Am I being an unreasonable parent? 9 year party at a hotel

[BikeBookBread]

Long time no post... life has been -- difficult this year. But I do have an immediate need.

 

So dd 8 1/2 yo was invited (TODAY...nothing like the last minute) to a birthday party for a girl in her class who is turning 9. The party is tomorrow, and it is a slumber party, which I have no problem with. What I do have difficulty with, is that it is at a HOTEL. Am I being unreasonable telling her she can't stay overnight? That she can go to the party part at the indoor go-kart/putt putt golf/video game place, but not to the hotel?

 

We know NOTHING about these parents, and NOTHING about any of the other kids. We do know that the soon to be 9 yo is allowed to watch Vampire Diaries. I'm no Puritan, but dang...isn't that a wee bit spicy for a child???? (My kids have seen every epi of Doctor Who, all of the LOTR movies, plenty of gross stuff on Man vs. Wild, etc...They're watching Psych right now. But Vampire Diaries? Really parents?)

 

I have never heard of a "hotel overnight" birthday party for a child so young. Am I just ignorant?

[Sun]

If I knew nothing about the other parents other than their questionable movie choices, I would absolutely not let my child spend the night with them--at their house or at a hotel.

[Parrothead]

I'm sure the premise is that it will keep the house clean. But no, I wouldn't let mine go. Not unless I knew the parents really well.

 

Have you called the parents? Maybe you know someone mutually who can vouch for the mom (hopefully it is just the mom.)

[kitten18]

That would be a no-go for me. :001_huh:

 

 

When my nieces were young, my sister would have their birthday parties at a hotel swimming pool. They were not slumber parties, just swimming and cake.

[BikeBookBread]

If I knew nothing about the other parents other than their questionable movie choices, I would absolutely not let my child spend the night with them--at their house or at a hotel.

 

Oh, I'm not letting her go. She is having a fit right now because I've told her no, in fact.

 

I just have never heard of this even! We are not hermits, either. We have lived in all sorts of communities... rural, semi rural, metropolitan, wealthy, middle-class, on Base and off... I'm just completely... amazed about this.

[2squared]

Well, I vote not ignorant but maybe a little over the top.

 

My 10yo had her last birthday party at a hotel. Our house isn't big enough for a slumber party + my 7 person family so we rented a hotel room for the night. This party was the best.one.ever. The girls had so much fun.

 

The hotel had a small waterpark attached to it, so the girls spent a lot of time swimming. I ordered in pizza for dinner and then they made some crafts, watched a movie, played board games, and made microwave popcorn. In the morning we ate at the breakfast buffet and swam some more.

 

Our room was a suite so I had a bedroom while the girls slept in the sitting area.

[basschick]

Oh my gosh...no way! My kids would never go for it anyways, but if they wanted to I would say no. I don't even leave my kids with people I know, though.

[Dmmetler]

Unless I know a family very,very well, I don't leave DD with them, especially not overnight, no matter what the setting. In the situation you describe, either I'd be going with them so I could chaperone, or DD wouldn't be going. Fortunately, in my circle of friends, kid parties are generally also chances for the adults to gather, so this isn't an issue.

[TranquilMind]

Long time no post... life has been -- difficult this year. But I do have an immediate need.

 

So dd 8 1/2 yo was invited (TODAY...nothing like the last minute) to a birthday party for a girl in her class who is turning 9. The party is tomorrow, and it is a slumber party, which I have no problem with. What I do have difficulty with, is that it is at a HOTEL. Am I being unreasonable telling her she can't stay overnight? That she can go to the party part at the indoor go-kart/putt putt golf/video game place, but not to the hotel?

 

We know NOTHING about these parents, and NOTHING about any of the other kids. We do know that the soon to be 9 yo is allowed to watch Vampire Diaries. I'm no Puritan, but dang...isn't that a wee bit spicy for a child???? (My kids have seen every epi of Doctor Who, all of the LOTR movies, plenty of gross stuff on Man vs. Wild, etc...They're watching Psych right now. But Vampire Diaries? Really parents?)

 

I have never heard of a "hotel overnight" birthday party for a child so young. Am I just ignorant?

 

I posted almost the same question a couple of years ago, I think it was. Mine was a younger teen at the time, and I still thought it was nuts. I not only did not know the single parent (who had a live-in partner, I discovered later) but she refused to call me back and give me any information.

 

I told my daughter she could go to the party, but not the overnight, that I would pick her up late. She ended up throwing a fit and not going anyway.

 

From the FB pictures I later saw, it was a darn good thing I was not going to allow the overnight.

 

What are parents thinking these days? They need to at least be transparent. The parent in my scenario and her partner planned to spend their evening in the bar before going up to the girls.

[FeFe]

I've heard of parties at hotels, especially this time of year. They can hang out at the pool.

But being that you don't know the parents, I'd probably just pick her up late.

[TranquilMind]

BikeBookBread: Oh, I'm not letting her go. She is having a fit right now because I've told her no, in fact.

 

Funny, my daughter did exactly the same thing before her night, which I just posted about.

[Jennifer in MI]

Given those circumstances, no. I would not let a child of mine go. I would need to know the parent first. I would allow the child to go and pick her up late, however.

 

If I knew the parent, I'd be all over it!!! In fact, I'm considering having a party like this for one of my kids. Cheaper and easier than having a party at a local party place or my house! But, we'd only invite kids we knew and knew the parents.

[LibraryLover]

How does your dd know this little girl? Why was the invite so late (not that I am not the queen of lateness at times. lol)

 

Do you know people who know them?

 

I think a hotel party sounds fun. You can swim in the pool, have snacks in the room, and watch movies. It's a big sleepover with an indoor pool.

 

I understand that it sounds extravagant, but maybe they have lots of hotel points? Perhaps this works out to be less costly for them?

 

I have a child with a winter birthday, and you've got my mind going here. (My dh has lots of hotel points.)

Edited November 10, 2012 by LibraryLover

[ccolopy]

My DD has been to a hotel birthday party, and that wouldn't be an issue for me. But, I would never allow her to go to any kind of sleepover if I didn't know the parents well. She'd be getting picked up around 10pm.

[Mama Geek]

We had been living in a hotel for awhile due to the uncertainty of the last job location...there was a huge ball field where lots of out of towners would come to play. Alot of times on the weekends the hotel was full of kids. Most of the kids were pretty good and they seemed to have a lot of fun. In the case where parents weren't their they at least knew the coach and the other kids to some extent.

 

The downside of the hotels is things like the one I was a local hotspot for a prostitution ring and often pot was a problem. They kept it all on the top floor, but there were times that I wished we had been someplace else.

[MelAR05]

My daughters(ages9, 7, and 4) were invited to one of these parties for a neighbor girl. I chose to take them just for the evening and I was there the entire time. It's a good thing too. The adults were in one room with 14 girls in the other. Very little parental oversight.

 

All things considered, they had a great time. But I would never let them go without me.

[LibraryLover]

My DD has been to a hotel birthday party, and that wouldn't be an issue for me. But, I would never allow her to go to any kind of sleepover if I didn't know the parents well. She'd be getting picked up around 10pm.

 

 

Well, the OP does know that the brother is allowed to watch Vampire Diaries, although I am not sure that is enough. :)

 

I know the OP said no, so it's done. Since I love to offer my .2, if I knew nothing about this family, and didn't know anyone I trusted who knew them, I would allow my child to go to the pool and party, but pick them up before the sleepover part. I might go with dh to the hotel and get something to eat, either in the hotel restaurant, or nearby.

 

How does the child know the party girl?

[Harriet Vane]

I don't have any issues with a hotel party. A friend of mine did this with her 10yo specifically because it was easier. She didn't have to clean her house ahead of time nor deal with a trashed house afterwards.

 

I DO, however, have issues with a slumber party in any location with people you don't know, and whose judgment you have reason to question (Vampire Diaries). For that reason, I would probably recommend asking specifically what is planned and I would not allow my dd to sleep over.

[Elinor Everywhere]

I posted almost the same question a couple of years ago, I think it was. Mine was a younger teen at the time, and I still thought it was nuts. I not only did not know the single parent (who had a live-in partner, I discovered later) but she refused to call me back and give me any information.

 

I told my daughter she could go to the party, but not the overnight, that I would pick her up late. She ended up throwing a fit and not going anyway.

 

From the FB pictures I later saw, it was a darn good thing I was not going to allow the overnight.

 

What are parents thinking these days? They need to at least be transparent. The parent in my scenario and her partner planned to spend their evening in the bar before going up to the girls.

 

I remember that post! In fact, when I read this, I was thinking it sounded familiar. Has that been two years ago?? Wow....I would have guessed one at the most. Time is going by too, too fast. :glare:

[Mama Geek]

I tried to add this earlier but got messed up by the glitch...thowing a fit would mean no party at all for my dd.

[MamaJ & BabyK]

I would do the same! My DD isn't staying anywhere without me! :willy_nilly:My dd just had her 10th Birthday party at the W hotel on the beach. We also got the suite with 2 bedrooms and a den, and I invited every Mother to stay. Some did and some didn't but I wouldn't feel comfortable any other way.

[BikeBookBread]

I tried to add this earlier but got messed up by the glitch...thowing a fit would mean no party at all for my dd.

 

I would love nothing more than to keep her home; I will be disciplining her for the outburst another way. There are serious complications I don't really want to go into on this thread.

[Wheres Toto]

I wouldn't have a problem with a hotel sleep-over if it was people I would let my kid sleep-over with at home. My oldest daughter went to a few starting at 6 or 7 years old, if I remember correctly.

 

We had the first hotel sleep-over for my dd for her 6th birthday I think. Her birthday is April, so no swimming around here at that time of year. It was a long time ago but we had 6 or 7 other girls, all from her dance studio. The hotel had an indoor pool so they went swimming, we had pizza, and then they painted their nails and watched a movie in the room. Of course, by that point I had spent 4 or 5 nights a week sitting in the waiting area at dance with the moms of these girls. One of the other dance moms, who had two kids attending, stayed overnight with me. We had adjoining rooms where the girls stayed in one and we stayed in the other, with the doors propped open all night. All these girls were used to staying in hotels from dance competitions so knew the rules and were a well behaved bunch. I don't think I would have hosted a hotel party with kids who I didn't know well and who didn't know me well.

[bolt.]

Slumber parties are for close friends and family. I don't trust just anyone with my child overnight. People I do trust with my child, I certainly would be fine with trusting them at a hotel -- but these are not people you trust.

 

Also: there is a difference between "throwing a fit" (intentionally being rude and loud to punish parents and force them to change their minds through sheer unpleasantness) and actually *having* strong feelings that break through and end up being expressed in ways that other people find unpleasant.

 

I would respond totally differently to a "fit" than I would to a "melt down" at this age. Given the circumstances, I am really thinking that the child's disapointment is genuine, and she probably needs nothing more than space to compose herself.

[BikeBookBread]

I would do the same! My DD isn't staying anywhere without me! :willy_nilly:My dd just had her 10th Birthday party at the W hotel on the beach. We also got the suite with 2 bedrooms and a den, and I invited every Mother to stay. Some did and some didn't but I wouldn't feel comfortable any other way.

 

The W?! CAN I COME NEXT YEAR???? :D :D :D

[BikeBookBread]

Slumber parties are for close friends and family. I don't trust just anyone with my child overnight. People I do trust with my child, I certainly would be fine with trusting them at a hotel -- but these are not people you trust.

 

Also: there is a difference between "throwing a fit" (intentionally being rude and loud to punish parents and force them to change their minds through sheer unpleasantness) and actually *having* strong feelings that break through and end up being expressed in ways that other people find unpleasant.

 

I would respond totally differently to a "fit" than I would to a "melt down" at this age. Given the circumstances, I am really thinking that the child's disapointment is genuine, and she probably needs nothing more than space to compose herself.

 

Thank you for this. She didn't have a fit... it was definitely a meltdown. She is...emotionally fragile right now. I'm not being dramatic. Like I said, life has been complicated this year, and without giving too much away, hug your children every day and thank God for good health. It is a precious thing.

[Mommyof4ks]

I would let my kids go to a hotel for a slumber party if I knew the parents and trusted them to watch the kids. It is no different than a party at the child's house IMO. My kids would not go to either place overnight if I did not feel comfortable with the parents.

[texasmama]

If this were my child, I would take her to the other activities (staying at the hotel myself, in the background if that seemed more appropriate) and then take her home at the end of the evening. She would not spend the night.

[SebastianCat]

I don't have any issues with a hotel party. A friend of mine did this with her 10yo specifically because it was easier. She didn't have to clean her house ahead of time nor deal with a trashed house afterwards.

 

I DO, however, have issues with a slumber party in any location with people you don't know, and whose judgment you have reason to question (Vampire Diaries). For that reason, I would probably recommend asking specifically what is planned and I would not allow my dd to sleep over.

 

I feel the same way. I could see a parent who gets a lot of hotel points wanting to do a hotel party, and don't have a problem with that part. But I'd only allow sleepovers with families I trust. In fact, I'd probably ask if I could stick around for the party if it wasn't a family I knew well.

[Carrie12345]

I've stayed in a room next to a kiddie hotel party. Those things should be illegal. Or my room should have been free!!! :glare:

[Annie G]

I've stayed in a room next to a kiddie hotel party. Those things should be illegal. Or my room should have been free!!! :glare:

 

I was just thinking that I'm glad I've never stayed near a group having a party near a hotel room I'm staying in! If I'm at a hotel, I'm either exhausted or trying to relax.

 

But around here, hotel parties are quite common, and usually happen at the hotel that has an indoor water park.

[NotSoObvious]

If I didn't know the parents, my dds would not be spending the night anywhere. And at a hotel? I'd have to know them reallllly well and it would have to be a very small group of girls.

 

And if I told my dd no and she threw a fit, she wouldn't be going to any part of the party.

 

Also, getting invited the day of woud be a huge red flag for flaky parents. No thanks,

[Jenny in Florida]

Well, I vote not ignorant but maybe a little over the top.

 

My 10yo had her last birthday party at a hotel.

 

I've done the hotel sleepover thing, too.

 

I think my daughter was turning 11 the year we did it.

 

In our case, it was a way for my daughter to have her party without us having to keep shooing my son (the dreaded little brother) away from the girls. It also meant I didn't have to clean my house and plan activitities. My daughter and her guests swam in the hotel pool, played music and danced in the living room area of the suite, watched some TV, did crafts, etc. In the morning, they ate at the breakfast buffet.

 

One of the easiest and most pleasant parties I ever did.

[3browneyedboys4me]

I've had a party for my son at a hotel. We did bc it was a perfect situation...we do not have cable and this allowed the kids to watch fun programs and stay up eating popcorn. The hotel had an awesome indoor pool with two huge slides. So, my son that has a winter bday thought it would be great fun to do a summer activity like swimming instead of the typical winter stuff.

 

Now, having said those things, we did not invite everyone to sleepover. The kids invited were very good friends. It was not a big deal. I would not let my kids sleepover with anyone that they did not know very well. Period.

[Elizabeth in MN]

Even *I* don't watch TVD because of all the underage drinking.

 

As for the sleep over - no. But we don't do sleep-overs period.

[caroljenn]

No, I would not let her go unless I knew the parents very very well. At 9, my daughter had only spent the night with my sister anyways! She didn't start sleepovers until she was 11 or so, and those were families we had known for years.

[Catwoman]

 

So dd 8 1/2 yo was invited (TODAY...nothing like the last minute) to a birthday party for a girl in her class who is turning 9. The party is tomorrow, and it is a slumber party, which I have no problem with. What I do have difficulty with, is that it is at a HOTEL. Am I being unreasonable telling her she can't stay overnight? That she can go to the party part at the indoor go-kart/putt putt golf/video game place, but not to the hotel?

 

We know NOTHING about these parents, and NOTHING about any of the other kids. We do know that the soon to be 9 yo is allowed to watch Vampire Diaries. I'm no Puritan, but dang...isn't that a wee bit spicy for a child???? (My kids have seen every epi of Doctor Who, all of the LOTR movies, plenty of gross stuff on Man vs. Wild, etc...They're watching Psych right now. But Vampire Diaries? Really parents?)

 

I have never heard of a "hotel overnight" birthday party for a child so young. Am I just ignorant?

 

I would be incredibly annoyed at the last minute invitation, and would assume that other people had already turned down the invitation and the mom was trying to do some last-minute damage control so her dd would have some kids show up at the party. :glare: It certainly doesn't seem like your dd was at the top of the invitation list if she wasn't invited until the day before the party. It's not as though the mom wouldn't have had to plan this event well in advance. I think she had to commit to a certain number of kids, and she found out that a lot of them weren't going to attend, so that's why your dd was finally invited. (Sorry to sound mean -- I'm not saying that your dd shouldn't have been invited; I'm saying that the mom hadn't planned to invite her until she got desperate for kids to show up.)

 

I do question one other thing -- you said that you would have no problem letting your dd attend a sleepover at the kid's house, and that the hotel thing was what bothered you. But then you mentioned that you don't know the kid or the parents, and that you find it odd that the kid is allowed to watch Vampire Diaries.

 

OK, so I guess my question is -- why would you be OK with an at-home sleepover with parents you don't know at all, but that you know allow their child to watch shows you consider to be entirely inappropriate? :confused:

 

If I were in your situation, the hotel location wouldn't even matter to me, because I would have immediately said no to a sleepover with parents I didn't know.

[Mommy22alyns]

Well, I vote not ignorant but maybe a little over the top.

 

My 10yo had her last birthday party at a hotel. Our house isn't big enough for a slumber party + my 7 person family so we rented a hotel room for the night. This party was the best.one.ever. The girls had so much fun.

 

The hotel had a small waterpark attached to it, so the girls spent a lot of time swimming. I ordered in pizza for dinner and then they made some crafts, watched a movie, played board games, and made microwave popcorn. In the morning we ate at the breakfast buffet and swam some more.

 

Our room was a suite so I had a bedroom while the girls slept in the sitting area.

 

This sounds so fun and like a viable idea for us as our house is very small.

 

But I wouldn't let my child go if I didn't know the parents well.

[Renee in NC]

Why is a slumber party at a hotel different than a slumber party at a home?

[2squared]

This sounds so fun and like a viable idea for us as our house is very small.

 

But I wouldn't let my child go if I didn't know the parents well.

 

Seriously, best party ever.

 

It was perfect from picking the girls up at school to dropping them off the next day. The ride was about an hour, so I had "what if" type questions typed out for the ride along with little snack bags and water bottles. Thinking they might get bored, I bought white pillow cases and Sharpie markers so they each designed and autographed memory pillowcases from the night. I capped it off with individualized thank yous from Snapfish. I made a little "thank you" picture postcard of each girl with 5-6 snapshots from the party. All the girls have their postcards hanging in their bedrooms. All this on top of the swimming, pizza for dinner, board games, tween music, tween movie, and snacks.

 

Anyway, it was just perfect. Expensive, but perfect.

[Susan in KY]

Not knowing the parents? That would be a big no for me.

[Trish]

Why is a slumber party at a hotel different than a slumber party at a home?

 

I'd also be wonderinh how good the pool supervision would be. But this whole thing would be a NO for us.

[BikeBookBread]

I would be incredibly annoyed at the last minute invitation, and would assume that other people had already turned down the invitation and the mom was trying to do some last-minute damage control so her dd would have some kids show up at the party. :glare: It certainly doesn't seem like your dd was at the top of the invitation list if she wasn't invited until the day before the party. It's not as though the mom wouldn't have had to plan this event well in advance. I think she had to commit to a certain number of kids, and she found out that a lot of them weren't going to attend, so that's why your dd was finally invited. (Sorry to sound mean -- I'm not saying that your dd shouldn't have been invited; I'm saying that the mom hadn't planned to invite her until she got desperate for kids to show up.)

 

I do question one other thing -- you said that you would have no problem letting your dd attend a sleepover at the kid's house, and that the hotel thing was what bothered you. But then you mentioned that you don't know the kid or the parents, and that you find it odd that the kid is allowed to watch Vampire Diaries.

 

OK, so I guess my question is -- why would you be OK with an at-home sleepover with parents you don't know at all, but that you know allow their child to watch shows you consider to be entirely inappropriate? :confused:

 

If I were in your situation, the hotel location wouldn't even matter to me, because I would have immediately said no to a sleepover with parents I didn't know.

 

I guess what I meant was I have no problem, generally speaking, with sleepovers... I was unclear in my thought process. My problem is with the other issues which I laid out.

Edited November 10, 2012 by BikeBookBread

[Lucy in Australia]

Wow... OK, I should first admit I have never heard of hotel parties for kids of this age... But... I would not let my DD go to one. Apart from the obvious issues like the last minute invitation and not knowing the parents well, I also have a problem with the fact that these type of parties just seem to set the bar higher and higher. It used to be that an 11-year old would have a party at home with balloons and fancy cupcakes. Alright- I get times are changing, but where do you go from there? What are they going to expect when they're 16?

[KrissiK]

If I knew nothing about the other parents other than their questionable movie choices, I would absolutely not let my child spend the night with them--at their house or at a hotel.

 

:iagree:

[besroma]

Wow... OK, I should first admit I have never heard of hotel parties for kids of this age... But... I would not let my DD go to one. Apart from the obvious issues like the last minute invitation and not knowing the parents well, I also have a problem with the fact that these type of parties just seem to set the bar higher and higher. It used to be that an 11-year old would have a party at home with balloons and fancy cupcakes. Alright- I get times are changing, but where do you go from there? What are they going to expect when they're 16?

 

:iagree:

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I've stayed in a room next to a kiddie hotel party. Those things should be illegal. Or my room should have been free!!! :glare:

 

:iagree: My best friend gave dh and me a gift certificate to a beautiful lodge at a local state park for our 10th anniversary last year. The weekend we went, a 10 or 11 year girl was having a birthday/slumber party there. We tried to enjoy the pool, but it was awful! Preteen girls shrieking and running around- not very romantic.

[Anne in CA]

I am considering a hotel party for my dd next year, but then I work for a large hotel chain and get a fabulous discount. A hotel party would cost me much less than a Chuck E Cheese party. My only reservation is that I would not want to bother the people in adjoining rooms.

 

I have an older house with small rooms that makes it hard for the rest of my family to deal with a sleepover. I also have a very good looking 17yo ds that my dd's friends find irresistible and I worry that there will be problems on that front.

[LizzyBee]

I have heard of kids' parties at a hotel due to lack of space at home, because they aren't organized enough to clean well for the party, and/or for use of the pool. I'd be more concerned with not knowing the parents well than having the party at a hotel.

Edited November 10, 2012 by LizzyBee

[LizzyBee]

Heck no would I go for that.

 

And why the last minute invite? I don't like last minute.

 

My first guess about the last minute invite is that some people just aren't very organized, so they do everything at the last minute. If you suddenly realized that your child's birthday was upon you and you'd failed to make party plans, making a hotel reservation and ordering a cake is about the easiest thing to plan at the last minute.