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I'm scared and I have a very personal question (miscarriage)


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I'm at the drs office again today. I saw the OB to talk about "options".

Either way this is horrible and I don't think I've ever been this scared before.

 

So baby passed away sometime in the 12th week. I'm 13w4d today. They seem concerned here because nothing has happened yet naturally. No cramping or bleeding. They are wanting to do a D+E. It sounds horrifying and inhumane. I don't know what to do.

 

I know this is such a personal subject. But I honestly don't know what to do. Should I wait it out or go ahead and do the surgery? What are the pros/cons? (i'm not sure i'm seeing any pros either way).

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I'm at the drs office again today. I saw the OB to talk about "options".

Either way this is horrible and I don't think I've ever been this scared before.

 

So baby passed away sometime in the 12th week. I'm 13w4d today. They seem concerned here because nothing has happened yet naturally. No cramping or bleeding. They are wanting to do a D+E. It sounds horrifying and inhumane. I don't know what to do.

 

I know this is such a personal subject. But I honestly don't know what to do. Should I wait it out or go ahead and do the surgery? What are the pros/cons? (i'm not sure i'm seeing any pros either way).

 

IIWY, I would look for a second opinion.

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If you wait it out, you will have labor. The small risk is retaining something and having a lot of bleeding that may require a D&C anyway. You may wait quite awhile or it could happen soon. It is just the unknown of when that is nervewracking.

 

With the D&E, it is over in a few minutes. It depends on if you would like to see the baby. Of course, with a D&E you won't but if you wait it out you will be able to tell what is baby when it comes out.

 

I am so sorry for your loss.

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I dont see why they are are worried about nothing naturally happening yet. My first miscarriage it took my body 4 weeks to to start showing signs of it wanting to expel it. This time the baby had passed 3 1/2 weeks before I started bleeding and another 4 days until I delivered it.

 

I have no advice about the D&E. Mine were early enough to only need a D&C.

 

:grouphug:

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:grouphug::grouphug: NO advice. Just hugs and prayers.

 

My sister in law had to have this done. She had two losses in a row and her body refused to miscarry naturally. Unfortunately, the infections that ensue from not miscarrying in a timely manner can be life threatening.

 

The first time, she was awake and only mildly sedated. That was horrible for her. The second time she was with a different OB and was put completely out for the procedure. Her second OB was much better than the first in terms of his handling of the situation.

 

Faith

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I bled for a week before finally cramping a bit and then passing the baby when I miscarried. It just seemed more natural to me to wait it out. Yes, something could still go wrong, but that's true of anything. If you do need to have a D&C, you can take care of it then. I wouldn't feel rushed if I were you. BTW, I was 11 weeks when I miscarried the time I'm describing and it wasn't difficult to pass the baby.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Edited by milovaný
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I'm sorry. Hugs and love to you. :grouphug:

 

Our 4th baby passed away at 14 weeks and we found out at 20 weeks. We asked for the baby to be delivered as naturally as possible, so we could see him. They admitted me to the hospital and administered medicines to put me into labor, since I didn't labor naturally (a story of all my pregnancies). The baby came out whole and we were able to see him, and his little face is still a permanent part of my memory of him and gives me a connection to him that I might not have otherwise. I still needed a D&C though to clean out the placenta, etc. I'm not sorry we did it this way. I think I would have rather buried our baby, now that I'm Orthodox, but we had him cremated. That's the only part I slightly regret. But, we did what we thought was right at the time.

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I've had four miscarriages and had D&Es with all but one (and only because that was a super early one). I would recommend the procedure to anyone going through a miscarriage. It is quick, easy and painless. Honestly, the whole procedure takes about ten minutes, and there is minimal bleeding afterwards and no recovery time. I went back to my regular schedule as soon as I got home.

 

My last miscarriage was twins, so I had that D&E in the hospital, because the further along you are, the more blood and tissue there will be, and they wanted to keep me safe. I still did not want to be under a general...no need for a five minute procedure, and they were fine with that. I still went home as soon as they were done.

 

Honestly, I would not even attempt to miscarry on my own at 13 weeks. The pain will be severe, and the blood loss could present complications. The D&E will ensure that your miscarriage will be complete and you will avoid complications. Not to mention, it will be completely over with. Waiting around for a miscarriage to start is not generally a good thing for the mother.

 

So, don't be afraid...it's a painless, easy and very fast procedure. And unless you opt for a general anesthesia, you won't even need an IV. A pulse-ox monitor on your finger is all you'll have. The machine can be a bit loud, but it's over quite quickly. I even drove myself home from one of them.

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I would probably get the D&C. I miscarried, the baby was delivered, and I still needed a D&C two weeks later after a horrible 2 weeks.

 

This is what happened to my sister.

 

Physically, a D&C is very easy. I went to the hospital in the morning and I was home by 10. There was no cramping just some light bleeding. Mentally, I felt better when it was done but I waited for a few weeks before having it done.

 

You have time to decide. Don't let them scare tactic you into doing it today. Take a few days to mourn and then make your decision.

 

It sucks, I know. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

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I've miscarried on my own at 13 weeks 3 times. I would never choose to do that again- I'd have surgery if it were at all possible. It's physically rough to miscarry at that point and the waiting can be horrible. It also can take days and days for it to finish.

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this. :grouphug:

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I miscarried at 20 weeks. I could not bear the thought of just waiting for "it" to happen naturally. I opted for the D&C. Of course, because I was so far along, they actually had to induce labor, I had to deliver, and then they followed up with the D&C. They could not put me under completely because I had to deliver, but as soon as that was done they knocked me out for the rest. The whole thing was awful. I am so sorry for your loss and what you're going through right now. :(

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I naturally m/c my first around 13wks, or later. It was horrible. Very painful, very scary. Tons of blood, baseball sized clots. And then I had to fish the baby out of the toilet and put it in a container to take to the dr the next day for testing. My baby sat in the refrigerator over night and then I had to carry my baby the next day to the dr's office.

 

It was all very horrible.

 

My next two losses were ectopics - emergency surgery, much pain.

 

My 4th loss was again a missed miscarriage. My baby had died two weeks prior and I was not showing any signs of loss. No bleeding, cramping, nothing. I read it can take a couple of months for your body to let go. There was no way I was going through that.

 

I told my dr I had had enough pain and I didn't want to feel any. And she guaranteed I did not feel any pain. I had a D&C, fully sedated with morphine, and I took Lortab home with me.

 

Any way you lose a baby is terrible. I opted for the least physically traumatizing because I had already gone through so much.

 

Do what you can deal with.

 

HUGS

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I naturally m/c my first around 13wks, or later. It was horrible. Very painful, very scary. Tons of blood, baseball sized clots. And then I had to fish the baby out of the toilet and put it in a container to take to the dr the next day for testing. My baby sat in the refrigerator over night and then I had to carry my baby the next day to the dr's office.

 

It was all very horrible.

 

I cannot imagine the horror. :grouphug::grouphug:

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I had a missed miscarriage where the baby passed away around 8-9 weeks, but I didn't miscarry until 13 weeks. I refused the D/E because it just sounded too awful to me.

 

It was not too bad for me, because at 8-9 weeks the baby is still so tiny as to be "hidden" with all the other blood and fluid, and I made a conscience effort to not "look" when I was dealing with it all.

 

At 12 weeks, we're talking about a slightly larger baby, and so it's a tougher question. You might want to contact a midwife, as I know there are many who will accompany a woman through stillbirth and even early and moderate miscarriages. If you want a more natural and humane way to deal with this situation, that might be a great answer.

 

It sucks so much. I am so, so, so sorry for your loss. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

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I am so sorry. I miscarried at 6 weeks and another at 13 weeks. Both naturally. Both at home. No need for anything after. I had already had children, so the delivery at 13 weeks felt like labor but not as intense as a full-term child and I didn't need any help in any way from my husband as I do in full-term delivery. It was a terribly sad and yet beautiful thing to see my tiny baby. I am very glad I did it naturally. I was unable to go into labor without aid prior to this baby, and went on to have a full-term baby and did go into labor on my own with that one. So for me it also seemed to be healing in some way. I pray that you feel some level of peace in your decision either way.:grouphug:

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I had a missed miscarriage discovered at 13 weeks. I had the surgery, but by the time they got me in I was bleeding a lot. More than I imagined possible. It was much, much more blood than I expected, and incredibly scary. The surgery (under general anesthesia) was a great relief - afterward there was virtually no bleeding and very little pain.

 

Also, for me there were no identifiable fetal parts, but if there had been I wouldn't have wanted to pass those at home into the toilet. ...I can't believe I'm even writing that, sorry. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

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I had a missed miscarriage discovered at 13 weeks. I had the surgery, but by the time they got me in I was bleeding a lot. More than I imagined possible. It was much, much more blood than I expected, and incredibly scary. The surgery (under general anesthesia) was a great relief - afterward there was virtually no bleeding and very little pain.

 

Also, for me there were no identifiable fetal parts, but if there had been I wouldn't have wanted to pass those at home into the toilet. ...I can't believe I'm even writing that, sorry. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Faith

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I went in for my ultrasound at 19 weeks only to find that my baby had passed away at approximately 9 weeks. I lived about 9 hours from home and had only (after the positive pregnancy test) just begun coming to this dr's office. Because I and the dr's office had needed to postpone a couple of visits it had gone from a visit around 10 weeks until this 19 week visit before they even had the chance to listen for a heartbeat.

 

Anyway, when they did the ultrasound, found that he had died and measured him for around 9 weeks, they freaked out and wanted to me to go to an immediate D&E. Honestly I just wanted to drive home and have it here. They followed up with records to my dr here and I had it the next day. My body showed absolutely no signs of realizing what was needed.

 

The entire thing was horrible but I believe the route of surgery (put completely out) was the right thing for me at the time. It was such a sudden and horrific whirlwind of emotion that handling being awake would have been bad.

 

Amazingly it's been 18 years this month. It was my first baby.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm SOOOO sorry!!!! I would hug you if I could.

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I had a D&C with my first miscarriage and I do not regret it at all. I had a similar circumstance that I went in for ultrasound at 10 weeks and sometime between the one I had at 8 weeks and the 10 week ultrasound, the heart had stopped beating. Confirmed by ultrasound and two different places. I had the D&C because honestly it really messed with my mind knowing that the baby had died but was still inside my body. I went from Thursday to Monday waiting to be able to have it done and I was a complete basket case. After I had the D&C (with anesthesia), I was able to grieve the baby from a much healthier mental place. I am so sorry for your loss. Those days were truly the worst of my life. :grouphug:

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please double check ultrasound and blood work before the procedure if that is how you decide to go.

 

I did have a d and c when I began hemorrhaging uncontrollably and passed out. I was trying to have it all happen naturally, but it just wasn't going to work out that way.

 

The ER surgeon that performed the procedure assured my dh that the baby WAS indeed gone before he began, he'd checked because he knew that we did want, if at all possible, to have a baby, even if there were issues.

 

I opted for General Anethesia. Left the hospital later that night, but was wiped out for a few weeks because of the blood loss.

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I wanted to just add that I felt a certain cleansing and mourning through the pain and yuckiness of the natural miscarriage. I know it's not for everyone, but the mirroring of physical and emotinoal pain, for me, was somewhat healing.

 

This. Exactly.

 

When we found out our long-awaited second baby had no heartbeat, I couldn't bear the idea of having a procedure. I chose to miscarry at home. Emotionally, it was very healing to be with my husband and my daughter, not at a hospital. Being with strangers would have made the loss that much harder, for me.

 

Everyone's different, though. Do whatever feels right to YOU.

 

Whatever you ultimately decide, there's probably some time to think about things. As far as I know, there's no rush. Take your time to determine whichever option seems the least emotionally painful.

 

I'm very sorry for your loss.

 

Hugs,

 

Lisa

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I've done a number of things- waited for it to happen naturally, had a D&C and also been given a suppository to start the miscarriage. Between a D&C at the hospital and being at home in my own space with my husband, I preferred the latter. The last time, I didn't want to miscarry at work or the grocery store so I choose the suppository option and miscarried within that same day, in peace and quiet at home with my husband's shoulder to lean on. I took the baby to my midwife for generic sampling and then picked up the remains for burial. I was about the same way along as you with that loss. While there is no good miscarriage, I felt the most empowered by the last one. My D&C for a missed miscarriage was a safe procedure done by caring professionals but I preferred privacy. I had a followup ultrasound to ensure the miscarriage was complete. Each mother will have a different preference and that is ok. I am very sorry you have to face this decision.

Edited by kijipt
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I'm so very sorry for your loss! The ladies here have such sound and compassionate advice. I would just add that I don't think you can make a "wrong" decision. Personally, I would probably wait a couple of days to see if any bleeding was going to start. If it did start, I would most likely have my blood levels re~checked, then have the D & E. I had a miscarriage at home at twelve weeks, and it hurt like crazy, and I hemmorhaged a lot. (I was very fearful back then to have the procedure, but wouldn't be as apprehensive about it now.) :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

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I'm so very sorry for your loss! The ladies here have such sound and compassionate advice. I would just add that I don't think you can make a "wrong" decision. Personally, I would probably wait a couple of days to see if any bleeding was going to start. If it did start, I would most likely have my blood levels re~checked, then have the D & E. I had a miscarriage at home at twelve weeks, and it hurt like crazy, and I hemmorhaged a lot. (I was very fearful back then to have the procedure, but wouldn't be as apprehensive about it now.) :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

so so true. You must do what is best for YOU, despite other's experiences.

 

 

I had to wait days between my u/s for my last loss, having multiple blood draws. It was excrutiating. But it was my 4th loss therefore I was so done going through it all...

 

I remember while waiting to be shown my room at the hospital, I started cramping a bit. I was so glad it was all going to be over.

 

I have to say the staff at the hospital was so wonderful to me. So caring and compassionate. The anesthesiologist remembered my from my previous ectopic, even tho it was several years prior. I think it helped dh too, since we had been through so much, to have so many caring and loving to take care of it all. They showed deep respect for us and for our baby. That meant a lot to us.

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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

I had a miscarriage like you're experiencing right now. It was my hardest one... there is something about not actually seeing the blood that makes it harder to really accept, I think. I'm so sorry... make sure that you ask for one more ultrasound if that would make you feel better.

 

 

The first time, she was awake and only mildly sedated. That was horrible for her. The second time she was with a different OB and was put completely out for the procedure. Her second OB was much better than the first in terms of his handling of the situation.

 

Faith

 

 

I've miscarried naturally, had a D&C while awake, and had a D&C under anesthesia. I strongly agree--- DO NOT let them talk you into going through a D&C without general anesthesia.

 

At the point you're at now, I think that it might be wise to go ahead with the D&C. You can start to move on and let your body heal.

 

It wasn't exactly planned, but I conceived DD #2 a few weeks after a D&C. I never even had another menstrual period-- just a beautiful baby girl 10 months afterward.

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Waiting for the miscarriage to begin was a horrible time. Miscarrying at home was awful, just awful. I was not prepared for the blood loss. I probably should have gone straight for the D&C/E but I didn't know.

 

It was fourteen years ago last week.

 

I am so very very sorry for your loss :grouphug:

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My miscarriage was at 6 wks, so I don't have experience with it further along. I imagine that this is how I would feel about it. But I also know that their would be a limit to my ability to endure and after waiting awhile, I would vome to a point of wanting it over with. I think this is a question only you can answer. If you're not sure, just wait until you are. You'll either go naturally, or decide you don't want to and have the procedure. If you really just don't want to make the decision, ask your husband. He knows you best. :grouphug:

 

I wanted to just add that I felt a certain cleansing and mourning through the pain and yuckiness of the natural miscarriage. I know it's not for everyone, but the mirroring of physical and emotinoal pain, for me, was somewhat healing.
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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:I was also terrified. I cried and cried and felt like I was going insane while waiting for my D&C. I didn't want to give up my baby but carrying it was also heart breaking. I don't know what the right answer is for you but I am just so sorry you are going through this, and I am so sorry for your loss.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

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