Can't get anything done with my 4 year old around...

[bksposito]

My kids are 12, 9 and 4. Lately, the 4 year old will just not be engaged in anything besides being disruptive. He is loud, the things he likes to play and do involve someone else to do it with. How on earth do you moms with more kids get any work done while still meeting the needs of your younger ones?

Part if the problem is that we live in NYC in a small apartment. It is hard for us to spread out.

I hate to create the dynamic that my older two kids and I are engaged in important activies and we always want #3 to go away, and be quiet.

Lately my middle son tries to wake up early to get his schoolwork done because he says he can't concentrate while my youngest is awake. I'm not doing a very good job of managing this.

I'd love to hear any of your ideas.

Cheers!

Kristin

[Rosie_0801]

Can you take him out first thing in the morning for a strenuous walk or run around the park? Of course with a boisterous kid, he might need to do that all day before he'd tire out...

[violamama]

My kids are closer in age (6 and 4) so we have a slightly different dynamic going, but I'll chime in FWIW. Our 4 year old certainly has his days when he decides to be defiant and disruptive. We have done a lot more brief time-outs or enforced breaks lately. I find if I get squishy on responding when he's purposefully interrupting then he will escalate. He also gets nuttier if I am emotional in my responses.

 

He's got his own school going now, and that helps a LOT. He does tangram shape pictures, and is extremely proud that he has a math book now. He does a lot of dry erase tracing, and cutting/pasting from Kumon books and a lapbook for CC. Sometimes I'll ask him to draw pictures related to what we've read. I also ask him to encourage his brother when he has to do something more advanced. Anything I can do to make him feel he's an essential part of our school has helped. Giving him jobs to do is probably 60% of my day. Otherwise, he just wants to use his powers for evil. :-)

[CalicoKat]

Starfall.com has been a huge help this year for my 5 yr old. It's free and it's also helping her to learn her blending. So I don't feel completely bad about parking her in front of a screen. :closedeyes:

 

Gma comes to get her on Wednesday a.m. and she stays there until 3:30.

 

AND the time from 6-8 a.m. when she's still in bed and the older kids get up to work on the 3R's.

 

:grouphug: It WILL get better in time.

[BugsMama]

getting my 4 year old moving, and giving him his one on one mama time (preschool stuff) first thing is what helps us. And jobs.... He "does dishes" (plays in the sink) while I teach big brother math, and "cleans the shower" while I teach writing. Keep them busy!

[fairfarmhand]

I second starfall.com and my 4 yo likes PBS kids games too. I also let him color quietly in the room, and try to involve him as much as possible in our studies, especially those of the next oldest kid from him.

 

Also, before you start the day, spend 20 minutes of 1 on 1 time with him, reading talking etc. so he won't feel like last place all the time.

 

While you are not in the middle of school, write down a list of 20 things that he can do without anyone else--playdough, blocks, etc. Then give him assignments as you work and set a time. When it dings, leave your olders working independently for a bit and play with him, have a snack with him, etc. I bet he's being so loud as a bid for attention.

[2_girls_mommy]

I keep an almost 4 yr old, but she is not the boisterous type thankfully. Weather permitting we start the day with her getting outside to hula hoop or jump rope or swim too. We will be getting a trampoline soon, and this will be a hit for her I am sure. She does have her own assignments and activities which I rotate weekly. These mostly consist of preschool type toys, but I only get out a few at a time and give her ideas of what to do with them. She will explore them for a few days, then they go up and something else comes out. Things like blocks, sewing cards, counting bears, puzzles, etc. Nothing spectacular. It is just that she gets no T.V. and limited toys during the week, so she find things to do with them. It is only for about 2 hrs in the morning between after breakfast activity and lunch time.

 

She is required to memorize poetry with us. We all sit once a day and practice our poems, including her. She feels important doing that :) She has her own preschool class once a week at co-op. I do sometimes do arts and crafts w/her here at home, but mostly I save that for there.

 

Here is the big one: She still naps. Her parents keep late hours and she stays up later than my children. Each day after lunch we read together, and she then falls asleep for an hour and half or 2 hrs. It is awesome. We then have our afternoons to ourselves.

[PeterPan]

Well my 4 yo is down at Grandma's, and I'm getting off my butt to go do science labs with my dd. They usually take several hours, and they're very involved, with precise measurements, setting up things just so, ramps and weights, blah blah. Really fun to do while your 4 yo crashes into you and wants to participate. Sending him out is the only way we get it done and stay sane. If I didn't have a Grandma, I'd probably hire someone one day a week. Seriously.

 

Yes, doing stuff with him first helps. He'll play for 40 minutes to an hour while listening to an audiobook. He likes some one on one with me. Then he just GOES. Thing is, he wants to be where we are, and he's hard to keep quiet, even with bins and stuff. That one day a week where he's gone makes a huge difference in our sanity.

 

Oh, ds doesn't nap, hasn't for years. Best I get is enforced rest time in front of a tv. Sounds horrible, but without that rest time he crashes. He doesn't yet read, and I don't force him to rest (without anything to do with his hands) while listening to audiobooks. The only time he stops like that to listen to audiobooks is if he's sick. ;)

 

I also invest in quality toys for him in a way I never had to for dd. He has hex bugs, which he likes, so I got him a whole bunch more components (on clearance, deals here and there) to surprise him with. That will kill an hour. I invested in M&D unit blocks, which I'm so-so about. Got more train track. Super-structs. Things he can do that will keep him engaged and relatively quiet.

[fairfarmhand]

Oh BTW, there's nothing wrong with allowing your older kids to wear headphones or earplugs while they are trying to work independently so that they can concentrate. I've also been known to turn on classical music for background to drown out the kids noises.

[Susan in TX]

I would have the older two kids take turns playing with the 4yo during school. My 4yo has activity boxes that I made for her. I basically took all the educational toys I had: coloring books, stamps, stickers, puzzles, tangrams, some file folder games etc, and divided them between 5 boxes. I labeled each with the day of the week M-F. So each day during school time she gets out her box and plays with those things. We also have an ipad with lots of educational aps and we use abcmouse.com and starfall.com

 

Susan in TX

[UrbanSue]

Lots of good ideas here. I have a just about 4yo and what saves me is that he still naps (and will have "rest time" in his room when he outgrows them). Getting outside a bit helps a lot. I know that's hard in the city because you all have to go out, too. But it might be worth it. Also, starting school with your 4yo might be good. Games, math manips, Pre-K workbooks. He might just want to be involved.

[Mom-ninja.]

Oh BTW, there's nothing wrong with allowing your older kids to wear headphones or earplugs while they are trying to work independently so that they can concentrate. I've also been known to turn on classical music for background to drown out the kids noises.

 

We do this.

 

Our school room is also set up with toys. So I end up playing with the 4 yr old and trying to help with lessons. It's hard. Everyday is different. I also have the older boys switch playing with him as posted above.

 

I don't let him on the computer often because he starts to click around and mess things up. I'm not using Starfall at this time (although I agree it's great) because I want him to learn to read in German first.

 

We don't do TV during the week unless it's a documentary. I know it would make my life easier, but I'm not going to let him watch TV.

 

When the weather is nice we sit outside and do lessons because he's much happier to play by himself outside.

 

I just try to come up with different activities for him to do. He's 4 and a boy so attention span is short.

[PeterPan]

I have an account for ds4 on the computer, and it's set to a simplified version. It's mac, don't know if you can do that on Windows. You can definitely do different accounts on Windows. Anyways, that's how I handle putting him on but not having him mess up things. When I did that, I set his cursor/mouse speed lower, so it doesn't fly off the screen so fast. I have it set so it opens right to a word processor page with big font. He likes to "type" on it.

[bksposito]

Wow!

Thanks everyone for so many great ideas. I'll definitely try some of these. I never thought to have my big 2 wear headphones while doing schoolwork. Since I usually end up doing schoolwork alone with my other son, I had forgotten about making sure kid #3 gets some run around time first thing in the morning...that might really help. Love the doing the dishes idea, and have totally forgotten about Starfall since my big two kids have been great readers for years.

Yay--new ideas. I'm excited to try them.

Thank you so much.

Kristin