Overwhelmed by homeschooling drawbacks

[airforcefamily]

Interesting thread. We have five kids, the oldest is 8. Sometimes they go with me to appointments and sometimes not. When they do it's not a big deal, I've had my teeth cleaned while holding a baby. Things have a way of working out. My husband is often away for months at a time so when he's home in the evenings it feels like a huge luxury. When he's home I try to get some errands done by myself. Honestly, having the kids at home is way less stressful than when they were in school and our entire lives had to revolve around the school calendar and daily schedule.

 

I tried hiring a maid but it was stressful to get everything picked up by a certain time so she could clean. Besides, wiping down a counter isn't difficult; picking up and putting back everything on that counter is what takes time. I felt like I was doing all the hard work and paying someone to do the easy part. Not to mention the chemicals she insisted on using stunk up the house.

 

My 'secret' is to hire a babysitter. Now, even when my husband is home, I hire a babysitter. I find that 7-10 hours a week is enough. Sometimes she takes the kids outside or for a walk so I can get housework done - I can accomplish in an hour what took the maid 2 or 3. Other times I go to appointments or run errands. Most of the time I go to the gym. On occasion I simply sit in the car and enjoy some quiet time alone. I pay the babysitter less than I paid the maid for more than double the hours. I would cut down on a lot of luxuries before I stopped having the babysitter come.

[momto2Cs]

It was nice to have cookies or cake waiting when I got off the bus, but it would have been a lot nicer to have been a part of the baking with my mom and to have that time to build our relationship (she's a good mom, but we don't have a close relationship). I'm sure she had fun going out with her friends, but now (30 years later) she doesn't keep in contact with any of those women. So, how important was it that she bond with them instead of her children? So, when it's all said and done, your house won't be perfect (far from it), you'll have little to no "me time", and it will be a huge hassle to get anything accomplished that involves leaving the house. But, 20 years from now, you'll have a closer relationship with your children, they'll know what it takes to clean a house and wash their own clothes, and you'll be a better person for the sacrifices you made.

 

I agree. My dd9 loves that we have time together to do these things. We have a very close relationship that I treaure far above a clean home, or even personal time. And from seeing me do things around the house, they learn how to do those things themselves. I'm extra lucky in that, because I work part-time outside the home, my kids also get that bonding experience with my mom!

 

When we have to go places I load up homework, books, and coloring sheets for the waiting room. We take school with us and they stay occupied :) Easy fix. After that you will need those hours at home. I have a strong network of friends that we get together and have better discussions that pertain to where I'm at in my life anyways. You'll find that more valuable. Mine go to appts. with me or I schedule on days off. Also if you can find a friend to swap out sitting for those things. Join a homeschool group or find some in your area. We have a very close knit relationship. We discuss things I don't see other children talking about. I don't have to deal with the sass and backtalk I already see boys my oldest age doing.

I think society has grossly underestimated the ability of young children to help. My 5 year old helps throw out hay, bed down chickens, carry feed, etc. My 4 year old can get my goats in milking stand with feed and help me milk. Inside they are expected to help keep rooms clean, put away own laundry sorted, they clean off the table, sweep the floors, mop, and love dusting. If you never make it work, and make it part of the day and fun they never know! My biggest pet peeve is a generation separated from work that feels like everything is owed to them because they are "educated".

My children are also more involved in the community and know what being an adult entails. Going to the DMV, voting (they all went with me and helped me push buttons). They understand grocery shopping and meal planning. They help cook. All of these are things you never get in school! We are working on doing all laundry now with the three oldest (making our soap, amount to put in, sorting, changing, etc). Many college kids don't know how to do laundry, lol.

 

I too take my kids with me everywhere I go, and thankfully now that they are 9 and 11, they know to bring something to amuse themselves. I also make sure that they are fully involved in the day-to-day running of our home. They have responsibilities just as I do. And it helps their socialization in that they know how to talk to adults in the real world, not just a teacher at school.

 

It is different for sure, but not in a bad way. It really does get easier too. As your son gets older, it will be easier to take him places. My girls spend hours at doctors' offices. We've found ways to deal with the boredom. You'll also meet other hs moms who can trade babysitting to cover doctor appointments. I just asked my girls if they would rather go to school and come home to a clean house and snack- instead of cleaning, running errands, sitting at doctors' appointments, etc. I was surprised (and pleased) they both chose homeschooling. My 8yo looked horrified and said she would definitely choose as much family time as possible, even if it meant she had to clean. :001_smile: My 11yo said she would definitely rather homeschool because she wouldn't want me to clean her room while she was gone. :lol:

 

I asked my kids the same question, and they answered the same way! And yes, I've watched other homeschooling moms' kids while they had dr's appointments, etc., and have gotten the same in return. You can build an excellent help network with other homeschool families.

 

I would sit down and really think this through before you make a decision either way. There are, in all honesty, families that do well with homeschooling, and families that don't. It needs to be something you are comfortable, because it is about far more than simply their schoolwork and balancing that with the rest of life--it is an entire lifestyle in its own. I have changed tremendously as a mother over the years partly due to the fact that I do spend so much time with my children. And yes, my house looks lived in, my kids whine about being dragged along on errands, I sometimes feel overwhelmed. BUT, the positives far outweigh the negatives for us. I get to spend a lot of time with my kids. We have a strong family bond that I love. We can go places during school hours and not deal with crowds. My kids learn to handle household chores by living as a part of the family. I don't have to get them up early everyday to shove them off to be with someone else, and then come home only to have homework, etc. that cut into family time. We can follow interests, slow down, speed up, spend the day reading stories and playing math games if we really want to. We can bake cookies together, work in the vegetable garden together, and with them being 9 and 11 now, there are times when they are very busy with projects of their own (and you can bet I jump on having that time to do my own thing!). To me, homeschooling is a challenging lifestyle, but it seems less extreme and far more natural than them being gone much of the time.

 

Additionally, because we made this decision as a couple, my dh understands that while the house IS clean, it will not look like a magazine shot. I still find time to pluck my eyebrows, though I do also cut my own hair (using a great easy trick for layered hair I learned on you tube). My mom is happy to watch the kids for an overnight once a month so dh and I can do the date night thing. I have homeschooling friends that have offered to help out with this too, and I'd do it for them as well. I get "me" time at least once a week.

 

Oh, and in regards to the historical bit a couple of pages back, they didn't so much ignore the young kids as expect them to be watching and learning. That's called modeling behaviors, and we do a lot of that. my kids, when they were that small, could easily be entertained for at least a decent period of time with toys, or homemade playdough, etc. As they got older, children in the "olden days" were expected to learn to work around the house/farm. Truthfully, I expect a lot out of my kids too. They are fully functioning people, and as long as I am willing to teach them how to do things, they are generally able to do them.

[dereksurfs]

When I first read this post I thought the OP was my wife's little sister, seriously. If so please PM me. :p

 

As much as my dear SIL likes the notion of homeschooling or at least some of the obvious benefits and positve results she sees, she just can't get past these same issues. Most important seems to be the loss of her personal time in which she enjoys doing these other things, alone. :D Yet her husband really likes the idea of HS'ing. So she gave it a go and tried it for almost a year. But it was just too much for her and not her thing, at all. It really isn't for everyone and you do have to count the cost. It goes far beyond wondering how to fit everything in. You have to be fully committed to the process through all its ups and downs, good days and bad days. If not fully in, it will never really be as rewarding as it could be.

[Lizzie in Ma]

This is our 11th year homeschooling. While there have been some very difficult times over the years, I would share with you that I don't think, for us, there have actually been any drawbacks whatsoever.

It has been a gift, a trial, a blessing and a way of life I wouldn't change for anything.

Homeschooling is our way of life, we don't try to fit life into homeschooling.

[briansmama]

I totally agree with Lizzie- to me, being able to homeschool my dc is such a gift! I'm also able to take care of myself because my Dh loves being with our boys and is available to us quite a bit, so that support definitely helps. But bottom line is you have to really want to homeschool, otherwise, yeah, the inconveniences of not having as much freedom of movement are going to get to you.

 

I also think it's important to remember that any parent is going to have added challenges taking care of themselves, whether their kids are toddlers/infants, school-aged and in school, homeschooled, or even teenagers. There are parents in all of these situations who make regular exercise and healthy eating and updated haircuts and clothes a priority and there are those who value other things or simply don't make taking care of themselves a priority as much as they could.

[justLisa]

Not THIS thread again.

[bttrflyvld]

I find this thread very interesting. I'll have a Kindergartener next school year and though I haven't really worried about that year, I have been wondering about when school does get more involved. thanks to all who have posted. It's been very interesting reading. 8-)

[lllll]

...

[dereksurfs]

This is our 11th year homeschooling. While there have been some very difficult times over the years, I would share with you that I don't think, for us, there have actually been any drawbacks whatsoever.

It has been a gift, a trial, a blessing and a way of life I wouldn't change for anything.

 

Homeschooling is our way of life, we don't try to fit life into homeschooling.

 

 

This last statement really is key and really points out what a pardigm shift homeschooling is. For us now its hard to imagine what life would be like if we didn't homeschool. Sometimes we talk about it like if something tragic were to happen and the thought isn't pretty. As a minimum we want to see our kids homeschool through middle school. But preferably all the way through high school as well.

[Clarkd]

We have four young children. We schedule tabletop schoolwork (language arts, fine motor activities, math) in the mornings. They don't seem to have the balancing skills or attention to do work away from home, but we do listen to some audiiobooks in the car. The kids help with chores; we work together as a family during chore time. They can vacuum, wash down cupboards and table, fold wascloths, put away their laundry, clear the table, etc. I think it is important to have them realize the work required to maintain a household. However, it also is important to know though that our house is never clean like it used to be! I go to a 24 hour gym after the kids are in bed while my partner is home. We go to a lot of sports and I get to talk to parents during those classes. Some parents drop off and do errands during class times, but I don't feel comfortable with that. The internet, forums abd facebook, keep me connected. All the kids have nap or rest time after lunch to maintain everyone's sanity. We shop as a family. Most errands are done together. My partner can take the kids when I have an appointment or we schedule a sitter. On the weekend we have family time but also we take some time for each parent to have a couple hour break. I'm not an early riser so my partner wakes up early with the kids and has time with them until she has to go to work. Good luck!

[kristi26]

I have not read all the responses. I have four kids, ages 12, 9, 6, and 3. The oldest three are currently working on school daily with the youngest just doing it whenever the whim hits him. Lol.

 

My house is never completely clean. My hair only gets cut once or twice a year. I practically LIVE in sweatpants all the time. Dinners are thought of once a week, over the weekend, and then defrosted and made four nights a week (DH does lots of the cooking over the weekend, yay!). I almost never fold all of my laundry though it's always clean. And you know what? DH comes home, sees a huge pile of it, and FOLDS IT!! He sees dishes everywhere and loads the dishwasher. He gets a text from me saying that the day has been overwhelming and he offers to bring home a pizza instead of me making something. I go Bible Study in the evening while DH is home with the kids (only once a week for ten weeks at a time).

 

What I'm saying is, if I didn't have a supportive DH, I don't know if I could do this. He makes it possible for me to do all I need to do by chipping in when he sees things that need done. And he doesn't make a big deal about what the house looks like either. He cares, for sure, but he cares more about our kids health and well-being and my sanity than he does about a clean house! And I adore him for that!!

[Halcyon]

I guess I should be embarrassed because everyone thinks I am being funny. This is my life!

 

 

I have an issue with taking care of myself and my house because homeschooling takes up so much time AND sucks me dry. I just seriously do NOT have time for non-essentials.

 

 

EXAMPLE: my cap to my front tooth fell out MONTHS ago. Who the heck has time for luxuxious, non essential appointments! After looking at my tooth sit on my dresser for so long that the cobwebs from it reached the highest point of my cathedral ceiling, I said, "ENOUGH!!!". I dusted off that tooth, grabbed the Gorilla Glue, glued it back in, and went about my day. Hours later I realized the tooth had been glued in backwards! At first I was horrified, but then I realized that even a backward tooth is better than no tooth at all, ESPECIALLY if it was right in front of the mouth!!!

 

 

Really, it's all about attitude.

 

 

Omg. I am about to p*e in my pants here......:lol:

[Georgiana Daniels]

Now that I think on this a bit more....public school seems like such an extreme choice!

 

Parent/teacher conferences, helping with homework (and having to review using the teacher's method), my kids being forced to use the materials chosen by strangers, volunteering in the classroom, packing lunches, my kids learning unacceptable behaviors from kids we as parents do not know, being forced to work our holidays and time off around someone else's schedule.....and let's not forget....GETTING UP EARLY to get them to school at a time pre-selected by who even knows who.....

 

It makes me shudder to think!

 

Whew....so glad we dodged that bullet.

 

 

 

 

:tongue_smilie:

[SwallowTail]

I have not yet had a chance to read past the first few pages of the thread, so forgive me if the subject has veered away from the original post.

 

Homeschooling is not all sunshine and roses. It is a huge sacrifice, and it annoys me when people attempt to gloss over that fact, or when they attempt to make someone feel guilty for "counting the cost." The cost is real.

 

 

Personally, I have found it daunting as I recently realized that this homeschooling gig really does mean years and years of a whole lot less freedom than I see my friends having who work and send their kids to school.

 

It is just a fact, unless you have a ton of available childcare givers who work for cheap or free.

 

One friend of mine who works a rotating schedule and send her dd to school often forgets that I have dd with me always and invites me to activities that I would *love* to do on a weekend, but am not available to do during the week.

 

My house varies from pretty clean to infuriatingly messy, with tons of tiny art projects all over the place and school books strewn across my kitchen.

 

I usually look pretty horrible, but honestly, I could do better, if I made that a priority.

 

My main beef has been with the fact that I have some debilitating health issues that have been neglected for years as I raise my dd. This year, it reached a tipping point, and I have had to fight like mad to get healthcare for myself. I take her with me to some appointments. My husband now watches her at his office a couple of hours a week, so I can go to a long physical therapy appointment or doctor's appointment. She comes with me 1-2x/week to physical therapy as well (which is horribly distracting, oftentimes miserable for the workers and other patients in the very public clinic, and just super challenging for us all. But I do it, b/c I NEED PT.) This part is hard.

 

I alos look at the lost contributions to my retirement funds for these decades. That is a pretty big cost, that I will have to attempt to recoup by working probably as long as my body will allow it.

 

I am a freelance technical writer and polymer/chemistry consultant as well. My family has to give up a lot of time together on weekends, b/c I need to use that time to work, when dh can watch dd.

 

We make this really tough choice for our family, b/c we believe it to be important for our dd. She is gifted, but has SPD and perhaps other reading issues, and as a twice exceptional student, would really be served poorly by an institutional school setting.

[momto2Cs]

Now that I think on this a bit more....public school seems like such an extreme choice!

 

Parent/teacher conferences, helping with homework (and having to review using the teacher's method), my kids being forced to use the materials chosen by strangers, volunteering in the classroom, packing lunches, my kids learning unacceptable behaviors from kids we as parents do not know, being forced to work our holidays and time off around someone else's schedule.....and let's not forget....GETTING UP EARLY to get them to school at a time pre-selected by who even knows who.....

 

It makes me shudder to think!

 

Whew....so glad we dodged that bullet.

 

 

 

 

:tongue_smilie:

 

 

ROFL! So glad we dodged that one too!

 

Back to school nights, PTA, fundraisers.... the list of ps fun just goes on!

[Professormom]

 

 

This was my life growing up also. It was nice to come home to a clean house, but I never learned how to clean a house (when I left home at 22 to live in my own apartment, my mom showed me how to clean a toilet!) It was nice to have cookies or cake waiting when I got off the bus, but it would have been a lot nicer to have been a part of the baking with my mom and to have that time to build our relationship (she's a good mom, but we don't have a close relationship). I'm sure she had fun going out with her friends, but now (30 years later) she doesn't keep in contact with any of those women. So, how important was it that she bond with them instead of her children? You know what? She had a lot of "me time" - in fact, so much so that it kills her to sacrifice her time to be with her grandchildren now. I rarely ask her to babysit because I can tell how much she'd rather be doing her own thing (shopping, reading her Bible, painting, etc.) Honestly, it is selfishness, and it has driven a wedge between my mom and us (her daughters).

 

 

 

What she said. :-)

 

Someone above mentioned paradigm shift. I think that is a really accurate picture. But, it isn't bad... It can be quite fun if you go in with the attitude that you get to INTENTIONALLY create your family life with important, long-term goals in mind. This is what has kept me sane when I have had those yearnings for workout time and coffee time and putting around the house time.

 

I usually schedule my things when DH is around. A few years ago, I got caught up with many kid activities and realized after a nutso year that I needed some boundaries, so I wasn't so frazzled. So we limited the kids and their extras. Now, we have a few things a week and they are fun more than frenetic. Would the kids like to do everything... Of course they would. They are kids and they haven't yet developed the ability to find balance. (Heck, most adults I know don't have that ability yet, myself included:-). So, we help them strike a balance that works FOR OUR FAMILY. That is the key to that paradigm shift. You are creating a family picture where the family is the center for each member. It is a great gift to give your kids the ability to look outside of themselves.

 

Sorry for the sidebar. Anyway, they have rest time in their rooms (and always have, they are 5th and 3rd grade right now) every afternoon for at least an hour, so I have quiet to do what I need to do. They put things back when they are through with them, have their own chores, and are expected to help with those big projects you mentioned, especially when Dad is around. That's how they learn. The beginning of each skill is a little challenging, but it pays off BIG when they get better and take something off of your load.

 

I don't know how many you have, but if you have a kindy, in two short years, he will be a huge help to you if you work on training now, when the academic load is light.

 

I have learned to adjust what I want now to allow for the bigger picture. This was NOT a skill most of us were taught growing up in the 70s and 80s. I use online shopping, have adopted a uniform (nice yoga outfits and cute flats go pretty much anywhere now). I know what makeup looks best on me and how my hair is most flattering and I stick with it... No need to be dumpy, just more practical.

 

Most important, see if you can find one or two friends who are a bit further down the road than you...if their kids are about 5 years older, they will still remember all of the things they did (or would do differently) and be able to share.

 

Sorry this is a ramble, I have to pry myself of the ipad so I can go homeschool and clean my house, lol!

[corduroy]

This is a really interesting thread! As someone still in the decision-making phase, I really appreciate everyone who has been honest about what their homeschooling family life looks like.

 

I only have one child, and I WAH part-time. My husband works very long hours, so I am often parenting and managing the household essentially on my own. My child is very, ah, intense, needs a lot of interaction, a lot of conversation about how gravity works, a lot of supervision so he doesn't dismantle light fixtures, etc. I often feel like I have to choose between letting him watch TV (something I have Puritanical feelings about) and accepting that my floor will forever be covered with a thick mulch layer of Legos and train tracks. One of the things that really gives me pause about homeschooling is just that. How do you combine being someone's personal teacher and having a house that isn't a disaster? Or being able to shop for frivolous things like food? So many things about homeschooling seem absolutely worthwhile and valuable to me, but I also think I am not a person with terrific organizational skills.

 

Anyway, it is really interesting to see so many say that they think of homeschooling as their career. That makes so much sense to me as a paradigm. Thank you all for sharing your perspective!

[dereksurfs]

This is a really interesting thread! As someone still in the decision-making phase, I really appreciate everyone who has been honest about what their homeschooling family life looks like.

 

I only have one child, and I WAH part-time. My husband works very long hours, so I am often parenting and managing the household essentially on my own. My child is very, ah, intense, needs a lot of interaction, a lot of conversation about how gravity works, a lot of supervision so he doesn't dismantle light fixtures, etc. I often feel like I have to choose between letting him watch TV (something I have Puritanical feelings about) and accepting that my floor will forever be covered with a thick mulch layer of Legos and train tracks. One of the things that really gives me pause about homeschooling is just that. How do you combine being someone's personal teacher and having a house that isn't a disaster? Or being able to shop for frivolous things like food? So many things about homeschooling seem absolutely worthwhile and valuable to me, but I also think I am not a person with terrific organizational skills.

 

Anyway, it is really interesting to see so many say that they think of homeschooling as their career. That makes so much sense to me as a paradigm. Thank you all for sharing your perspective!

 

From just about the very beginning I have told my wife that her job is the most important and significant. I simply go to work to financially support the more important work she does every day investing her life into the lives of our kids. It goes far beyond simply their education, but rather permeates their developing hearts, souls, minds, bodies, personas, self-esteem, self-awareness, social consciousness, sense of right and wrong, etc... That is why its the most important job, a call to duty and service above and beyond most that I can think of with lifelong rewards. Is it harder than working a 9-5 job or simply not homeschooling? Absolutely! However is it worth investing all that extra time and effort involved? Yes, without a doubt! Once the fundamental paradigm shift occurs it becomes a way of life where some toys on the floor or simpler dinners are less significant issues.

 

As others have already mentioned doing things such as daily chores (e.g. cleaning, cooking, shopping, etc...) become group activities in which the kids participate. Ours have early morning chores *before* they eat breakfast and start school such as vacuuming and cleaning the house. My son at 10 y/o wanted apple pie. So my dw showed him how to make one including peeling all the apples himself. :D For doctors appointments I try to come home early some days or my wife takes them along with her. My dw doesn't go to every ladies event at church but does go to the women's dinners. She also goes to homeschool outings with other moms during the week where the kids socialize as do the moms. Although different it becomes very natural once you get into this way of life.

[CatholicMom]

The Beaver doesn't have anybody to play with after school because they are all in after-school activities and sports or else playing video games.

 

This is so sad. :sad: I hate the new era.