Lending books and curriculum

[plain jane]

There's not much in my local area and people tend towards Abeka and other "safe" choices that they know about.

 

Me? Not so much. LOL. I own a ton of stuff, mostly because I need to buy it to be able to see it. I don't mind. Dh and I make the room in our budget for the purchases and I have found some real gems in the process. I speculate that in the six years I have been homeschooling I have purchased around $2000 per year, plus extra reading books through amazon.

 

Thing is, I have sort of become the "go-to" person now. If someone has questions about something or wants to see it, odds are I either own it or opted out of it for some reason or another. I don't really mind, and I like helping out others. But, I am kind of irked that I spend all this money and then people just sort of come along and borrow what I have for free. They don't keep it for the year but they leaf through it or take it home for a few days. Either way, they are not having to pay for it just to see if it would be a good fit for them, like I've had to do.

 

There have been a couple people who have borrowed a lot from me. Because my oldest is a grade ahead of theirs and I have been at this longer, they never have anything for me to borrow or look through and I'm feeling a bit, I don't know, used? That's not the right word but I am tired today. And likely just cranky. And maybe I am just being selfish. I don't want to be. I like sharing and helping but truth is, I kind of feel like if I can spend money on books, why can't they?

 

Is this simply awful of me? Someone I know wants to come over today and look at a few things (yet again) and I am feeling .... Admittedly, but embarrassingly .... Annoyed. The thing she wants to look at cost me over $100 and I didn't know fully how good (or bad) it would be until it got here. I am not planning on letting her take it home but I don't know what to say if she asks.

 

I find I am also asked to borrow my books that go with programs, like TOG or SOTW that the library here doesn't carry because they don't want to pay for a book they'll only use once. Uhhhh- that's what I had to do. LOL

 

Would anyone else feel this way? If I am just being cranky, tell me. I guess maybe with a few people I know this has become a regular thing and despite my annoyance, I have a hard time saying no. Or maybe it is not my place to say no and I should be more willing to share?

[Desert Rat]

Hmm... I don't think it's bad at all that you're annoyed.

 

I tend to be in a similar position because I have the oldest in the group (and a smartie so he's advanced). Plus, lots of my friends have seen my homeschool and have decided to try it themselves. When they are new, I have them over and they can look through what I have.

 

I do let some people borrow, but I've had such bad experiences, one person borrowed something then SOLD it!! After that, I'm far more cautious. I tend to be overly generous and I genuinely love helping people. So, it's hard for me to say no to people borrowing. So, now I have index cards with who borrowed what and put my name in the front of the book.

 

I, too, don't have many that can help me out with stuff. I do get some interesting things from one of my friends who I borrow/lend most with. I think that's why I do, now that I think about it because it *is* a two way street.

 

I would just say no, Jane. Seriously. Say you're busy with school and the holidays and that you're taking a break with the curriculum thing. Tell them you'd be more than happy to email them the links. It takes some practice, but you can do it!

[BugsMama]

Just. Say. No.

 

I don't lend curriculum. Maybe to my bestest friend ever. I will bring it to lunch with you so you can take a quick look. I'll even answer your questions.

 

Heck, I'll sell it to you used if I really don't want it.

 

But give it to you to take home? no. That stuff is expensive, and I have to protect my investment in my child's education.

 

Mistakes can be sold to purchase new curriculum.

[jelbe5]

There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries. You bought the curricula . . . it is yours! You would probably be aghast and immediately say "no" if someone asked to borrow your car, jewelry, Internet, food, etc. why should your school stuff be any different.

 

Set a new policy of not lending out materials. Practice saying "I'm sorry, but I have a policy of not lending out materials.". You don't have to say anything more than that. If you are willing to let people take a peek at curricula they are thinking about, that is up to you, too. Schedule such kindness when it suits YOU, not the person who wants to look at the products.

 

If you are done with curricula, don't hesitate to tell people that while you don't lend out materials you would be happy to sell the item for a price you set. End with "Why don't you think about it and let me know?" and smile sweetly. Why should you give away things you have paid for.

 

I am very selective with regards to what I lend out and who I lend to. I would never presume to ask anyone if I could borrow items. I understand it can be hard to say no, but it is your right to do so.

[Guest inoubliable]

I'd feel super annoyed, too. You ARE being taken advantage of. I think it's great that you're so passionate about home schooling and are willing to share with others about programs/curricula that have worked for you and to give honest reviews of things that didn't. As you pointed out, though, you had to buy all of that. You had to work it into your household budget, you ordered it, paid for taxes and shipping, and then spent the time going over it to see if it was a fit for your family. That's a lot of work! Especially for something that might have ultimately ended up on a shelf not being used.

 

I spend a good amount of money on books that go with what we're learning about. I don't have as large a budget as yours, but I do have to spend the time to work it into my budget in the spring and I spend a ton of time hunting down good, but used, editions of the books that I need. (For example, someone here has a literature program that lines up nicely with SOTW - Classical House of Learning. Forgive me, I can't remember who it is. Anyway, I have to hunt those books down because our local library never has any of them and they are unwilling to order them.) I'd be super annoyed if someone, especially the same person, kept coming over to look over what I've got, borrow it to look over at home, etc. You're not a library.

 

If she asks today to borrow the book, just say that you don't feel comfortable lending out books anymore. Say you've had some go out the door and they didn't come back in time for you to use them again, something like that. :grouphug:

[fairfarmhand]

I don't lend things unless I really don't care whether I get them back or not.

 

I tell people," You are welcome to come look through my things to decide whether or not you like them, but I can't lend them out because I never know which items I may need through the year. You never know when you get deep into a topic and you need a supplement. "

 

If the person counters. "Well, I'm just a phone call away,"

 

You say," I know YOU would never do this, but some people are bad about returning them, and I am so disorganized that I forget who I loaned to. Also SOME people have the nerve to damage or lose my stuff. I know YOU are not like that, but it's just easier for me to have a blanket, No loaning my stuff policy. " I might also imply that my dh prefers it that way since we had a significant financial investment in it.

 

but as far as people assuming that they can always come look at my stuff, if it annoys you, I might say, "You know I am very busy right now. Or that stuff is packed up in an inconvenient place." I'd just give lame excuses. Only a jerk would persist after vague excuses are given.

[Kathryn]

I do understand because I have the same problems and have decided not to lend unless it's someone I am very close with, but I also think a little understanding goes a long way. Wouldn't you have liked it if you a hadn't had to have spent the money on things that didn't end up working? Or just being able to look through something to decide? You do have the ability to help people trying to make those decisions. Whether you want to or not is up to you, but I do think that it's a wonderful thing to be able to offer your friends. Not everyone has the ability to budget for books they may not be able to use.

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

I learned never to lend curriculum. I either give it away or sell it. I have very seldom gotten curriculum back in the same condition I lent it. A few times I had to beg for my stuff back. If someone wants to look at it they can come over and look, but not to take home. I am now of the mindset of neither a lender or a borrower be.

[Farrar]

Our local group does a "curriculum share" every year where people bring what they have, with their names in it, and everyone looks through each other's materials and talk about it all for a couple hours. Maybe you could help make something like that... and your friends could all bring their ABeka... and then you could just say to people that that's the only time you show things off.

 

Obviously their behavior is annoying and you should just say no. But I do have sympathy to people... it is better to be able to see things first and I like to find ways to help people do that.

[Twigs]

If I were in this situation, I would have a policy of not lending. Also, I would.not give any excuse or explanation - that just gives the other person the opportunity to come up with reasons to counteract the explanation.

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

Best wishes.

[AimeeM]

I think you're just being cranky, and I say that with affection. Lol. We all get cranky sometimes.

If they were borrowing for a year, or returning the items in bad condition, you would have EVERY reason to be cranky about it, but they are only taking it to look at. On second thought, I wouldn't allow them to leave with the books - I would have no problem with them looking through the books at my home though.

I've been there. I'm a curriculum junkie... but out of necessity. We have NOWHERE here, other than BJU's homeschool store, to look at curriculum, so I'm left with no choice but to buy "blindly". If I can help someone else from having to do the same, I'm all for it.

[bluemongoose]

I do lend things out, even for the whole year to help people. I do it because I like to and I feel it is a way I can serve in my community. I have so little time and very little extra funds to give away, but I can help answer questions about homeschooling and lend things to people that I feel comfortable with (and that I know will return it).

 

That doesn't mean that you must feel that way! You bought the curricula, it is your stuff, you are not obligated to say yes! I think you should just say no instead of saying yes when you do not want to and getting cranky about it. That is better for everybody.

[Mommee & Baba]

I agree with several others. Just say no.

 

I don't lend materials out, not even to closest friends & family. We are in NO financial shape to replace anything even if it was damaged accidentally.

[Meriwether]

I love letting people look at my stuff. I offer to send things home with people. I am very free with things that I no longer want or things that could be replaced at a decent price. I am more selective about loaning out expensive things or things that I will have to repurchase if they don't come back. Some things don't leave my house at all, but I would loan out about 90% of what I have. I don't feel taken advantage of when someone looks at my things or borrows them. BUT I don't think you need to be okay with it just because I am. If people looking at your stuff bothers you, it is okay to stop sharing it.

 

The money thing is different to me. I wouldn't want anyone to have to buy someting to look at it just because I had to. I would never tell someone they couldn't look at my stuff just so that they had to buy it. I'd let a friend check out my mattress, my vacuum, or my new tv. I ask my friends about their stuff before I buy things like a printer, microwave or piano. Do your friends who look at your curricula let you check out other things of theirs? Their lawnmower or pool supplies, or whatever?

[LMD]

If you feel uncomfortable you have every right to just say no.

 

I do lend, but with a specific, I'll need that back by x date, why don't you come over on the tuesday, bring the books and we can talk about it? However, the community here is still very small and new. There are very few opportunities to see before buying, and we have a good community spirit, so I'm ok with it. Everything I've lent has come back in a timely manner and good condition though.

[happyhomemaker]

I don't think I would lend stuff out unless it was to a very good friend. I also don't have the budget to replace stuff that might not come back to me. But if someone wanted to look at a TM or something to help them decide on what to buy, I would have no problem with them coming to my place to look it over for a while. I know I can't afford to buy stuff just to look through it, and I'm happy to help others who are in the same position.

 

ETA The above is obviously how *I* feel, not necessarily how the OP should feel. I don't think there is a right or wrong decision here. Decide how much help (if any) you want to give people and stick to whatever policy you decide on. Be consistent and eventually people will fall in step with the new guidelines you put forth.

[Rebel Yell]

I have exactly one friend that I will lend books to, and I have borrowed from her- a full year. Never a problem.

 

Nobody else I know will I do that with.

 

You don't owe anyone an explanation beyond "I'm sorry, I no longer lend out my books."

 

If I can spare the time and someone wants to look at my books/materials at my house or at a location we'll both be at- such as co-op, I'm OK with that. I barely have the budget to buy what I need let alone stuff I might not use, so I look at others' stuff and let them look at mine. But it does not leave my posession.