just want to quit. To heck with school and outside commitments. Not because I'm unhappy with it. I'm just bored, tired, and want to do other things. Basicly, I completely identify with my 8 year old.

 

How do you keep your enthusiasm and pace going? Or do you?

 

Currently and for the past few years my attitude has been "just keep swimming" and I can accept continuing that.

 

I just thought it couldn't hurt to ask if others hit this wall and if so how they have gotten over it. :)

[justamouse]

:grouphug: Yup! Lol!

 

I have another 12 years at least, perhaps 11. Ugh, wow. *sticksfingersinears* lalala!

 

When I get like that, I ask my priest and deacons how they serve day after day, year after year. THey are VERY adamant about going off into the garden alone, doing something for yourself. A retreat.

 

I also know this is part and parcel of the job, running the race. I'm learning to 'offer it up'. It's not an easy response for me-it's not a habit so that it's my first response, but I'm learning it.

 

So, I'm all ears!

[Amy in NH]

You need to do something that inspires you. Go be a person (not mother or wife or...) to get back your spark.

[Remudamom]

Why don't you take a nice long break? Have the older kids help do schoolwork with the younger ones and just chill a while?

[cjzimmer1]

Well I'm not near as far into this as you but I've had those feelings. Earlier this year a group of friends was discussing "the end is in sight" and while I could relate to it for one child (my eldest has only 3 years left) long term there is no end. They also didn't know I was expecting at the time so in my head I'm going "I have 9 years done and at 18 to go." Which means I'm only 1/3 of the way through.

 

We've made a few changes that are definitely helping. We do very little in the way of outside classes. I just get handle the running around and busyness of it all. I'm a homebody and nothing gets to me more than hauling the kids around in the winter so for the winter we reduce more and only participate in activities in the better weather.

 

I've outsource (online) most of my oldest classes. It costs more than I would like but now I'm not the bad guy for making him write (although I'm still the bad guy for making him take the class), those inflexible deadlines are not my doing and I'm not responsible for correcting and tracking progress. This child is actually my dream student and has always been my easiest to work with but I just don't have the energy or brain power to think about high school level material. Next year I will add at least one online class for the next student too.

 

Even though the kids are mostly self taught after about the age of 10, it a huge burden off my shoulders to not be responsible for followup, correcting, and lesson planning. Gives me time to go into my hidey hole and veg out more. I really need that personal time or I end up losing it with the kids over things that really aren't important but I simply can't cope and it comes out wrong.

 

So really the key has been simply to carve out more time for me to be alone, to read a book without 1000 interruptions, to find time to pursue a hobby, or just stare at the wall. But there are days I just do it because it's the right thing to do.

[FriedClams]

First, you have 10 kids. That's a lot of giving, answering, talking, listening... Give yourself a break! :-)

 

I think this lifestyle is a marathon. Sometimes an ultra marathon. You train. You train. And you train more. Some people love training. Some of us do it because we love the outcome, but we don't love the daily grind. We have to *make* ourselves get out of bed to train. I don't think that makes us less, I think sometimes it makes us more because we have to exercise such self discipline.

 

So give yourself a break on the days when you have to drag yourself to train. Build in a reward for yourself - like a walk in the afternoon (or morning) alone to clear your head if you get a, b, and c done.

 

Make sure your home is engineered as well as possible to share the loads. Assign and train for chores.

 

Do something every day that makes YOU happy. Sing, piano, craft, bake, work out, whatever. You may be a mom but you're still a human being!

 

Take breaks. Maybe you need a month on, week off schedule for school. Think outside the box as to what will help you and your family.

 

Hang in there. We're on your team and pulling for you. We're all running the marathon together. :-)

[Scarlett]

I got no answers. I am mom to one and I feel burned out, so I have no clue how you moms of many do it. I do have the added complications of 2 step sons, an ex husband, an ex wife ( dh's- not mine), visitation travels every single weekend, and threats of court from both exes. Add to that my dh who was sick for 3 months and living in a a house mid remodeled and I feel like crawling in bed and staying there.

[kalanamak]

Sounds like you need a vacation.

[Kim in Appalachia]

:grouphug:

 

I completely relate. My oldest entered college this year, and I thought, "That's it. I'm done, right???" I have 4 more kids, the youngest is in 2nd grade. :) So I have a ways to go, and yes, even though I'm happy with the curriculum (for the most part), and happy with the results, I'm tired and I want to quit.

 

It's hard to keep going at times, but you just do. I do a lot of things for myself (like exercise, read books) and that helps, but still.....

 

I also try to look at the positives as much as I can.

 

My oldest got home from college last night. My youngest just held onto her the whole evening. The 10 and 13 year old also stayed close, and her sister was happy. My kids are close. They have a great relationship that can come from homeschooling. It's nice to see those positives and remember them when the days seem long.

 

And one more thing; it's ok to come here and complain. We all get it. :) And it helps to have others to lean on and who understand.

[fairfarmhand]

I *only* have 4 kids and have only been at this 10 years and I am fried. I've found that the older than my kids get, the more essential it is that I take time to do something that is fun just for me. (exercise does not count. exercise is like eating vegetables--a need, not a want) So I took an art class, I sew something fun, I make my older dd go to her room earlier than I might otherwise, just so I can have the house to myself and my dh. Basically, I need fun things to look forward to regularly.

 

It really helps.

[Remudamom]

When I was at my worst burnout after 15 or so years I took some mad money from a horse sale and bought the four still at home their own desktop computers. Then I searched and searched for curricula that they could do online by themselves. They were all in middle school at the time and I set up the schoolroom so I could see all the monitors and I'd stay in there most of the time in case they needed me. It was good for them and great for me.

[Anne]

Well, I go through this and I haven't been at it nearly as long. I take a lot of breaks. I have to.

 

I agree with doing something that inspires you. I took up violin, as you probably have read already, and it's been great. And it's just for me. When I'm practicing it doesn't feel like work. It feels like going somewhere else where there is nobody else. I go out for my lesson once a week. My instructor and I laugh the entire time and it's way cheaper than therapy.

 

That's all I got.

 

:grouphug:

 

 

:iagree: For me it's cello - and I'm more than ten years older than you!!

 

Anne

[PentecostalMom]

I have 1/2 as many dc as you do and I have felt that way time and again over the years. Usually I either go to a lighter workload for a bit or unschool. It gives us all a break to just enjoy each other and not have to go, go, go.

[Murphy101]

Vacation isn't going to happen.

The older kids are gone more than they're home, so there's no way they are going to take over schooling their siblings even if I was okay with it.

 

With dh traveling so much, I haven't been able to take lessons or whatever. Adding another outside commitment just wasn't an option. I'm hoping with his career change I will be able to be more flexible about that.

[fairfarmhand]

Vacation isn't going to happen.

The older kids are gone more than they're home, so there's no way they are going to take over schooling their siblings even if I was okay with it.

 

With dh traveling so much, I haven't been able to take lessons or whatever. Adding another outside commitment just wasn't an option. I'm hoping with his career change I will be able to be more flexible about that.

 

I hope so too.

 

One thing that helped me so much more than I ever imagined was taking a whole month off of out of the house commitments. Basically, August was our stay at home month. No piano lessons, no gymnastics....nothing out of the house for 4 measly weeks. I was surprised at how those four weeks free of outside commitments changed my outlook. And in the grand scheme of things, 4 measly weeks are not that big of a deal...so what if my kids miss 4 gym classes or piano lessons?

 

Anyway, I don't know if that is possible for you, but I thought I'd toss it out there as a suggestion.

[Murphy101]

If we could afford to add my oldest two to our car insurance, I would but since we can't - I have to drive them all over the town.

Current finances meant I could either get braces for 2 of the 3 that need them or add to kids to our car insurance.

We chose braces.

 

There's some things I'd like to do at home though if I could find the time. A beautiful table is in the garage that I have been striping in 15-20 minute increments as I can for several weeks now. Really it's a one weekend job, but I don't have a weekend. And I'vw been crocheting at about the same rate.

[mommymilkies]

Well, I go through this and I haven't been at it nearly as long. I take a lot of breaks. I have to.

 

I agree with doing something that inspires you. I took up violin, as you probably have read already, and it's been great. And it's just for me. When I'm practicing it doesn't feel like work. It feels like going somewhere else where there is nobody else. I go out for my lesson once a week. My instructor and I laugh the entire time and it's way cheaper than therapy.

 

That's all I got.

 

:grouphug:

 

I did this, too, until my hands swelled like balloons in pregnancy. Lol. I took violin and belly dance.

 

I wish I had more advice, Martha! Maybe take a longish break and work on hobbies, mix it up, etc?

 

Even if it's not an outside commitment-wake early to enjoy tea and the sunrise by yourself, pick a new dance or exercise? Find a funny show to watch-even with the kids as a sort of hobby (5 p.m. Dirty Jobs time!)?

[Murphy101]

Idk. I think I need to just suck it up. I am my own biggest annoyance. Sigh.

 

I already get up between 6 and 7am because I have to be out of the house by 7:30 every day.

 

I don't think it's a home management issue or a problem with our education paradigm.

 

Marriage is good. Kids are decent other than the normal parental hair pulling stuff. :p

 

Some days doing this

 

 

for many more years is a bit daunting to my enthusiasm. It's funny. You know. AFTER wine and chocolate and you have called it quits for the day. :)

 

 

[LG Gone Wild]

I'd say I've felt burnt out for a few years now.

 

I've dramatically cut back on my involvement in outside stuff. So I'll take my kids to their activities, but I never volunteer to lead those activities.

 

Much of our busyness can't be changed. I'm not going to pull kids out of classes and opportunities bc mom doesn't feel like it. And I'm not going to stop home schooling for the same reason.

 

I'm happy with our curriculum and the results.

 

I am really starting to appreciate my hamster ball of solitude more. But with 11 other people here, who I love! - being introverted is not easy. I tend to compensate by not wanting to leave the house unless I really have no choice. lol

 

I think a huge issue here isn't that I'm doing anything wrong. I think it might just be the natural result of any job a person has done for 17 years and knows they have another 17 coming up?

 

I eat okay. I'm exercising more. For the most part, there isn't stress as far as problem kids or marriage issues.

 

I'm not really unhappy. I'd say in very happy.

 

I just want to quit. To heck with school and outside commitments. Not because I'm unhappy with it. I'm just bored, tired, and want to do other things. Basicly, I completely identify with my 8 year old.

 

How do you keep your enthusiasm and pace going? Or do you?

 

Currently and for the past few years my attitude has been "just keep swimming" and I can accept continuing that.

 

I just thought it couldn't hurt to ask if others hit this wall and if so how they have gotten over it. :)

 

I've got nothing for you but prayers for rejuvenation.

[mommymilkies]

Martha, thank you so much for that video. I've never send those! I'm loving the health food one.

[Scarlett]

Love that video!