Parenting books for the strong willed child as well as general

[lea_lpz]

My dd is really testing the limits. I struggle with her daily. She is really strong willed and has been since birth. i can give you antidotes, but it just boils down to, and I embarrassed to say I just caught on, but to be the one in charge. She's only 5 so i don't think i really got that part of it yet, but she wants to go out of her way to be disobedient for the sake being able to. Any suggestions for a parenting book you actually applied to your parenting techniques and worked for you?

[Juniper]

First caveat, I like strong willed kids. I see it as a strength and something to be valued. The best parenting books I have found center around helping the parent better understand, embrace, and help their child grow into the amazing person than can be.

 

If you have followed me through that, than this is one of my favorites. http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Child-Who-Intense-Emotions/dp/1572246499/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1353556385&sr=8-1&keywords=parenting+your+child+with+intense+emotions

 

Good luck!

[lea_lpz]

And dh is indulgent of her, always encouraging her behavior and letting her get away with it. I am seriously feeling like throwing in the towel with her and just sending her to ps after winter break, even though I know she will probably have to repeat K, just to get some time away from her! It's a constant battle with her and I feel like she makes school really unpleasant.

[Mommyof4ks]

I agree with Juniper, having strong willed kids is a gift. Those kids grow up to be CEOs and people that other people like and respect.

 

This is not entirely popular, but give her some things she can be in control of. Decide what your goal is with each task, and let her decide how to accomplish it. My middle child is strong willed. If I tell him to sit at the table and do his math work he might go crawl under the covers in his bed to do it, but as long as he gets the math done I do not care where he does it. If I tell him to go set the table, he might put the silverware in the middle of the plates, but as long as everything makes it on the table we are good. Anyway, it works for us, and he gets some control over how something is done as long as he completes the task. I am still working on picking my battles, but it is getting better.

 

Years ago I read Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel, and it gave me a different perspective on strong willed kids.

 

ETA: Just saw your second post. Maybe ask your dh where he sees his indulgence going (that is different than giving her some control over things), and explain where you see it going. I have discovered that some people cannot see the big picture, and maybe your dh is one of those people. Maybe he lives for the right now rather than for when your dd is 16 and being defiant.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Love and Logic Magic is the L&L for the early childhood years. Now, I hate that it is so focused on time-out. But the good stuff is....good! One of the key tools is giving kids TONS of control within boundaries. It even gives the parent the challenge to give as many choices as humanly possible, being extra detailed, even silly, with it.

 

ETA: I cannot believe I posted on a discipline thread without saying my favorite book! Raising a Thinking Child by Myrna Shure guides the parent through "circle time" type activities to give them ways to consider the problem, find solutions, evaluate the options, and accept responsibility for their choices. It can be done in as little as 5 minutes per day (though two short times per day may be more helpful in quickly changing behaviors).

[Joanne]

Agree with Pamela about L&L.

 

Raising Your Spirited Child is a good one.

Easy To Love, Difficult to Discipline.

Books by Jane Nelsen.

Books by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller.

 

I'd like to know more about if your DH is indulgent or if your expectations and approach are part of the problem.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Agree with Pamela about L&L.

 

Raising Your Spirited Child is a good one.

Easy To Love, Difficult to Discipline.

Books by Jane Nelsen.

Books by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller.

 

I'd like to know more about if your DH is indulgent or if your expectations and approach are part of the problem.

 

Another "must have" in my book is Kids Are Worth it: Positive Discipline that Works by Barabara Colorosso. Not a "how to for every situation" manual, but more of guiding principles that respect everyone.

[melbotoast]

I like Positive Discipline by Jane Nelsen. We have started using some of the ideas and it has worked really well for my son. I think my favorite idea is writing down issues when the come up on an agenda, and then discuss the issues together at a family meeting after everyone has had a chance to cool off. If DS is included in the discussion, he is much more likely to behave than if I just lay down rules for him.

 

Also, I thought this chart was amazing. It all makes sense now!

[sassenach]

I really love, "You Can't Make Me, but I Can Be Persuaded," by Cynthia Tobias. It's really about understanding and working with a strong-will, rather than going toe to toe with it.

 

Of course, nothing is going to help much if your dh doesn't get on board.

[isitnaptime]

Strong Willed Child or Dreamer

http://www.amazon.com/Strong-Willed-Child-Dreamer-Dana-Spears/dp/0785277005/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1353603426&sr=8-1&keywords=strong+willed+child+or+dreamer

[besroma]

Don't Make Me Count to Three is a good one.

[MtnMama]

Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey. That book changed my life!