How did you decide you were DONE (having kids) and...

[I.Dup.]

were you immediately fine with the decision and never again questioned it? If you did regret the decision to be done, how long did it take to get over that, or did the desire for babies not ever go away?

 

I'm sure I am the type that will always want more babies, just because of how much I love babies and have always loved babies. So in that sense, I can't really relate to people who are completely done and never look back. I wish I could though, at this point, lol.

 

What is it like to move on with no more babies? Do you feel it has been positive or negative overall for your marriage, your life, etc? And why, if you don't mind sharing.

[FLDebbie]

I decided I was done a few hours after my last was delivered and my OB said I could have easily died if I had gone into labor, and he recommended never having anymore. I was devastated since I had always wanted more. It was hard, but I look at the two wonderful, healthy kids I have and am thankful none of us died (older DS almost died when he was born, which in turn led to the issues with younger DS). I sometimes wonder what would life be like if we had a fuller house like I had wanted, but I also think of the things we couldn't have done with a bigger family.

[Veritaserum]

I had always imagined having a big family (10 kids+). After number five dh and I both felt overwhelmed. He was ready to be done. I wasn't sure and I didn't feel comfortable doing anything permanent while not feeling sure. We thought about it for three years. He again said he was ready to be done. I said I really wanted one more. He agreed to that, but said he would be really, really done after that. :tongue_smilie: For the whole pregnancy I felt calm about it being the last baby. Once he was here our family just felt complete. :) We are done and it feels great. :D

 

For me it was important to have time to pause and think while not sleep derived and hormonal or sick. Then it was important to make a plan and go in to the last pregnancy knowing that it would be my last. :)

[swellmomma]

I felt after dd5 was born that I was done. I have felt fine over the decision ever since. I occasionally get the urge to have another triggered by a particularily cute baby or an adorable outfit I saw, but generally am fine shortly after reminding myself that I am at my limit with caring for kids. I love babies. I have always wanted many. But babies grow up and I am at the end of my resources (emotionally, mentally, financially etc) to raise any more kids. Babies are easy. Tantrumming, bickering kids, adding yet another into the extra curricular schedule, trying to teach high school with a toddler running around etc. I can not cope with another child. Babies I could love on and care for every day no problem.

[fairfarmhand]

I knew when I was not being a very good mother to the children that I had, I needed to stop. My oldest is quite the handful, even at age 14. I could not muster the energy to deal with her and be the mom she needs when I was pregnant, recovering from childbirth and dealing with tiny ones.

 

I am not a happy sweet pregnant lady. I am a cranky, mean, fat pregnant lady.

 

I have wondered every now and then about the decision. (we did it when the youngest was 2 and the oldest was 12) But then I remember how awful things were for a couple years there and I KNOW deep down that it was for the best.

 

We have a farm and I enjoy the farm stuff now more than ever because I am not so tired and stressed. I enjoy my other kids more because I am well-rested.

 

My marriage is SO much better. I can be a good mother to an infant/toddler or I can be a good wife. I never could master being very good at both. My dh did get tired of being second for so many years. (I REALLY tried to do well at both, but never could find the energy for it. We've really enjoyed one another over the last 2.5 years.

 

Also, a large part of our decision was the fact that we have NO family to help out or give us a break. Even getting to my OB visits in pregnancy were a hassle because of the other kids. I prayed that I would make it to my induction date because there was noone to call in an emergency situation. Being solely responsible for the kids year after year without a break wore both of us down.

 

Sometimes I do miss having a little one, but I have nowhere to put anyone else in this house, and my life is better now that we are done.

[Scarlett]

were you immediately fine with the decision and never again questioned it? If you did regret the decision to be done, how long did it take to get over that, or did the desire for babies not ever go away?

 

I'm sure I am the type that will always want more babies, just because of how much I love babies and have always loved babies. So in that sense, I can't really relate to people who are completely done and never look back. I wish I could though, at this point, lol.

 

What is it like to move on with no more babies? Do you feel it has been positive or negative overall for your marriage, your life, etc? And why, if you don't mind sharing.

 

I will share mine because I can still vividly remember all the strong feelings involved....but it might not help you much because our situations are so different.

 

My XH didn't want kids. We were married for 15 years before he would agree to TTC. Ds arrived and XH seemed ok...a little disconnected but he did love ds. So after a couple of years I began asking for #2. For 2 years he refused to come near me without a condom. (I now know he was a cheater and I think he feared he would give me something but he made me think it was to avoid pregnancy---but I digress). Then one day, when ds was about 4 he stopped insisting on condoms....but would not cooperate much at all in TTC. So I began to obsess, night and day about getting pregnant. I quietly charted and tried my best to arrange Tea at the most optimal times...it was agonizing. This went on until ds was 9. All I could think about was another baby.

 

It was then that I found out my XH was in an affair. I filed for divorce and kicked him out. INSTANTLY the desire for another baby left me. I could not believe it. It was the most peaceful feeling ever. Even when I met dh a year later and we are so in love....and we so wish we had had children together....we still don't REALLY wish we had another baby right now. (at this point neither of us can, so we are glad the desire for a baby is not there).

 

So that is my story. :) I hope you find peace...one way or the other.

[fairfarmhand]

 

For me it was important to have time to pause and think while not sleep derived and hormonal or sick.

this is why we waited till my son was 2 to decide for good.

[justamouse]

I would have a kid a year, if I could. :D

 

When #7 was about 4, I SWORE to high heaven I never wanted another. I had the house sale from hell, the house purchase from hell, a teen bent on taking us all down with him, Dh was working like bonkers, and I was *Fried*. Toast. Crispy. I'm sure that I had something like Adrenal exhaustion or something like it.

 

I had been thinking about tying my tubes, and taken YEARS to think about it, and so when I made the appmt, I was utterly SURE that I was done.

 

Two years after I had it done, life settled down, kids got older, life was sweeter, marriage was blissful, and I would have done anything I could to have another. I still feel that way. If you told me I could get pregnant right now, I'd do it.

 

These feelings? Are fickle. You cannot trust them. Especially for ladies like us.

 

You're just pregnant, you're not even in the most fun part of the pregnancy, so stay away from those thoughts. BEcause people think you're already crazy for having as many as you do, and they will tell you you should have been done 5 kids ago...

 

So. Just say'n.

Edited November 12, 2012 by justamouse

[Katiebug_1976]

Dh and I both pretty much decided during my pregnancy with dc#6 that we were done (this was my most difficult/uncomfortable pregnancy...no major complications, but I was miserable!). However, during the last couple weeks, we both began to feel uneasy about making it permanent so we opted to just see what God had in store for us. Funny thing...as soon as we brought ds home from the hospital and everyone was gathered around...dh and I both looked at each other, counted heads, sure that someone was missing but everyone was there. This continued on frequently...we would count heads to make sure we had everyone, but it always seemed like someone was missing (even the kids would do this)! Low and behold, dc#7 is now due the end of December!:D We again decided that this would be our last child (surely our family would be complete). But after lots of prayer and consideration, we decided (even earlier on during this pregnancy) that we were not comfortable making that decision permanent. While I am feeling really uncomfortable and "ready to be done" with being pregnant, I also do not fell right about refusing any more blessings that God may have in store for us. So I guess we have decided to leave it in God's hands...

[LibraryLover]

I'd never be done.

 

DH is 10000% done.

 

That's how we decided.

 

It doesn't negatively affect our marriage. I begged for a 4th, and he was kind enough to be be thrilled with the result. I loved him all the more for agreeing to that child, even when his brain was screaming, "We can't afford to put 4 kids through college!"

 

Dh once told me I could have 10 kids and would still want more. He was right.

Edited November 12, 2012 by LibraryLover

[Julie Smith]

Easy. I gave birth to Youngest.

 

You know how lots of people say, "Oh you will soon forget about the pain of labor when you heard your baby in your arms. Well my baby turns 7 next week, and NOT going to that again. Nope, no way now how.

baby would have been like.

 

And, I would NOT do that again. Nope no way.

 

It was also the right decision for our family. I sometimes wish we had more because my two boys get along so wonderfully. But who knows what the next

[justamouse]

Dh and I both pretty much decided during my pregnancy with dc#6 that we were done (this was my most difficult/uncomfortable pregnancy...no major complications, but I was miserable!). However, during the last couple weeks, we both began to feel uneasy about making it permanent so we opted to just see what God had in store for us. Funny thing...as soon as we brought ds home from the hospital and everyone was gathered around...dh and I both looked at each other, counted heads, sure that someone was missing but everyone was there. This continued on frequently...we would count heads to make sure we had everyone, but it always seemed like someone was missing (even the kids would do this)! Low and behold, dc#7 is now due the end of December!:D We again decided that this would be our last child (surely our family would be complete). But after lots of prayer and consideration, we decided (even earlier on during this pregnancy) that we were not comfortable making that decision permanent. While I am feeling really uncomfortable and "ready to be done" with being pregnant, I also do not fell right about refusing any more blessings that God may have in store for us. So I guess we have decided to leave it in God's hands...

:iagree::iagree:

 

I, too, feel like there should have been 8. I know there was one waiting for me to say yes, and my family is still missing that person. And, when I got mine tied, I was in a PANIC to get them done, because I knew I'd be pregnant by the end of the year.

 

Now I miss that person. I'm betting it would have been a boy.

[justLisa]

Easy. I gave birth to Youngest.

 

You know how lots of people say, "Oh you will soon forget about the pain of labor when you heard your baby in your arms. Well my baby turns 7 next week, and NOT going to that again. Nope, no way now how.

baby would have been like.

 

And, I would NOT do that again. Nope no way.

 

It was also the right decision for our family. I sometimes wish we had more because my two boys get along so wonderfully. But who knows what the next

 

That's kind of how I feel. And I am a big fat nasty pregnant person. I hated being pregnant. I was a big fat ball of heartburn and misery.

 

I adore my kids. They are my entire world. It just seems the perfect family we have, and I guess that is it. I never really had any strong urge for more

[kewb]

I was immediately fine with my decision to stop after dd. Prior to her birth dh and I always talked about having 3 kids. She was a challenging infant. When she reached the age where we would start trying for a 3rd dh and I looked at each other and said 2 is good. We have a boy and a girl. We are not outnumbered by children. We can do this. I never looked back. Dh, otoh, has had periods of wishing we went for that 3rd.

[fairfarmhand]

That's kind of how I feel. And I am a big fat nasty pregnant person. I hated being pregnant. I was a big fat ball of heartburn and misery.

/QUOTE]

I remember right after I pushed out my son, as soon as I heard him cry I thought. "THANK YOU GOD that I will NEVER have to do that AGAIN!!!!! HALLELUJAH!!!!"

[Maela]

We decided we were done a couple months after having our second. We're not big baby people. They're cute, but taking care of a baby 24/7 is just not my thing. Our first cried A LOT the first four months of her life. Once we realized that our second was the same, we decided we couldn't go through it again. They are amazing kids. We love them very much. But we are happier people now that they are five and three years old. They're so much fun.

 

Two is a great number for us. We have enough money even though DH is a teacher and I'm home with the kids. We don't need a van. We'll be able to travel abroad sooner.

 

I know those aren't everyone's priorities, but those things are important to us.

 

Last year, for about a month, I was daydreaming about adopting. We waited to start researching, and I'm glad we did because I was over after a month.

[Janie Grace]

I felt after dd5 was born that I was done. I have felt fine over the decision ever since. I occasionally get the urge to have another triggered by a particularily cute baby or an adorable outfit I saw, but generally am fine shortly after reminding myself that I am at my limit with caring for kids. I love babies. I have always wanted many. But babies grow up and I am at the end of my resources (emotionally, mentally, financially etc) to raise any more kids. Babies are easy. Tantrumming, bickering kids, adding yet another into the extra curricular schedule, trying to teach high school with a toddler running around etc. I can not cope with another child. Babies I could love on and care for every day no problem.

 

I could have written this post, except that I don't get the urge, ever. I feel maxed out by my five, and I'm grateful and content and at peace. FWIW, I never could imagine feeling this way until #5 came and then I did.

[Julie Smith]

That's kind of how I feel. And I am a big fat nasty pregnant person. I hated being pregnant. I was a big fat ball of heartburn and misery.

 

I adore my kids. They are my entire world. It just seems the perfect family we have, and I guess that is it. I never really had any strong urge for more

 

I could take the being pregnant. With eldest the daily+ vomiting every day for 6 months... But I will never go through labor again. I still have physical pain that can limit me, and he turns 7 next week.

[kalanamak]

I felt I had gambled and won, and didn't care to gamble again. The chance of Down's skyrockets, and I was 44 with kiddo.

[Beth S]

We knew we were done when our oldest (of five) became a teenager. :glare:

Our hands are full now with 4 (wonderful) teens, and our caboose, but we're VERY content.

[LibraryLover]

Having grown our family through adoption and bio, I would never consider another pregnancy, even with space age fertility drugs.

 

My dh knows I surf a particular adoption website. He's smart enough to say nothing.

 

I must say I am loving our freedom. My youngest has 3 adult siblings to care for her when I travel with dh.

 

Still, I pretty much turn to mush when I see babies in Ergos.

Edited November 12, 2012 by LibraryLover

[meggie]

I knew after Digby was born that I didn't want anymore. It made me feel like a HUGE failure as most LDS moms have a lot of children and the ones I know that don't are the ones that couldn't get pregnant or had other medical issues.

 

With Digby I spent a year waking up 5-7 times a night with an inconsolable child. I went crazy. That's not a euphemism or anything, I was literally crazy. I won't go into details of how.

 

Anyway, after his first birthday, I discovered I was pregnant again. Digby would occasionally sleep through the night, but not usually. God blessed me with her, because she was the easiest sleeper for the first six months. I could put her down away and she wouldn't cry or fuss, just go to sleep. After that she was a nightmare of a sleeper and I went crazy again. Now she's only waking up 3 times a night instead of the 5-7 so I guess it's better.

 

I'm not a very good parent of babies. As difficult as Digby is as a toddler, it's better than when he was a baby. Sure, I sometimes wish I could hold babies more often, but I don't want any of my own. If I could skip the first year or two, I would.

 

We did not do anything permanent. DH cannot get the V and the OB was very hesitant on a tubal although he said he would if I really wanted it. I wanted to make sure we made the right decision, so delaying making a decision was the best we could do and I got the Mirena. I didn't want to make a permanent decision when I was so tired and the hormones were still wreaking havoc. I wanted to make the best logical choice I could when I was my normal self. God still hasn't answered any prayers about it one way or the other, so I'm glad that the decision is only delayed. I keep thinking that if I could somehow be a stronger person, I could have another one once the Mirena comes out. I think I would be ok with not having another though.

 

Life is a lot better for me without babies. That crazy period I talked of was a nightmare and I'm still overwhelmed with guilt for it. I am pushing my emotional limit as it is and it's all I can do to keep above water right now. DH and I are much better without the stress of me being crazy. And I enjoy being able to do things. Last Saturday, I took Pigby to Dancesport. We were gone all day, which is not something I could have done with an infant. I enjoy them more when they actually do things and can have conversations.

 

DH is ok with whatever I want, although he tends to think on the side that not having more is a good idea.

[justLisa]

That's kind of how I feel. And I am a big fat nasty pregnant person. I hated being pregnant. I was a big fat ball of heartburn and misery.

/QUOTE]

I remember right after I pushed out my son, as soon as I heard him cry I thought. "THANK YOU GOD that I will NEVER have to do that AGAIN!!!!! HALLELUJAH!!!!"

 

Oh I hear you on that one. I somehow knew with dd this was it. And then when I came home to a still nursing toddler AND a newborn I REALLY knew.

[justLisa]

Though sometimes I have baby fever really bad. But I shrug it off as some biological factor in just getting older. Everything can be rationalized away :lol:

[TranquilMind]

were you immediately fine with the decision and never again questioned it? If you did regret the decision to be done, how long did it take to get over that, or did the desire for babies not ever go away?

 

I'm sure I am the type that will always want more babies, just because of how much I love babies and have always loved babies. So in that sense, I can't really relate to people who are completely done and never look back. I wish I could though, at this point, lol.

 

What is it like to move on with no more babies? Do you feel it has been positive or negative overall for your marriage, your life, etc? And why, if you don't mind sharing.

 

I never decided. I just only had two. Being older was likely a factor in that.

 

You get what you get. I didn't decide I wouldn't have them, and apparently God decided that I wasn't going to have a huge family! :tongue_smilie:

[Laura Corin]

I've never looked back. It was exactly the right decision at the right time. I am loving growing with my children - having great conversations with my teens, not interrupted by little ones.

 

Laura

[Scarlett]

That's kind of how I feel. And I am a big fat nasty pregnant person. I hated being pregnant. I was a big fat ball of heartburn and misery.

 

I LOVED being pregnant. I felt beautiful and wonderful in every way. I actually missed being pregnant. I heard Kelly Rippa the other day talking about being pregnant and walking the run way with Victoria Secret girls...how she 'felt' so beautiful and EVERYONE told her she was beautiful so it MUST be true....then she saw footage of herself....she said she looked like a giant float. LOL....so that is probably how I looked too, but I FELT beautiful.

[Soror]

With Digby I spent a year waking up 5-7 times a night with an inconsolable child. I went crazy. That's not a euphemism or anything, I was literally crazy. I won't go into details of how.

 

We've not decided we are "done" but I understand this feeling. We have only used NFP since we started having children but I told dh after #1 that I cannot purposely try to get pregnant until I feel sane. I don't feel sanity is optional. #1 was just really, really, really difficult. I well remember the feeling of craziness. I remember all the worthless advice people gave me. I don't want to relive that.

[garddwr]

I can't really answer your question because I'm not done--much as I wanted to feel like this pregnancy was my last (it was a hard pregnancy)--that wasn't how I felt or feel. I think there are at least two more babies in store for us. But I wanted to reply just to say I know how hard the decision can be. I think the only way I will ever feel comfortable saying "no more" before I am physically beyond childbearing is if in making the decision I feel the peace that can only come from God confirming that such a decision is right. I know people who have felt such confirmation, and can move forward knowing that their choice is also God's choice for them. I don't think that necessarily means they never feel wistful when someone else is holding a baby--but they feel at peace.

[fraidycat]

DH and both thought we wanted a big family. We only have two, but after #2 I just knew I was D-O-N-E done. I knew that the minute he was born, but we didn't do anything permanent about it for two years. DH was deployed for part of that and when he got back, I was very careful about protection until he got fixed.

 

I don't even get a twinge when I see babies. Sure they're cute and adorable, but I really don't even have any desire to snuggle with them, let alone care for them full time. This reaffirms my decision, because I did get those feelings before and in between my two.

 

I love my children, but I'm really not much of a kid person. When I see other families with more children and babies all I think is "Thank God that's not me." So I guess you can say I am one who has never looked back after the decision was made.

[lynn]

My 2 oldest became teenagers.....that helped with our decision.

[Scarlett]

My 2 oldest became teenagers.....that helped with our decision.

 

:lol:

[ksr5377]

I'm trying to figure this out right now as well. We have three and I keep going through stages of feeling that we're completely done to desperately wanting a baby. But now that my youngest is 2 I'm just starting to feel like I am in control of my life again. I'm almost always content and happy and I think that has a lot to do with how much sleep I get =) But then I think that I never wanted to have a "middle" child and things would be so much better if there were four, like we originally planned. And then I think about how expensive they are. And then I think about how wonderful they are. And then I think about how they drive me crazy. And then I think about how much I love them and how sweet they can be at times. And then I think about how not-sweet they can be. You know, it goes on and on. I'm also trying to figure out if I'm really wanting another baby at times or if I'm just sort of grieving for the end of that part of my life?

[Maela]

 

I'm not a very good parent of babies. As difficult as Digby is as a toddler, it's better than when he was a baby. Sure, I sometimes wish I could hold babies more often, but I don't want any of my own. If I could skip the first year or two, I would.

 

............

 

Life is a lot better for me without babies. That crazy period I talked of was a nightmare and I'm still overwhelmed with guilt for it. I am pushing my emotional limit as it is and it's all I can do to keep above water right now. DH and I are much better without the stress of me being crazy. And I enjoy being able to do things. Last Saturday, I took Pigby to Dancesport. We were gone all day, which is not something I could have done with an infant. I enjoy them more when they actually do things and can have conversations.

It's so nice to hear someone else say this. It's exactly how I feel.

[Crimson Wife]

I'm Catholic, so I can't imagine saying that I'm totally done unless I were past menopause or God forbid something happened to DH. Even if I had a serious reason to say no more pregnancies for me, I'd still not totally rule out adopting.

[Kim in Appalachia]

I knew as soon as I went into labor with my 5th, that I was truly never doing it again.

 

As soon as he was born, and I held him, I again thought, never again. My dh said something about hoping the next one was a girl (he adores his girls :001_smile: ), and I just looked at him and told him to forget it. He knew not to say another word. :D

 

I adore each of my children, but having 5 can be overwhelming, especially at this time of life (the youngest is 7, oldest 18). I have that feeling that I'll never be done, and I want to be done. The older kids need more of my time but my energy goes into the younger. That was especially true for my oldest dd. I felt like she never got the time and attention she needed. Of course, she's doing fine and loves all of her siblings, but still I felt like she got a bit short changed.

[4kidlets4me]

I had a hard pregnancy with my youngest and a hard delivery which I'm sure swayed me. About 2 weeks after he was born I told DH there was no way I wanted anymore, luckily he agreed. For about 2 years after DH got snipped I had baby fever bad though every baby I saw just made it worse. But now almost 6 years after we made that decision I can honestly say I do not want anymore babies.

I like sleeping through the night, not changing diapers etc.

[Mrs Mungo]

When I was holding a baby with a runny nose and could only think, "this baby had better not make me sick."

 

We went through a little transition period when our house no longer held little children, but it is better than ever. We can say, "hey kids, we are going to a movie, see you later, cook yourselves dinner," and walk out.

[Wheres Toto]

Dh and I knew our limit was two more before we got married. :D I was already 35 and he was 48 so age was a factor. I knew I didn't want another "only", knew I wanted to be done by 40, so two seemed like a good number.

 

After Ds was born, he NEVER slept. He was happy when awake but slept very very little. For awhile Dh kept asking why anyone would ever have a second child. :lol: Then he got a little older, the baby stage was passing, and we decided it wasn't so bad after all. We knew when I got pregnant with dd that I would be having a tubal during my c-section. I've never regretted it and have no desire for anymore. I figure I can probably look forward to grandchildren sometime in the next 10 years and that is enough.

[newlifemom]

Dh and I wanted a large family. We wanted to let God set the number. For a a long time, we did just that. After miscarriage #9 [for a total of 13 pregnancies] we just did not have any emotional fortitude left. We have prayed for over a year now if the decision was right and are now planning on a more permanent solution.

 

It was a hard decision to make but spending time every month wondering if I was pregnant and then spending time every month depressed b/c I wasn't, or worse, worrying about when and where I was going to miscarry, was not conducive to a healthy family. We are blessed with our 4 1/2 children [niece lives with us :tongue_smilie:] and have quietly left the child-bearing stage of our life together.

[LibraryLover]

When I was holding a baby with a runny nose and could only think, "this baby had better not make me sick."

 

We went through a little transition period when our house no longer held little children, but it is better than ever. We can say, "hey kids, we are going to a movie, see you later, cook yourselves dinner," and walk out.

 

 

Yes, that is wonderful.

 

A friend my age recently married and had a baby with her female partner, who has much younger eggs. I fell madly in love with that baby. Later, I told my dh that if I ever left him, it would not be for a younger man. His reply was a simple, "I know." lol

[butterflymommy]

I don't think I will ever be done. I've been reading about IQ recently and there is an inverse relationship between IQ and the number of children a person has. I must be really stupid because I could happily keep having children until menopause.

 

My teens are nasty and grouchy and that hasn't put a chink in my armor. Bring on the babies!

 

I do stress about college and tuition costs but DH and I aren't on the same page (he wants to spend on private, I would rather have them in public) but so far that's the only real approaching disaster I foresee. College has gotten so insanely expensive, much faster than inflation.

 

I don't want them to blame us for not footing 100% of a tuition bill for them, but I'm not sure we could do that with even just 2 or 3 children. People I know personally are spending $160,000+ on 4 yr degrees for their kids.

[J-rap]

With me it was when #5 started to have serious health concerns. It required so much of my attention that I didn't feel I could handle any more.

 

Sometimes I do wish we had had one more, however, so we would have an even number. :)

[I.Dup.]

I don't think I will ever be done. I've been reading about IQ recently and there is an inverse relationship between IQ and the number of children a person has.

 

That's interesting. Both of my parents have IQs above 140 and although I've never had my IQ tested, I assume it's decently high. I also got straight As all throughout high school, had no problem getting into college on a scholarship, etc. And I obviously have more than a couple kids, lol.

[Trish]

Never really dwelled on the fact that this is a decision for most people. We're Catholic so it isn't.

[MedicMom]

I had a partial uterine rupture with my last daughter. My OB said no more, we scheduled the Essure procedure and...my insurance refused to pay for it.

Then I switched OBs and my new OB says there is no reason I can't have another baby as long as we wait for the uterus to completely heal and I do not go into labor. Another pregnancy would result in a c-section at 36-37 weeks.

 

So I thought I was done and was devastated over it, but all of the sudden DH is open to the possibility of a third child. I have complete peace over having a tubal with the next c-section, which I didn't with either my daughter's birth or when I scheduled the Essure.

 

My parents had eight kids and simply "knew" they were done with the last one. It was just a sense of oh, we're all here now. I have the same sense when I think about having another baby.

[Ali in OR]

Eventually the risks made the decision easier to make. Our first is severely disabled and we have a slightly higher risk than others of having children with birth defects. For a second pregnancy, no big deal--it would not greatly change our life to have 2 disabled kids instead of 1. Second was born fine, and then for a third the decision is a little harder. We now had one with many health issues, lifetime dependence on us, etc., and one that was "normal." A second disabled child now would make life harder than 1 disabled and 1 not. But the desire for another was very strong--the benefits outweighed the risk. Third dd was also "normal." Third pregnancy was hard on me physically--very difficult to take care of a disabled child, a toddler, and not even be able to breathe easily or walk upright! So at an "advanced maternal age," 1 disabled child needing full care, and 2 little sisters to share a room and be best friends with each other, and a tired Mom of finite resources, it really wasn't too hard to decide we were done. We did nothing permanent, and if babies came with guarantees that all would be fine with them and you, we would have signed up for another. But life is good as it is.

[butterflymommy]

That's interesting. Both of my parents have IQs above 140 and although I've never had my IQ tested, I assume it's decently high. I also got straight As all throughout high school, had no problem getting into college on a scholarship, etc. And I obviously have more than a couple kids, lol.

 

Here is a wiki article on it:

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fertility_and_intelligence

 

Because intelligent people have fewer children and less intelligent people have more children the net effect is a decline of ~1.5-2 IQ points per generation. The Flynn effect (rising IQ due to environmental factors like nutrition) is already reversing in some countries.

[KungFuPanda]

I think that wanting more children and being addicted to the baby phase are two completely different things. It can be disastrous if you don't sort that out. I almost think the decision is easier for us non-baby addicts. Bin sooo not hooked on the gateway drug :-)

[Crimson Wife]

Here is a wiki article on it:

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fertility_and_intelligence

 

Because intelligent people have fewer children and less intelligent people have more children the net effect is a decline of ~1.5-2 IQ points per generation. The Flynn effect (rising IQ due to environmental factors like nutrition) is already reversing in some countries.

 

Correlation does not equal causation. Women who are more educated tend to start having babies later in life, and in general IQ and years of education have a positive correlation. A high school dropout who starts having kids in her teens is far more likely to wind up with a large family than a woman with a graduate degree who doesn't become a mom until her 30's.