sbgrace Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 I have a friend who has asked me for a recommendation to help her parenting. I'm not sure what to suggest. Partly because she's just very different from me in personality and also because I don't want her to feel I'm going to be watching her for improvement or something! I do want to help though. She likes to read books. Something sort of "fool proof" or easy to understand and implement would be best. Her personality is such that she sort of craves and expects (and is overly upset when it doesn't just happen) cooperation from her kids. She told me tonight she doesn't want to have to "make" them do this or that. She doesn't think she should have to make them. Her expectation, in my mind, is unrealistic. But at any rate it doesn't happen and the result is she's angry a lot. She told me tonight that she didn't have good parent models, was an easy child herself (two of her three aren't "easy" kids), and just doesn't know how to respond. She repeats herself over and over until she's angry. I really think she's sort of training her kids to ignore her...but I don't want to tell her that and, further, I want to give her something that will build some alternative parenting skills. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LindaOz Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Based on what you have said about your friend, maybe "Have a New Kid by Friday" would work. http://www.amazon.com/Have-New-Kid-Friday-Character/dp/0800732189#_ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 I absolutely think you should tell her that, just gently. If she would follow through either the first time or at a set interval (I personally don't like counting to three, telling three time, 3 warnings, etc, but it is consistent if you pick a number and go with it), she would not get irritated because she would be doing something before she got irritated. Additionally, her kids would know she is serious much sooner. Though I prefer better discipline than 1-2-3 Magic or SuperNanny, I think it could be a great place for people to start when they've let things go too far. They can hone up better skills when they have the basics (for themselves and the children) down. It is really hard to make a paradigm switch when there is chaos. At the same time, that is often when people finally decide to do something completely different also. We use Raising a Thinking Child concepts. And we're very into time-in and empathy and working together. The idea of kids will do better when they can (have the skills, are emotionally ok, etc) rules. We set up the environment and situation for their success. We've had amazing progress with kids a whole lot worse off than having some less than ideal discipline, with kids who would really struggle with typical discipline strategies. But it can be hard on a parent like your friend (and me). I too can be quite unreasonable and tend to get frustrated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Staceyshoe Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Boundaries with Kids!! (I'm not sure of your friend's belief system. This is written from a Christian perspective.) Kevin Leman's book "Have a New Kid by Friday" would be great too. For something even quicker, he gave a keynote address that can downloaded here: http://catapes.com/viewresults.cfm?cid=113 (He is a *very* gifted speaker, and this is a fabulous session!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 Based on what you have said about your friend, maybe "Have a New Kid by Friday" would work. http://www.amazon.com/Have-New-Kid-Friday-Character/dp/0800732189#_ I was going to suggest this, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 ITA that it might be possible to have the discussion with you, since she brought it up, about her expectations being unreasonable. Adults don't do what they're supposed to do the first time; it's why there are 66 books (or 73 if it's Catholic, lol) in the Bible--God knew we wouldn't get it the 65/72 times. Something very gentle would be good, because I suspect that she'd be the kind to overdo some of the more, um, controversial child-rearing books/methods. Kevin Leman or Dr. Sears would be good. She needs some good books for herself, too... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canadianmumof5 Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 We love Dr. Ray Guarendi here! He is a wonderful speaker if you ever get the chance to go to a presentation. And his books are wonderful. Very down to earth, with some humour thrown in. Try this one: http://www.amazon.com/Discipline-That-Lasts-Lifetime-Best/dp/1569553688/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355325960&sr=8-1&keywords=ray+guarendi Or this one: http://www.amazon.com/Youre-Better-Parent-Than-Think/dp/0671765957/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1355326012&sr=8-7&keywords=ray+guarendi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted December 12, 2012 Share Posted December 12, 2012 I like The Power of Positive Parenting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ByGrace3 Posted December 13, 2012 Share Posted December 13, 2012 My all time favorite is Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours by Kevin Leman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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