Sassy 10 year old girls

[NotSoObvious]

Is this a phase?!?!

 

A few weeks ago, I started noticing how snotty (like an air of "I'm better than you") my dd sounded when speaking to other adults. Then I really started noticing it at home. I'm stopping her every single time she does it, repeating back what she said, and asking her to find another way of saying it. I realize this is not a long term solution and it's put a negative spin on our relationship. I'm just so taken back by her tone! At this point I don't think there is a lot of meaning behind it. She is a genuinely sweet child. I'm not sure where this came from- ok that's not true, I am not known for my calm and kind tone of voice, so I'm sure a lot of it is from me!!! Oh that's horrible to realize. I obviously don't speak this way to friends and other adults, but I can be pretty snippy at home.

Besides working on my own tone, what can I do? When I was her age my mom would just make comments like, "I hope you don't talk that way at friends' houses," and, "I'm going to record your voice so you can hear it!" (Which she never did.)

 

I don't want to be a nag or criticize her constantly. How can I handle this better?

[Beans27]

I see you have twin girls. Are they both doing this?

I have a 10 yr old DD also. She isn't snippy to others, but will try to act funny on the phone with certain adults. As though she's me.

I correct her and tell her she doesn't talk like that to adults.

 

I can also be snippy at home, can't we all? LoL. But I am not sure that is completely the cause of a child being snippy.

Maybe something else is bothering her?

[UmMusa]

Hello! Same thing over here!!

10 yrs old, otherwise sweet, snippy tone evolving and terse words coming out.

 

Yesterday I calmly said to her "honey, tone it down". And she did, she got her normal voice and tone back and kept talking. I find she's acting like a mommy, but the cranky, impatient mommy, not the one on vacation at the beach.

 

My plan: don't take it personally, gently bring her back to her place, model better behavior myself.

[besroma]

UmMusa has a great plan! This can be difficult age, but with gentle and loving guidance, she will most likely change back to being sweet.

 

I also use lessons of pride vs. humility to help her see the root of her attitude.

 

[sparrow]

My daughter just turned 11, and doesn't behave this way, but I co-lead her Girl Scout troop of 9-11 year-old girls and I'd say about 40% of the girls DO! We have to constantly remind them how "Girl Scouts speak and behave". They usually fall right in step. It definitely seems like testing boundaries and finding their voice.

[mamakelly]

My 10 year old dd has been quite snippy on occasion the past few months. She's totally hormonal, and I don't expect to get through the next year without her starting her period. Do you think maybe your dd is hitting puberty?

[Joanne]

Is this a phase?!?!

 

A few weeks ago, I started noticing how snotty (like an air of "I'm better than you") my dd sounded when speaking to other adults. Then I really started noticing it at home. I'm stopping her every single time she does it, repeating back what she said, and asking her to find another way of saying it. I realize this is not a long term solution and it's put a negative spin on our relationship. I'm just so taken back by her tone! At this point I don't think there is a lot of meaning behind it. I don't want to be a nag or criticize her constantly. How can I handle this better?

 

Actually, I think the bold is a great solution. It is reasonable, respectful, and related. I think it's also probably sufficient.

 

As for the negative turn in your interaction, that is part of the consequence of her actions. It's a natural consequence she created. If you want to change the dynamic, you can intentionally increase the positive interactions (more verbal playfulness, positives, more affection). But I think, at 10, she's old enough to "get" that she has created a disconnect.

 

I would, however, look at screen time. When my kids were younger, too much screen time (quantity and sometimes content) seemed to exacerbate 'tude..

[NotSoObvious]

Thank you all. I'm glad to hear other stories.

 

Yes, she's totally hormonal, so that could be it for sure!

We do very little screen time, but we did just get back from visiting grandma and that always makes things worse.

We just started Girl Scouts this year and I am the leader. I've been really surprised at the way most of the girls speak, especially to me. In fact, it's been a little hard to stay committed because if I wasn't a leader, I probably would have pulled my girls from it- similar reasons I don't want them in a classroom at this age.

 

Thank you! When things like this start, they immediately snowball in my head and I envision drug using pregnant teenagers! I know, I'm crazy, I'm just really not looking forward to the next few years! I need to take things one day at a time.