laundrycrisis Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 Friends, be aware of who has regular contact with your children, and who is building relationships with them and earning your trust. Look for and be open to the best in people - many have so much to offer and nothing in them to fear. But just in case, keep healthy and safe boundaries in place, communication open, and teach your children be aware of appropriate boundaries, even with people they like and trust. Those should never be crossed. Someone you see frequently, who you like and trust and have no suspicions about, may turn out to have another side that you do not know about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 Friends, be aware of who has regular contact with your children, and who is building relationships with them and earning your trust. Look for and be open to the best in people - many have so much to offer and nothing in them to fear. But just in case, keep healthy and safe boundaries in place, communication open, and teach your children be aware of appropriate boundaries, even with people they like and trust. Those should never be crossed. Someone you see frequently, who you like and trust and have no suspicions about, may turn out to have another side that you do not know about. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggieamy Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 Thank you for the reminder. It's one we all need to hear often. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 Oh mama :grouphug: I hope the situation was recognized before any damage was done :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elinor Everywhere Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keniki Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 :grouphug: Please keep in mind it can be someone YOU'VE trusted all your life too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted November 12, 2012 Author Share Posted November 12, 2012 To be clear, our own kids were not involved. But someone's child was. I'm hoping this was his first attempt, and thankfully it did not go past stalking. I hope there have not been any before this. It is shocking to see a newspaper article and mug shot of someone you have liked and trusted, who has worked with your own kids, your neighbors' kids, and many other people's kids in the community, and other communities nearby. He was great at the job he did and we were always glad to see him and talk to him. He was trusted, liked, and looked up to by both kids and adults. When I think of the stature he had within the activity, and the number of kids and teens he had regular contact with, I feel sick. He also worked part time in public schools. Just sick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newlifemom Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 :iagree: Oh mama :grouphug: I hope the situation was recognized before any damage was done :( :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 To be clear, our own kids were not involved. But someone's child was. I'm hoping this was his first attempt, and thankfully it did not go past stalking. Well, thank goodness for this at least, and for the fact that he was caught and outed publicly for what he is. How utterly terrifying, and how devastating to one's faith in humanity and our own instincts. Truly, that's what scares me the most--the fact that we'd like to believe our instincts would tip us off. But sometimes these guys are SO good at what they do that we don't know until it's too late, or nearly too late :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 Ugh! I hate perverts!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 Well, thank goodness for this at least, and for the fact that he was caught and outed publicly for what he is. How utterly terrifying, and how devastating to one's faith in humanity and our own instincts. Truly, that's what scares me the most--the fact that we'd like to believe our instincts would tip us off. But sometimes these guys are SO good at what they do that we don't know until it's too late, or nearly too late :( I don't leave it to my instincts....I am probably over board on protectiveness...but I know far too well, that these predators are everywhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 I don't leave it to my instincts....I am probably over board on protectiveness...but I know far too well, that these predators are everywhere. You may not, but others do, unfortunately. People trust pastors, scout leaders, youth ministers, babysitters, Sunday school teachers, tutors, etc. all the time based on their instincts. And some people don't have a choice as to who their kids are around if they're in a school setting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 You may not, but others do, unfortunately. People trust pastors, scout leaders, youth ministers, babysitters, Sunday school teachers, tutors, etc. all the time based on their instincts. And some people don't have a choice as to who their kids are around if they're in a school setting. Yes, school is a big problem for parents who have no choice to put them there so they can work. I certainly am not blaming the parents! Those freaks know just who to target too...Makes me ill. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 Yes, school is a big problem for parents who have no choice to put them there so they can work. I certainly am not blaming the parents! Those freaks know just who to target too...Makes me ill. Oh, I know you weren't. I mean, we all make choices, and we have to. We can't keep them tied to us 24/7! I just feel like the whole "trust your instincts" thing is overrated. Obviously no one's instincts were pinging about this guy until it was almost too late! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 Oh, I know you weren't. I mean, we all make choices, and we have to. We can't keep them tied to us 24/7! I just feel like the whole "trust your instincts" thing is overrated. Obviously no one's instincts were pinging about this guy until it was almost too late! Yeah, my ds is 12 1/2 and I let him go on a lock in at the aquarium this weekend. He was with 4 other boys we know...2 of which were the official 'chaperones' for our group....but I was still nervous. I think I watch too much CSI though. And Criminal Minds. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 Yeah, my ds is 12 1/2 and I let him go on a lock in at the aquarium this weekend. He was with 4 other boys we know...2 of which were the official 'chaperones' for our group....but I was still nervous. I think I watch too much CSI though. And Criminal Minds. :glare: Oh, me too. We had no power (so no alarm system) and no cell service for several days during the post-Sandy period. I was terrified! All I could imagine were the Criminal Minds episodes where people come home and find killers in their homes already, or everyone goes to sleep the and abductor sneaks out of the nursery closet and steals the baby, etc. There weren't even any break-ins or looting in our area, and it's not a great one! So yeah, I'm trying hard not to live my life like I'm in an episode of some crime drama, but it's hard! :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted November 12, 2012 Author Share Posted November 12, 2012 I would never advise anyone to ignore any instinctual feelings, but it's clearly not enough to wait for those to get our attention. We can't trust that they will always show up when we need them. We need to have safe habits in place, with ourselves, and taught to our kids, and some boundaries that are non-negotiable with anyone, ever. It's hard to be on guard around everyone all the time, especially a person who seems kind, caring, supportive, and positive in every way !! (It might even be a family member who you see as feeling loving and protective toward your kids. ) What it comes down to is that predatory people are often very good at manipulating trust, and getting themselves into positions in which adults and kids look up to and trust them. I'm angry. This guy had contact with so many kids in our community !! He was very trusted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 :grouphug: It is a scary realization. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 I'm kind of glad that this happened to me when I was a kid. Hopefully it makes me more aware of how to protect and prepare my kids. I won't bubble-wrap my kids, but I hope they will be empowered to reject inappropriate treatment and have the sense to tell me about it. And if anything does happen, that they won't blame themselves for it the way I did. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted November 12, 2012 Share Posted November 12, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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