So much of me wants to stop homeschooling my youngest

[Nestof3]

He is so belligerent sometimes that it wears me down. He complains so much. He can do so much if I sit right next to him, but left to himself, he halfway reads the problem, complains it's too hard, etc.

 

Today, we had three sentences to translate in Latin. He just sat there doing nothing. Then he said he couldn't do any of it. Then he said he had to write it out on the white board like we do together. So, I let him. He wrote messily and quickly. It was whine and fuss the whole time. Then he had the word viis. He translated it as farmhouse. I told him it doesn't come from villa.

 

I wrote out viis and asked him what the ending was. I boxed it off leaving the vi.

 

Then I told him to look at his vocab list and tell me all words that start with vi. There were three of them. He intentionally chose vita over via to be belligerent. I know this. He does this sort of thing.

 

I just don't think I can do it anymore.

[TranquilMind]

He is so belligerent sometimes that it wears me down. He complains so much. He can do so much if I sit right next to him, but left to himself, he halfway reads the problem, complains it's too hard, etc.

 

Today, we had three sentences to translate in Latin. He just sat there doing nothing. Then he said he couldn't do any of it. Then he said he had to write it out on the white board like we do together. So, I let him. He wrote messily and quickly. It was whine and fuss the whole time. Then he had the word viis. He translated it as farmhouse. I told him it doesn't come from villa.

 

I wrote out viis and asked him what the ending was. I boxed it off leaving the vi.

 

Then I told him to look at his vocab list and tell me all words that start with vi. There were three of them. He intentionally chose vita over via to be belligerent. I know this. He does this sort of thing.

 

I just don't think I can do it anymore.

 

It's a bad day when the kids are obnoxious.

 

I'm sorry. If it helps any, my 13 year old son isn't resistant anymore, the way he was when he was younger. He just does it and does it well so he can get on to more "fun" things.

[Pink and Green Mom]

:grouphug: Is it the age? My 11.5 year old is the exact same way. He sits there with his math book open for 20 minutes and asks "what am I supposed to be doing again?" It is exasperating.

[Caitilin]

I think it's the age too. My ds11.5 is a giant pain in the neck for anything requiring effort of any kind. It gets old. Fast. :glare:

[eternalknot]

:grouphug:

 

Are you having a rough day/week/month/semester/year ... or would you genuinely consider putting him in school?

 

I homeschool for (my) convenience. I have nephews and nieces in local schools, both public and private, and I know my child would do just fine in either. He would prefer the private, but we've discussed how it's not a good investment on my part based on his behavior at home school. He knows he'd be going to the local public school. It's an excellent one, top in the state. I sent him to shadow for a day there, and he's seen the work his peers and cousins are doing. He sees the number of hours each day they dedicate to school (inside and out) and how it affects extracurriculars and free time.

 

It has done wonders to motivate him to work better at home. In part, because he believes that I won't hesitate to send him there if I feel it's better for him, for me, or for both of us. I've always billed homeschool to be a privilege that has to work for all of us. Even still, he can get complacent and take homeschool for granted. I think we all fall into that trap in one sense or another, at various times in our lives and points in our relationships.

 

My son has been working independently since 2nd grade. He's always just been really good about it, able to do it, and fine to do it. When he hit 5th grade, something snapped and suddenly he needed me by his side to do everything with him. It annoyed me. I had other things to be doing, too. But I humored him, and discovered that he truly did work better with me by his side. I don't know if it was a hormonal/maturity leap type thing, or just the transition from easier elementary level work to logic stage stuff ... but for most of that year and into 6th grade we did school together, for the most part.

 

Sometimes it was latin conjugations and declensions at the kitchen counters while I did dishes. Sometimes it was using wet-erase markers on the sliding glass doors in the laundry room while I tended to laundry. Initially I think he sensed that I felt anxious and annoyed, and his attitude reflected mine. I hate that LOL. So we agreed to something - I'd put some of the chores on hold to work with him but he had to help me with those (above and beyond his usual contributions) in return once schoolwork was done. He wasn't thrilled, but knew no better offer was coming ;) so he accepted. When his attitude would occasionally sour, I'd tell him that he was free to go back to the desk and work alone. A few times he did, but mostly he shaped up. For my part, I had to watch my attitude also. I did feel some resentment and annoyance that he required such one-on-one time; then I came to actually enjoy it and realize it wasn't just about me. Hate that, too LOL.

 

So in your case, had he done the belligerent thing over Latin words, I'd have quietly packed up his work to relocate him to his personal space and shrugged. Kind of the way you treat a toddler tantrum, you know? I have to fight my urge to scream, "OMG WTH!!! HELP ME TO HELP YOU!!!" and I'm convinced one day I'll earn an Emmy for such fabulous acting skills (playing cool when I want to throttle him). I'd invite him to finish the work himself, and offer to help finding an outlet for his frustration. But I'm not going to let it be me.

 

I have big issues with people wasting my time, my kids included. They hear me say that a lot. Too much, probably. It's become less of an issue now that I set aside time to work one-on-one for those who need/want it. I do work outside of the home and they can't afford my hourly wage ;) but even if I didn't, my time is valuable. If they refuse to value it, I refuse to offer it. Have a fit doing your work on your own, my expectations of your output won't have changed.

 

It's a hard thing to teach them, ... to respect not just you, but your time and energy also.

 

FWIW, I wouldn't send my son to school. He believes I would, and I'd be really tempted to, but I know he'd resist me the same at home with homework. If I'm going to be fighting this fight, I'd rather it be on my terms and turf. That makes me a tad irritated (at him) but I know then that at least it's not just me - it's him. It makes me more able to help him develop this because I see it as a yet-learned skill moreso than I do a personal slight.

[1bassoon]

:grouphug:

 

No advice.

 

Except that my 12yo should not marry him. Their children would probably be combustible. :tongue_smilie:

[Moniksca]

So my ds11 isn't the only one who does this? Good to know I'm not alone.

[Scarlett]

:grouphug:

 

No advice.

 

Except that my 12yo should not marry him. Their children would probably be combustible. :tongue_smilie:

 

:lol:

[Scarlett]

:grouphug:

 

My 12.5 year old ds has days like this....but I have to say I see definite improvement over how he behaved from a year ago.

 

So hang in there.

 

Or send him to school. You could use a semester off I think. ;)

[Audrey]

It's a bad day when the kids are obnoxious.

 

I'm sorry. If it helps any, my 13 year old son isn't resistant anymore, the way he was when he was younger. He just does it and does it well so he can get on to more "fun" things.

 

 

:iagree: My 13yo ds is much more attentive and less resistant/whiny than he was 2 years ago.

 

Dawn, I really had to put my foot down on the attitude at that age. He was making it miserable for everyone. So, I made a firm rule that no one (and that meant me, too) could whine or throw a fit or give attitude or deride anything about lessons. We both had to exhibit a positive attitude, even if we didn't really feel like it.

 

Fake it until you make it.

 

Normally, I think that is a bunch of claptrap, but in this case, it did work -- 95% of the time. It wasn't perfect, but being very firm about attitude helped tremendously. There were consequences for bad attitude. YMMV on what those should be. For us, it was a reduction in computer time.

 

Don't give up just yet. :grouphug:

[Elizabeth in MN]

It's the age IMO. I've read more threads about this issue with 10-13 year olds than I have about the "Terrible Twos". My dd has been a pain in my tush about the education issue for a while. I've thought it was ADD, I've thought it was the materials, I've thought it was a million things. Changing things did not help. Dropping everything helped with the confrontations, but not furthering the education.

 

From what I've read of public schooled kids, this issue is still there. The same age group fights homework tooth and nail, everything is about their peer group, and back-talk becomes a problem. Again, it seems to fade after the age of thirteen. Not that it goes away, but it's less of a problem.

[Rosy]

Does he seem to be emotionally/mentally healthy besides this issue? I put up with a LOT of resistance from my DS for a LONG time. It got worse and worse until I put him in school. Sometimes resistance is kids being kids and sometimes it is a sign of something going on that needs addressing.

[woolybear]

I have always had pretty strict screen time limits. However, awhile back (funny, I can't recall if it was last year or the year before) I had had it with ds' attitude. I decided to try offering a carrot. I let him have screen time every day (!) IF he did all his school well, at a reasonable time, without whining or other attitude problems. It really helped. Now, we are back to less screen time, but he generally does his school work independently without whining, etc. I find the issue of being able to work independently is really a maturity and academic issue. Perhaps you can change up a few things to be more independent and just plan on being available for those things he really needs you for (ie. Latin.)

 

One more thing--school really is okay. Maybe you both could use a break.

 

:grouphug:

[Laura Corin]

I'd sit beside him if I were you. In school, peer pressure keeps children going. At home, I sat between my two boys as a physical prompt to keep going. I was still doing this when we stopped home educating, when the boys were thirteen and ten. They adapted well to school.

 

Laura

[Lizzie in Ma]

Tough age, I hear you.:grouphug::grouphug:

[Nestof3]

:grouphug:

 

Are you having a rough day/week/month/semester/year ... or would you genuinely consider putting him in school?

 

I homeschool for (my) convenience. I have nephews and nieces in local schools, both public and private, and I know my child would do just fine in either. He would prefer the private, but we've discussed how it's not a good investment on my part based on his behavior at home school. He knows he'd be going to the local public school. It's an excellent one, top in the state. I sent him to shadow for a day there, and he's seen the work his peers and cousins are doing. He sees the number of hours each day they dedicate to school (inside and out) and how it affects extracurriculars and free time.

 

It has done wonders to motivate him to work better at home. In part, because he believes that I won't hesitate to send him there if I feel it's better for him, for me, or for both of us. I've always billed homeschool to be a privilege that has to work for all of us. Even still, he can get complacent and take homeschool for granted. I think we all fall into that trap in one sense or another, at various times in our lives and points in our relationships.

 

My son has been working independently since 2nd grade. He's always just been really good about it, able to do it, and fine to do it. When he hit 5th grade, something snapped and suddenly he needed me by his side to do everything with him. It annoyed me. I had other things to be doing, too. But I humored him, and discovered that he truly did work better with me by his side. I don't know if it was a hormonal/maturity leap type thing, or just the transition from easier elementary level work to logic stage stuff ... but for most of that year and into 6th grade we did school together, for the most part.

 

Sometimes it was latin conjugations and declensions at the kitchen counters while I did dishes. Sometimes it was using wet-erase markers on the sliding glass doors in the laundry room while I tended to laundry. Initially I think he sensed that I felt anxious and annoyed, and his attitude reflected mine. I hate that LOL. So we agreed to something - I'd put some of the chores on hold to work with him but he had to help me with those (above and beyond his usual contributions) in return once schoolwork was done. He wasn't thrilled, but knew no better offer was coming ;) so he accepted. When his attitude would occasionally sour, I'd tell him that he was free to go back to the desk and work alone. A few times he did, but mostly he shaped up. For my part, I had to watch my attitude also. I did feel some resentment and annoyance that he required such one-on-one time; then I came to actually enjoy it and realize it wasn't just about me. Hate that, too LOL.

 

So in your case, had he done the belligerent thing over Latin words, I'd have quietly packed up his work to relocate him to his personal space and shrugged. Kind of the way you treat a toddler tantrum, you know? I have to fight my urge to scream, "OMG WTH!!! HELP ME TO HELP YOU!!!" and I'm convinced one day I'll earn an Emmy for such fabulous acting skills (playing cool when I want to throttle him). I'd invite him to finish the work himself, and offer to help finding an outlet for his frustration. But I'm not going to let it be me.

 

I have big issues with people wasting my time, my kids included. They hear me say that a lot. Too much, probably. It's become less of an issue now that I set aside time to work one-on-one for those who need/want it. I do work outside of the home and they can't afford my hourly wage ;) but even if I didn't, my time is valuable. If they refuse to value it, I refuse to offer it. Have a fit doing your work on your own, my expectations of your output won't have changed.

 

It's a hard thing to teach them, ... to respect not just you, but your time and energy also.

 

FWIW, I wouldn't send my son to school. He believes I would, and I'd be really tempted to, but I know he'd resist me the same at home with homework. If I'm going to be fighting this fight, I'd rather it be on my terms and turf. That makes me a tad irritated (at him) but I know then that at least it's not just me - it's him. It makes me more able to help him develop this because I see it as a yet-learned skill moreso than I do a personal slight.

 

It has always been difficult with him in many ways over many issues. He reminds me of my step-son who was in public school until I married his dad and we started his fourth grade with homeschooling. He didn't have the emotional meltdowns like my youngest, but the teacher told us he would rather take a zero than do the assignment. He would pretend to read an assignment and then just circle the reading comprehension answers by completely guessing.

 

Thank you for all you typed. It is helpful. He does truly concentrate better when I am with him. He gets overwhelmed and distracted easily. That alone doesn't bother me. It's his attitude in so many things.

 

He told me last night he did not want to go to school. He said he didn't want to be away from me during the day. He's the child who tells me at the end of the night that he doesn't feel he had enough time with me.

 

Most of the struggle is over Latin and math. I think he should be able to do a couple sentences solo, but he just gets overwhelmed and shuts down. He did end up completing his three sentences well. But, I don't want to have to depend on verbal berating to get there.

[Nestof3]

:grouphug:

 

My younger child is very much like that. I sometimes feel like I'm just pulling an elephant through mud.

 

It's a bad day when the kids are obnoxious.

 

I'm sorry. If it helps any, my 13 year old son isn't resistant anymore, the way he was when he was younger. He just does it and does it well so he can get on to more "fun" things.

 

:grouphug: Is it the age? My 11.5 year old is the exact same way. He sits there with his math book open for 20 minutes and asks "what am I supposed to be doing again?" It is exasperating.

 

I think it's the age too. My ds11.5 is a giant pain in the neck for anything requiring effort of any kind. It gets old. Fast.

 

:grouphug:

 

No advice.

 

Except that my 12yo should not marry him. Their children would probably be combustible. :tongue_smilie:

 

So my ds11 isn't the only one who does this? Good to know I'm not alone.

 

:grouphug:

 

My 12.5 year old ds has days like this....but I have to say I see definite improvement over how he behaved from a year ago.

 

So hang in there.

 

Or send him to school. You could use a semester off I think. ;)

 

It's the age IMO. I've read more threads about this issue with 10-13 year olds than I have about the "Terrible Twos". My dd has been a pain in my tush about the education issue for a while. I've thought it was ADD, I've thought it was the materials, I've thought it was a million things. Changing things did not help. Dropping everything helped with the confrontations, but not furthering the education.

 

From what I've read of public schooled kids, this issue is still there. The same age group fights homework tooth and nail, everything is about their peer group, and back-talk becomes a problem. Again, it seems to fade after the age of thirteen. Not that it goes away, but it's less of a problem.

 

Tough age, I hear you.:grouphug::grouphug:

 

Wow! I had no idea it was this common. Thank you for sharing.

[Nestof3]

:iagree: My 13yo ds is much more attentive and less resistant/whiny than he was 2 years ago.

 

Dawn, I really had to put my foot down on the attitude at that age. He was making it miserable for everyone. So, I made a firm rule that no one (and that meant me, too) could whine or throw a fit or give attitude or deride anything about lessons. We both had to exhibit a positive attitude, even if we didn't really feel like it.

 

Fake it until you make it.

 

Normally, I think that is a bunch of claptrap, but in this case, it did work -- 95% of the time. It wasn't perfect, but being very firm about attitude helped tremendously. There were consequences for bad attitude. YMMV on what those should be. For us, it was a reduction in computer time.

 

Don't give up just yet. :grouphug:

 

You have described our household. Both the boys have attitudes. They interrupt when I read aloud. They complain about various tasks.

 

Screentime is restricted, but they "forget" and get up early and play. So, I'm resorting to password protecting computers and putting remotes in my room. :glare: They are not even supposed to get any screentime until school is over so I can assess, but they do it anyway.

[Nestof3]

Does he seem to be emotionally/mentally healthy besides this issue? I put up with a LOT of resistance from my DS for a LONG time. It got worse and worse until I put him in school. Sometimes resistance is kids being kids and sometimes it is a sign of something going on that needs addressing.

 

He has always had emotional issues. Both the boys overall have been far more difficult than I ever imagined. Ben, though, is on the slower side with many things and gets overwhelmed very easily.

[Nestof3]

I'd sit beside him if I were you. In school, peer pressure keeps children going. At home, I sat between my two boys as a physical prompt to keep going. I was still doing this when we stopped home educating, when the boys were thirteen and ten. They adapted well to school.

 

Laura

 

Thank you. I will try that today. I know it makes things better, but I feel so behind with other issues -- ortho appt yesterday, dental cleanings today, etc. that I feel frantic about "wasting time." It's hard not to convince myself it's not a waste.

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

One of mine went through this, being belligerent. Once I figured out he was purposely being ignorant I created punishments to fit the act. An example for you would be with the Latin vocabulary word, I would have made him write out the all the forms of the word several times plus English equivalent and then use each in a sentence. Every time he dragged his feet, whined, did work messy or purposely wrong it was lots of extra work for him. No personal time till it was all done correctly and neatly. After a few days of this he figured it out and his attitude improved as well as his work.

[Haiku]

My son is 10, and he has recently become very dramatic and obnoxious about his work. (School is hard for him, and he has always shown frustration, but it has turned the corner to out-and-out rudeness and drama.)

 

Here is something I have done that has helped.

 

I am very involved in orphan advocacy (see my blog in my sig if you're interested), and I have taken both of my younger kids (age 10) and had them look at some of the children I advocate for and read about their lives. I have then said something along the lines of, "There are children in the world with no parents and no love. There are children in the world who work 12 hours a day in a factory or field so that maybe their families can eat. Those children have a right to gripe about their lives. You, dear children, have no problems. Your lives are perfect compared to these children. You have love and food and shelter and hockey and library trips and allowances and iPods and ... and when you gripe and complain about being expected to exert minimal effort for minimal amounts of time, you are, frankly, making fools of yourselves. It's embarrassing to watch." I've also had my husband speak to my son about what it means to be a man versus being a child. I know my son is not yet a man, but he's also past the age where he should be disgusted by having to perform the normal activities of daily life, including school.

 

Now, this may sound extremely harsh, but this came on a day when my son threw his pencil across the room and had a screaming fit over being told to erase a letter and make it capital as well as change a period to a comma, and on the same day my daughter asserted her right not to have to care for HER cat because she's "bored" with scooping the catbox and feeding her.

 

I'm not going to tolerate little pampered princes and princesses in my home. :001_smile:

 

Tara

[Laura Corin]

Thank you. I will try that today. I know it makes things better, but I feel so behind with other issues -- ortho appt yesterday, dental cleanings today, etc. that I feel frantic about "wasting time." It's hard not to convince myself it's not a waste.

 

In the end, I just decided that sitting there was my job. I would do some planning, or I paid bills, or hung out here. It was worthwhile just because the day went so much more smoothly.

 

Best of luck

 

Laura

[AngelaNYC]

Same issues here - ds is 11.5. He has 47 other things he "has" to do at the same time I head for the math book. I also keep hearing it's the age, so I'm not too worried. Drives me crazy, though. Lots of boundary pushing, sass-mouthing, and overall laziness going on.

[Durriyyah]

BTDT. :grouphug: The laziness of the age got under my skin, but it seems to be fading at almost 13. We are in a pretty good place right now... I'm very thankful.