Those w/ Aspie/high functioning teenage boys

[saraha]

Could those of you who have aspie/high functioning teenage boys give me some encouragement? My oldest has aspergers, but isn't receiving any therapies etc. We are in a very underserved area, even if he were a public school student. Everything we have accomplished, I did on my own after a few rounds of therapy when he was 5-7. I just need someone to tell me that their son is happy and able to take care of himself. Oh, and that he can get along with other people. And a few hugs would be good too.

 

Thanks,

Sarah

[bluedarling]

:bigear:

[beachnut]

Could those of you who have aspie/high functioning teenage boys give me some encouragement? ... I just need someone to tell me that their son is happy and able to take care of himself. Oh, and that he can get along with other people. And a few hugs would be good too.

 

Thanks,

Sarah

 

 

:grouphug: OK, I'll start off with a virtual hug.

 

 

My 15yo DS just got diagnosed with Asperger's in late summer, so we are still going thru the process of lining up various therapies -- OT to improve fine motor skills (apparently he writes slowly, which I never noticed); speech therapy to improve pragmatic speech (reciprocity, etc.); social skills training to improve verbal/nonverbal skills, reading social cues, etc.; individual therapy (for potential ABA therapy?) etc. So far, all we've actually been able to do is the social skills training. The facilitator is great, but I could see this being a long-term therapy. He's been participating in this social skills group for about 2 months now, and I don't see him often applying much of it once he's back "in the real world."

 

 

DS is very high functioning, which is why we didn't realize that all his social awkwardness and quirky behavior was actually called something. Thus the late diagnosis. But last year (9th grade) was really, really tough for DS when the inability to make friends really became a glaring problem. (He's always had a handful of friends, but the handful got fewer and fewer over the years.) Also, DS really struggled w/ executive functioning skills (time management, planning, prioritizing, seeing the big picture, etc.). Both of these factors led us to seek a diagnosis over the summer.

 

 

So, with all that said, he is now in 10th grade and still struggling, but less than last year. Academically, he's doing really well. He takes 2 online classes (pre-calculus and chemistry honors). He's got an A in pre-calc & a B in chemistry. He takes 2 electives at the local public high school (acting and band), and he's got A's in both of those classes. He takes world history, English & a few electives w/ me, and he's got A's in those classes. So he's got a full schedule and good grades. He's a really smart kid.

 

However, I need to do a LOT of reminding w/ him -- to write things in his planner, to study for tests, to bring papers to/from public school, etc. I am pretty much his personal assistant this year, guiding him painstakingly through the process of time management, prioritizing, planning for projects, etc. This and the social skills are his biggest struggles. I imagine having to do this throughout most of high school, but slowly stepping back and letting him take over the reins more in 11th and 12th grade.

 

He has also participated in the public school's marching band the last 2 years. This has kept him very busy and he gets plenty of social opportunities (has quite a few acquaintances, but no real band friends yet) and the chance to work together as a team. He has said repeatedly how much he loves band (although he doesn't like the practices and he gets nervous marching on the field during the football games). But I think he likes the feeling of inclusion -- that he's part of something, and they're all working together toward a common goal. I think he's viewed as a nice kid with some odd tendencies and social awkwardness, so doesn't have any band buddies to hang out with outside of band activities, but he's not excluded during band activities either (i.e., there's no bullying, he doesn't eat alone during lunch breaks, etc.).

 

 

Overall, he's a content kid. I wouldn't say happy in the regular sense, as he's never really up or down -- very even-keeled. But he's got 1 or 2 friends he sees occasionally, and he's OK with that. He'd like to have more friends, and we're hoping that happens, but only time will tell. He enjoys spending time by himself (reading, drawing, practicing his trumpet, playing videogames).

 

He plans to go to college. However, depending on his maturity level, it might be in his best interest to take a gap year first and/or start out at the community college.

 

To prepare him for the transition to college, I've been spending a lot of time this year focusing on study skills, note taking, time management, etc. In fact, I recently posted on the high school boards a link to this AWESOME, free Study Skills workshop video series: http://www.lbcc.edu/LAR/instructmedia.cfm. Plus, we've been making sure over the years to teach DS life skills such as cooking, doing laundry and household chores, etc. We've also taught some basic money management skills (saving, donating to charity, writing a check, etc.), but plan to teach DS Dave Ramsey's Foundations in Personal Finance course for teens next summer to go into a lot more depth.

 

My husband and I both worry what the future will hold for him, but we feel confident that he will do just fine, especially once the maturity kicks in a bit more. ;) After all, he's only 15. To him, the future means what's happening today after all his schoolwork is done. He's really not planning for college and career yet. In the meantime, I am doing lots of legwork planning for college so when he's ready to get more involved, he won't be starting from square one.

 

Hopefully you'll find some encouragement in this, now that I've rambled on and on.

[saraha]

Thank you so much for that.

I guess I just need to hear that he might be able to be independant. We are on our own, and I worry that there are better ways to teach him life skills etc. since I don't have any training. I just don't want everything he does to be the hard way. I am tired today.

[dbmamaz]

My son's first dx was aspergers, adhd, gifted, but later morphed in to something more like atypical bipolar, tourettes, sensory integration issues, pdd-nos (milder than aspergers), processing disorder, gifted.

 

He is now on meds for the bipolar, which make a huge difference for him. he went to public school through 7th grade (was dx'd in 4th/5th). I found his social skills improved a LOT when I got him out of school . . . he was not so stressed out all the time, and i was able to observe him at the park or classes or whatever and give him instant feedback when he was being inappropriate - simply because i was more aware.

 

He would not go to any classes the first few years, and then i had to stay in case he got stressed out. but this year he's a junior and he is doing so much better! i still go pretty light on him on the work, but he is able to really hold his own in so many ways.

 

i do plan to send him to community college first - i wasnt mature enough to finish school and i dont think he will be either. my husband still worries, but I mostly feel good about things!

[Lecka]

My cousin has Aspergers. He is my age, 34.

 

On one hand, he is not independent, and my older sisters are going to be some legal thing for him (I am blanking on what this is called). So, he is probably going to keep needing help in some areas.

 

However, he is doing really well, anyway! So what if there are a couple of arbitrary things he is not quite able to do yet.

 

He is doing very well in many areas that seemed bleak when he was younger. He has got nice friends, and he has a girlfriend.

 

He went to college and mostly did okay, though my aunt and uncle were going to see him every weekend.

 

It turns out there are ways it is easier to live in a dorm with a cafeteria that are easier than living alone. That way all his meals were provided and he did not have to keep track of money. It has turned out that keeping track of money is really, really hard for him, and he can cook a lot of meals, but he needs help with planning his grocery store trips. There are just little things like that.

 

All that probably just means my cousin is more severe in some ways. But he is still doing very well.

[Verity]

:hug:

My ds is an Aspie and just turned 14. In so many ways I have been blown away by his growing independence and ability to handle his school work on his own. There are times that he still needs my help (especially with writing assignments) and he still needs help in social situations. He was officially dx'd at age 12 but I've known it was Asperger's since he was 6 years old. He has been in social skills groups and now that we have better insurance I'm finally getting him some counseling and we are working on the meds again.

 

The teenage years are tough even for NT kids and I think more so for SN kids. My son has been struggling with depression in the last year or so in addition to the ADD, sensory stuff and what I'm starting to realize are some tics. Meds to help with "co-morbidities" like depression and ADHD are most important in my opinion.

 

I know that hsing is the best for him but I do anticipate that he will attend community college and hopefully get a degree from a four year school. I have plans and I think realistic hopes for him to have a group of friends and maybe even a girlfriend when he is older. I hope that he will find a career that excites him and satisfies him. Adding in a spiritual life and I think that he will be just fine.

 

Asperger's isn't the end of the world, nor does it mean that our kids won't have a good life. I think we just need to support them and push them as required...in fact like most other kids.

[Guest]

My boys are young and this is why I did not post here. I did want to say though that the below comment is not entirely accurate. PDD NOS is a milder form of autism. They share characteristics but those diagnosed with ASD have enough of the characteristics to be classified as classic autistics. PDD NOS can have the speech problems of autism though, which those diagnosed with Asperger's do not have. Asperger's is a high functioning form of Autism (as is PDD) but they are different when comparing the two in certain ways, one being the speech issues.

 

My son's first dx was aspergers, adhd, gifted, but later morphed in to something more like atypical bipolar, tourettes, sensory integration issues, pdd-nos (milder than aspergers), processing disorder, gifted.

[Guest]

Ooops, I was trying to edit my previous post and accidentaly hit quote :tongue_smilie: !

[rafiki]

nt

[dbmamaz]

The definitions seem to shift. The clearest explanation i had seen was that 5 symptoms (from some list) is autism, 4 is asperger, 3 is pdd-nos, or something like that - but i cant find that website or else they've changed it. The first doctor said aspergers, but the phd psych insisted it was not aspergers because of his ability to recognize and express emotions . . . I think that was the one she pointed out. For him, it was the ruling out of 1 symptom which made this woman who was a FANTASTIC diagnostician (but rather useless otherwise imo) to make that distinction.

[Oakblossoms]

Our son got the diagnosis PDD-NOS most likely Aspergers.

 

He is doing much better this year. He will be 16 in January. We are giving him extra time to finish High School. When he found out that was "allowed", he started doing more work :tongue_smilie:

 

He needs a daily plan. His hygiene is getting better. He needs a lot of hand holding still. He needs help talking through his emotions. Forunately, I am a lot like him. I can usually understand why he is acting the way he is.

 

His handwriting is horrible. He is finally willing to write. He is working on his handwriting and Writing with Skill.

 

I have some hope for the kid. He has insomnia and will sneak in late at night to give me hugs.

 

He doesn't really have friends which is difficult. All the kids at our church really like him. But, he has a lot of anxiety about going places. But, he just beams when he socializes. The youth at our church is a really great bunch. They are a safe group of people for him to spend time with.

[Guest]

nm

[Lecka]

This is in response to Hausunterrich.

 

My cousin did not start them until he was in his 20s, so I have no idea of issues with it with younger kids.

 

However, medication for anxiety has made a huge difference with him. He is more comfortable. He can have relationships he wants without the anxiety preventing it.

 

However I think for my cousin it was to the point I could say it was deblitating, b/c he would be so nervous, he couldn't participate in a conversation. He would either blank out, or he would talk too much (as open pauses made him VERY anxious). He could be this way with people he was anxious around but really did want to connect with.

 

So I am just throwing out my positive feeling about it.

[rafiki]

nt

[swellmomma]

ds14 has a long list after his name of Dx, sometimes he gets Dx with PDD-NOS and sometimes that label is removed, last therapist suspected aspergers but when he did an inpatient assessment they said no. ANYWAY, all that to say I have no clue what he is but social skills and executive functioning play a huge role in his issues. I have spent many a night crying and tossing and turning with worry for his future. Academically we are still getting there, he has significant delays in some areas, some areas he is on par and others he is doing very well. He is taking 2 online classes this term, classical poetry which he is liking and says is very easy, and intro to the great books, which is does not enjoy though some of the books he has, he is doing okay in this class considering he is only in 8th grade and it is a high school class(high school here starts in gr 10). He also decided Plato is better than Homer. Because of the academic delays and lack of friends I was really quite worried with high school just around the corner. But all of a sudden this last week I have seen huge areas of growth and I know he will be okay.

 

This year I put him in cadets, he LOVES it. He has made a few friends, thrives on the strict routine and expectations, and it turns out he is a pretty good shot. I noticed him starting to come out of his shell and start taking on more responsibility for his things and himself as a result. Then this week he started his first job. He works 4-12 hours a week, and he says it is hard when he does the 4 hour shifts(he legally can only do 2 hour shifts M-F, weekends he can do up to 8 hour shifts), but he is being forced to look people in the eye and speak loudly enough for them tohear. Hygiene issues we struggled with, gone because he doesn't want to get fired. Yesterday was his first day on the till and they told him he was a natural. For a kid that has faced nothing but struggles his whole life to hear he was a natural at something made his day. Today they told him they could see him going far with them because he is doing such a bang up job. One of my biggest worries has been that he would not be able to work and support himself, and I would be stuck with him in my basement at 40. That worry has been lifted, if he can do this well at only 14 he will be okay.

 

The best part, is no more fighting about school work. He knows if he doesn't keep up his grades he has to quit his job. His job and cadets are the only places that he really feels he is doing a good job at something, where people count on him and value him. (all of that is true for at home too but he says he doesn't feel it here). He doesn't want to give that up so he is working harder on his school stuff and trying harder on the things that he is delayed in.

 

DS has fallen through the cracks his whole life as far as therapies go. Because no one can agree what his Dx is he is never treated for any of them. All the progress he has made has been due to the blood, sweat and tears we have put in together working on each individual thing. Now that he is making such huge strides I can see the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak and see all of that paying off.

[Night Elf]

I'm very late in replying but am taking a chance that the OP is still looking at this board. My ds16 was diagnosed with Aspergers when he was 9 years old. I didn't really start worrying about it until he started high school. I'm talking about homeschooling not public school. No professional we talked with was any help in figuring out if he needed any assistance. And just a few months ago, I even consulted another professional, supposedly specializing in Aspergers, who said she didn't think there was anything she could do for him that we had not already been doing.

 

We are slowly working on the things that I felt were weak points. He is working more independently now and doesn't complain about me not sitting with him while he does all of his work. He helps me plan his weekly schedule. We look at the workload and he decides how much he can do in a day. He has even gotten to the point where he does extra work if he works through the scheduled work more quickly than anticipated. His confidence has grown with writing essays and other assignments. He may take longer than I think is appropriate for his age but his finished product is always well done. We're still working on ways to study. He has a fantastic memory so he doesn't feel the need to take notes. And so far it's working for him because he has a 4.0 average. I wish I could get him to learn note-taking and how to study for a test but when it's not necessary, it seems like a waste of his time. I also wish I could do something about his lack of stamina with handwriting. His penmanship is good. He doesn't type properly but I've had him working on Typing Tutor for a long time. He's moving very slowly through it. I'm not sure he'll ever actually use the proper technique. We're hoping he'll be able to take notes in college with a laptop so I wanted to help him prepare for that.

 

I still have worries about his success in college after having his high school work be so relaxed. He's on track to finish high school at age 19 and then we would like him to start in a community college before transferring to a 4-yr college. We are really pushing for the college degree because we believe he needs a job that doesn't require a lot of people interaction and we feel his options are limited without the higher education.

 

Overall I'd say he was doing great. Earlier this year I was worrying a lot but now things seem to be falling into place. He may be slower than NT kids, but I think he'll do okay in the long run.

[Oakblossoms]

I am pushing for a college degree, as well. He has OCD with his hands. I cannot imagine him having to work with his hands or do physical labor. He needs to be able to do a desk job.