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If you have a teenager and are age 52+, I need you on this one


bridgette
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In thinking about whether or not to have more kids, I trying to imagine myself having teens in my 50s! I'm thinking there I'll be with the aging parents and a pimply teen and all the running him/her to and fro and the stress of he/she driving and me worrying over that when I'm almost 60! ..... the thought is sobering. If we have opt to have another child, I'd be almost 39 when he/she would arrive and my husband would be 40! We're healthy, but the thought of a teen in my mid 50s...WHEW!!! When he/she is 18, I'd be 57 and my husband 58!!!

 

Anyone there now? Or been there, done that? What's it like?

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I'm not there yet, haven't BTDT, but will be someday. I don't see that it will be a big deal, any more so than having teens at any point in life. :) (And I have had teens, either as foster kids or as a stepmom, from the time I was 26 till just last year. I have lots of teen experience!)

 

I promise I'm not trying to be flip, or to dismiss your concerns.

 

Personally, I don't do the aging by numbers. My parents don't either. They subscribe to the notion that a body in motion stays in motion, and they are very young, well into their 70s. I plan to live the same way. My 30s were lost to a chronic illness that shouldn't have been chronic, and I am all about my 40s. 50s, too!

 

Take care of yourself, stay healthy, watch your finances, and I think there's no such thing as being "too old" to parent.

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:lol: :lol:

 

its pretty good. i was 39 with #3, and almost 41 with #4. once we had #3, we decided to have #4, as being an only child who is homeschooled didn't seem so fun to us. we're glad we did that.

 

now that the olders have left home and its just the "littles" who are now 12.5 and 14, its pretty nice. i am older, wiser, clearer, and have better life skills. i go to bed earlier. i get up earlier. i can cook now. I can bake now. i am on time now. i am clearer on what matters and what doesn't. we have more money to do more things with them and for them. dh works longer hours and is more stressed than when we were younger.

 

what was hardest was having teenagers and babies. the olders went to a private school 30 minutes away. twice a day, i put babies in car seats, and drove for an hour. that was fun. or maybe not. sending them to school seemed a good idea at the time, but mostly i spent my evenings and weekends teaching them what they needed. i have vivid memories of standing at a whiteboard doing AP calculus with oldest, while youngest nursed. that was fun, too. or maybe not.

 

but it was only a few years, and now it is nice. i wish i had the knowledge and maturity i have now in my younger body. the one current twinge is that many of my friends are travelling with their husbands, etc, as kids have flown, and i am still keeping on keeping on. but i wouldn't trade it. we solved the driving problem by saying that no one drives until they are 18. we did that with the first two, and it worked wonderfully.

 

hth,

ann

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Well, it depends on your circumstances. How old are your parents? My son is in his 20's now; I was 35 when he was born. It's tough parenting/homeschooling a teen while helping parents through the aging process. Well, it's more than tough. mamajudy has a point though; teens usually have strong backs, good eyesight and can definitely help keep you from declining into fuddy duddiness...if that's a word. That said, for me there's been a world of difference in my energy, stamina and strength between late 40's- early 50's and ahem....now late 50's. YMMV!

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My dh just turned 52, I'm 45. Dh had some health issues and has slowed down, but he's always been like the energizer bunny, so he's probably "normal" now. Since we don't know any differently, having only one, I like being an older parent. I have more patience and feel a bit more settled. Dh won't be looking to retire at 55, so we're not ready to take off and travel in retirement anyway. But then again, I don't see 50 as old as I used to. I don't think having a teen in the 50s is that difficult, but having a younger child might be harder. Ds is pretty self-sufficient at this age.

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I'll be 50 in a few weeks and DH will be 52. Our boys just turned 14 and 17. So far it's not a problem at all. In fact, I've found the teenagers years to be very easy. For the most part they're independent people. Oldest DS being able to drive wherever he needs to go is wonderful. I've probably been extremely lucky, but I haven't found parenting teens to be stressful at all. Now the aging parents part . . .. that one is very stressful and very hard to deal with.

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In thinking about whether or not to have more kids, I trying to imagine myself having teens in my 50s! I'm thinking there I'll be with the aging parents and a pimply teen and all the running him/her to and fro and the stress of he/she driving and me worrying over that when I'm almost 60! ..... the thought is sobering. If we have opt to have another child, I'd be almost 39 when he/she would arrive and my husband would be 40! We're healthy, but the thought of a teen in my mid 50s...WHEW!!! When he/she is 18, I'd be 57 and my husband 58!!!

 

Anyone there now? Or been there, done that? What's it like?

 

You rang?

 

Well, as my Mom wisely said, when I was considering law school but told her, "But I will be THIRTY years old when I get out! (which seemed incredibly old at the time!).

 

She said, "You will be 30 years old anyway; might as well be thirty with a degree."

 

The same applies here. You are going to be in your 60s some day, God willing. You might as well be in your 60's with all the kids God gifts you with.

 

What's it like: Hard, and tiring. I have less stamina now. I did have the foresight to marry a younger husband who works out daily though, so that helps!

 

More money and hard-earned wisdom, less stamina and spontaneity about sums it up. When you are older, you have better perspective (usually, though you still have those awful days once in awhile) and you have more money to spend on what your kids want to do, but you have to plan your days better!

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In thinking about whether or not to have more kids, I trying to imagine myself having teens in my 50s! I'm thinking there I'll be with the aging parents and a pimply teen and all the running him/her to and fro and the stress of he/she driving and me worrying over that when I'm almost 60! ..... the thought is sobering. If we have opt to have another child, I'd be almost 39 when he/she would arrive and my husband would be 40! We're healthy, but the thought of a teen in my mid 50s...WHEW!!! When he/she is 18, I'd be 57 and my husband 58!!!

 

Anyone there now? Or been there, done that? What's it like?

 

I'm all ears. I was 38 when we had our daughter and I am a bit nervous about the "as I get older" since I already feel markedly more tired with her than with our first!

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I'm 51 and my son is 15. I can't say he's keeping me young, LOL, but he hasn't killed me yet.

 

LOL...there were times when riding with a beginning driver turned my hair gray-- :bored: Now that he's got a few years experience it's good to share driving so I can rest my tired eyes.

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I was 46 and dh was 52 when dd was born. We already had 3 dc raised and on their own, so it was like starting a whole new family. I guess it would depend on the person, but I wouldn't change a thing! I'm now 59 and dd is 13. Dh is a much better father this time around, more relaxed and family oriented. I do have to admit that dd has always been a very easy child. Maybe you should ask me when she is about 15!

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My husband and I are 52, Kiddos are dd19, ds16, ds13 and dd 6 (adopted). No problems so far - only wish 6 yo and 13 yo were a little closer in age. I have noticed that most of the people we hang around with are younger than us because they have kids the same age as ours. We married at 30 and each traveled a great deal before we met. For us, older means financially secure. We are there for our aging parents when they need us, our kids are also a big help to the grandparents.

 

One little problem, when I was visiting the grocery store with dd 6 (small for her age) after a really rough day and not feeling well, a lady in the check out lane kept asking about my granddaughter (no more grocery shoppping without wearing makeup).

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I'm 50 and I have boys ages 23, 19, 18, and 16. So when I'm 52 I'll still have 2 teens. I don't think the teen part is a problem. The problems we are experiencing (dh is 52) is being primary caretakers for his elderly parents (severe dementia and poor physical health) as well as juggling my own parents who really should be getting some care but deny they need it. I think the parents issue is far more difficult than the teen issue. Putting it all together can make one tired :)

 

So carefully consider what other factors might be in the works around that time. Also consider the health of your dh and yourself. For some odd reason, sudden death/severe injury/illness in men in their 40s has been rampart in our friendship circle.

 

Personally I find the teen years so much easier in many ways than the toddler years.

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My dh is 52 & I am 49. Both my kids are 15, and I think parenting now is in many ways easier than ever. I love it! My dd and I are very close, and we do a lot together - travel, talk, shop (for her), talk, eat out, read quietly together, talk (she tells me EVERYthing. The day is coming when I may ask for a little less information. :tongue_smilie: ) My son is strong, tall, cooperative (a huge help, in other words) and still a cuddle-bug. Our relationship with the kids is different now, but not worse. I miss the years when they were little, but I would miss that even if I were 35!

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I'm 52, and our last two kids are 11 and 9 (9yo was adopted, and older kids are 19 and older). The only problem I know of, is if it is important that you hang around people who are your age, most of them are empty-nesters. My husband is very active, and he is enjoying doing Scouts with the boys. I am not very active, but I am pretty laid-back and not anxious about being a mom. We both love teenagers and young adults, and they seem to feel comfortable around us, so we don't expect that to change. Family is very important to us, and we enjoy still having kids at home. Our boys' ages put us in groups with parents who are mostly a good bit younger than we are, but it doesn't bother us, and maybe we sometimes have something to offer younger parents as well.

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I'm gonna be 53 in December, and have a 16 and 14 year old. Single mom. Teach part time, and the kids both go to public high school. My parents are ten minutes away and aging with health issues. I started late and these are my only two, but I love my life now more than anytime. They will be gone soon, so I am enjoying every minute (when not crying because of normal teenager stuff that drives parents nuts!). I am always tired, and take naps regularly...I don't have much of a social life aside from quilting once a month, but, for me, life is great.

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Yep, doing this now. My dh and I were 42 when our dd was born. She's 13 1/2. It's absolutely wonderful. I wish we had kids when we were younger and wish we had more that were spaced out in age.

There are advantages to both.

 

Pros for older parenthood:

 

- little more financially secure

- little more patient (this is not always a true statement, trust me) :glare: :laugh:

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I'll turn 50 next year, and ds will turn 13, so sign me up for the club! :)

 

I don't think this is an issue of whether or not you'll be up for the job, but whether or not you'll want to be up for the job. Will you still want a young teen when you're in your 50's, or will you be ready for an empty nest and more time to yourself? In my case, I was 36 when my first and only child was born, so I had a lot of years to do whatever I pleased, and I am happy to devote my time to my ds now. But if I'd been having kids since I was in my early 20's, I suspect that I would be more than ready for a break and some freedom to do whatever I wanted to do.

 

I know you don't have a crystal ball, so you can't predict how you'll feel 13 or 14 years from now, but it might not be a bad idea to sit down with your dh and make a list of the things you'd be doing in your 50's if you had another child, and another list of what you'd be doing if you didn't, and then try to make a decision from there.

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I'm 46 & dh is 62. Our dc are 20, 18, & 14. Dh will reach retirement age the year ds#2 turns 18. I think we have more patience for our teens now than we would have when we were younger. Dh is still very involved with what our dc are doing. We are blessed that he still has his health, even though (or maybe because ;) ) he has a physically demanding job.

 

We did limit our dc to three as dh wanted us to have raised our dc to adulthood (age 18) before he reached retirement age.

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While I am not 52 yet, I'm getting there. As I've become a more experienced mother, I've become a better mother. I didn't really "get" it until I was around 37 as it is. My poor oldest wasn't even allowed to have a toy dagger when he pretended he was Peter Pan. I still apologize to him about that, but he loves to tell the story. Of course, he is a very intense person. Yet come to think of it, so is my youngest. ;) She may even be more intense, so it's good I'm more relaxed.

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The real trick is having teens when you're in your 60's! The 50's ain't bad...

 

That is what I'm looking at, and I'll let you know when I get there. My sister, a great mom, said she would not have had trouble dealing with a toddler at 50, but a teen at 65 she did not want. However, I vow to take my child's teen years less personally than she did (yeah, right, I'll probably be saying in 15 years, but one can hope, can't one?)

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That is what I'm looking at, and I'll let you know when I get there. My sister, a great mom, said she would not have had trouble dealing with a toddler at 50, but a teen at 65 she did not want. However, I vow to take my child's teen years less personally than she did (yeah, right, I'll probably be saying in 15 years, but one can hope, can't one?)

 

I think that is the ticket. I didn't think my toddlers hated me when they had meltdowns. It's hard not to take it personally when a young teen melts down, but it is not personal. Some young teens go as mentally blank as a toddler when upset.

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I'm almost 51. My youngest is 11. I don't feel 'old'. In fact, having him makes me feel young. I have plenty of stamina to keep up and I love having his insight into things now that my others are all teens. He's a great kid now and I don't see any reason to think it will change when he hits his teen years. Having a teen when I'm 60 - bring it on!!!

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I'll have 4 teenagers in my 50's. I'll also have 4 adult children in their twenties. I had not really thought about it and not sure I should continue to think about it! I know I enjoy having toddlers in my 40's why not teens in my 50's? Maybe my kids don't keep me young, technically, but they keep me active, moving, and living life to its fullest. Like one poster said, I really have no desire to be an old fuddy duddy in my 50's and if my second set of teens turn out to be anything like the first set, they will not allow me to become an old fuddy duddy.

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I'm only 44, but DH is 55. We have 3 children: dd20, ds16, and dd14. He says that having teens is easier than having preschoolers so it doesn't take as much energy as when they were little. Dd14 is in school and I'm the one who drives her and picks her up. DH drives her to and from acting class once a week and to friends' houses on the rare occasion she goes. He doesn't mind the driving around. Before she got her own car, we had to drive oldest dd to and from work. Again, it didn't bother him at all. He enjoys our kids as people who can have deep discussions. He enjoys sharing his knowledge and interests when they show an interest in listening. He is the main helper with ds16's schoolwork now that the work has gotten more difficult for me. He didn't help with homeschooling when the kids were young so he's thoroughly enjoying himself now. He is in his element. He says he doesn't feel much differently at 55 than he did at 35, except more experienced. I'm younger than him but I feel so much older. It's attitude really. My DH rocks. :)

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I love having a late teen and young adults in my lower fifties. They do keep me young and "up to date", although I try to stay interested in the things going on around me on my own. Several weeks ago, my eldest said to me with incredulity, "You know about steampunk?!?" And I didn't think that was necessairly an obscure or recent thing. ??

 

I dread not having a houseful of the younger generation, because it will be much harder to stay current. My dh has already given up caring, but to me it feels like retreating to a smaller world, one that will beome less and less relevant to the lives my children and grands will someday live.

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I had my youngest child when I was almost 40, and my first when I was nearly 37. I don't regret it one bit. But......I don't feel I have the energy to do things and deal with things that I would have had when I was younger. I don't have a teenager yet, but I will in January. And he is not a particularly easy child, although he is delightful in his own way. :-) Thankfully, my youngest is very easy and independent -- he just turned 10 and is a piece of cake. But you never know which type of child you're going to get! If I had to do it all over again, I'd start having kids when I was younger. But for me that wasn't much of an option because I didn't even get married until I was almost 33, and we put off having kids for a few years, but I surely wish I didn't.

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I am very thankful for our 4 kids, which we had when I was 36,38, 40, and 42. I was almost 32 when we married, and we had some struggles with infertility initially, so being able to have 4 kids was something I have never taken for granted.

 

Many people have kids later on nowadays, so it's not like you'd be socially out of it. Nor does one suddenly "go downhill" in the 50s! I may not have as much energy as in my 30s, but I still have plenty. I exercise regularly, and eat healthy food though. If you let your health practices slide, for most people, it catches up to you eventually, so the issue of additional kids aside, that would be my best advice: don't take your health for granted. Take care of it!

 

I think the hardest thing for me was hormonal changes, which for me involved losing the ability to tune noise to the background. With 4 boys (boys are constant noise-makers) that was really hard. It is like fingers on chalkboard for me, and yet they can't help it--it's normal. So the constant getting neurologically overwhelmed, irritated, apologizing, trying to get them to moderate their behavior some, etc. has been a challenge. Noise didn't bother me at all in my 30s.

 

On the other hand, there really is a sense in which your kids "keep you young" in that you are by necessity engaged with youth culture, what's new, changing technology, etc. I like that aspect. I am glad we aren't already "empty nesters."

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I was 40 when my oldest was born, so now I'm 58 and my boys are 18 & 14. It doesn't seem strange at all to me, though. Yes, some friends my age have grandchildren, but I've found that quite a few of my kid's friend have parents close to my age. At least enough so that I don't feel like the oldest mom in the world. I think having teens in my 50s keeps me young!

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I turned 42 the month after ds was born; dh was 44. You can see by my sig that I'm doing the teen years and the grandma thing at the same time. I love it! The teen keeps me up to date, and doesn't really tire me out. Knowing that I'm an older mom made me want to take better care of my body, so I can at least be around for some of his adult years.

 

Dh loves it too. He got custody of his 7 yo son, but missed those early years due to actions by his ex. He was so happy to have a chance with ds. He and ds clash now much in the same way he and dss did in the teen years, but I think that's just a father-son thing with the son going for independence.

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