Multiple kids with multiple issues

[swellmomma]

Just when I think I am getting a grip on dealing with the kids extra issues another one starts needing assessment.

 

Ds14 has always been a challenge, with ADHD (combined type), conduct disorder, auditory processing disorder, and mood disorder. He is coming around though and things are looking up with him, even if he does still drive me batty at times. He has just started on strattera with the hope it will help him focus on school work to work on the areas he is delayed.

 

DD13 has ADHD (inattentive type), conduct disorder and is going through puberty...yeah anyone want a teen girl? I have high hopes that she will come around like ds and we will be able to get her caught up and on her way to a productive adulthood.

 

DS9 has the most issues. ADHD(combined type), visual processing disorder, moderate phonogical delay, tracking and convergence insuffiency, and encoperesis. He is also now on strattera with the hope it will help him focus enough to deal with his learning delays and social skills.

 

So I have been working with these 3, tweaking their educations to suit their needs, running to therapies yada yada. And along comes new testing for dd5.

 

DD5 is extremely smart, she always has been. Her speech has always been a challenge but I understood her quite easily even if others did not. At her last ped check up he said he felt she needed to have a speech assessment done. We are doing phonics and she is not hearing the difference in sounds. For example, She wanted a "tuptake" the other day so I repeated "c,c,c,cupcake" she says, yes that is what I said, tuptake, so I said listen for the starting sound(we do this with other words too), and said both cupcake and tuptake and she says yes they are the same sound. She knows the letters, she can write them, and spell words with them but hears them the same way and therefore says them the same. This is true for many of the sounds, which is why people can not understand what she is saying. He also did a really quick checklist because he suspected she is ADHD combined like the other kids, it is far from a formal assessment but based on that list (and the behaviours I see at home) likely I have a 4th with ADHD. He was initially concerned about her mirror writing, but she is a lefty and I hear that is rather normal for a lefty. She writes everything completely mirrored, so not just letters right to left but the letters reversed too. I am working with her on it but am seeing very little improvement. Not worried about that yet as like I said she is a lefty. Anyway, the ped said he would not be surprised to learn she does in fact have ADHD and needs speech therapy given the family history(oldest ds needed speech therapy too in 1st grade).

 

So hear we go again. Not the end of the world for sure, completely workable. I am just so tired. It is hard teaching this many kids with learning challenges. There is no such thing as independant work most of the time. I am hoping the meds theboys are on help them be able to focus enough that I can give them 20 minutes or so of independant work so I can work with individual kids easier.

 

Is there anyone else with multiple kids with multiple issues that need different learning styles to work with their needs? DS14 and DD5 do best with hands on/kinesthetic learning, dd thrives with visual learning, ds9 with auditory. Auditory leaves ds14 completely lost, and Visual is a nightmare for ds9. I feel like I need a Teaching assistant at times to help me, to help keep kids focused and on task, to remove a child having a meltdown so I can still work with the rest, to keep everyone on task while I finally have a potty break...I was so hopeful when things started getting better with ds14 that schooling was going to get a little easier on me. God laughed at that idea.

 

So give me your tried and true tips for keeping your sanity while meeting the needs of everyone individually.

[mybluesky]

I'm afraid I have no advice, but want to send you big hugs! I have two with learning differences (in fact, our appointment with a developmental ped for my 5 year old is in the morning...hopefully we will get closer to figuring out how to help him) and one is a visual learner and one is an auditory/kinesthetic learner. I feel completely overwhelmed with just those two, and feel that I hardly have time/energy to give my third, who seems to learn in a more typical manner. Sigh. I never feel that I'm doing enough or well enough, and I only have those three kids, so I can only imagine what it is like for you with four. I can tell by your post that you do all that you can for them and care so much about doing the best for them that you can. That already means you are doing a great job. Hang in there, keep your sense of humor as best you can, and make sure to get support for yourself!

 

I wish I had more advice for you, but I'm all ears myself. I'll be following this thread, eager to hear what others might have to say!

[DyslexicParent]

He is also now on strattera with the hope it will help him focus enough to deal with his learning delays and social skills.

Have you noticed any changes from the Strattera yet? DD11 has been taking it for 5 weeks and we haven't noticed any significant improvements. The teacher mentioned that she has been MORE impulsive for the past couple of weeks, instead of less!

 

DD is an only child, but has enough challenges for 2 or 3 kids: ADHD, SPD, dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia; probably ASD/Asperger's, CAPD. Waiting for assessments on FASD, perichondritis; by next summer with a developmental optometrist. She has two educational assistants at school, but no remediation, so I am trying Orton-Gillingham at home.

[swellmomma]

Both boys have only been on it for 2 weeks at the lowest dose. Next week they bump up to 18mg and we work our way up until it works or we hit max dose and it doesn't. What dose is your dd on?

 

I am not noticing a difference with school BUT ds14 said he feels a little better, his thoughts aren't racing as fast. He is getting rave reviews at work, now whether that is due to the meds or due to ability to hyperfocus on what he wants I don't know. It will be months before we know for sure if it is working or not as we work our way through the doses.

[bluedarling]

Just wanted to say BTDT. Not really much to offer, other than it does get easier as they get a little bit older. My kids are a 1-2 years past yours age-wise, and things are just starting to get better! :-) My oldest two (13 and 15yo) can do much independently, now. That helps tremendously. Their independence blossomed last year when we tried ACE curriculum....I didn't care a lot for the curriculum, but the 'set up' was wonderful, so I've adapted a lot of that to how I set up their schoolwork. It helps. You'll see my latest post, though, that dd11 still needs a lot of handholding and so does dd7. DS15 was auditory learner, so I used to use a lot of read alouds and oral work for him, that really frustrated dd11 to no end (suspected CAPD). I understand the difficulty in combining kids with different needs. It seemed to make sense to combine the 1st 3 kids because ds15 is LD and very behind, and the next two are only 17 months apart, but it just didn't work for us. It wasn't possible to keep interest of dd while keeping it interesting for the oldest. In the end the only combining I'm doing is the 7yo and 11yog (larger age difference of 5 years!) but it works better....keeping it easy enough for the gifted 7yo is just about right for dd11! Anyway, we've basically experienced the same challenges you have! Things have started getting better, and I've finally feel like I can 'breathe' enough to get the kids diagnosed/helped. Hopefully you'll be able to 'breathe' soon.

[Nakia]

I think you are to be commended!! I've "known" you for a long time here, and I know how much you love your kids. They are so blessed to have you.

 

I think it's cool that you know exactly what kind of learners you have. I'm pretty sure my oldest is a visual learner. She's the one who has the easiest time in academics and would probably do well in ps because she's just easy and gets it. I'm not 100% sure about my middle and youngest, but with some testing I've done, I'm figuring it out.

 

My youngest (almost 7) has pretty much "textbook" ADHD. She's on Concerta and has been for about 6 months. It's been working really well, but I suspect she needs a dose increase. We're seeing her doctor on 12/21/12 about that (unless the Mayans are right! LOL!!!).

 

Right now we are working with my 9 year old. We found out Tuesday that she has convergence insufficiency so we are looking at VT. That might be all she has, but who knows?!?! We're going to work on that and then see if she needs further testing for LDs. She also has anxiety, but, thank God, she is doing soooo much better than she was 1-2 years ago.

 

My oldest is a preteen girl. 'Nuff said.

 

That looks like nothing compared to what you're dealing with. I wish I had some tips, but I probably can't tell you anything you don't already know. I think we all just have to do the best we can. We're not perfect; our kids aren't perfect. But with knowledge and resources, we'll make it. I spend a lot of time beating myself up because I didn't notice this/that or I fussed at one of them for something they couldn't help or because we don't get everything done that I have planned every day. I'm trying to remember "It's a marathon, not a sprint." We had 3 great days of school this week. Today was sort of a bust, but we'll try to round out the week tomorrow with a light-ish day and some fun stuff. And I just have to accept that. My biggest challenge right now is to not compare the girls. They are all soooo different, and I just have to meet them each where they are. I also feel bad because I feel like my oldest is getting so much less of me this year. But then I remember the h*ll she put us through last year, and I think it's all evening out, lol.

 

(((swellmomma)))

[DyslexicParent]

DD was at 18mg the first week, 25mg the second week, and 40mg since. It's good your DS feels better. I just noticed that there is a free 30-day supply of Strattera available in the US website, but it is not available here in Canada.

Both boys have only been on it for 2 weeks at the lowest dose. Next week they bump up to 18mg and we work our way up until it works or we hit max dose and it doesn't. What dose is your dd on?

 

I am not noticing a difference with school BUT ds14 said he feels a little better, his thoughts aren't racing as fast. He is getting rave reviews at work, now whether that is due to the meds or due to ability to hyperfocus on what he wants I don't know. It will be months before we know for sure if it is working or not as we work our way through the doses.

 

[DyslexicParent]

double posting

[swellmomma]

DD was at 18mg the first week, 25mg the second week, and 40mg since. It's good your DS feels better. I just noticed that there is a free 30-day supply of Strattera available in the US website, but it is not available here in Canada.

 

Yeah our ped stocked me up on enough for like 2.5 months per boy. After that I will have to pay and it is expensive but if it works it will be worth it. He gave me upto 40mg for ds9 and upto 60mg for ds14. So we will see. Back when ds14 was younger he was on ritalin for years and it was like a miracle drug...until it wasn't. It suddenly started causing rages so I took him off it and he was med free for a couple years, but I am losing my mind as a result. So we are hoping a nonstim will help him out. Plus he hopes to join the army and if he is on stim meds he can't, but nonstim meds he should still be able to.

[Targhee]

I think I can relate, somewhat. I have four children, the youngest of whom is only one year old. So far the other three all have ADHD, but for each their exhibited behaviors are a bit different (especially Dd10 is Inattentive type, while the others are combined type and one is ODD). We are just in the process of getting some cognitive evaluations done to shed a little light on other things. We have been thorough OT, are still in VT, and the oldest needs speech therapy but the insurance and school district and umbrella school are all pointing their fingers at each other to say that the other is responsible. My oldest is visual, my middle is highly auditory, and my third is highly visual but kinesthetic too. The oldest has fine motor difficulties and language processing issues. I am just listing some of the ways they are different to say that I am trying to keep up with their needs like you with your kids.

 

So to your questions (how to keep ones sanity) here the meager answer from a semi-crazed mom.

 

Build your support network!! We are military and don't live yay family. I don't get a chance to meet people "in the work place," and I am too busy HSing to maintain mid-day friendships. Friends I have met at church have been so valuable! I am looking into an ADHD support group theist meets in the neighboring city. Having people you can rely on for help who understand makes such a difference. Don't forget your spouse (if you have one)! I too would love a teaching assistant. I did enlist a babysitter to come over most Fridays for two hours so I can get caught up with things since my entire energies are spent with helping my kids every day.

 

Take care of your needs!! So easy to proclaim, and so hard to do. But if you as a mom are at the end of your rope and you haven't maintained your personal health and well being your rope will begin to fray. I don't mean you need a spa day every month (wouldn't that be nice!), but if every day you get some time for yourself to read, listen to the radio, go for a jog, or something like that it will go a long way to maintaining your health and making you better able to serve your family.

 

I read the "How to get your kids of the refrigerator and on to learning book" which had some decent ideas. One idea (I was very doubtful as it seemed counterintuitive to my experiences with my ADhD kids) was to move schooling to the kitchen table. It was very helpful! I don't know no to explain this phenomenon, but it worked!

 

I have a list system for my kids. Every day their get their school list, with the things they are doing that day (spelling, math, go to the library, history book pages x-z, etc). The older the child the more detailed the list. The list is already categorized for them in a Green, Yellow, Red system. Items in the green box are things they should be able to work on independently. Yellow is work with mom. Red is work they get to do if everything else is done (library trip, co-op, ec). Additionally, I have one who is a morning person, and days when I am ready to go in the morning we will work together to get things done before the others are rolling.

 

I know the feeling of almost tearing at the seams because everyone needs you in order to function! That's the catch. These kids, more than most, need to be taught and trained, and encouraged in the development of independent functioning and those executive functioning skills. I keep reminding myself that I am helping them develop not into erudit classicists but functioning adults that can make and keep meaningful relationships because that is what will keep them happy throughout their lives.

 

Ok, I am rambling, who knows, maybe I have induced-ADHD from lending my frontal lobes to my family for so long! I just want to say you are not alone. The work you are doing is difficult, exhausting, and often lonely, but you are not alone. :hugs:

[swellmomma]

Thanks for the tips. We already do school at the kitchen table because it is a tiny house, no where else to do it. I do not have a spouse so no help there and we are hated in this town enough that my only support is online and that does not exist anymore. I do have that book. I should pull it out again. You are right I need some time for me each day. We are going through another patch of kids not sleeping so I often have kids up until 1-2am and THEN I finally get time alone. Maybe tonight I will read a bit of that book again.

[Targhee]

Thanks for the tips. We already do school at the kitchen table because it is a tiny house, no where else to do it. I do not have a spouse so no help there and we are hated in this town enough that my only support is online and that does not exist anymore. I do have that book. I should pull it out again. You are right I need some time for me each day. We are going through another patch of kids not sleeping so I often have kids up until 1-2am and THEN I finally get time alone. Maybe tonight I will read a bit of that book again.

 

You are hated in your town?!? I am so terribly sorry!! Is it a small place where there's not much opportunity to find "other" people (besides those who alady have formed opinions)? I hope this forum at least provides moral support even if we can't come next door and spell you for a few hours. It is hard to be alone :-(. I know when DH was deployed, we had just moved, and I was HSing with a new baby and I felt so very alone (alone, but not able to enjoy solitude)... my heart goes out to you!

 

Oh, one thing that I found was a trap for myself was trying to get my alone time after kids were asleep. By the end of the day you totally NEED it, but I would stay up and then be tired and unable to handle the inevitable midnight wakings and be fresh for the morning. As hard as it is for me (I'm a night owl) my days go better when I get up before the kids for my alone time.

 

God bless you and your children.