momma aimee Posted November 27, 2012 Share Posted November 27, 2012 melting over everything. school is so hard. i think the one think the ONLY think keeping me from sending him to school is the very real fear he'd be behind. also -- really -- school would not help -- i'd just be getting called in to deal with the melts and fighting home work all night every night. uh constant melts, constant fights -- he has to argue every word i say and cry about everything. this is not how i envisioned home school Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuart Posted November 27, 2012 Share Posted November 27, 2012 I'm sorry you are having a hard time. We had a bad week last week that left us both in tears. Being a parent is hard! Homeschooling is hard! Every parent has shared your feelings before. I have found that a schedule helps to keep us on track. No times but a checklist of what needs to be done each day so my son can see his progression and know he will be done soon. I have no words of wisdom but am a sympathetic ear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alisoncooks Posted November 27, 2012 Share Posted November 27, 2012 :grouphug: I don't have any suggestions, really. Just commiserating with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lexi Posted November 27, 2012 Share Posted November 27, 2012 So sorry! Homeschooling is hard! My almost-7-year-old has become so so difficult! She argues with me constantly, questions everything I say, has a terrible attitude about everything, and is just hard to handle right now. I'm wondering if some of it has to do with the age at times. My friends with 7 year olds have a lot of arguing and whining too. I have told my hubby many times this year that I just want to stick her on a bus. But we're pressing on and working on character. We've had lots of discussions and I've cried many times. Things are slowly a little better. We're going to keep working on it. I hope things get easier for you and you find something that works! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyable Posted November 27, 2012 Share Posted November 27, 2012 :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
................... Posted November 27, 2012 Share Posted November 27, 2012 Well first of all the holidays are a good excuse for a break. Plan on taking two whole weeks off for Christmas!! At least. Finish up this week, do a light week next week, and then call it quits till January! Secondly, you are right. School doesn't solve problems. Thirdly, you need to find a rewards and consequence system. Never argue with him. I have one that would argue all day long if I let him. simply say "you are the child. I am the parent. I will not argue with you. Your choices are A and B. a being what you want him to do cheerfully and B being the consequence. You should definitely make a chart for him and change the chart as he comes up with new behavior problems or whatever. Make the consequences as immediate as possible. For example, for my kids a consequence of going early to bed doesn't work nearly as well as immediately sitting down and writing 25 times "I must do my schoolwork cheerfully." Or "do all things without complaining or arguing." The bible verse. For rewards, immediate praise and a candy or a quarter or a heathy treat such as a home made smoothie- have a list of rewards so you don't have to be creative on the spot. Then, once you get the behavior pretty much under control, you can begin to reach his heart. Rainbow sells some lovely character building books for snuggle time such as "A Child's Book of Character Building" and "Uncle Arthur's Bedtime Stories." Children need inspiration and stories are such a wonderful way to inspire them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5LittleMonkeys Posted November 27, 2012 Share Posted November 27, 2012 I've gone through this on and off over the years with different dc. Right now my ds6.5 is ramping it up to be just like you describe. I've noticed it over the last several weeks. I do know that it is mostly due to my inability to be consistent with schoolwork for him (teaching 3 others including a new highschooler and dealing with a 3yo causes him to get put on the back burner sometimes). However, that doesn't excuse his bad attitude nor his argumentative behavior. It's time for him to get "the treatment". :tongue_smilie: Basically, my children have two options, they can do their schoolwork with a good, or at least neutral attitude, or they can do chores. I don't argue or get upset, in fact the more neutral I remain the better. As soon as the whining, arguing, bad attitude begins I give a warning that they are in danger of me being finished with wasting my time on them. If they persist I calmly close the book\workbook\whatever get up and go the index card box and pull a chore for them to do. If they pitch a fit at that point they've just earned time sitting on their bed doing nothing (or sitting next to you doing nothing if they can't be trusted in their room). Once they calm down they can do the chore then get back to doing school work. It's hard, time consuming and frustrating, but it will work IF you stick with it, stay calm, and remain sympathetic to them. I explain to them ahead of time what will occur and why we are doing it. It's hard for a young child to break a habit. It's also best to do this during a time when you aren't stressed about staying on track with lessons. A friend of mine has found something that works well with her son. She uses colored Popsicle sticks. Her ds starts the day with 3 sticks in a paper pouch on the fridge and each time he whines\cries\argues...he has to move a stick from the pouch to another pouch with a sad face on it. And of course if he gets to the 3rd stick he looses all privileges for the rest of the day. She said she also gives him the opportunity to earn sticks back. So if he has a bad start to the day and has to move a stick, but then does a chore during his break he can earn that stick back. You just have to be proactive in finding what works with your son. You have to address it from the standpoint of re-training him or breaking a bad habit though. Being frustrated, angry, upset and doling out arbitrary punishments will only exasperate the problem. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momma aimee Posted November 27, 2012 Author Share Posted November 27, 2012 thanks ladies. he is a tough cookie most of the time, but today maybe getting sick. he melted at the store. and rode in cart with head down the whole time too. so maybe today is jsut a really bad day? I do need to work on "cheerful" with him -- hummmmm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter Posted November 27, 2012 Share Posted November 27, 2012 Basically, my children have two options, they can do their schoolwork with a good, or at least neutral attitude, or they can do chores. I don't argue or get upset, in fact the more neutral I remain the better. As soon as the whining, arguing, bad attitude begins I give a warning that they are in danger of me being finished with wasting my time on them. If they persist I calmly close the book\workbook\whatever get up and go the index card box and pull a chore for them to do. If they pitch a fit at that point they've just earned time sitting on their bed doing nothing (or sitting next to you doing nothing if they can't be trusted in their room). Once they calm down they can do the chore then get back to doing school work. It's hard, time consuming and frustrating, but it will work IF you stick with it, stay calm, and remain sympathetic to them. I explain to them ahead of time what will occur and why we are doing it. It's hard for a young child to break a habit. It's also best to do this during a time when you aren't stressed about staying on track with lessons. Yup, it's CHORES that fixes SCHOOL. Seriously. It's about work ATTITUDE and it's easier to fix the work attitude with physical rather than mental activities. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4Kiddos Posted November 27, 2012 Share Posted November 27, 2012 I am sorry you are having such a bad day! :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Another Lynn Posted November 27, 2012 Share Posted November 27, 2012 We took most of last week off for Thanksgiving and I can really tell it this week. We are ALL having a tough time getting back in it - possibly me more than anyone else. I'm so frustrated with how long they take to do things and how much help they need. Next time I give them time off, I'm going to have to keep schooling someone's kids so I'm not in shock when we start back up, LOL. So, sorry, I don't have any suggestions.... but just speculating that a little holiday goes a long way :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted November 27, 2012 Share Posted November 27, 2012 If you took last week off, those first couple of days back are brutal. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momma aimee Posted November 27, 2012 Author Share Posted November 27, 2012 we only took Thur and Friday off .... but yes the 4 day weekend did not help. I DO need to be working on cheerfulness. I can handle him getting mad better than the tears and the melting like life is over if i say his handwritting is not neat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
morningcoffee Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 :grouphug: You are definitely not alone :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwi mum Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 Something I didn't see any of the other replies take into consideration is the information you have in your signature about your son's diagnoses. I think you would get some different suggestions if you posted this over on the special needs board. I don't think what works for an average kid is going to work in your situation. I've been there done that with some (not all) of those labels and ages 7-9 was absolutely the hardest. I didn't have the option of putting him in school but it would only have made things worse anyway. It was the ladies on the special needs board here that saved my sanity at that time. It is so nice to know that others have had similar experiences and lived to tell the tale. Mondays were hard every week, but a four day weekend is even harder, especially if there has been a big celebration involved. Maybe what would work better than taking another break (which would be hard to recover from as well) would be to stick to a routine but just expect less each day. My DS actually asked to spread school over 6 days each week so that each day was lighter and there was less Monday "fall-out". With regards to the melting over being told that his handwriting is not neat: It is likely that he is hearing this comment as a personal attack on him and interpreting it as "I am no good. I can never do good enough". I know, it doesn't make any sense but it is often how these kids think. What I wish I had known when he was seven was to worry less about the schoolwork and focus more on our relationship. I finally figured it out just before he turned 9 (thanks to the SN board ladies) and it took nearly two years to rebuild our relationship. Hugs to you, and please do head over to the special needs board for some support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jess4879 Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 :grouphug: I hope things improve very quickly for both of you! My oldest DD (9) will have days like this where she doesn't want to work, or she's full of complaints. I usually try to throw in an impromtu reward. So I'll tell her we need to make some cookies, but we can't get started until she's done school. Usually this does the trick, as no one wants to miss out on cookies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kareng Posted November 28, 2012 Share Posted November 28, 2012 Something I didn't see any of the other replies take into consideration is the information you have in your signature about your son's diagnoses. I think you would get some different suggestions if you posted this over on the special needs board. I don't think what works for an average kid is going to work in your situation. I've been there done that with some (not all) of those labels and ages 7-9 was absolutely the hardest. I didn't have the option of putting him in school but it would only have made things worse anyway. It was the ladies on the special needs board here that saved my sanity at that time. It is so nice to know that others have had similar experiences and lived to tell the tale. Mondays were hard every week, but a four day weekend is even harder, especially if there has been a big celebration involved. Maybe what would work better than taking another break (which would be hard to recover from as well) would be to stick to a routine but just expect less each day. My DS actually asked to spread school over 6 days each week so that each day was lighter and there was less Monday "fall-out". With regards to the melting over being told that his handwriting is not neat: It is likely that he is hearing this comment as a personal attack on him and interpreting it as "I am no good. I can never do good enough". I know, it doesn't make any sense but it is often how these kids think. What I wish I had known when he was seven was to worry less about the schoolwork and focus more on our relationship. I finally figured it out just before he turned 9 (thanks to the SN board ladies) and it took nearly two years to rebuild our relationship. Hugs to you, and please do head over to the special needs board for some support. I very much agree with this. My dd has dyslexia, is possibly ADD or ADHD and needed vision therapy. I'm sorry to say that most of our years of home schooling have been very hard. There are a few reasons for that: I didn't realize that she had those issues (her style of approaching things and "being taught" or told about what needs to be corrected looks like rebellion and/or stubbornness. Also, I am a former public high school teacher and I had a way that I taught PERIOD. I had a method that worked in a classroom of 25, so why didn't it work with her?????!!! She has a very hard time with personal correction. She would have melt downs over much of what I attempted to do. It was only in the last few years that we've figured out what works for her and how to have it work for me as well. I would very much agree that it works quite well to minimize the academic schooling you are doing and to focus on your relationship. I was WAY too serious in the beginning (we started at age 4) because of my teaching background. Because of my overenthusiasm for teaching (teaching and not teaching my child) and ignoring/not seeing/not knowing the issues with my dd, I caused much damage to our relationship. It was only when she was 11 that I realized what was going on and it has taken 3 or 4 years to get to a place where we are happy with each other & our relationship and school. Part of that is because she had tutoring for her dyslexia, is having vision therapy now. Most of it is because I have come to accept her the way she is and the way she learns and have finally relaxed in what we do and how it gets done. Someone one wise who has home schooled 6 children told me that it's really the high school years that count. That's when you need to be focusing strongly on the academics. Before that, have fun and focus on spending GOOD time together. I'm not saying that you abandon the academics prior to 9th grade, but major in the majors (reading, writing, arithmetic) and leave the rest for later. Focus on his strengths & interests, make it fun and it'll work itself out. Home schooling for many is hard (I thought it was supposed to be easy :-) but it is so worth it when you get farther along and can see where you've come from and what you have accomplished (or in my case what God has allowed me to do). The Special Needs Board has been SO helpful to me. I would also highly recommend it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momma aimee Posted November 28, 2012 Author Share Posted November 28, 2012 I posted over in the special needs board. I need to work on cheerful and "we are in this together" -- but sadly he tends to get frustrated or melt when warned about his behavior too -- :( someday i do not know what to do Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 {{Hugs}} I am sorry. I hope things getter better soon. We also do better with lighter days 6 days/week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Papillon Mom Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 Homeschooling is hard especially for the more difficult kids. And you have two with special needs. I'm so sorry you are feeling beaten down. I sure understand. My only is the same age as your older. It is really difficult to teach a kid with issues. It's scary too. So much responsibility. What you are doing is hard and it takes awesome perseverance and chocolate, in fact, I'm eating some for you right now! I think you should join me. We school every day, except days like Thanksgiving or sick days. It really helps not to have a break with mine and that way every day is less stress. Even if it's a short day, just one thing, like math or history and the rest is errands or lessons or the beach... that's one more subject done for the week. Breathe... eat chocolate... repeat... The hive is with you... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingmama Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 I know how it is - my DD has SPD and borderline Autism. The first year of HS was H@!! The meltdowns, the crying, the screaming, the work refusal were never ending . I ended up putting MYSELF on medication so I could deal with it. One thing that helped IMMENSELY was doing what some other posters here have mentioned. A schedule. I made a picture schedule similar to this one http://www.teachingstars.com/2012/08/28/at-a-glance-day-charts-a-work-box-spin-off/ Her meltdowns HALVED just by making sure she knew what was happening that day and there was a definate ending point. Secondly - very short lessons. We do each lesson for 10 minutes max (next year in 1st grade I will up it to 15 mins). It sounds short but I was amazed what we got done in that time. Previously we would spend up to an hour trying to get half a page done. Now I set the big fat timer in front of my DD and she knows when it dings the lesson is finshed. For some reason this helps her just sit there, focus and do the work. She usually gets 1-2 pages done in the 10 minutes. Third - have a quiet room. Noise and distraction really irriates my DD. When I see her ramping up to a meltdown because "the clock is ticking too loud" or "DS is chewing too loud" or "I can't stand that smell" I tell her to take her work and go into the quiet room. At my house this room is the boys bedroom - it has nothing in it but beds and a desk with a chair. She closes the door and does her work and comes out when things are no longer irritating her. 4th - do schoolwork every, single day. When I did it sparodically DD would fight me every time. When we started doing it everyday -no more fights. If she meltdowns then I tell her to go to her room till she is calm and then she comes out and continues the work when she is done as if nothing has happened. Hugs - I know it is hard. Quite a few times I thought about putting her in school but I also knew that would be impossible - she would go biserk with the noise and distraction in a classroom and learn nothing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwi mum Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 I know how it is - my DD has SPD and borderline Autism. The first year of HS was H@!! The meltdowns, the crying, the screaming, the work refusal were never ending . I ended up putting MYSELF on medication so I could deal with it. One thing that helped IMMENSELY was doing what some other posters here have mentioned. A schedule. I made a picture schedule similar to this one http://www.teachings...k-box-spin-off/ Her meltdowns HALVED just by making sure she knew what was happening that day and there was a definate ending point. Secondly - very short lessons. We do each lesson for 10 minutes max (next year in 1st grade I will up it to 15 mins). It sounds short but I was amazed what we got done in that time. Previously we would spend up to an hour trying to get half a page done. Now I set the big fat timer in front of my DD and she knows when it dings the lesson is finshed. For some reason this helps her just sit there, focus and do the work. She usually gets 1-2 pages done in the 10 minutes. Third - have a quiet room. Noise and distraction really irriates my DD. When I see her ramping up to a meltdown because "the clock is ticking too loud" or "DS is chewing too loud" or "I can't stand that smell" I tell her to take her work and go into the quiet room. At my house this room is the boys bedroom - it has nothing in it but beds and a desk with a chair. She closes the door and does her work and comes out when things are no longer irritating her. 4th - do schoolwork every, single day. When I did it sparodically DD would fight me every time. When we started doing it everyday -no more fights. If she meltdowns then I tell her to go to her room till she is calm and then she comes out and continues the work when she is done as if nothing has happened. Hugs - I know it is hard. Quite a few times I thought about putting her in school but I also knew that would be impossible - she would go biserk with the noise and distraction in a classroom and learn nothing. A schedule, a timer, a quiet place and consistency are all essentials at our house too. Great suggestions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momma aimee Posted November 29, 2012 Author Share Posted November 29, 2012 A schedule, a timer, a quiet place and consistency are all essentials at our house too --------------- ok this gives me some place to start deep breath -- things have been better -- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChocolateMom Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 Just sending you a :grouphug: . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5LittleMonkeys Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 Something I didn't see any of the other replies take into consideration is the information you have in your signature about your son's diagnoses. I think you would get some different suggestions if you posted this over on the special needs board. I don't think what works for an average kid is going to work in your situation. Absolutely. I honestly didn't even look in your signature...something I should do but I just have gotten in the habit of glossing over everyone's. My suggestions, while effective for my dc, would probably make things worse in your situation. I hope you are able to find a solution to bring peace to your day. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momma aimee Posted November 29, 2012 Author Share Posted November 29, 2012 Absolutely. I honestly didn't even look in your signature...something I should do but I just have gotten in the habit of glossing over everyone's. My suggestions, while effective for my dc, would probably make things worse in your situation. I hope you are able to find a solution to bring peace to your day. :grouphug: it is ok. i forget sometimes that he is 2e and i catch myself thinking "he is 7 come on can't he..." then i realize, no he can't. it is hard. most of the thing i think of (sticker chart, 3 colored stop light) make it worse; or at least don't help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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