Parent-Teacher conference with your child's other parent

[merry gardens]

How often do you have really good, heart-to-heart, parent-teacher style conferences with your spouse?

 

How much does your husband want to hear and discuss your dc's learning issues?

 

Does he understand the diagnosis and related issues?

 

Does he trust you to take care of everything without wanting to know the details?

 

Do you wish he was more involved -- or less involved?

 

I can bore my husband to death discussing dyslexia. He trusts me to take care of most education related things and doesn't neccesarily want to know the details. (That's why I chat with you ladies here!) I don't want to complain about my dh because I do like that he trusts me as much as he does. But I don't know if he really grasps the level of difficulty that our ds has in some areas. Nor does it cause him to worry the same way this causes me to worry. He probably trusts me with handling this stuff more than I trust myself.

[Heathermomster]

Only when I see a need or whenever he sees something that he doesn't like. That did occur once with the Bible curriculum, so I sat down with him and we went over it page by page. He's clueless really about what I teach, which is fine.

 

The diagnosis acceptance talk is old hat for us. DH gets it. We both see the issues as a learning style, not a learning disability. DH is more the optimistic than me, but I deal with the brunt of any issues. Dude has no idea how much money he has in the bank. I tell him.

 

I like the way things are. I'm more concerned about him making coffee before he leaves in the morning. Is this a terrible answer or what?

Edited November 9, 2012 by Heathermomster

[GoVanGogh]

I send my DH quarterly reports.

How is that for an answer? :tongue_smilie:

 

Every few months or whenever I have time, the mood strikes me or something comes up that prompts it, I write up a report and e-mail it to DH.

 

We seldom have time alone (where we also have the energy...) to sit down and talk in depth about what is going on.

 

I do keep a journal/log of our school days and I will sit down with that and go over it page by page and write whatever comes to my mind. I will include accomplishments, goals, problem areas, things I want him to address/think about, topics we have covered, books we have read, what we have enjoyed studying, etc.

 

After six years of homeschooling, this has been the best method for keeping DH up to date. I use that time also for reflection on what is working, what isn't, what I want/need to change. I will sometimes say, "We really need to talk about xyz/issue this weekend, so be thinking on it now."

 

DH reads it whenever he finds time, though generally within 24 hours.

[AHASRADA]

Up until about 8 months ago? Never. I plan their lessons, agonize over curriculum choices, teach them, guide them, etc. DH foots the bill.

 

Last winter, though, DH requested that we begin having private "meetings" at least once a month, to discuss all the important things that need to be discussed but that we never have time alone to work through (mainly budgeting decisions). However, there are no set topics and we each bring up anything that we really want to share with the other outside of the kids' earshot.

 

We go out to a local coffee shop for a couple of hours on a weekday evening. The big kids watch the baby and keep on eye on dinner.

 

Since ds has started taking HS-level correspondence courses, I am feeling overwhelmed by the weight of responsibility for him completing work that will go on his permanent record, affect his college marketability, etc. He has difficulty with time management and I have become increasingly stressed trying to teach him these skills and help him catch up when he is behind. After suffering in silence for a semester, these "meetings" gave me a forum to ask for his advice, and for DH to offer his assistance.

[PeterPan]

Sigh, we're pretty much like you, Merry. Dh delegates. He's starting to get it now, now that he's gone to the neuropsych report. Sometimes he'll listen while he watches football or falls asleep at night. ;) If he tries to help, well that usually just leaves me more conflicted. You want help but can't have that dynamic of husband/wife deciding things that are really more in the realm of more experienced vs. less experienced.

 

I've heard of a breed of husband that goes to conventions and helps pick curriculum and whatnot, but I don't know where you find them. :D

 

PS. I don't mind our dynamic. It would be *nice* to have more emotional support, but it's not the end of the world. He kicks in other ways. He'll come home if dd needs some father time. He took ds a couple hours today when ds was melting down. He cleans house for me and does a lot. So there are other ways he helps, even if it's not picking curriculum, making lesson plans, and typing up weekly checklists. That all falls to me.

 

PPS. I tell him informally in the evening how the day went or what we got done (or avoid the topic if it was a bad day, haha). Our material is structured really well this year, so there's lots of EVIDENCE of work. On things like labs, I've been taking a lot of pictures. I think there's a gap for him between the worthwhile things dd does and his ability to SEE what those things are. A 17 page story typed up on the computer isn't really something he can SEE, kwim? You have to get it printed or make it so he realizes how much they do, even when they're doing non-standard stuff.

Edited November 9, 2012 by OhElizabeth

[Tap]

I do update dh on DD6s issues all the time. I do not homeschool her, but do A Lot of therapy at home with her.

 

To me it is important for several reasons.

 

1. First and foremost, if something happens to me, he needs to understand her issues. The daily struggles and the major issues alike. He would be the one to pickup where I left off in therapy, and he needs to understand her diagnosis and the implications of that.

 

2. We parent her different from our other kids due to her issues. She has to have firm guidelines except under certain circumstances. Those are constantly changing and we need to stay consistent. Especially since we parent her against our instincts, he needs to know the how and why of everything I do.

 

3. His understanding of her issues, helps him realize when to praise her for small accomplishments and helps him be very forgiving of her shortcomings.

 

4. Her issues are not all obvious. We are often working on skills that would never occur in a traditional home. We spend entire days, concentrating on skills like "what do different facial expressions mean" (she couldn't read faces to tell things apart like happy, sad, angry).

 

5. Cognitively dd5 is on par. Her issues can't be easily quantified by a score on a piece of paper. Her issues are all a matter of perspective. It isn't just her behaviors that cause concern, it is the intensity that makes the difference. Without discussion, there would be no way for him to understand the days events.

 

6. Her behaviors affect everyone of us. There are days that I am exhausted to the bone, just getting her through an afternoon. Sometimes, I need him to take over and to let me step aside. If he didn't understand her issues on an everyday/real time schedule, I couldn't do this.