KrissiK Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 I'm sitting here tonight frustrated with my life. I'm frustrated because I can't make the changes necessary or when I do try to change things in my life, they don't stick. I keep falling back to my default ways of doing things. For example, I'm frustrated with the fact that while I don't eat horribly, I still can't get on a decent diet and lose the 10 lbs. I need to lose. I know what I need to do. I know how to eat. I've done Weight Watchers and South Beach and gotten good results, but then fall off the wagon and gain it back. I'm frustrated with our oldest child. Again. It was a shouting match this evening with him and DH. And I'm thinking.... I just need to read another book. That'll help me. Give me some good advice. Well, I've read books. Lots of them. I've asked for advice here on the boards and gotten some good advice. But it's the same as with diets. It sounds good. We try the techniques for a while but.... then it just falls apart. He pushes our buttons, he's disrespectful and disobedient and we get upset and start shouting. Does it solve anything? No! Why do we keep doing it? I don't feel like I'm a completely undisciplined person, so it's not that I don't have the self-discipline to stick to a diet, or to do what these books say to manage your horrible child but.... how does a person do it? Has anyone out there really and seriously made the changes necessary and how did you do it? Is it strictly self-discipline? Or is does it have to come to life and death type of things? Like, if I don't stop eating all these fatty foods I'll have a heart attack and die in 6 months. Then, I'd seriously change my life style. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live2Ride Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 :grouphug: ..I too am frustrated with some things, but unsure of what to do to make it better... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AKshanmar Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 I completely understand where you are coming from. I am not a disciplined person, if I make to-do lists...well, I lose them, I forget what I want to do... and so on. One thing I work on is habits... one at a time. I forget how many times, you have to do something to make it a habit, but it is a lot. One of my little things is that I do leg lifts while I brush my teeth. It is a little thing, but I made sure I did them everytime I brushed my teeth and now I am incapable of brushing without doing leg lifts! My girls have always had buttons of mine that they were good at pushing. Once again, one issue at a time... I try to program myself to step back when I feel that emotion (that would be "rage"!). Remind myself to be "the adult" and not take it personally. Be the bigger person. I'm not taking in the whole picture, I guess, but I am dealing with that one emotion. I focus on the one bad emotion, and program myself to have a counter reaction. I don't know if that makes sense, but it helps. Also, make sure you aren't being "all or nothing". I am hugely "all or nothing", so this has been a biggie for me. Give yourself permission to start over again. So you splurged on icecream last night. Your diet isn't over. You don't need to quit. Just start right today. So you didn't do anything on your new schedule yesterday.... just do what you had for today. You blew it with your kid... actually tell him, "I blew it. Let's start that conversation over." Don't dwell on the mistakes, just move forward. Hang in there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AKshanmar Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 I completely understand where you are coming from. I am not a disciplined person, if I make to-do lists...well, I lose them, I forget what I want to do... and so on. One thing I work on is habits... one at a time. I forget how many times, you have to do something to make it a habit, but it is a lot. One of my little things is that I do leg lifts while I brush my teeth. It is a little thing, but I made sure I did them everytime I brushed my teeth and now I am incapable of brushing without doing leg lifts! My girls have always had buttons of mine that they were good at pushing. Once again, one issue at a time... I try to program myself to step back when I feel that emotion (that would be "rage"!). Remind myself to be "the adult" and not take it personally. Be the bigger person. I'm not taking in the whole picture, I guess, but I am dealing with that one emotion. I focus on the one bad emotion, and program myself to have a counter reaction. I don't know if that makes sense, but it helps. Also, make sure you aren't being "all or nothing". I am hugely "all or nothing", so this has been a biggie for me. Give yourself permission to start over again. So you splurged on icecream last night. Your diet isn't over. You don't need to quit. Just start right today. So you didn't do anything on your new schedule yesterday.... just do what you had for today. You blew it with your kid... actually tell him, "I blew it. Let's start that conversation over." Don't dwell on the mistakes, just move forward. Hang in there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily_Grace Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 Bear in mind, I'm scatterbrained, but I had to make rules for myself. The two that help me the most are 1. a 30 day challenge. I can "try something out" for 30 days and count down until I don't have to do it anymore when the task is hard. :) It's a mental thing. 2. 15 minute expectations. I'm allowed to screw up, because the 15 minutes starts all over again. And after every segment of time I pass (especially with keeping my patience!) I get a mental pat on my back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracy in Ky Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 What helps me is having accountability to someone outside my immediate family. Like promising a friend that will do or will not do X today. Making a promise and then reporting back is the key for me and helps me to begin building good habits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily_Grace Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 What helps me is having accountability to someone outside my immediate family. Like promising a friend that will do or will not do X today. Making a promise and then reporting back is the key for me and helps me to begin building good habits. Oh, this helps too! When dh and I were trying to get out of debt, I posted our figures in my signature on another board and joined the Dave Ramsey discussion. The shame of possibly having to move my total to a higher amount or stagnating in one spot was a good motivator for staying on the path. It was great to be able to say each month "we did x" instead of "we were irresponsible" and have to own up to mistakes we shouldn't have made. We're doing a no-spend in January and I'm really going to rely on that checking in for extra motivation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracy in Ky Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 I posted our figures in my signature on another board and joined the Dave Ramsey discussion. The shame of possibly having to move my total to a higher amount or stagnating in one spot was a good motivator for staying on the path. It was great to be able to say each month "we did x" instead of "we were irresponsible" and have to own up to mistakes we shouldn't have made. Oh wow. That sounds incredibly motivating! :scared: lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 Maybe it's because you are in conflict with yourself. You mention fatty food. Well, maybe your body is telling you that you need fat, and your head is still believing the old "no fat in equals person thin" concept we were fed for years. With your son, maybe you are believing all the "shoulds" about parenting a child, but your heart knows you could go in a different direction with him, because deep down you know his unique characteristics, but no one has written a book based on parenting him. :) I throw that idea out there because occasionally when my life goes out of order, and I seem to be on a merry-go-round instead of moving forward, it's usually because I need to throw off the shackles of applying everyone else's "shoulds" to my life, and get on with doing it my way. Once I get clear about what I want to do in a way that is authentically mine, everything else miraculously falls in line. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily_Grace Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 Oh wow. That sounds incredibly motivating! :scared: lol! LOL It was! 25 months and we paid off a brand new car (well, 2 years old at the end of it!) and the credit card debt incurred by a nasty move. It was such an amazing feeling to be DONE! But without that support I doubt we would have lasted the first year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 I find sleeping a very good beginning. I'm pretty awesome when I've slept and pretty useless when I haven't. I think the trick to decent dinners is to start cooking them mid afternoon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 How old is your oldest? Have you ever seen the total transformation program? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delaney Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 I know the feeling. I feel like I am on the endless search for the perfect self-help book. I think we need to take what we got and move on. I gave up carbs for 30 days. ALL carbs. It sucked for the first 6 days and then I found it was easy. Now I find it simple to indulge here and there but the difference is I feel the change and see how negatively they effected me. 15 pounds fell off. That being said I have at least 20 more to get where I would like to be. Right now I see not gaining through the holidays as victory and I will address it in January again. I bought curriculum and keep tweaking. STUPID Why can't I just trust in it and follow it? My oldest is a source of contention lately too. He is very unmotivated and graduates in June. I'm tired of worrying about everyone and everything. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 :grouphug: I can relate to the not doing what I have to do to get the results I expect thing. It actually did take a bad medical report to make me join Weight Watchers and lose weight. It took me almost a year but I finally reached my goal. And now I have to weigh in once a month because I'm a lifetimer and I'm 2 lbs over the top range of my goal weight. I've been trying to lose it for 3 weeks now but I'm not doing all I can. It's HARD! I'd also like to take control and be a homemaker in the true sense of the word. I've read books on keeping house but I can't follow through. Anyway, you're not alone. I'm watching this thread for tips too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tadah Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 I think we all struggle with change. Sorry to add Yet Another Book Recommendation, but I found out about this book here in the WTM forums and, even though a lot of examples are from the business world, I found it very helpful: Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard by Chip Heath and Dan Heath Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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