Told my mum about the baby. Sigh, name issues

[JeneralMom]

So I finally told my mum about the new baby. She has never been happy for us and has actually asked me to get rid of each of them. However, this time she was more like, "okay I'm happy for you if that is what you want." Then I told her the name and she weepingly begged me not to name the baby what we have picked. She outright told me she will never call her either the full name nor the nickname, she will refuse to even tell people what her name is, that our daughter will be mocked and ridiculed her whole life.

 

My mother has disliked all but one of the names we have named our children, and actually for years referred to DS7 as "that one" because she didn't like his name but has recently started using it. She has never, however, reacted so violently to a name before. She was practically hyperventillating. It really threw me and when I texted DH (he is still in the USA but is coming home on Sunday) he was a little thrown too. I know some people in the other thread where I mentioned her name did not like it, but I don't think absolute panic was anyone's reaction.

 

Generally I live my life with a "whatever" attitude and don't really care about others' opinions but this as really thrown me. If someone in your immediate family reacted so intensely and negatively to a name would you consider changing it? Our last name is hyphenated four letters starting with R and then 6 letters starting with M. Mine (the r-one is not common), but DH's is.

 

(btw if you didn't see the other thread on middle names, her name is going to be Persephone. Our other girls have names from mythology and/or literature and this particular myth is one that has always 'spoken' to me).

[GWOB]

:grouphug: Persephone is a great name. You don't have to justify your parenting choices to anyone. I'm so sorry your mom acted irrationally. :grouphug:

[Caitilin]

:grouphug: Persephone is a great name. You don't have to justify your parenting choices to anyone. I'm so sorry your mom acted irrationally. :grouphug:

 

:iagree:WSS. Ignore the naysayers.:grouphug::grouphug:

[Nakia]

Oh yes, my mother was FURIOUS when I told her Emma's and Cora's names. Apparently her old neighbor growing up was named "Emma", and she was a witchy woman who hated all children. :tongue_smilie: And "Cora" was the name of a school bully when my mom was in junior high. :tongue_smilie: My mom has a history of ridiculous behavior, fwiw.

 

I ignored her and named my children what I darned well pleased.

[eternalknot]

 

Generally I live my life with a "whatever" attitude and don't really care about others' opinions but this as really thrown me. If someone in your immediate family reacted so intensely and negatively to a name would you consider changing it? Our last name is hyphenated four letters starting with R and then 6 letters starting with M. Mine (the r-one is not common), but DH's is.

 

(btw if you didn't see the other thread on middle names, her name is going to be Persephone. Our other girls have names from mythology and/or literature and this particular myth is one that has always 'spoken' to me).

 

Yes, I would consider it. That's not to say I'd change my mind, but I wouldn't be personalizing any diaper bags or anything. I'd sit on it for a bit. In all honesty, though, having never been in your situation I'm not sure I'd be able to do it with someone who had a history of disliking my names. Then again, this reaction has been unlike any other ... so maybe it warrants some thought. FWIW, my family hasn't loved my kids' names but their reactions are more of a frown, harrumph, then shrugging and moving on. Then learning to love it, darn it all LOL.

 

I work with a woman named Eurydice. Her last name is a not-common, but recognizeable and easily pronounced male name. She has always introduced herself and identified herself as her last name. She won't correct anyone who calls her Eurydice, but you can tell it's the name she uses only for official purposes (payroll, taxes). I love her name. She's in her mid-40s and is only now coming into a place where she can appreciate the unique name she was given. Personalities are a crapshoot, your daughter could love it or hate it - but the same would be true of any name you gave her, even something plain.

 

If the name speaks to you, it speaks to you - you know? :grouphug:

 

Now you have me incredibly curious about the story of Persephone. I'm realizing I also don't know the background of Eurydice, though I know it's Ancient Greek or Roman or something. I'm outing myself as someone who didn't pay attention during the first year of our history studies, aren't I ::blush::!

[Aggie]

:grouphug: Persephone is a great name. You don't have to justify your parenting choices to anyone. I'm so sorry your mom acted irrationally. :grouphug:

 

:iagree: , too.

 

I think you are wise to listen to counsel of older people, though. Run it by a few older people whom you trust and look up to. Talk to a few people with unusual names.

 

To see what your dd may go through, introduce yourself to a stranger as Persephone and see what their first reaction is.

 

BTW, we never told anyone the baby names before they met the baby because I didn't want such a strong reaction. Everyone has an opinion.... :I

[klmama]

I think it's a very pretty name. However, she is going to have to spell it almost every time she tells it to someone, many people won't know how to pronounce it when they read it, and because it's so uncommon some people will simply forget what it is (and call her "Stephanie"). Add that to a hyphenated family name, which she will also need to spell for people, and it seems like a lot of name stress for one person. Were there any other names you liked that might simplify things a bit for her?

[Tammi K]

My mother insisted that Anna was a horrible name because EVERYONE would mock her by calling her AnnaBanana and she would be traumatized for life. She's now 14 and no one has ever mocked her by calling her that except my mother.:glare:

 

For what it's worth, I think Persephone is a beautiful name.

 

ETA: Our 6th was born when we lived in Australia and I didn't even bother telling my mother I was pregnant until a few days after he was born!

[JeneralMom]

A few friends have asked and everyone has loved it. DS7 has been going around telling everyone and his teacher and the teaching assistant stopped me and asked me what her name was going to be because he gets so excited about it he launches into the myth and they wanted to make sure they heard right. They both liked it. I ran it by an Aussie friend and he said that he had never heard it here in Western Australia but that it would not be deemed "strange". He followed that with "I've never met anyone named your other girls' names and they don't seem to have a problem."

 

My mum is going to visit my brother over the weekend and I forewarned him to expect name ranting, but then again, he named his three daughters incredibly common names so he may just hate it too. He's never expressed an opinion on any of the kids' names so I have no idea how he feels about them.

[swellmomma]

mom reacted like your's to all my announcements of pregnancy, first asking me to abort and then to put each up for adoption when I would not do that. She hated dd13's name so much that for the 1st 3 months she called her Katie instead of her real name. Idiot. If dd5 had been a boy I was going to pick the name Xavier and my mom was livid about how much she hated that name. People are entitled to dislike a name I chose for my kids but those sorts of reactions are over the top and attention seeking imo. Just another way to exert control by guilting you into chosing the name they prefer. I found myself telling my mom with each baby that she had her chance to choose names with her kids, her chance is over.

[mommaduck]

My stepdad's mother reacted extremely negatively to one of my sons' names. He's named after two Hebrew prophets from Scripture (first and middle names). She reacted to the first name (and I was shocked at her reaction...she reminded me of Harriet Olsen) "but THAT's a JEWISH name!" Grandma, it's from the Bible. "But it's from the OLD TESTAMENT. We're CHRISTIANS!" Grandma, Jesus was Jewish, as were most of his followers and the first Christians. "But, we're GENTILE Christians! Oh well, I'll just call him by his middle name." Grandma, his middle name was also a prophet from the OT. "But, it just doesn't sound as Jewish." *sigh* *eyeroll* You just can't fix some people. Name your child what you want and she can just learn to deal with it.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

All of dh's family hated our girl name if ds#2 had been a girl. They bugged us to change it, but I didn't, because it's our choice, not theirs. It turned out to be a non-issue, and we have a different girl name picked out for next time, but I still would have gone through with it. I love your idea of picking mythology names :D

[bolt.]

I think Persephone is a beautiful name, and I understand why her myth is compelling to many readers. I also understand why her myth might be terrifying to someone who knows the myth and has various superstitions. Really. I think that's why you got fear when you expected mere disaproval.

 

I think she fears that saying a name like Persephone over a baby's life would be like a verbal curse that invites bad luck and ill-attention on the child -- since the original Persephone certainly suffered much that you wouldn't wish on anyone! It's not unusual to find people who believe names have power. Her refusal to speak it would be something like refusing to be a part of that verbal curse on the child.

 

Not that I would change it. Your mom doesn't sound healthy, and you don't need to appease her or please her. I just thought you sounded confused about the intensity of her reaction... it was intense, and completely irrational, but it makes a certain kind of sense.

 

(My MIL had a much less intense reaction, but with a similar theme, when my BIL selected "Damien" for his son. She just thought that there were some pretty bad connotations to speak over the life of a baby boy... even though it doesn't, there is a popular concept that it is associated with demon worship and-such. Does that make any sense?)

[justamouse]

I love the name, tell her to get over it.

[SKL]

I think the name will grow on her. Just point out that it sounds almost like "Stephanie." She can always use a nickname if she prefers.

 

I wouldn't change my child's name just to please a family member, mainly because it's not possible to please everyone anyway. Give it some thought on the merits. Is it going to be a difficult name for your daughter to have as she grows up? Will it be impossible to spell or say? Will it give a very wrong impression to a resume screener? Does it sound like something only done in the bathroom? I think not.

 

Believe me, if your mom or MIL doesn't like your kid's name, your kid is in very good company.

[3peasinWa]

If my mom had told me to get rid of my children, call one "that one" & then react like this about the name - she'd seriously not be in my life anymore...or at the very least contact would be severely limited.

[SKL]

If my mom had told me to get rid of my children, ... at the very least contact would be severely limited.

 

:iagree: I'm very impressed that you were able to look past that, OP.

[cloversandlions]

Just before my first dd was born, my dad's reaction to the name we'd planned to use (for a girl) was SO strong that I did change it, and I have regretted ever since. (FWIW, my father was dying of ALS, and I so wanted to please him. He loved the name we did choose, but he died 12 short days later.)

 

Go with Persephone. It's awesome!

[misidawnrn]

My son and DIL-2-b named their baby Prudence. I wouldn't personally name a baby that but she birthed it, she can name it...that is my philosophy! You birth it, you name it, you mom can get glad in the same pants she got mad in!

[GWOB]

Oh yes, my mother was FURIOUS when I told her Emma's and Cora's names. Apparently her old neighbor growing up was named "Emma", and she was a witchy woman who hated all children. :tongue_smilie: And "Cora" was the name of a school bully when my mom was in junior high. :tongue_smilie: My mom has a history of ridiculous behavior, fwiw.

 

I ignored her and named my children what I darned well pleased.

 

What in the world is wrong with the name Cora? My oldest is named Cora. Cora is a beautiful name. That is my completely unbiased opinion;).

 

I love the name, tell her to get over it.

 

:iagree:

If my mom had told me to get rid of my children, call one "that one" & then react like this about the name - she'd seriously not be in my life anymore...or at the very least contact would be severely limited.

 

Again, :iagree:. My mom was so ticked when we told her about #1. Of course, we weren't married yet (we got married the very next day), but still. She was ambivalent about #2. The third pregnancy sent her into a psychotic episode:confused:. My mom is certifiable. She has issues. Her issues are not my issues. Name your kid whatever you want (as long as it isn't Adolf or Stalin) and let your mom have her little episode.

[JeneralMom]

I think Persephone is a beautiful name, and I understand why her myth is compelling to many readers. I also understand why her myth might be terrifying to someone who knows the myth and has various superstitions. Really. I think that's why you got fear when you expected mere disaproval.

 

I think she fears that saying a name like Persephone over a baby's life would be like a verbal curse that invites bad luck and ill-attention on the child -- since the original Persephone certainly suffered much that you wouldn't wish on anyone! It's not unusual to find people who believe names have power. Her refusal to speak it would be something like refusing to be a part of that verbal curse on the child.

 

Not that I would change it. Your mom doesn't sound healthy, and you don't need to appease her or please her. I just thought you sounded confused about the intensity of her reaction... it was intense, and completely irrational, but it makes a certain kind of sense.

 

(My MIL had a much less intense reaction, but with a similar theme, when my BIL selected "Damien" for his son. She just thought that there were some pretty bad connotations to speak over the life of a baby boy... even though it doesn't, there is a popular concept that it is associated with demon worship and-such. Does that make any sense?)

 

 

Actually she has no idea where the name comes from. My mum is clueless when it comes to history or mythology. She just hates the name with an almost inhuman passion.

 

Besides which, she named her kids Michael and Jennifer in the late 60s and 70s so she has zero right to make comments on names. Unfortunately as we grew up it was pointed out to my brother that if you shorten his name and say it with our last name it actually can be a euphemism for a body part. Geez, talk about saddling someone with a name. My poor brother actually thought about changing his last name to our Dad's Hungarian surname (my dad's surname was hyphenated and he dropped the unspellable and unpronouncable portion and just left us with the part that was easy to pronounce) but sadly the English translation of that name, when added to the body part euphemism just made it 100 times worse. I know I have made everyone curious (sorry) but I don't want to put the last names up here because it would be easy to google it and I had a decades long stalker. PM me if you want to know.

[Wendi]

I agree with the others. This is not a problem with the name, it's a problem with your mom. She's being unreasonable.

 

What's the nickname you suggested?

 

Wendi

[Kirch]

To answer your question, if it were someone I respected and he or she had good, logical reasons and approached us in real concern for our child, I would probably at least listen. In your place, respect for your mom would have been gone long ago, she's not reasonable or logical, and the concern seems more about her than your daughter. So no, I wouldn't in your place. In fact, given her history, she'd be lucky we told her about the baby before the birth, much less her name.

[LittleIzumi]

:grouphug: Persephone is a great name. You don't have to justify your parenting choices to anyone. I'm so sorry your mom acted irrationally. :grouphug:

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree: Persephone is gorgeous!!

[Element]

I think it's a very pretty name. However, she is going to have to spell it almost every time she tells it to someone, many people won't know how to pronounce it when they read it, and because it's so uncommon some people will simply forget what it is (and call her "Stephanie"). Add that to a hyphenated family name, which she will also need to spell for people, and it seems like a lot of name stress for one person. Were there any other names you liked that might simplify things a bit for her?

 

I don't know that having to spell her name for people every time should keep her from naming her daughter Persephone. I constantly have to spell my name for people, and it's very common. My dh's name is as common as it gets and people call him some totally other common name. Yes, Persephone will be called Stephanie. However, Jenna will get also called Jenny and Emma and Gina, and Frank will also get called Fred.

 

OP, I say name her whatever you feel is the best name for her. Whether it's Brian or Bataviluxia, people will spell it wrong and pronounce it wrong and it's possible kids will make fun of it. That's just the way it goes with any name.

 

Oh, and I really like the name Persephone. :)

Edited November 10, 2012 by Element

[mamakim]

Persephone is a beautiful name!

 

MIL did the same thing, each one was "that's a terrible name" or "my, what an ugly name" until one of our later dd's where she flipped a gasket. Cried, said she'd have a horrible life with that name, etc. Over the top. Way bigger reaction than the others, and I think it might have been because, like your Persephone, our dd's name is classic but rarely heard today. I think she just had never heard it before, unlike the others which she just personally found "ugly".

 

I won't mention her preferences here (she was quite vocal and insistent about them) out of sensitivity to others, but let's just say they were both names of teen pop stars at the time we were naming children.

[carina]

I really like that name! Use it! :) Both my kids names are from literature and a legend :)

[EthiopianFood]

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A Better Design

 

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Personally, I love the new look. At 2.31 inches wide — virtually identical to the iPhone 4S — the iPhone feels like, well, an iPhone in your hand. Actually, it feels like an iPhone that went on a radical diet. It’s now 0.9 ounces lighter than the original iPhone 4 and almost 0.08 of an inch thinner. In my pocket it was like a ghost. The steady pat against my leg as I walked was gone.

 

:iagree: iPhone5 would be much more workable than Persephone. Suggest that to your mom and see what she thinks! :D

[Jean in Newcastle]

:iagree: iPhone5 would be much more workable than Persephone. Suggest that to your mom and see what she thinks! :D

 

:lol::lol::lol:

[mamakim]

:iagree: iPhone5 would be much more workable than Persephone. Suggest that to your mom and see what she thinks! :D

 

And oh-so-trendy, too! Win! :D

[jkwynn]

Your mother should count herself lucky that she even gets the news of a new baby with her history.

 

I'm also curious about the middle name - I love Persephone!

[SKL]

:iagree: iPhone5 would be much more workable than Persephone. Suggest that to your mom and see what she thinks! :D

 

Or you could suggest two names and let her choose - i-phone and perse-phone.

 

If you have any more children, tell her "we're thinking about John/Mary" and then "change your mind" at the last minute.

[Rosie_0801]

Tell her you've changed your mind and you're going to call her Skippy.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I would definitely NOT take into account the opinion of a woman who is cruel enough to her own grandson to not refer to him by his given name for years.

 

Persephone is beautiful.

[carina]

:iagree: iPhone5 would be much more workable than Persephone. Suggest that to your mom and see what she thinks! :D

:lol:

[Mama Geek]

It isn't a name that I would pick, but that being said who the person is would have much more impact on me than the name. Enjoy your soon to be baby and don't worry about it. We didn't tell anyone until dd was born because like a pp said everyone has an opinion and we have some family that never thinks before they speak.

[ChristyB in TN]

I love it! Now you HAVE to use that name. I think it is beautiful! My mom hated my son's names. Honestly, they are Luke and Samuel. :001_huh: recently, she told them she liked their names now and that they had grown on her. That was nice....

[JeneralMom]

I agree with the others. This is not a problem with the name, it's a problem with your mom. She's being unreasonable.

 

What's the nickname you suggested?

 

Wendi

 

 

We thought Percy. Dh's dad wanted to name him Percival and call him Percy but Dh's much older siblings went crazy at the suggestion. So, in a way the nickname would be to honour my FIL who passed away when DH was 19.

[Rosie_0801]

We thought Percy. Dh's dad wanted to name him Percival and call him Percy but Dh's much older siblings went crazy at the suggestion. So, in a way the nickname would be to honour my FIL who passed away when DH was 19.

 

Do as you like, but as an FYI, that may not the best choice while you are living in Australia...

 

Rosie

[JeneralMom]

Thanks everyone, I feel much better now. Actually, DH told a really dear friend of ours the name (this friend wasmy maid of honour and as been one of my closest friends for almost 15 years) and she mentioned that Persephone used to be her imaginary friend's name when she was little so now we have another reason for it.

 

We are stumped completely for middle names. I am thinking we completely buck the trend and not name her after family members but friends - obviously the above mentioned friend's name would be in the running and her name is an odd spelling of the name Rowena but we would go with the usual spelling.

[JeneralMom]

Do as you like, but as an FYI, that may not the best choice while you are living in Australia...

 

Rosie

 

Well, now I need to know why.....is there some thing wth "Percy" that I don't know about?

[Rebecca VA]

I agree with the poster who said you should probably "try on" the name yourself for a few days, introducing yourself as Persephone to strangers and on the phone. See what it feels like.

 

I'd be leery of giving a long, unusual name to a child. As another poster said, it can create a lifelong burden for her. She will have to spell it, pronounce it, and explain it to other people every day for her entire life.

[ktgrok]

:grouphug: Persephone is a great name. You don't have to justify your parenting choices to anyone. I'm so sorry your mom acted irrationally. :grouphug:

 

If your mother was normally supportive and rational I MIGHT take her feelings into consideration. But she sounds a bit um...unstable regarding your family and I wouldn't give it another thought. If it wasn't the name it would be something else.

 

Besides, I love that name, and the myth has always spoken to me as well. Good job picking it!

[momofkhm]

I don't know that having to spell her name for people every time should keep her from naming her daughter Persephone. I constantly have to spell my name for people, and it's... Sara. I've been called Tara, Kara, and Shelly. :confused: My son is named Sean and gets called Seen. My dh's name is as common as it gets and people call him some totally other common name. Yes, Persephone will be called Stephanie. However, Jenna will get also called Jenny and Emma and Gina, and Frank will also get called Fred.

 

:iagree:

 

I have to spell my name. And my om jokes that I was named for a Mouseketeer! (I don't put my name on this forum, sorry!) And I always had to spell my last name growing up. And I still do with my husband's last name. The last names do get mangled but my first name doesn't.

 

All to say, having to spell the name every time is no reason to count it out.

 

I think Persephone is a pretty name. Better than some I've seen. Especially if your others have mythology/literary names, I think it's great! I do like the idea of asking other older people what they think. But it really sounds like your mom is a piece of work. (sorry!) I wouldn't go on her opinion.

[JVA]

It sounds like you need to distance yourself from her. Her response is unkind and critical. If this is typical for her, you ought to read the Boundaries books. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

[Kathryn]

Persephone is a beautiful name. No, I wouldn't and haven't changed names due to rude family members' reactions.

[edeemarie]

I think it is a beautiful name. In fact, my friend just named her daughter Persephone (thankfully we had just finished reading about Greek myths so I knew who she was:)) and she (the mom) also was named after mythology. I do have to say, in the small town where we grew up (I still live here but my friend doesn't) next to no one knew what it meant and most people have try to pronounce it purse-e-phone.:tongue_smilie:

[jelbe5]

If my mom had told me to get rid of my children, call one "that one" & then react like this about the name - she'd seriously not be in my life anymore...or at the very least contact would be severely limited.

 

:iagree:

 

It is astonishing some of you have parents who have said/done these things. My guess is such individuals are mentally ill.

 

I would cut such an individual out of my life in a heartbeat, be they my parent or not.

 

:grouphug: to all who have had to deal with this.

Edited November 9, 2012 by jelbe5

[Tammyla]

I think the name is beautiful. Your baby, your choice.

 

Shrug...for your mom. If she was generally loving and supportive, maybe...but no way does she get to veto your dd's name... even if she was. (Tiny, maybe if it was the name of someone who did her harm.)

[EKS]

My mom wasn't nearly so extreme in her dislike of the names we chose (and she certainly didn't ask me to abort her grandchildren!), but she did express initial displeasure. What was weird is that instead of the normal, biblical name we chose for our older one, she suggested Angus and then Thor. Seriously. For the younger one (who has another normal, biblical name), she suggested a name almost identical (first three letters the same, last three different). Weird.